this is the day that the Lord has made

let us be glad and rejoice in it.....that is written in psalms. But my reaction to the new president of the United States is best explained by the look on Camille's face.....Camille in her election outfit.....

my huggy bear's birthday is coming up....

How could we have lived all these years without knowing her? Was life empty without her? I cannot now imagine it. She is trouble, first of all. She pulled off all those nicely arranged books on the bookshelves. To be fair, I could have stopped her, but hey, she was doing something relatively safe, and it was keeping her busy while I swept the floor. Somehow, sweeping took hours today, with all the interruptions. Anyway, she unfolded the stack of clean towels. She will stand at a basket of toys, and just throw them on the floor. She finds things to put in her mouth. She loves her big sister Charlotte Claire. She loves to pull her hair, and climb on her.

She loves her thumb. And she loves me. She comes crawling across the room to get to me, and has a big snuggly hug for me. I don't remember the other kids being so huggy. She just gets her arms around my neck, and really hugs. She loves to suck her thumb and be snuggled. Sometimes I sing to her, and if I stop, she will pull back and look at me and sort of hum, or try to mimic the singing, as if to say, keep singing, Mom....and when I do, she snuggles back in..... I truly hope she's not my last baby. Her first year has gone way too fast, of course. She still nurses, and wakes in the night. And although I hate being tired, I really don't mind. She does drink bottles, and eats yogurt and babyfood, and all sorts of cereals.....she is almost walking. I can leave her home now, and other people can put her to bed.....

I love the children my babies grow into, and I am also loving the adults my children are growing into. I have 4 that are 18 and over, another 4 that are teenagers, then the 8 that are 11 and under......but the babies are so special.

I have told Camille's birth story before, and I might be fuzzy on the details of it already, but I am going to tell it again.....because I like it. If you want to skip over it, that's okay...

It was March when I found out I was pregnant again. When I was 8 weeks, I started spotting. I wasn't too surprised, since I had had three miscarriages between Jonathan and Charlotte Claire. But I was disapointed. I went into the doctor, and he did a sonogram. No baby, no heartbeat....he said it was probably a blighted ovum. I kept spotting, and sometimes just downright bleeding so hard I considered asking for a D&C....this went on for 5 or six weeks....then, it stopped. Finally. I was sort of miserable. I didn't feel well, I was tired, and just plain sick. And I wondered why I had another miscarriage. My doctor assured me that it wasn't my age, he said for all the healthy pregnancies I had, I was very lucky......but I didn't feel lucky.

I went into the doctor after the bleeding stopped, he wanted to check and see if everything was okay. I was afraid he was going to say the dreaded words, "Don't have anymore babies.." But he just did a pregnancy test, and a general check....the pregnancy test was still positive, but he said that was normal. Just come back in a few weeks and it'll be negative, sometimes it takes a while for the hormones to leave your system.....and I started feeling better, and went back in for my check.....hmm, test still positive. They sent me next door to the lab for a blood test, then I went home.....I honestly thought they suspected ovarian cancer. The next day, the midwife called me. Come right in, please. Your blood levels are high. What does that mean? Just come right in. I really thought they suspected something bad.......

I went in to the dr. office. Midwife said my blood hormone levels were high....and how about a sonogram? I am so stupid. I was worried. In I go, lay down, the dr. takes the wand, put it on my tummy, and there on the screen is a 14+ week baby waving at me! Moving all around, heart beating, waving, kicking. Well. What could they say? I think they were as shocked as I was. I went from mourning and being sad to being exuberant in seconds flat! I was pregnant all along!!!! Did I lose a twin? The reason for the bleeding was secondary, I was just glad I was pregnant.....when I went out into the office to schedule a "first" appointment, the nurses, receptionist, all of them, were so excited for me. Someone suggested naming the baby, "Miracle".......

I remember going home and telling the kids. It was way more exciting than just seeing those two lines on the pregnancy test. I felt I was given a huge gift. And the way I was feeling those past few months was making sense now.....

After the bleeding stopped, my pregnancy was normal. We had a little going back and forth about the due date, dr. thought Nov. 10, I thought the 5th. In my last few pregnancies I had some slow starting, long tiring labors, so it was decided to induce on the 5th, which my dr. insisted was 5 days early. I didn't like that much. I knew the 5th was my due date. So I started really hoping and praying that I would go into labor on my own. My induction date was moved to the 7th, for practical reasons. And the night of the 6th, I was feeling very crampy with contractions......and, in the middle of the night, my water broke! Ha...I was right! I did have an indescribably special night. I didn't wake Paul up right away, I just came out in the living room. It was a very cool rainy night, just pouring out. I only turned the stove light on in the kitchen, and sat in my chair, on a pile of towels, and rocked during the contractions. Just enjoying the early labor, and counting my blessings.....

I did finally call the dr., since I was a little worried about the possibility of the baby's head being too high, and cord prolapse, so I woke up Paul and we went to the hospital. After a few hours of contractions not getting me too dilated, they hooked up some pitocin. She was born only a few hours later......we did not know if boy/girl, because during the sonograms she was modest......so it was quite a surprise. I always thought it was just as fun when we knew, but this was just somehow more exciting. Her cord was compressed during the final stage of labor, and she was a bit blue, and her forehead was swollen from hitting the cervix wrong, so when I first saw her I thought something was wrong.....but she was fine. More than fine. She was perfect. We named her Camille Anaya (Anaya means "God answered").......the kids came up to see her.....the best part was Charlotte Claire's reaction.....she was only almost 18 months....

Well, the year certainly has flown. I don't know how/if we will celebrate......but it has been a busy and blessed year.....

if we won the lottery....

was the subject of our breakfast this morning. I told Evelyn that I would sell our house really cheap, buy the lot next door, and build our dream house. A split level, with a huge livingroom/kitchen, with hardwood floors, fireplace, and a windowseat......and a computer room, and a sewing room....and a laundry room, a few bathrooms,and a mudroom near the attached 4 car garage.....then, six steps down, a playroom with a few bedrooms....and six steps up, like 10 bedrooms and a few bathrooms.... and Evelyn said, no, just a big shack that is the kitchen and living room, and a whole bunch of bedroom shacks, so they could each have their own! Wouldn't that be fun, she said????

Margaret is busy working on her cell project, she is the 9th child to do this one. Kathryn is busy with lots of homework tonight, too. Abigail is always doing homework, accounting, yuck. Emily had classes today, and is now tucking Jon in. He adores Emily.

A few of the kids didn't do the jobs they were supposed to do this afternoon. I went to the grocery store with Kathryn, 14 miles away, and 23 minutes each way. We got burger to cook on the grill tomorrow, and some hot dogs, and some salad fixings, and ice-cream with hot fudge for dessert. We are having company.....the kids get very excited about this.....and now the two who didn't do their jobs have extra to do tomorrow.

I just found out you can choke on your camera. As you may remember, the lens is stuck again, because it got dropped by a sweet innocent child who shall remain nameless. We tried and tried and couldn't get it to come unstuck. It looks kind of crooked. So, as I was sitting here reading to Charlotte Claire, I thought maybe if I just gripped the front of the stuck lens with my teeth, I could pull it out. Well, no. It broke off the front of the lens, something shattered in my mouth, and a tiny spring landed in the back of my throat. I didn't actually know it was a tiny spring until I got it out and looked at it. And it didn't work. Still stuck. And now broken, too. I am pretty stupid. All I could think of was how I was going to explain this one at the emergency room....

I have a few kids singing the I-don't-want-to-go-to-school-tomorrow song. I am pretty liberal with that when they are in the younger grades. I have already told the youngest two school kids, Suzanne and Sonja, that they can stay home on Wednesday, because the weather is going to be so nice, in the sixties. They do very well in school, and missing a day here and there does not negatively affect their grades. But a day home with me, that is nice. Hey, they are MY kids. I feel like the school sort of steals them. Homeschooling:::::not yet. They have alot of friends from church in school, and they do okay there.


So, I did my quick trip to the grocery store. $130. Bread, milk, some salad stuff, burger, hot dogs, 4 bags of frozen broccoli, dental floss, 4 small chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkins that are stashed in the freezer, shh, eggs, ice cream, grapes, instant oatmeal,(store brand), coffee, bag of popcorn kernels, a loaf of Italian bread just out of the oven, at a few pieces on the way home, a cranberry walnut muffin for Abigail for letting me borrow her car instead of using the big white van. 2 bottles of laundry detergent, a pound of butter.....a Snapple for on the way home.....a donut for Kathryn, which she saved half of for Aaron......in other words, it doesn't go too far these day, the money. I didn't actually need the bread, for $2 a loaf....but it JUST CAME OUT OF THE OVEN!!!

We got home just in time to join the family for a feast of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I only had a little soup, because I had had some bread....no wonder my stomach is growling...oops...see why I have to write about things?

Then one of the kids asked if we were having dessert......after all the candy they have been eating.....

Well, I think I'll end with a few things I am thankful for....

1. I hardly ever have to go anyplace by myself. Kathryn is the tenth child in our family, and somehow she was the oldest one available to come with me......but we had a great time......

2. The price of gas has gone waaay down.....

3. The hot tub. Margaret took a bunch of the little kids in after dinner....it took the edge off their energy level...

4. My comfortable bed....I know, I have said this one lots of times....it's just that I am thinking about it......remember, I gave up my nap to go shopping.....hey, where's my prize?

5. I am thankful for the people that make up the world I go out into. There are alot of kind, and lonely people in this world.

6. The kitties. I love kitties almost as much as babies....especially kittens, but even when they get old and ornery, I love them....we have Miss Kitten Force, she is so affectionate. She just brightens my day, and Camille loves her. She is learning to pet her nicely.

7. Can I repeat #4? Yeah, I think I need to head that way....goodnight. And if you want to comment and list what you are thankful for , please do. It helps me, and it will help you....and I am curious......thanks!

monday, monday....

and I can't decide how to use this small block of free time. Very small. The first trip bus will be here any minute. Camille and Charlotte Claire are napping. Jon is playing with his Halloween candy. I want a nap. Sweet little Camille, who is turning one year old in 4 days, turns into a monster in the night. I am sometimes actually surprised how sweet she looks come morning. Last night, she was up 3 different times. So, a nap sounds absolutely delicious. Sweet and wonderful. But also a waste of precious quiet afternoon time. When the kids get off the bus, and I can ask about their days.....that slow time, before the rush of getting dinner starts....that coffee time....



And: I need a few things at the store. The store, which isn't my favorite, is 14 miles away. My favorite one is almost twice that. We are having company for dinner tomorrow night. There is some cleaning up to do here. If I use my time at the store, I will be extra tired, and the house will be getting messier, not cleaner. If I use it for a nap, I will still need stuff at the store, and the house will be getting messier. Sometimes I wish afternoon lasted all day long.



I have just decided to do a chore list this afternoon. Some things above and beyond the call of duty. They are already protesting.....



Mom, mom, mom. It takes me a minute to come to the surface. I like when I put the baby in bed, then go into the bathroom...Mom, mom, mom. If I yell WHAT, the baby will wake up.....they seem to think I should always be right here in the living room or kitchen. Charlotte Claire takes personal offense if I don't let her in the bathroom with me. And I have to have Camille in her seat or high chair, or in bed before I attempt to take a quick bathroom break.

I just decided to save the store trip for tonight, after dinner. Put it off a little, so I can sit here longer. There is no easy way. Even if the store was 5 minutes away, I would be gone an hour, because I dawdle. Is that even a word?

Here is the chore list for this afternoon: (M., are you glad you are in Canada?)

Joseph: Clean foyer, vacuum stairs, clean and vacuum downstairs hall

Aaron: pick up and vacuum

Molly: help me put away the PILE of CLOTHES on the couch. The pile I said would never return. It's back. It doesn't have a life of it's own yet, so it won't take too long.

Samuel: Unload dishwasher, load it up after dinner

Margaret: Clean downstairs bathroom

Kathryn: Set the table, clean the windows

Evelyn: Clean upstairs bathroom

Suzanne: Play with Charlotte Claire

Sonja: pick up the shoes near the door by the pair, put them on the shelf, hang up the jackets....make it neat over there....

Jonathan: pick up your cars in the living room.....


There, I feel better already. I do hate to leave tonight, though. The macaroni and cheese pan from last night is still soaking in the sink.

My day today: Woke up at 7:10.....couldn't believe how tired I was....

Made sure all the first trip kids were up, and getting ready for school (Joseph wasn't up). Aaron was up, and Molly, Samuel, Margaret, and Kathryn. Woke Joe up. First trip kids got on the bus. Went quietly into the little kids' room and woke up Evelyn, Suzanne, and Sonja. Made several bagels, and a cup of coffee. Encouraged them to get dressed, sat down and started to do their hair, while I ate my bagel and had coffee. Camille woke up. The girls took turns keeping her away from my coffee while I did their hair. Woke Joseph up again. The girls got their teeth brushed, and went on the second trip bus. Woke Joseph up again.....Emily had classes today, so she drove him to school.

I changed and nursed Camille. Then changed Charlotte Claire's diaper.

I swept the floor. Picked up the living room, threw in a load of towels. Sat with Evelyn (who somehow got to stay home today), Jonathan, Charlotte Claire and Camille and had some cereal. Loaded and ran the dishwasher. Bleached out the sink. Wiped down the appliances. Cleaned the counters. Picked up general stuff. Changed diapers. Sang songs to Charlotte Claire for a while, comforting her after she fell out of a chair and banged her head on the table....

I sat on the living room floor and re-arranged the books on the bookshelf, with Charlotte Claire helping me. She found Goodnight Moon, and carried it around begging for it.....Evelyn made them a half of sandwich, and ate with them while I nursed and changed Camille....

Naptime!! I made Charlotte Claire a bottle, Evelyn read Goodnight Moon, and put her in her crib. I changed Camille's clothes, as she had spit up, and nursed her and put her into bed. I made some soup, and sat and ate while Evelyn was on the computer.

Sat down here. I am recharging my batteries before I go throw some more clothes in the wash, start dinner. Two more kids will be coming home from school, and the nap kids will be up. I need to take my walk, too. I should get moving. That is one thing I don't like about having such a big family, that I-always-have-something-to-do feeling. Even when I am taking a break, I feel that prodding to get moving, there is so much to do. Oh yeah, I have to take care of that pile of clothes too.

I also have to write my store list. Oh, I forgot about the time change. That means it will be dark out when I leave for the store. How depressing. Cold and dark......maybe I will go now, instead. Walking in the store is almost like walking down the road.....hmmm.

I just feel like writing....

When I was younger I wanted to be a writer, after I decided I wasn't going to be an artist. I never dreamed there would be such a thing as blogs. When I was little, a computer was a machine that took up a whole room. Then as a young teenager, there were the TI(Texas Instruments)99 computers, that hooked up to the tv to play video games, a huge step upward from the Atari, which played just things like Pong and PacMan.....

I like to read, too. When I was growing up, I read everything, Reader's Digest, National Geographic, those home womens' magazines, Family circle, or whatever....and the newspaper from cover to cover.....then novels, tons of them. I remember reading the Little House books, they had only a few in our school library. Imagine my surprise when I discovered there was a whole set of them, all for sale together.....we got the set for Emily for Christmas the year our third child, Benjamin, was born. I read the whole set, 9 books I think, in one week. Then I read my sister's set of Anne of Green Gables books. Then everything I could find that John Steinbeck had written. And Taylor Caldwell....and Charles Dickens....but not Stephen King. I found his writing disturbing....I have read some more of his stuff now, he is an excellent writer. But I still find the subject matter a bit disturbing. Quite fearful. But his book, Insomnia, is great. I read that the summer after little Robert William was stillborn. I could not sleep anyway, so it was fitting. That was a wierd summer, slept all day and was up all night. I didn't recognize how depressed I was, but I had to grieve. I am glad it was in the summer, and I could do that, and get on with life. I still am sad about it, though......but I love my Jonathan all the more, as he was concieved only 6 weeks after Robert's "birth"....

Anyway, I like to write. I heard the news today that a friend in our church who has struggled with cancer for quite a few years now, has exhausted all of her treatment options and has lung cancer. She is only my age, and has seven children. She has had a bone marrow transplant. There is no longer anything that can be done, and apparently she has finally told her children that she is dying. I am very sad for her. She has had a rough few years. But I know that she gained many heavenly treasures in her suffering. What have we done with our last few years?

I like to be open with my children about death. My mother was like that with us. She always said it was part of life....and that it was the living you should fear, not the dead....I think in the United States, death is too far off. Too taboo to talk about. Kids are shielded from it. Of course it is very sad and tragic, but God is in charge of life and God is in charge of death. I have told my kids that it is God's business to decide when they die, and if they worry about it, they need to stop and just leave it up to Him. Again, it is very sad, and I don't really understand it. We form such strong attachments, and are tortured by even the thought of losing each other, but that is just the way it is.

Enough random thoughts for the night.

salvation amidst the chaos

I did not feel like getting the kids ready to go today....we went out Friday night, they were up late, then we were gone all afternoon and evening yesterday.....so I started reasoning that I should just stay home from church with them today....and some of them were okay with it. But I just wasn't comfortable with that decision. Nobody was sick. And I felt I really need some spiritual help, which is why we go to church, isn't it? So, pretty much last minute, I gathered the nice clothes, and we somehow got out the door.

I was so thankful that I went. In our services, (Yum, Kathryn just brought me the perfect cup of coffee)....we go by what the bible says about when two or three teach, and the rest testify. So, our meetings are extremely edifying. Today we heard about how Jesus loved righteousness and hated iniquity, and he was annointed with the oil of gladness far above his companions. Just picture God, with His oil of gladness, just wanting to pour it out over all who love righteousness. And picture us, in our situations of life. We can choose whether to believe that all things are for our best, or we can grumble and complain. When we chose the first, we are annointed with the oil of gladness. That is why when we truly follow Jesus, we can be happy. Even when there are mountains of dishes, mountains of laundry, and when it just plain doesn't make sense to be happy. And it isn't just a fake happiness that we can put on. God gives grace to the humble. When I am humble, and see what I am truly like, and don't give in to my temptations, than God will bless me and give me grace. So, what really spoke to me: I don't have to wait until my house is spotless, or my kids are all in a row to be faithful. God wants me to be saved when it's busy and crazy and I feel stressed and can't think straight. It is quite a mystery, and I am thankful I have heard the gospel.....

When we got home, the kids needed lunch, Camille needed nap, ect., ect....but I asked if anyone minded if I went on my walk, so from 2:30 to 3:00 I walked.....I can think about things and straighten my mind out on these walks, and my body benefits too. The kids have two friends over, both 6 years old and they have came out and told on my kids a few times already. One is my sweet little great-niece, Grace, and the other is Carmen, a dear daughter of our friends from Norway. (her mom is sort of in labor right now for #3!!)...... Grace is an only child, but not really, as she was raised with her 6 aunts. And Carmen only has one little brother. So it is really nice for them to come over here and learn more how to get along with a bunch of kids. .I guess when you have 5 or 6 or 7 little kids trying to play school, or nurses, or whatever, they will butt heads a bit.

Tonight is a baby shower for Susan, one of Grace's aunts, my sister's daughter. She is married to Carmen's uncle, and having her first baby, and is almost finished with college. She looks so adorable. My sister has seven daughters, and the rest of them are already fighting over Susan's baby. Who isn't due to be born until next month. I am fighting with them too, by the way. I guess it's clear that we love babies.

The kids are getting pretty noisy in there. Charlotte Claire is in her nap in the next room, and Camille is sleeping across the hall. So I better think of something here, besides wishing for a huge playroom, because that won't do any good. And: I can't just send them outside, it's a bit chilly, and damp, and they would have to change their clothes before they played inside again.....so, I better go.....

We are watching football

Which I could take or leave, preferably leave. We have the volume turned down, and are being the commentators. It is lonely here. Ben is at work, and Abigail is studying with a friend. M. is still away, and Aaron and Molly are gone for the weekend. The younger kids are in bed, and Emily is home from work at the hospital now. Sam, Margaret, and Kathryn are still up with Paul and I. And it is quiet. And nice. Nice to talk to them.

I do not know how the days fly by so quickly....today dawned full of promise, I thought I would go for my walk, and take a dip in the hot tub.....I did make a cake, a tomato soup cake.....if you didn't know it had tomato soup in it, you wouldn't guess. It is like a pumpkin cake, or a spice cake. I made my buttercream frosting for the top, and it was pretty yummy. We went to the fall feast at church this afternoon. The theme was western. I was an Indian. Oh, excuse me, Native American. But Jonathan was Bob the Builder. We somehow managed to get everyone ready and out the door by 4:00.

Here in the U.S.of A., in most states anyway (Arizona doesn't participate, or does a county in Indiana, and that's all I know that don't) is the time change. We set the clocks back an hour in the fall, and forward an hour in the spring. Daylight savings time, originally created to give the farmers an extra hour of daylight.....and it sticks with us. So, tonight, we go back to real time, turning the clocks back an hour. It's nice to have an extra hour today, but the kids will be getting up at say 8:00, and it will be seven....so less quiet time for me in the morning....

Me, Me, Me, always about me.....

Does anyone who reads this have a Nintendo Wii? I am just wondering if anyone likes it. I have not played video games for like 20+ years, but the Wii looks interesting to me. The boys have an Xbox 360 , it does not appeal to me at all. I am wondering if the Wii Fit package is just for one person at a time, or several kids can play at a time. Or if we would have to buy $$$$ of equipment for lots of kids to get to play at the same time. I am starting to think about the long cold winter, when they can't get outside for long enough or often enough.......