we shall see!

 As of right now, one hour before I am due at the hospital for my total knee replacement, United Healthcare has NOT approved the surgery.  The hospital and doctor's office are in contact with them, pushing and pleading and whatever else they do.  The hospital loses money if the surgery is cancelled of course, and it IS all about money.

For me, it is all about being able to walk.  Honestly, even if it goes well and heals up and gives me a brand-spankin'-new knee experience, let's not talk about the other knee, or the bursitis in my hip, because I am thinking only positive thoughts.  I know I won't magically turn Spring Chicken, but hey, it'll be a huge improvement, and for that I will be extremely thankful.  

I cannot have coffee this fine morning, nor even a sip of water.  If I were a lying person, I would take a sip anyway, but when they ask me later if I had anything to eat or drink, if I had sipped, I would fess up.  Imagine if the insurance approved, and it was cancelled because I was so thirsty.  

Yesterday I cleaned up the house and went to three stores with Sonja, Char, and Cam.  We Target-ed, where I found some half price sweatpants and a pair of big comfy shorts.  The girls wanted a drying rack, for things that can't go in the dryer, as our old one broke.  

Aldi to stock up on easy healthy food, like eggs and bacon, for afterward.  It was a quick trip, I didn't even peruse the Fun Aisles.

Costco...heavy cream, a rotisserie chicken because Sam and Grace were coming for dinner, some frozen chicken strips, healthy-ish snacks (UnReal bars, the coconut ones...very low in sugar, if you have only one or two, a very good snack).  By the time were were done in Costco, I was in a world of hurt.  We got hot dogs and Diet Pepsi (me), and the girls a slice of pizza, and enjoyed some people watching.

Home...I did some more cleaning, made my bed with clean sheets, got dinner ready, which meant opening salad kits and tossing into big bowl, and making a whole sheet of hamburger bun garlic breads.  Grace had made a wonderful lasagna, so we had a feast.  Grant was dubious about my garlic "bread", which I made last minute because we had so many leftover buns which were still in date, but I won him over, he determined they were as good as the best in the world that his mom makes.  

Ruth, Maeve, and Grant...and me underneath ha.  

As I sat here typing, all ready for the hospital, I got a phone call from Jolene at the dr office, she handles insurance and scheduling.  No surgery for me today.  The hospital has the status as "neither confirmed nor denied".  We could very well be on the hook for the bill by that terminology, so we are not going forward. The hope is to get them to confirm within the week, but who knows.  Insurance has known of this since March, and last Wednesday I got this email:

So it was DEFINITELY on their radar that I was having this done.  

Here I am, all showered and disinfected and ready for my surgery, bag packed and...not going.  

It changes things.  I had things I was hoping to be up for, like a wedding in July, and three more camping trips.   "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Prov 16:9).

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that rules his spirit than he that take a city." (Prov 16:32) (start reading Proverbs, I guarantee you'll be encouraged!)

So life twists and turns, and we either kick and scream about it, or deal with it.  (I will leave the kicking an screaming to Jolene, pray for her that she is strong and prevails! and shh, if it were necessary, I would join her!)

So let's change the subject, some camping pictures: 

When you unzip the bunk and there is the lake!  It was hazy due to Canadian wildfire smoke.

The solar lanterns!  And my Aldi rocking chair, comfiest camping chair ever.

Our first night there, it was just the two of us, so steak:). It was a little overdone, but so tender and good.

She's small, but beautiful.  I do love her dearly, little miss camper.  

Nice Auntie Evelyn making s'mores...Jamie and Blythe, then Achiles, Camille, Rhys

Nate and Evelyn have a doggo, Mr. Newton.  

The beach keeps kids busy.

Sunny...so sad, the first night down to the beach with her, Paul just looked at me with tears in his eyes, Suri would be so funny the way she let Sunny swim all the way out and retrieve that stick, then she'd join in and chomp onto it and they would bark at each other, then swim back together, with the stick in their mouths.

Wulf and baby cousin Ellis

Camille and Char, with Ellis, who looks like a baby doll.  

So...I am frustrated, and honestly, a bit angry at United Healthcare.  I tossed and turned and wrestled with anxiety and prayed for peace and finally slept last night, woke up every hour or so, dreading today so much, but getting into that mental place where I was like Yes, getting this done!  I am going to feel so much better in a while...  I have plans for going to our church summer conference at the end of the month, knew I would be in semi rough shape, but now?  If I get this done next week, I won't even be able to go.  My sister's granddaughter is getting married in July...all the plans.  Camping trips.  ugh.  

But.  There is not a thing I can do, and that's part of the frustration.  Talk about  All Dressed Up and Nowhere To Go, ha.  The last week or so has been like nesting, preparing for a new baby or something.  We moved our bed over so I get tons of room on my side, even moved some furniture out. I removed my nail polish and toenail polish, took off my wedding band and my mother's wedding band, didn't shave for a few days.  All the prep and preparing and fussing around...I do feel extremely let down.

I suppose that is a natural response, but now I need to make sure I don't let bitter thoughts settle in and make themselves at home in my heart.  :). You all have a really good day, I think I need to go cry a little.