what can you even do?

 I think today is the first time I've really cried since I had this surgery.  Now don't worry, this won't be a total downer post.  I won't veer  into pity party, feel-sorry-for-myself mode.  I won't.  But.  I will say that PT was downright discouraging today. 

I worked my little butt off this weekend, or rather...never mind.  But I worked it.  I pushed myself on the little peddler, and with all my exercises.  I walked more than I felt I could, and limited my rest periods.  Mind you I don't sleep more than two hours at a time at night, and I do all my flexing and stretching and bending in between those naps, to combat the stiffness.

So.  I went to PT, did all the exercises, rode the bike, increased the ankle weights to five pounds, did 30 reps, ouch.  Then to the leg press, which is a killer, and whatever weight they had that up to, more than last time.  I had to let my non-surgical leg dangle, which killed more than the hurt one, but if I set my foot on the bar, I was told I was cheating.  It was rough.  But okay.  I did the 30 reps, somehow.  Then came the last thing, where I bend as far as I can.  It was like spinning the wheel on a game show, come on big money!  I sit on the edge with my foot as far back as it can go, then scootch forward incrementally, they say more more more...and my measurement was 102.  Not great.  Not what they wanted.  He shook his head and said, "You need to push yourself."

Okay.  Ice and elevation then home, where I cried my eyes out in the bathroom.  

So of course in my mind, I HAVE been pushing myself.  harrumPH.  HARRUMPH.

But.  All is not lost.  Because, I remembered that as we drove through the village towards the dreaded PT office, which we are very very lucky to have five miles away from us, I might add...I prayed.  I prayed because I don't like PT, I prayed for a good attitude, and to be humble, and to be flexible.  I prayed that I would make progress and get stronger and be able to walk on my own again soon.

I remembered this after my good cry.  I had prayed.  God heard.  Maybe I am just too proud.   My feelings were butt-hurt, as the kids would say.    But since I prayed, and God heard, I know that what happened was exactly what I needed.  Not necessarily what I WANTED.  :)

Patience.  Perseverance.  Hard work.  Fighting off dismal feelings.  That's my job right now.:)

We had a wonderful weekend here, by the way.   Evelyn and Nate came over yesterday.  Ev put white lights in the living room windows, and used the smart plugs, got the app for my phone, and voila, magic!  I can turn them off and on by just pushing the little icon.  She put wreaths in the windows and finished up lots of other little details.  It was SO nice.  Paul had made some really good crock pot salsa chicken, then Oscar and Sonja came over with baby Kaia, and Jonathan and Rosi came too.  Char and Cam were here, and we had a really nice time.  

This fine morning, the girls went to Aldi and Walmart with Sonja.  They got Thanksgiving stuff:  pie apples, frozen cherries for pie, lemons for pie (can you guess what kinds we are making in addition to pumpkin?). They got pepperoni and salami and cheese and crackers, and chips for charcuterie, and some drinks.  I ordered some coffee from my favorite roaster, I try not to do it too often, but for Thanksgiving, we'll have some fresh light roast.  

I have a master list written up of all the things we need to bring on Thursday, tomorrow we'll make the pie crusts.  I have a plan:  I'll chop butter, Cam will weigh the flour, measure the salt and sugar, food process it, add the butter, give it a few whirrs, and make one dough at a time.  She'll dump it into a bowl, and I'll be sitting at the table with the huge glass measure full of ice water.  I'll toss, and make the doughs, wrap each one in plastic wrap, then they'll refrigerate them.  

Wednesday, we'll roll them out....I'll cut the apples, and toss them in their sugary cinnamon coating.  Char will make her cherry filling and crumb topping, Cam will lemon meringue.  And someone will make the pumpkin filling.  

Thursday morning, we'll chop celery and onions for the stuffing, and pack up coffee, creamer, mugs, pies, crock pots of potatoes, extra butter for rolls ect., and and and.  Oh, and the Thankfulness board!

Paul is making dinner, I could get used to this.  :). He's making me a salad and three chicken fajitas (small ones).  He has been amazing.  I could not even dream of someone being nicer to me.  So don't feel sorry for me.  

I will say, my knee is aching up a storm tonight, after that brutal PT.  Is it really necessary for them to push that hard?  Probably.  ha.

Anyway....have a good evening!