Okay, I hate dusty old religion. Rules and regulations. Meaningless restrictions...but....I have found that salvation is not like that. It is living and true and real and free...
My heart's whole desire is to be a true disciple of Jesus. He was tempted, but never sinned. He overcame. And here I am with my body of sin......so full of pride and impatience and wanting to be right...selfishness, discontentment....but" faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen .".(Hebrews 11 v. 1)
So during the day....when I want something, then I have a chance to follow Jesus. I have an opportunity to give up my own will. A chance to be an overcomer. Or, I can give in and be selfish. No one will probably know. But following Jesus is a hidden thing. I have to have that connection with Him, to hear His voice...and when I listen to that voice, and am obedient, then I get victory over my sin.
So I am sometimes very frustrated, and impatient, and tempted to be angry and all of that....that is the time to cry for help, and endure to the end. I can therefore suffer it out, and not sin. Then the kids don't have to suffer because of my sin. My husband doesn't have to feel the sting of my witchiness.
Sometimes I see moms so exasperated with their kids. And I feel like crying (who am I kidding, I usually do)....because I feel sorry for the mom AND the kids, AND I know exactly how it is because that is the way it is for me...but I gave the gospel! And I want to shout it on the rooftops that people don't have to live this way, in anxiety and anger! Jesus made a way through the flesh! He made a way for us to follow! It isn't some lofty far-away long ago happening....He speaks to ME, and helps ME.....and part of the reason I write this is I have such a longing that others can come to this rest and happiness that only comes from following Him. This peace and happiness have nothing to do with competency (GOOD THING!), or being organized, or being naturally optimistic....God can melt the hardest heart, make the stingiest a giver, and help me be a servant....
So, Paul and I got converted many years ago...and there has been such a blessing over our family. Not because of us! Paul and I each want to be faithful, and pursue peace. Therefore, to be "right" is not important, although we both find we are tempted to it....when two marriage partners are humbling themselves and seeking to please God, how can it not go well? In Philippians 2, v. 3 "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself..." this is actually quite easy to do when we can see ourselves the way we really are, courtesy of the light God gives us...
Well, I am done trying to condense the whole gospel into one little post...
But sometimes it just grieve my heart when I see suffering. Not suffering because of poverty or hunger, but suffering because of anger and sin. Children living under the wrath of parents....blaming, fear, suspiscion...all this garbage being allowed to live and thrive....and people wonder why their kids are disobedient and rebellious.
Okay, I am really done now. I am not so good at this anyway. Sometimes in my dreams, I can say these things so beautifully that people are just apprehended....
The best place to read some really good stuff is at http://brunstad.org/
Today is an open slate....stretched before me all hopefully. Margaret and I are going to go shopping with Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, and Camille. Sounds simple. Maybe it will be. It all depends on how I take it of course. But you never know, Charlotte C. might NOT unbuckle when we are driving 60mph, Camille MIGHT smile and be happy when I buckle her up, and she MIGHT want to stay sitting in the cart, and Jon MIGHT not have a breakdown for a toy by the end of the trip, Charlotte C. MIGHT not touch everything and run in front of the cart and fall on the floor in frustration....Jon and Charlotte C. MIGHT not reach a silly, unreasonable point where their ears are not working, but their laughter is....and my knees MIGHT not hurt....MAYBE I'll remember all of my coupons, remember everything (like my list!).......see, all of this is highly unlikely...so.....I need salvation today!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
pictures
Okay, Mirielle, we had makeovers today....this is me with eye stuff on, yuck.
Evelyn and Kathryn left to go to a birthday party, so Suzanne, Sonja, and I did our nails, and then a bit of make-up...I never wear it, and it felt strange...
Joseph, here are some pictures of the kids for you....Sonja and Suzanne, and Charlotte Claire....we had fun with water balloons.
Camille begged and fussed for the water balloons, and every one we gave her, she immediately bit, and it would burst water all over her...
Evelyn and Kathryn left to go to a birthday party, so Suzanne, Sonja, and I did our nails, and then a bit of make-up...I never wear it, and it felt strange...
Joseph, here are some pictures of the kids for you....Sonja and Suzanne, and Charlotte Claire....we had fun with water balloons.
Camille begged and fussed for the water balloons, and every one we gave her, she immediately bit, and it would burst water all over her...
Rosie has somehow aquired the bottle-cleaning brush...I don't want it back.
Here she is with the package of water balloons....she takes things and runs...
Here she is with the package of water balloons....she takes things and runs...
Suze, Charlotte C., Sonja K., and Jonathan...
Puppy likes mud. She just had a bath yesterday.
Puppy likes mud. She just had a bath yesterday.
It is very warm today, but pleasant....
Rosie...she brought her dish into the living room, and flopped down and dug in. Her paws are so big and fluffy and unreal. She is going to be a big doggy.
When you look at this picture, do you think the same thing I think? Which is, AAAHHH, what if he throws-up? No child's bed should have this many stuffed animals, it is just asking for the barfies....
This is me on the computer....for Joseph and Aaron and Sam, just in case they forget what I look like....Kathryn was doing the little girls' hair....
Well, Charlotte Claire is throwing a huge fit because she wanted to go in Camille's room first, and Jonathan and Sonja are having what they call a "sissy" fight on the couch...lying feet to feet and kicking...and, it is almost 6 and I have to start dinner...burgers on the grill....Suzanne got Camille up and is changing her diaper...what a nice girl. Suzanne and Sonja are going on an adventure: they are spending the night at Tonje's apartment with Abigail and Tonje and their friend Anna. They are all packed and ready and excited....and I am running out of kids here....Kathryn and Evelyn are gone for the night, so I will just have Benjamin, Margaret, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, and Camille. Then tomorrow, when the other girls come home, Margaret is going to a friend's house....wow....it will seem crazy when they are all home again...but it will be good. I do miss them. All of you older kids of mine who read this: I am NOT glad you are gone....if it sounds like that, it is just me making the best of things. I miss the laughing and craziness in the evenings, heck until midnight most nights.
When you look at this picture, do you think the same thing I think? Which is, AAAHHH, what if he throws-up? No child's bed should have this many stuffed animals, it is just asking for the barfies....
This is me on the computer....for Joseph and Aaron and Sam, just in case they forget what I look like....Kathryn was doing the little girls' hair....
Well, Charlotte Claire is throwing a huge fit because she wanted to go in Camille's room first, and Jonathan and Sonja are having what they call a "sissy" fight on the couch...lying feet to feet and kicking...and, it is almost 6 and I have to start dinner...burgers on the grill....Suzanne got Camille up and is changing her diaper...what a nice girl. Suzanne and Sonja are going on an adventure: they are spending the night at Tonje's apartment with Abigail and Tonje and their friend Anna. They are all packed and ready and excited....and I am running out of kids here....Kathryn and Evelyn are gone for the night, so I will just have Benjamin, Margaret, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, and Camille. Then tomorrow, when the other girls come home, Margaret is going to a friend's house....wow....it will seem crazy when they are all home again...but it will be good. I do miss them. All of you older kids of mine who read this: I am NOT glad you are gone....if it sounds like that, it is just me making the best of things. I miss the laughing and craziness in the evenings, heck until midnight most nights.
So, dinner time.....
NOW it's global warming....
It is in the low eighties today......but 40% chance of thunderstorms. I think we are staying home...
Yesterday, we went to the pools at our church. We packed up to go to the beach, Kim and I and 8 of mine and 5 of hers...but decided on the pools instead. It was sort of relaxing, if one can possibly relax with a 3 year old in neck-deep water, thinking she can swim, and her younger sister with a floatie suit that helps her float, but doesn't really keep her face out of the water. So she played on the steps...but I could not assume she would stay there, so I had to watch Charlotte Claire, arm's length away, and watch Camille or hold her...which I did alot, hold her. I need to get some of those swim rings again, that have the inflatable tube built in to a suit. They work much better, but of course I would still have to watch them.....I did manage to swim a bit though, by having Kathryn and Evelyn hold the girls in the shallow water for me....I actually did a few handstands, and went underwater....I really like the water. That is one area that has been a bit of a sacrifice for me through the years, eking in those little swims while someone watches the baby...whatever baby I had....worth it, of course, but still. One of the hard parts.
Last night I bought over $600 worth of candy. Ringpops, bubble gum, Pushpops, Snickers, Hershey's, Reese's, LaffyTaffy, Airheads, TootsiePops....for our church's summer conference candy store. There will be hundreds of children there (lots of big families)...the conference is in the first part of August. I am doing the cookie-frosting activity on childrens' day....so I have been stocking up on frosting and sprinkles....fun stuff. Now, the fun part will be making sure my kids don't get into the candy. I didn't make it a point of showing it to them, though I was tempted to. Hopefully Abigail doesn't come home early, her room is now the Candy Room.
Yesterday.....I woke up, got Camille out of her little green bed, took her into the bathroom with me....she opens every drawer, grabs cotton swabs (ever since I had to take Joseph to the dr. with a ruptured eardrum from sticking one too far in his ear when he was a toddler (he came running to me screaming, with blood running from his ear), I have been very careful to keep them out of childrens' hands)...she tries putting toilet paper in the toilet, sucking on the toothpaste tube, you name it. I bring her out here, she poops and takes off her diaper.....oh, I am not complaining...just trying to make the point that I didn't just get up, and jump in the van and go to the pools. Nah, there is a lot of stuff I don't write on here, because who cares about a bowl of cereal getting knocked off the edge of the table? Or when Camille got up on the table and threw a mug and a glass, and only the mug broke? Or when Jon thought he was going to have some second breakfast while Evelyn-the-little-girl-who-stayed-up-too-late had her first, and his Corelle bowl fell and shattered? Markers and crayons and pens, I won't even go there. Add into this a 12 year old-going on 19...or so she thinks. She sometimes has a mind to be a blessing, but mostly if I want her help, I have to just make it what I call a "royal comand"....and the 11 year old and almost ten year old stay up way too late in the summer....then the next few always want to "do" something. Charlotte Claire has to go to obedience school. That's all there is too it. Actually, it occured to me that I need more time and patience with her. (the very things i don't possess) And Camille is a sweetie, but she likes to get into things....
Trying to fit in nice relaxing time with husband into all this...hmm. Not impossible, but difficult. I go and sit with him and we start to talk...someone starts to cry....or fight...or has a very important question. Or the phone rings.
Then there is the puppy. The great big overgrown puppy. She gets so excited when the kids go outside, she jumps on them and scares them. Her tail is wagging, she isn't being mean, but she wants to play. And they don't. She also needs time and patience. And I need to supervise them to make sure she doesn't get too rough. Sometimes I wish there was one me to take care of the kids, and another me to clean the bathroom and load the dishwasher and throw a load of laundry in.....and of course another me that can just sit at the computer and read good books....ha.
Our second pool liner arrived yesterday. I hope we get it installed soon. Then I hope the pool pump and all is in working order. It seems strange to not have swimming here be part of the summer. It is muggy and warm today, and Jon says we need to put those heaters in the windows (air conditioners)....we haven't had the need for them yet this year, really. Not need enough to drag them up from the basement and install them, anyway.
I might not stay home today. There is a small country store several miles from here, run by some Mennonites, a fabric store. They also sell some grocery items and some bulk foods...and they sell sprinkles. Sprinkles for cookies. Every kind you can think of, in little containers. Piggy sprinkles, school buses, footballs, fishies, teddy bears, princess crowns...these sprinkles are what make the cookie decorating thing at summer conference so much fun for the kids. And I need to stock up....so I am thinking of packing them (the kids)up and taking them on an adventure....there is a nice playground on the way.....hmm, or the way back.....hmm.....
Yesterday, we went to the pools at our church. We packed up to go to the beach, Kim and I and 8 of mine and 5 of hers...but decided on the pools instead. It was sort of relaxing, if one can possibly relax with a 3 year old in neck-deep water, thinking she can swim, and her younger sister with a floatie suit that helps her float, but doesn't really keep her face out of the water. So she played on the steps...but I could not assume she would stay there, so I had to watch Charlotte Claire, arm's length away, and watch Camille or hold her...which I did alot, hold her. I need to get some of those swim rings again, that have the inflatable tube built in to a suit. They work much better, but of course I would still have to watch them.....I did manage to swim a bit though, by having Kathryn and Evelyn hold the girls in the shallow water for me....I actually did a few handstands, and went underwater....I really like the water. That is one area that has been a bit of a sacrifice for me through the years, eking in those little swims while someone watches the baby...whatever baby I had....worth it, of course, but still. One of the hard parts.
Last night I bought over $600 worth of candy. Ringpops, bubble gum, Pushpops, Snickers, Hershey's, Reese's, LaffyTaffy, Airheads, TootsiePops....for our church's summer conference candy store. There will be hundreds of children there (lots of big families)...the conference is in the first part of August. I am doing the cookie-frosting activity on childrens' day....so I have been stocking up on frosting and sprinkles....fun stuff. Now, the fun part will be making sure my kids don't get into the candy. I didn't make it a point of showing it to them, though I was tempted to. Hopefully Abigail doesn't come home early, her room is now the Candy Room.
Yesterday.....I woke up, got Camille out of her little green bed, took her into the bathroom with me....she opens every drawer, grabs cotton swabs (ever since I had to take Joseph to the dr. with a ruptured eardrum from sticking one too far in his ear when he was a toddler (he came running to me screaming, with blood running from his ear), I have been very careful to keep them out of childrens' hands)...she tries putting toilet paper in the toilet, sucking on the toothpaste tube, you name it. I bring her out here, she poops and takes off her diaper.....oh, I am not complaining...just trying to make the point that I didn't just get up, and jump in the van and go to the pools. Nah, there is a lot of stuff I don't write on here, because who cares about a bowl of cereal getting knocked off the edge of the table? Or when Camille got up on the table and threw a mug and a glass, and only the mug broke? Or when Jon thought he was going to have some second breakfast while Evelyn-the-little-girl-who-stayed-up-too-late had her first, and his Corelle bowl fell and shattered? Markers and crayons and pens, I won't even go there. Add into this a 12 year old-going on 19...or so she thinks. She sometimes has a mind to be a blessing, but mostly if I want her help, I have to just make it what I call a "royal comand"....and the 11 year old and almost ten year old stay up way too late in the summer....then the next few always want to "do" something. Charlotte Claire has to go to obedience school. That's all there is too it. Actually, it occured to me that I need more time and patience with her. (the very things i don't possess) And Camille is a sweetie, but she likes to get into things....
Trying to fit in nice relaxing time with husband into all this...hmm. Not impossible, but difficult. I go and sit with him and we start to talk...someone starts to cry....or fight...or has a very important question. Or the phone rings.
Then there is the puppy. The great big overgrown puppy. She gets so excited when the kids go outside, she jumps on them and scares them. Her tail is wagging, she isn't being mean, but she wants to play. And they don't. She also needs time and patience. And I need to supervise them to make sure she doesn't get too rough. Sometimes I wish there was one me to take care of the kids, and another me to clean the bathroom and load the dishwasher and throw a load of laundry in.....and of course another me that can just sit at the computer and read good books....ha.
Our second pool liner arrived yesterday. I hope we get it installed soon. Then I hope the pool pump and all is in working order. It seems strange to not have swimming here be part of the summer. It is muggy and warm today, and Jon says we need to put those heaters in the windows (air conditioners)....we haven't had the need for them yet this year, really. Not need enough to drag them up from the basement and install them, anyway.
I might not stay home today. There is a small country store several miles from here, run by some Mennonites, a fabric store. They also sell some grocery items and some bulk foods...and they sell sprinkles. Sprinkles for cookies. Every kind you can think of, in little containers. Piggy sprinkles, school buses, footballs, fishies, teddy bears, princess crowns...these sprinkles are what make the cookie decorating thing at summer conference so much fun for the kids. And I need to stock up....so I am thinking of packing them (the kids)up and taking them on an adventure....there is a nice playground on the way.....hmm, or the way back.....hmm.....
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
global warming?
Not here in Central New York. Nah. It is in the seventies, sunny, breezy, and delicious. Absolutely beautiful. And I am fully enjoying it. We stayed home today, my kids and I. We played with the hose, we had waffles, we played with Rosie, the kids played Life, read library books, we went in the hot tub....which, for the record, is wonderful when the water temp is 100, and the hose is in there with cold water. You can get drinks from the hose, and cool down a bit as you sit in the warm water. I did scream a few times as I got ice cold water in the face.....that is one nice thing about living out in the country...we have a deep drilled well, and the water is ice cold.
I made chocolate chip cookies today. Only a double batch. 'Cause I don't want to eat too many cookies. I am making pasta bow ties, corn, and leftover chops, cut and sauteed with red peppers and onions for dinner. Paul is stopping to visit his mom after work, so I decided to take a little break and write a post....who am kidding, my whole day has been a series of breaks. I read my book for a while this afternoon, after the hot tub, while Camille napped, and Charlotte Claire conked out on the couch. Jon and Sonja played Life, which was pretty funny background noise. I got pretty sleepy, probably from the warm water, so I stretched out on the couch and fell asleep aproximately 150 times. Do Jon and Sonja know how to whisper? Did someone HAVE to call Margaret? (she got home this afternoon, but Abigail is still gone...)
See, I have it made. I get to stay home with the kids. Equality, women's lib, whatever, I like being able to stay home and be a mommy. Sometimes I feel guilty because Paul is SUCH a nice guy. He is so responsible and hard-working. He gets up and goes into work day in and day out, to provide for us. And all I do is get as much sleep as I possibly can, and spend all the money. Oh, and take care of the kids. Oh, and once in a while I clean up the house. Nah, I do some cleaning every day....just not enough. And I suppose I do manage to get a meal on the table, and all the money I spend is on food, and on the kids. I do get a shirt once in a while, but mostly I don't buy anything for me except strollers...and I don't buy those anymore. And I always used my own money. Mostly.
But, I do have it made. I am fully aware of that, and I don't take my life for granted. I may not be young and beautiful, or thin and rich, but I am happy. I love Paul, he loves me, we have lots of fun, our lives are busy and crazy, and good. And, of course, the reason for all this is God. He has called us, chosen us, and blessed us. He opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. Jesus was annointed with the oil of gladness because "He loved righteousness and hated iniquity"....oh, I won't get preachy here, but God has been good to us......
So, the playground has been put off until tomorrow. Or should we go to the beach? hmm. See, I am a spontaneous person. I absolutely love it when the slate is blank, and we can just say, Hey, what should we do? This summer has been particularly fun because we don't have the dissenting voices of the older kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them and miss them, but I do not miss their opinions. I feel like the grand queen of the kids again. The younger kids are so much fun, they are game for all my ideas.....they don't ask me questions like, "How long are we going to stay?", or "Do I HAVE to go?"......
So, I am going to call my sister-in-law and see what adventure we can cook up. She has 12 kids, and I have 8 home (besides Ben), so that makes 9 including me, so she can bring up to 5 kids and we will fit in the big van. But if she has 6 she wants to bring, we can always squish in an extra....hopefully she can get out of her chauffer duties for the day....
I made chocolate chip cookies today. Only a double batch. 'Cause I don't want to eat too many cookies. I am making pasta bow ties, corn, and leftover chops, cut and sauteed with red peppers and onions for dinner. Paul is stopping to visit his mom after work, so I decided to take a little break and write a post....who am kidding, my whole day has been a series of breaks. I read my book for a while this afternoon, after the hot tub, while Camille napped, and Charlotte Claire conked out on the couch. Jon and Sonja played Life, which was pretty funny background noise. I got pretty sleepy, probably from the warm water, so I stretched out on the couch and fell asleep aproximately 150 times. Do Jon and Sonja know how to whisper? Did someone HAVE to call Margaret? (she got home this afternoon, but Abigail is still gone...)
See, I have it made. I get to stay home with the kids. Equality, women's lib, whatever, I like being able to stay home and be a mommy. Sometimes I feel guilty because Paul is SUCH a nice guy. He is so responsible and hard-working. He gets up and goes into work day in and day out, to provide for us. And all I do is get as much sleep as I possibly can, and spend all the money. Oh, and take care of the kids. Oh, and once in a while I clean up the house. Nah, I do some cleaning every day....just not enough. And I suppose I do manage to get a meal on the table, and all the money I spend is on food, and on the kids. I do get a shirt once in a while, but mostly I don't buy anything for me except strollers...and I don't buy those anymore. And I always used my own money. Mostly.
But, I do have it made. I am fully aware of that, and I don't take my life for granted. I may not be young and beautiful, or thin and rich, but I am happy. I love Paul, he loves me, we have lots of fun, our lives are busy and crazy, and good. And, of course, the reason for all this is God. He has called us, chosen us, and blessed us. He opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. Jesus was annointed with the oil of gladness because "He loved righteousness and hated iniquity"....oh, I won't get preachy here, but God has been good to us......
So, the playground has been put off until tomorrow. Or should we go to the beach? hmm. See, I am a spontaneous person. I absolutely love it when the slate is blank, and we can just say, Hey, what should we do? This summer has been particularly fun because we don't have the dissenting voices of the older kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them and miss them, but I do not miss their opinions. I feel like the grand queen of the kids again. The younger kids are so much fun, they are game for all my ideas.....they don't ask me questions like, "How long are we going to stay?", or "Do I HAVE to go?"......
So, I am going to call my sister-in-law and see what adventure we can cook up. She has 12 kids, and I have 8 home (besides Ben), so that makes 9 including me, so she can bring up to 5 kids and we will fit in the big van. But if she has 6 she wants to bring, we can always squish in an extra....hopefully she can get out of her chauffer duties for the day....
Monday, July 13, 2009
library and ice cream!
Here is Kathryn Grace, my eleven year old daughter. She is my 10th child, 6th daughter. She has 5 younger sisters, and of course Jonathan....she is my oldest child home for these few days...except Benjamin, who was home for a while today mowing the lawn and helping out a bit. He does not go on our outings, though. Or help with the little details, like getting Camille out of the bathroom, again! 
Today we were going to have a little make-over....not make-up, just hair and maybe painting their nails with shiny polish. So I gave them all showers, and started in on the tangles...oh my goodness, swimming all those days in a row, and not completely getting all the snarls out...wow. It took a while. I trimmed some dead ends, and brushed their hair out....then we decided to go to the library. Jonathan and Charlotte Claire were pushing each other around on the ride-on tractor like maniacs, then they went out on the deck with it....Jon was riding, and his feet skimmed the deck surface - giant sliver. Ouch. I, the faint-hearted, useless-in-an-emergency mom, had to take it out....and before I knew what I was saying, I was promising the child we would go for ice cream after the library. What? oh well.....we gathered up the books, got them dressed decently, and off we went....
Yesterday we went to visit some friends with a nice inground pool with a diving board....even Charlotte Claire jumped off the diving board! She had a swim vest on, but still. She is pretty brave for 3 years old. The kids swam for hours and hours, and went to bed like a dream last night. They just conked. I am looking forward to getting our pool up and running for that reason!
Tomorrow was supposed to be a playground or other fun outing day, but since we went out today, I don't know...it is nice to have some time at home, but it IS summer...last week, we went out on Wednesday, shopping and to lunch, the pool on Thursday, beach on Friday, shopping and party on Saturday, friends' house on Sunday....when am I supposed to do the laundry? Actually I fit in two loads today....
We had a very nice dinner tonight....boneless pork chops marinated in garlic and herb, with salt potatoes and a salad with red and green peppers, radishes, and tomatoes. I grilled the chops, and they were melt-in-your-mouth good. We have enough leftover for tomorrow's dinner, since only 9 of us ate. What a difference it makes when the eaters are young children, compared to the teenagers!
We all went outside after dinner and cleaned out the vans...where on earth does all that stuff come from? crayons, hair clips, chips, cans bottles matchbox cars....hairbrushes? Notebooks, coloring books, candy wrappers....and the crumbs! (and every time I clean it out, I say, NO
Eating in the van anymore!!)Maybe the same monster who puts all that stuff under the couches sneaks into the vans....
Well, it was relatively quiet a few minutes ago....Charlotte Claire-the-non-napping toddler is in bed, Camille the short-napping fusser WAS in bed, but she apparently wasn't ready to sleep yet, she cried for a bit so we got her up...yeah, she will be the spoiled one....and Kathryn took the other kids in the hot tub....now they are in, we had some chocolate (Hersheys with almonds, yum), and they are reading their books....we haven't had much tv around here, a Barbie movie today and that's it....well, Camille has her second wind, more energy that I have ever had....I have to go and work on settling her down....
But first I have to write something about my mother. I thought today about her, and her last hospital stay. Ouch. It was three years ago. Charlotte Claire was just a little tiny baby. My mother's heart was just giving out, 9 years of dialysis was more than taking it's toll. The last few times she went, they had to disconnect her early because her heart was doing funny things...she had already had a few heart attacks, a triple bypass, a few "roto-rooters", and there was not anything more they could do for her. The vein they used for dialysis was collapsing....she had had cancer, two masectomies, diabetes, high blood pressure....she had Reynaud's syndrome, so she suffered from cold hands and feet, and the diabetes started to ruin her feet...she could barely walk....she had no choice, really, but to discontinue the kidney dialysis....her body just couldn't take it anymore...anyway, today I was thinking about that last week of her life. She did not complain. Not once. And it occured to me that that was her gift to us, her bearing the suffering like that. She did suffer, but if you were with her, you wouldn't have guessed. It still amazes me how she was so truly optimistic and brave about it...she was going to be with Jesus, and she was happy about that. She made her decision, and she was ready. No fear. And I was like, "But mommy, what about us???" Did she realize how permanant this is? This separation? I am tired of it...I need to talk to her....She has not even met Camille. I want to call her.....I want her to see Rosie...she would get a kick out of Jonathan...and Garlotte Glaire....oh well...they say it gets easier, but it hasn't yet....if anything, it gets harder the longer she has been gone....so if you still have a mother, a good helpful mother, who maybe still drives you crazy sometimes, tell her you appreciate her and that you love her.....even if it is strange and uncomfortable, just do it...
Today we were going to have a little make-over....not make-up, just hair and maybe painting their nails with shiny polish. So I gave them all showers, and started in on the tangles...oh my goodness, swimming all those days in a row, and not completely getting all the snarls out...wow. It took a while. I trimmed some dead ends, and brushed their hair out....then we decided to go to the library. Jonathan and Charlotte Claire were pushing each other around on the ride-on tractor like maniacs, then they went out on the deck with it....Jon was riding, and his feet skimmed the deck surface - giant sliver. Ouch. I, the faint-hearted, useless-in-an-emergency mom, had to take it out....and before I knew what I was saying, I was promising the child we would go for ice cream after the library. What? oh well.....we gathered up the books, got them dressed decently, and off we went....Yesterday we went to visit some friends with a nice inground pool with a diving board....even Charlotte Claire jumped off the diving board! She had a swim vest on, but still. She is pretty brave for 3 years old. The kids swam for hours and hours, and went to bed like a dream last night. They just conked. I am looking forward to getting our pool up and running for that reason!
Tomorrow was supposed to be a playground or other fun outing day, but since we went out today, I don't know...it is nice to have some time at home, but it IS summer...last week, we went out on Wednesday, shopping and to lunch, the pool on Thursday, beach on Friday, shopping and party on Saturday, friends' house on Sunday....when am I supposed to do the laundry? Actually I fit in two loads today....
We had a very nice dinner tonight....boneless pork chops marinated in garlic and herb, with salt potatoes and a salad with red and green peppers, radishes, and tomatoes. I grilled the chops, and they were melt-in-your-mouth good. We have enough leftover for tomorrow's dinner, since only 9 of us ate. What a difference it makes when the eaters are young children, compared to the teenagers!
We all went outside after dinner and cleaned out the vans...where on earth does all that stuff come from? crayons, hair clips, chips, cans bottles matchbox cars....hairbrushes? Notebooks, coloring books, candy wrappers....and the crumbs! (and every time I clean it out, I say, NO
Eating in the van anymore!!)Maybe the same monster who puts all that stuff under the couches sneaks into the vans....
Well, it was relatively quiet a few minutes ago....Charlotte Claire-the-non-napping toddler is in bed, Camille the short-napping fusser WAS in bed, but she apparently wasn't ready to sleep yet, she cried for a bit so we got her up...yeah, she will be the spoiled one....and Kathryn took the other kids in the hot tub....now they are in, we had some chocolate (Hersheys with almonds, yum), and they are reading their books....we haven't had much tv around here, a Barbie movie today and that's it....well, Camille has her second wind, more energy that I have ever had....I have to go and work on settling her down....
But first I have to write something about my mother. I thought today about her, and her last hospital stay. Ouch. It was three years ago. Charlotte Claire was just a little tiny baby. My mother's heart was just giving out, 9 years of dialysis was more than taking it's toll. The last few times she went, they had to disconnect her early because her heart was doing funny things...she had already had a few heart attacks, a triple bypass, a few "roto-rooters", and there was not anything more they could do for her. The vein they used for dialysis was collapsing....she had had cancer, two masectomies, diabetes, high blood pressure....she had Reynaud's syndrome, so she suffered from cold hands and feet, and the diabetes started to ruin her feet...she could barely walk....she had no choice, really, but to discontinue the kidney dialysis....her body just couldn't take it anymore...anyway, today I was thinking about that last week of her life. She did not complain. Not once. And it occured to me that that was her gift to us, her bearing the suffering like that. She did suffer, but if you were with her, you wouldn't have guessed. It still amazes me how she was so truly optimistic and brave about it...she was going to be with Jesus, and she was happy about that. She made her decision, and she was ready. No fear. And I was like, "But mommy, what about us???" Did she realize how permanant this is? This separation? I am tired of it...I need to talk to her....She has not even met Camille. I want to call her.....I want her to see Rosie...she would get a kick out of Jonathan...and Garlotte Glaire....oh well...they say it gets easier, but it hasn't yet....if anything, it gets harder the longer she has been gone....so if you still have a mother, a good helpful mother, who maybe still drives you crazy sometimes, tell her you appreciate her and that you love her.....even if it is strange and uncomfortable, just do it...
Saturday, July 11, 2009
july is going too fast....
The days just fly...today was a busy one, too. I finally decided to go shopping, but had to sweep up and get the place in some semblance of order first....I took Margaret, Kathryn, and Charlotte Claire with me, along with my sister Cheryl. We went to Target first....the usual....my rat-in-a-maze pattern, from clearance racks to clearance shelves.....not even pausing at the regular priced items....well, a longing glance maybe....then to the checkout. How does it all add up so quickly? I don't even buy it unless it is at least 50% off, mostly 75.....I did get some school supplies today...sorry kids, I know SCHOOL is a bad word in the summer....but hey, notebooks for 12 cents...anyway, it was pouring out when we checked out...so we sat in the front and split a thing of popcorn, a small personal pizza, and one icee. Are we establishing here that I am just a bit thrifty? When the rain let up we went to the grocery store....well, I am truly distracted here, have to get Rosie in her cage or the night...I will finish tomorrow......goodnight!
my brother owns me....
Today is his birthday. Back in 1965, he got a baby sister the day before his seventh birthday. My mom said I was his birthday present. So all my life, he has said that he owns me. It feels nice to have a brother like Tommy, a brother who is still happy to own me. He is 51 years old today.....he is married to one of my very best friends.....he met her on Halloween night several several years ago....she says she just married him so we would get to stay friends...they have 12 kids.....they are having a celebration picnic today at their house....a few of my kids are best friends with a few of their kids...best friends, and cousins.
Camille took her diaper off in her sleep last night. I noticed this when I sneaked by her little green bed, hoping to have some time to do things before she woke up. Of course she peed as soon as she woke up....duh, I should have just gotten her up...but, it bought me some time to cook bacon and eggs and make the coffee and romp with Rosie. Yesterday, after we decided to go to the beach, she took her diaper off while in her booster seat eating breakfast....and pooped in the booster seat. What is it with my kids lately? I had to laugh. What a birthday present! No way around it, I had to clean it up. That's the thing about having kids. You find out you are capable of cleaning up all kinds of things that seem humanly impossible.....and you live to tell about it.
We are in need of groceries. I put it off yesterday because of the gorgeous weather....and today it will be more crowded....but, I may be able to get out the door with less than 8 or nine kids. Abigail is leaving me on Monday to stay with a friend for a few weeks. The friend, Tonje, is expecting a baby in August, and her husband is in the service....he cannot come home until the baby is making her appearance, so Abigail will stay with her and drive her places, and keep her company. And I will be here with 8 kids, the oldest 12. Which means that I won't be able to go anywhere without taking 8 kids. Almost like the old days again. I don't really mind, I find it quite fun to drag them all with me.....but it is more limiting...and not always fun for the littler ones...but it is good for them to experience going out and about, too.
Camille took her diaper off in her sleep last night. I noticed this when I sneaked by her little green bed, hoping to have some time to do things before she woke up. Of course she peed as soon as she woke up....duh, I should have just gotten her up...but, it bought me some time to cook bacon and eggs and make the coffee and romp with Rosie. Yesterday, after we decided to go to the beach, she took her diaper off while in her booster seat eating breakfast....and pooped in the booster seat. What is it with my kids lately? I had to laugh. What a birthday present! No way around it, I had to clean it up. That's the thing about having kids. You find out you are capable of cleaning up all kinds of things that seem humanly impossible.....and you live to tell about it.
We are in need of groceries. I put it off yesterday because of the gorgeous weather....and today it will be more crowded....but, I may be able to get out the door with less than 8 or nine kids. Abigail is leaving me on Monday to stay with a friend for a few weeks. The friend, Tonje, is expecting a baby in August, and her husband is in the service....he cannot come home until the baby is making her appearance, so Abigail will stay with her and drive her places, and keep her company. And I will be here with 8 kids, the oldest 12. Which means that I won't be able to go anywhere without taking 8 kids. Almost like the old days again. I don't really mind, I find it quite fun to drag them all with me.....but it is more limiting...and not always fun for the littler ones...but it is good for them to experience going out and about, too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
