cold and sunny

My sweater and sweatshirt were no match for the cold this morning on my walk. The newly shorn cornfields were covered with white frost, and the grass on the side of the road crunched under Rosie's feet. The fields of corn that haven't been cut yet crackled in the breeze. Brr. The only consolations were that...

It is Saturday, I didn't have to hurry back so to get the kids on the bus (and avoid being seen in my lovely dorky vest by the kids who ride with my kids)..

And...the sun was shining.

And, I could see what was in the road I was walking on...a dead snake, a pile of deer scat..blah, made me never want to walk in the dark again.

And, I know that since tonight is the time change, I shall have some extra light in the morning for a while...

Back to the house, cooked a few pounds of bacon, poured some coffee and sat down while Paul made me an excellent omelet. Kathryn had already made eggs for the younger ones, nice girl that she is.

The day is stretched before me. I want to get some sun (it will be cold, but no clouds!)...I baked a few strawberry cakes (think pink), a few chocolate cakes...and they are ready to be frosted and decorated for the party. Kathryn is in charge of organizing the cleaning up of the Princesses' room, and Suzanne and Sonja are supposed to be cleaning up their room. This means it isn't exactly peaceful in here, there are kids squealing with delight upon finding long-lost doll accessories, one child just "pantsed" another, which I had thought was out of style, there are accusations of who left what where and who should pick this or that up...there is music playing, courtesy of Kathryn...kids are filling up the hampers like they always do when they clean their rooms...

But it is always fun to have a party. Camille's main present is: three dresses from Halloween, princess-y dresses. I am also giving one to Char, and one to their cousin Danielle. They can dress up and play.

There is a good spirit, despite the rambunctiousness of the kids this morning. They are excited about the party. Camille keeps asking when she gets her presents. I remind her that it is not nice to be greedy, but she needs to share and be nice.

Rats, my coffee is gone...I want more. Oh, today is the time change, so we get an extra hour!!! I need an extra hour every day. Hmm, how shall I spend it? Maybe I'll sit here extra long today.

On an un-upbeat note, I am getting so sick and tired of the stupid scale...it went back up a little...what the heck??!! Why? I am so good...I only eat bad things when I can afford it. I eat less than 1500 calories a day, some days 1200, some days even less....I exercise once, twice, or even three times a day when I go to the pool. blah. My body adjusts to the low calories way too fast...I should be just losing a few pounds a week, mathematically.

Paul bought a food-dehydrator yesterday. He then bought a large chunk of beef...marinated it, cooked it up, and dehydrated it. Jerky! The beef, not him. It was quite good, as were the apples he made.

We had chicken fajitas for dinner last night. I skipped the fajita part and just had chicken and greens, and some diced tomatoes. Yum and yum.

Then Mirielle evilly made some popcorn, the stovetop kind with lots of real butter and salt. blah, I did have a few handfuls. I had just finished counting my calories for the day and was only around 900, so I figured I could have a few almonds and a few chocolate chips, and just a tiny bit of popcorn. I could eat the whole bowl, easily, but I slapped my hand and left the room. Paul and I watched, "Captain America" in our room on his computer while the older kids watched it out here with their popcorn and snacks...I was glad we had our date planned, cuddling is nice, so is getting away from the popcorn.

I am wondering now if four pizzas will be enough...perhaps if we have a huge salad...Mirielle is going to make a chicken alfredo pizza...

Well, I have used part of my hour...maybe I will use the rest of it having a nap. ha.

afternoon break

Why has this been a good day so far?

1. Paul is home, Paul is in a good mood.

2. Our trip out and about was fun. Walmart...BJ's,...the dollar store...(Camille got a new Ariel doll because there was a coupon in BJ's that if you bought two big boxes of cereal for $7.49 each, the doll was free...)

3. I fit in some exercise already.

4. Dinner is marinating..chicken, of course. It just plain feels good to know what's for dinner.

5. It is beautiful out. Nice sunny mild day, really lifts the spirits.

6. Camille is SO excited that we are having her birthday party tomorrow! She can't stop chattering about it.

7. I still have to bake the cake, but I love decorating cakes so this is a good thing.

8. I bought four bars of Lindt 70%cocoa dark chocolate...one square has 62 calories, and I already ate one. Can I ration these out for forty days, or should I just share?

Ah well, time to get that cake in the oven...

aaah, friday!!!

All the kids went to school. The three youngest went out the door with a skip in their step because:

1. I made their lunches, complete with CapriSuns, and homemade Rice Krispie treats.

2. I gave them ice cream money.

3. And, Emily is picking them up to spare them from the long and awful bus ride!

Plus, Charlotte Claire is bringing a whole bunch of Krispie treats for her class for snack. Granted, her snack day WAS yesterday, of course, but..she had been absent, and didn't get the November snack list until Wednesday...and I didn't see it Wednesday night...so her teacher told her yesterday that I could still send something in today. That's me, a day late and a dollar short, forever and ever.

But the kids are happy today.

I need to go wrap up the rest of the treats and put them out of my sight.

Today the scale was up over a pound from yesterday, which does happen, but blah, I was good yesterday. Except for cleaning off the spoon a bit...and scraping the pan a bit...oh heck, how many calories do Rice Krispie treats have?

Mirielle, Margaret, and I did make it to the pool for a little swim again, which was nice.

Also took Mali driving yesterday. Found out she checks the blog to see what I have said about her driving, oops. So I told her that I might not have mentioned it on here, but I love those days of spending time with her. I look forward to Thursdays. And I do hate riding with a child learning to drive, but it is nothing personal, Mali! She is actually doing quite well. I put my invisible brakes on like fifty times yesterday, but that is because I am old, and I am nervous, and I am afraid of rear-ending other vehicles, not because she waits until the last minute to slow down. hmm.

We went to Target, where I got some Christmas presents. And, at least five Halloween costumes marked down 70%off...I might get them out for Camille's birthday...we are having her party tomorrow. I shall clean the house up nicely today so we can get lots of pictures without messy backgrounds. I hate when the kids take pictures and they come out so nice, but in the background is a pile of clothes, or stuff on the floor...anyway, I also have to make a cake, a big pink one.

Emily came over last night and tucked kids in for me while I made those last minute treats and packed the lunches. Paul was at a board meeting. I was gone on Monday night (Halloween...oh, and the reason it was only $34 for all of us - the kids 12 and under were free. The waitress gave Kathryn AND Margaret kids' menus, but Margaret ordered from the regular menu. I only had to pay for myself, Abigail, and Margaret..plus the order of Endless Chips)...anyway, I was gone on Monday, Paul was gone on Tuesday, Wednesday, and last night...busy busy busy.

There are no clean towels, socks need washing and matching, and the sink is filling with dishes again. The floors which were swept yesterday need sweeping again, and the bathroom really needs a good cleaning...all three of them do. I think today is a good time for another chore list. Windows need cleaning too. And the stair need vacuuming. And...and...and...oh, it never ends. Wait, one day it will.

Paul is home today since he doesn't get Veteran's Day off, he will be in Ireland. He is shuffling around, actually getting things accomplished instead of just sitting here typing about all that needs to be done. He isn't sweeping or doing dishes though, he is trying to figure out what is wrong with the big van.

I feel the need to get off this computer and into action before he comes back in the house, lest he think I sit here all day while he is hard at work...ha. He is going to the small city in a little while to get some new brakes for the big van, and invited me to go along...I said I need to go to the dollar store...he said he doesn't want to dawdle and be gone all day...I don't know why he had to tell me that..ha. I know he hates to dawdle, if he needs something in Walmart, he goes in and gets it and gets in line...without even checking all the clearance racks! How fun is that? Anyway, I get to go with him, which will be interesting. I will hurry fast, but it will not be fast enough, he will just have to be patient.

So...off I go...

2081st post...

me this morning...
It is never boring around here. Suzanne found Jonathan's old suit, size 2t, and stuffed Miss Camille into it. Camille thought she looked like she, "worked in an office", and wore it all evening.



Evelyn Joy with her candy.

Yesterday was nice...I ventured out to the deck for some sun, after romping around with Rosie a little in the yard. Camille joined me, and we chatted while I soaked in those delicious rays of sunshine. It was so clear and sunny, I decided to just take off my shirt, and get more sun. My kids are used to this, my bras are more modest than most bikini tops anyway. Well. The dog started barking, and lo and behold, there was the FexEx guy in the driveway. I struggled to get my shirt on quick as he was already out of his truck and heading up the driveway...and I couldn't figure out where the head hole was because it was this sleeveless work out top...blah, he yelled something that I thought was, "I'll come back later", and got in his truck and sped away. I think he was totally traumatized. I felt like an idiot. I don't think he saw much, but it was obvious I was trying to get my shirt on. Later I found out he left the package on the back of the car in the driveway. He must have yelled, "I'll just leave it here!" Next time he comes I'll be sure to mention what a jerk my sister is for sunbathing on the deck in her bra....or I'll send one of the kids out...

Lately I have been feeling really unqualified for this job. It is not a job for unorganized people like me. I cannot maintain things. I can straighten out a bookcase, but I am the number one perpetrator of putting a book back horizontally on top of the other books when I am in a hurry. I procrastinate horribly, let things stack up, and forget things. I always feel like I am barely managing. But it hasn't killed me yet, so I shall press on.

Yesterday afternoon I decided to take the trip to the store. The big van has been misbehaving, the brakes need replacing and make a loud roar when it is coming to a stop, and now a new light keeps blinking on the dash that says, "check gauges"...one of the gauges goes way up, then drops down..Paul asked me which one it was, and I said, "the bottom one on...(looked at my hands to determine right or left)..on the LEFT side. He asked which gauge it was. "I just told you!", I said. He said he would go out and look himself. I don't know, it has a little thing on it that looks like a sailboat, I think it is water-level...anyway, he put more water in the radiator and it was still full this morning, so he took the big van and left me the minivan so I can take Mali driving today, and get the oil changed.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon...Evelyn went with me. Our first stop was the Rescue Mission Thrifty Shopper store. I was looking for a pair of jeans, and I got one, for $2.80. Evelyn found an American Eagle sweater with the tags still on it for $6.99, and a nice Old Navy shirt. We had some fun in there, and then headed over to the craft store for some things for her science project. We also bought some beads and clasps and ribbon...and a new sketch book for Margaret.

Then the grocery store. Bananas and romaine and carrots and bread and almonds and burger and chicken, eggs, milk, yogurt, sliced turkey, kitten chow, 5 calorie jello, oats, brown sugar, and some new Christmas lights for the living room windows.

We also stopped at McD's...I got a larger coffee, she got a sweet tea, and we had fruit yogurt parfaits. It held me over in the store, helped me not crave the junk.

Dinner was done when we got home, thanks to Samuel. He tweaked last night's leftover chicken and gravy, added veggies and more soup, and heated it in the oven...

I didn't get to the pool last night. Can't do everything. So tired today...not as tired as Paul though. He works at G.E., information systems. Some system stopped running the night before last, he got a text alert...had to get up and fix it during the night...then last night it happened again, right after we had fallen asleep around midnight. He had to get up and fix it...when my alarm went off at 6:30 this morning, I couldn't believe the night was over so quickly, but I really felt bad for Paul. He has been so busy, a music gathering at church last night, working at the basketball game the night before...this weekend he is going to work on the big van.

yes, we need that Jamaican vacation.

Am I excited? Uh-huh. I am looking forward to the way Paul relaxes and the cares of life leave him alone, exposing the guy I married. We are so different from each other, but we still delight in our time spent together, it seems we get closer as the years go by.

It isn't without trials, our relationship. When I got in with the groceries and was telling Paul about the warning light in the van, he was asking me about it, and I kept getting distracted...giving Mirielle the new John Frieda conditioner I had a $2 coupon for, and showing them Evelyn's new sweater...Paul was trying to ask me about the van, I was trying to figure out who ate already and if the groceries had all been brought in...one of the kids wondered why I hadn't gotten the things they requested from the store, and one complained I got two conditioners instead of a matching shampoo and conditioner...anyway, Paul wasn't too thrilled with me, and I didn't even know I was being the way he was perceiving me, so I said that he was stressing me out...he then saw the way he was being, and gave me a big nice hug...it was really so nice. We aren't against each other, but life is real, life is stressful, and we have to be careful to keep our relationship good in the midst of all this.

Camille is having a baby. She has a dolly under her dress. She is going to the hostibel with her stroller.

Hmm, ran out of things to say...so perhaps I should get moving...

a nice sunny day

They all trooped out the door this morning, 4 college kids, 8 school kids...leaving Camille and I here with Rosie-The-Bad Dog and Kitty Kitten, and Big Kitty. Camille made a bed for the kitten, a nice warm fleecy blanket folded up in a shallow cardboard box. Kitten actually sleeps in it! Sometimes they carry the box around with Kitty in it, he just sits there. He can be a devil sometimes, attacking and fighting and playing, but he purrs like a little sweetie most of the time. He is playful, but not mean at all.

Yesterday I worked really hard to burn off my dinner from Chili's. I took my morning walk, then did my exercises, which are hilariously lame, involving lifting my ten pound weights, doing cheaty push-ups, and jogging in place. I went on the treadmill a few hours later, but was interrupted when the stream of first trip kids came by, each telling me about the accident that happened down the road...a neighbor who had been riding his four-wheeler was lying in the road...didn't look good, bloody head, ect..not moving...the vehicle was on one side of the ditch, he on the other...the ambulance hadn't even gotten there yet, and my kids were really upset. They kept praying for him, and hoping he was alright. We aren't sure who he is, but there has been nothing in the news about a death, so there is hope. Anyway, I had to stop treading and comfort the kids, they were seriously upset by this. Later, I went to the pool with Mirielle, and it was wonderful.

Then I added up my calories for the day, and dang it was too low! Less than 800...so I figured since I didn't want my body to think, "starvation mode", I better eat something..then I realized that a calorie is a calorie, so I may as well have some candy...so I did. Yes, I did. Three Milkduds, 39 calories...then four snack sized bars, 80 calories each. I felt sick afterwards, but I enjoyed them oh-so-much. And the scale was back down a few pounds this morning. To the same number I rejoiced about last week. Blah, I want to see NEW low numbers...it really is a work, this losing weight business.

For dinner last night, we had chicken and gravy and rice and broccoli. I took a big chunk of frozen chicken breasts out of the freezer, put it in the oven...then separated it when it baked a bit...then split it into two baking dishes and added four cans of cream of chicken soup with some water...and baked it until it was falling apart a bit...easy chicken and gravy.

So...I think I better go to the store today...we are out of kitten food, he has been eating Big Kitty's food. We are almost out of milk, have no more low calorie yogurt, are on the last loaf of bread, and the eggs are almost gone. The freezer is almost depleted of veggies. I cut coupons yesterday, so I am all set to go. Sort of. I want to get in on some of today's sunshine, and want to be here when the kids get home from school. I also want to go to the pool tonight, and have to prepare something for tonight's dinner. I have some laundry to do, too, and of course I have to pick up some things around here before I leave...blah, where is my maid?

Camille went through Sibling Withdrawl this morning when the kids all left...she kept asking who she was going to play with. She finally went in her room and is playing Barbies all by herself. Poor child.

Does anyone else's husband have moods? Paul...hmm...he is always good to me, always respectful and kind, but sometimes he really likes me and talks to me, and other times he seems so preoccupied and distant...like he is working on things...he is by nature not so chatty, but sometimes he gets really talkative...and here I am, day after day...learning not to take it personally when he is in Quiet Mode. I can get so upset wondering what I have done, but it is just the way he is...

He is going to Ireland next week, wah. Wah because I would LOVE to go to Ireland, and wah because he is leaving us for so many days. I also suspect he won't appreciate it as much as I would. But he has to go for work, so he gets to go, and I get to stay home and not be jealous. I am much more of a stop-and-smell-the-roses type, and he is more of a let's-just-get-home kind of guy. I learned years ago that if I wanted to meander up and down the aisles of the store looking at clearance racks and searching for bargains, I had better go without him. But opposites attract, and we certainly love each other still.

Oh well, sitting here thinking of what to write is not fun, it is only fun when the thoughts come tumbling out on their own...it is time to sign off now...

no trials today? ha.

Ten of us went to Chili's...Abigail, Margaret, Kathryn, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, and Camille...and me...

Cuteness? My sister's grandson, Will..and his Mama Susan, who is expecting twins! (Will is in for a surprise, eh?)
I was a gypsy...a last minute gypsy, Evelyn was disapointed I didn't dress up...so I did.
Miss Charlotte Claire, a.k.a Little Red Riding Hood
Cuteness?
Camille the kitty

Camille loves Kitty Kitten

We splurged and spent $34 for dinner...the kids really enjoyed it though. Camille only ate a few bites of her cheeseburger and a few fries...so when her food was boxed up to bring home, she actually kissed the styrofoam container. You know how sometimes when you bring lots of kids somewhere it can be challenging and you wonder why the heck you thought this would be a good idea? Well, last night was NOT one of those times. We walked through a beautiful neighborhood with big expensive houses...they trudged up the driveways and across the lawns, filling those bags, and really delighting in it. They got toothbrushes and crayons and pretzels with their candy. It was cold out, but they had warm coats and mittens, and there was no wind or rain...

This morning as I said goodbye to the four college kids I said, "Maybe today I will not have any trials.". ha. Then, ...the school principal called. He had Evelyn in his office. What? Evelyn? I took the phone in my room to get away from the noise of the dog barking at the cat and the school-skipping elementary kids squealing about their candy, all dumped out on the floor...anyway, he said Evelyn has to have a restricted lunch today because she failed to bring in notes from when she was absent. Seriously? The nurse calls here when they are out, and I usually write the notes. She probably told me she needed one, and I didn't get to it. The principal said there has to be a punishment when these things are not taken care of. So I said, "For her or for me?" Oh, he stammered, for Evelyn. "Why Evelyn? The problem is clearly my fault. And do you know how busy it is around here? We have four kids commuting to college, and eight in school...to remember a note for being absent is not the top of the list, but if anyone should be punished for it, it shouldn't be her...furthermore, it seems ridiculous that a good girl like Ev has to get in trouble for something like this when there are kids on the bus being so mean" (one kids likes to tell these kids that their mom is fat, that's me! And I hate him! I don't even know him, but why would he be so mean? I don't personally care if he calls me that, but my poor kids!) anyway...."they get shoved in the hallways, and kids get away with all kinds of things that are mean-spirited, and my kids are kind and good, and get punished for something like this?!!" He apologized, said it is School Policy, and he has NO CHOICE. I asked how we change the policy, and he stammered and uh, blamed it on New York State. So I asked, "Is it New York State law that a child gets a restricted lunch if her mom forgets to write an excuse?" Um, no, not specifically, but it IS School Policy. rrr. I was sorry to give him a hard time, but jeepers. I started crying my eyes out, as I usually do when I go out of my comfort zone of being nice and compliant and good natured. I had to get off the phone before The Principal realized how upset I got.

Now I have to analyze why this ordeal was so difficult for me. rrr. The school does not own my kids. The State does not own my kids. I understand we have to live in a society, and live by the rules of it, but....the teachers exclaim about what good kids we have...don't they know that part of this is that we spend time with them? And that there are so many of them, that makes them nicer because they love each other, and learn to get along with others from so much practice at home? Whatever. They will never understand. We live in a world in which The Rules can't be broken.

And of course Suzanne, Sonja, Jonathan, and Charlotte Claire are all home today. They were tired! They didn't get tucked in until 9:45, and hardly even got to see their candy last night because they had to get to bed...they have it all dumped out on the floor...and I don't suppose it matters one bit to the school officials that they are learning how to trade and count and share....

Hopefully we don't get into trouble one of these years. I don't WANT to cause trouble. I just firmly believe that it is best for these guys to not spend all their days in that school. They need some days like this! Life is short, and they need to feel love and goodness...not just on the weekends. And part if it IS selfishness, they are MY kids, I love them, and want to enjoy them too! And now that I remember, I did tell Mr. Principal that Evelyn is going to want to homeschool now more than ever! Maybe that's what I am going to have to do...

Anyway, so much for No Trials today. When I got on the scale this morning, ugh. One good meal, and ugh. When I say, "good", I mean GOOD! Honey-chipotle crispy chicken chunks! When they say, "crispy", they mean fried! Battered and fried! I also had broccoli, and fries. Yes, I ate most of the fries. I DID substitute the loaded potato for the broccoli, so I lose ten pounds for that, right? I also had lots of warm tortilla chips with salsa...lots. I do not eat those anymore, but I did last night. I figured I would try to trick my metabolism...ha. I tricked myself into eating lots of carbs and fat, and it was good. I also had half a Ghiardelli Caramel Latte square, grabbed it right out of Sonja K.'s hand after she trick or treated it...shared with Abigail. We WERE chaperoning them, so we deserved at least one piece.

So...today I have to lie to the school nurse and tell her these guys don't feel well....either that or tell the truth and say they have about twenty pounds of candy dumped on comforters on the living room floor and are having the best day of the year besides maybe Christmas...

We need groceries again...some fresh stuff, at least. Today I shall stay away from the candy and behave, and hope my newly tricked metabolism just works overtime and I still get to lose like twenty pounds before our vacation...ha.

happy halloween...

What's not to celebrate? Candy, dressing up, and romping around the sidewalks on a cold dark afternoon! Jonathan has high hopes, he says he will need some extra bags for when his candy bag gets too full.

At school, there is a Costume Parade. Sonja, Jonathan, and Charlotte Claire did not like the idea of dressing up and marching around, so I told them I would pick them up before the parade starts. Then as they ate breakfast, Char started developing a stuffy nose...she just didn't think she could go to school...real or just apprehensive about a different school day, I don't know. But we couldn't convince her to go, she just stuck to her guns and said she didn't feel well. Camille is thrilled to have her here, but it ruins my plans to go to the pool today...

I don't think the school officials would look too kindly on Charlotte Claire being at the pool with me when she is supposed to be in room #8.


Anyway, today shall be fun. Paul isn't really big on Halloween, but doesn't mind if we go out Trick Or Treating. We might just go to Chili's too, kids 12 and under eat free today...two kids per adult, but I have six kids 12 and under, I only need three over twelve to manage that...myself, and two more...no problem there.

It will be cold out there on the sidewalks, the high today is 50, but right now it is only 30. It will get colder as the sun goes down...so we have the mittens out.

So..how is life going? This is IT, this is life. No guarantees, just today, just now. I am finding many interesting things in this journey...like how to be free from people. I need my own connection with God, so that if others are down, I don't need to be down too. If I am not getting any thanks or honor or respect, that is okay, I get mine from Him. Easier said than done, but it is a work in progress.

Also, the Can't Please Everyone thing is alive and well...(You can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time...)This morning I made pancakes before my walk, and the first thing I heard was from Aaron, "Mom, we are going to smell like fried food!" Well, too bad, Mister. Some of the kids love when I cook breakfast for them.

I have wet bedding to put into the wash, and various other things to work on, like sweeping and cleaning the bathroom...

Candy...I do not eat candy anymore. Am I really typing this? ME? The Snicker-holic? Some people like chocolate, some people like gummy stuff, some like sour stuff....or caramel-y stuff...I like it all! Licorice, taffy, candy corn, marshmallows...the only thing that is yuck to me is a Pixie Stick, pure sugar, blah. But I just plain don't eat it anymore. I haven't eaten any all weekend, despite that the kids got lots yesterday at church, and there was some at the party on Saturday. These next few weeks will be tempting, but I shall just not eat any. Now, this does NOT include my dark chocolate chips. But I know these chips have 5 calories each, and I count how many I eat...planned and managed, but thoroughly enjoyed. My conscience simply wouldn't let me eat a candy bar at this point, and I hope it never will.

Because I have gotten a small taste of what it is like to have energy again, what it is like to move and feel good. I am not there yet, and have much more to lose, but I am determined to see this thing through.

Bread, rolls, crackers...I don't eat them. Except for the rare piece of whole grain bread or oat bread for lunch.

Pizza crust...I only have a small small piece of pizza, and fill up on chicken or other protein and salad or veggies. It is SO HARD TO DO, because who doesn't just love pizza?

Pasta. I do not eat pasta. At all. I have green beans with sauce and meatballs.

Cereal. Nope, only my oats.

Pancakes? ha. Of course not.

Potato chips? ha.

Pretzels? Not even.

Ice cream? Once in a while, it is my indulgence.

I did have that lemon cake on Saturday night, which was so so good....yesterday there it was again....I resisted and resisted, then took a taste...oh, yum. So I sent the rest of it home with Kim, she likes lemon stuff.

There is a half a pumpkin muffin still out there in the box. If someone doesn't eat it soon, I shall throw it away. I want to eat it. Maybe just one bite.

Will this ever end? Yes, everything will, someday. But until that day, I think it will just be my cross to bear.

And now I shall go put some pee pee bedding into the washing machine....