...with all of my heart...

Summer is breathtakingly lovely, especially because...our long, cold, rainy spring isn't too distant a memory.
The pool is almost clear! The boat...it's nice to have something for the kids to fight over.

Here's what's been on my mind lately: my kids. I love each and every one of them. I never want them to suffer, have hurt feelings, feel left out, think I love one better than the other, although it's pretty much old news that Joseph is my favorite child.

We've been talking about renting a huge-0 cabin again next year, and there are mixed feelings about this. It's overwhelming, and with everyone so different, with spouses and grand kids, I feel like I would be wearing a striped shirt and a whistle around my neck, but not really. Everyone gets along, but sometimes one will make a comment, or roll eyes, or whatever, and ouch. It's typical family stuff, but a whole week of it is...well, honestly, if everyone was up for it, and we could afford it, I'd do it.

Because mom likes to see all of her kids, and to see them interact and get along and have fun together, and talk about days past and make new memories...I'd do it.

We ARE going camping in August, mostly everyone. We have rented like six campsites, at our favorite park in the Adirondacks. :)

Anyway, today is my last day of being 53. And ha, I thought I was old when I was 35. When I was a kid, my friend and I figured out how old we would be in the year 2000. We couldn't possibly fathom being that old. Little did we know, life went on after that, and we got even older.

Benjamin and Ashley are taking me out to dinner for my birthday, to the place where you get one free chicken wing for each year on earth. I'm taking some of the younger girls too, and Mirielle is coming. But I'm torn. I don't want the other kids to see a pic, and say, WHAT? Why wasn't I invited? But if I put it on the family site, and invite all, it gets complicated. Money is tight for some, and I don't want them to feel obligated. But I also don't want anyone to feel bad, because if I had my druthers, I'd see all of them all of the time. Except for a few hours each morning, some quiet time. And for a bit in the evening, ha, more quiet time.

Anyway. We got back from our little getaway, and the sun is still shining. Paul mowed the lawn, I put things away and made sure the pool was nice and swimmable, it is. Evelyn helped me grill burgers and coneys by going out back, picking some raspberries, and putting them into two glasses of wine, which we drank while we grilled. This is NOT part of my diet, but today is a new day, and honestly, it was lovely to sit there with Evelyn, especially when the food was all done but our wine wasn't, and we pretended we were still hard at work.

Today I have to bring Sonja to physical therapy. I have to get van inspected, but not until after Saturday, Paul is putting new brakes on it first. The check engine light will hopefully be a cheap fix. Sonja also needs a few pairs of scrubs for her new endeavor: she's been accepted into the New Visions Medical program! It's for high school seniors who want pursue a medical career. It's a combination of high school/hospital/occupational education, with hands on learning. She'll take a CPR class, and shadow or intern at the hospital, local clinics, and doctor's offices. Past students have witnessed births, surgeries, ect. She wants to be a Physician's Assistant, which is six years of school, but this program helps students get into the PA programs, which are hard to get into.

So she needs the scrubs, and a physical, and some immunizations if she isn't up to date, which I think she is, but we need to get it all in order and have the papers, so phone calls for me.

And since Charlotte Claire and Camille are planning to attend real school this fall, I need to officially register them at the school, and schedule a tour for them.

Shh, I'm glad for Char and Cam, they have made this decision on their own, to go back to school...but oh dear, my heart, it's sad. It's the end of an era, the sleeping in and doing math in pajamas, going to the library week after week, solving the worlds' problems as we drive in the minivan. Brunches and baking sessions, bike ride "gym classes", long weekends with no one to give account to.

School is good for a lot of things. It teaches responsibility, and getting up in the morning and onto the bus definitely teaches time management and is good discipline. I know my girls will get a good education, and will have every opportunity to do what they want in life.

But that doesn't mean I'm not mourning the loss of those years of having them here.

I've never been one of those Happy-The-Kid-is-Finally-Going-To-Kindergarten moms. Or the Yay,School's-Starting! moms. As lazy as I am, and as much as I like my peace and quiet, I like having my kids around me even more.

But there is a time and season for everything, and I'm trying to be positive and upbeat about this, for their sakes. Because I am a mom, and it ain't all about me.

Ah well, I see what I'm doing here...I'm procrastinating those phone calls...:)