tomorrow is 11/11/11

And Mirielle told me last night how when she was little, she figured out that her birthday when she is older will be 2/23/23...and Benjy was not impressed. He said when HE is 23, it will be 11/11/11! So tomorrow is finally the big day for Benjamin, I wonder if it will be as amazing as he thought it would be way back when he was like ten years old....

Today: the house is messy. Again. I swept and mopped yesterday..then someone spilled pretzels this morning, she said she thought she cleaned them all up. And Rosie doesn't like pretzels. One of the younger kids had a turn to sleep with me last night since Paul is away, they love my comfy bed...well, this child wet...blah, lots of bedding to wash. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to be calm when I discovered this, although inside I found some grumbling. Yes, I find plenty of grumbling inside, grumbling and complaining. But everyone has work to do, whether it is a job out in the big world, or just picking up at home, and I have no right to be resentful about the things I have to do. Yesterday I was telling the kids how much God hates complaining, about how those Israelites wanted their bread and their meat and weren't happy, so they did not get to enter the promised land. How much more God must hate when we complain, we who have everything we need and more! Of course we still have it in us, but there lies the battle!

And of course venting is different. ha.

We had a nice scare last night. The girls had gone to my sister's house, came home, eventually everyone went to bed except for me. When I brought Rosie in from the deck, I locked the door, then went around locking up. So...I go into my bathroom, start getting ready for bed, and Rosie starts barking and barking, that serious bark that means someone is here. (as opposed to the intermittent yipping that means Kitty Kitten is prancing around bugging her)...I knew I had to go see who was here, and my heart was pounding. As I tried to turn my bedroom door handle, there was someone turning it from the other side! I opened it and BLAH, it was Mirielle, terrified, saying someone was knocking at her bedroom window. I told her to call 911...then she mentioned that Mali was still with Emily, which I didn't know. So she called Mali first, and sure enough, it was her. Poor girl, the whole house was awake with the ruckus, and she was getting yelled at by some sisters who were terrified. Oops.

Weight loss: I am a quarter pound less than yesterday, which is at least moving in the right direction. When we booked our vacation, I had almost seven weeks, and thought I could lose 14 pounds. I have lost five. I would like to lose a few more before we go. And when we are there, I do not want to gain it all back!

I am so excited about going! I would like a few more things to wear there, but it is hard to find summer-y, tropical-y clothes super cheap in the Northeast in November.

I did buy another bathing suit on ebay, I hate to admit. I guess I am looking for one that makes me look sensational. It just ain't gonna happen, which my rational mind knows...but. I am thinking of selling one that I got...it is a nice suit, it just doesn't look so nice on me. I will, however, keep the one I got for 75 cents, it is great for the pool.

Mirielle and I are doing this thing where we text each other everything we eat. Helps keep us on track, knowing we will be accountable to each other.

Well...as nice as it is to sit here and write (most relaxing part of the day!), there are places to go and things to do...Big Van needs to go to the shop, ect...

happy birthday my dear dear brother....

He would have been fifty years old today, my brother Billy. My stupid brother. I guess part of me is still mad at him for what he did. Sometimes I forget he is gone, and he will come into my mind and I will remember with a huge jolt that he is gone, and I will remember that he shot himself, and it will be like the bottom of my stomach just freefalls. I miss him. He needs to fix our kitchen tile. He needs to joke about Evelyn's new haircut and that we are going to the Caribbean for the third year in a row, and about Rosie-The-Bad dog. He needs to help us get our old truck running again, and fix our hot tub. He needs to be here! He was wicked sarcastic, he always figured people out, and would have just the right little insult. Not exactly mean-spirited, he was just funny. He was good, he was kind. He took such good care of our parents. wah.

My son Joseph acts so much like him it is crazy. He has that thing where he just looks at me when I am saying things to him, and without a word makes me feel...inferior. Stupid.

So November 9th will ever and ever make me feel a loss.

Margaret, Suzanne, and I sneaked off to the pool this afternoon after I reminded the other kids I would take them all tomorrow night. I was a half pound more today than I was yesterday, but...yesterday was the lowest I have seen yet. In years anyway. The problem: that number has shown up like three times in the last few weeks, and then I go back up. blah. I figured that I have lost another ten pounds since I lost the baby, which isn't bad, but these long drawn out plateaus keep me wondering! I suppose they keep me humble too, because how can I give any advice when I am constantly guessing what to do myself?

The sunshine today: it tormented me while I did laundry and swept up and did some exercise...then I made omelets for Camille and I, brought them out on the deck...and clouds covered the sun! I sat there in my tanktop (the UPS man had already come and gone, but what if we got something from Fedex?)and my shorts...and it was chilly! Later the sun was out again, and the deck was in the shade of the house. Blah. No suntan for me today.

But it was nice. I picked the kids up from school to spare them the hour long busride, but on the condition that they play outside, NOT on the computer or Wii.

Jonathan is still finishing up his homework...yes, second grade and homework every single night, and on weekends. Excuse me, but I only have this child for four hours every evening, and the hour in the morning. Why the heck do we have to spend some of this on homework when he is in school all day? rrr.

Anyway, the girls are tired and all ready for Mama to read some stories in their room. Today was a good day. The older girls (Mirielle, Mali (YES!), Margaret, Kathryn, and Evelyn)(Emily and Abigail are probably there too) are all at Girl's fellowship at my sister's house, taking turns in the hot tub, too.

Tomorrow is Mali's Driving Mom Crazy day, I mean, her day to drive. Samuel has a dr. appointment, and Evelyn has to get the state required immunization...so our day will be cut a little short, drats. I love spending the day with Mali. She has no idea what a sweetie she is to me. I try to tell her though.

Tomorrow afternoon we are going to the pool, then having a Pizza Party because they have no school on Friday...because of Benjamin's birthday. No, for Veteran's Day, which Ben's birthday falls on. He never had to go to school on his birthday.

Friday is forecast to be windy and chilly with mixed snow and rain. blah. My walks, my walks! I am mourning them in advance! Their days are numbered!

Saturday...I am working at the concession stand for the college basketball game in the Dome. I sure hope I manage all right. The dome is on a hill...so...walking to it - challenging for me! Then being on my poor feetsies for hours, eeks. But I shall survive. I hope.

Paul made it to Ireland okay. I am certain he misses me like crazy. If he even remembers me. I told the kids jokingly that Daddy would be gone for so long we wouldn't even remember him, and they told him I said that. It sounded terrible. I really didn't mean it. I miss him already. I started missing him the very day he left when the toilet backed up. I had a dream before he left that I opened the cupboard under the sink and there was water pouring out...

Well, kids await me!

a little less of me

This is the skirt I wore all last winter...

Obviously I am still a work in progress...sometimes I feel good about the 45 pounds gone, but mostly I just look forward to losing more. It is a long slow difficult process, but I am not giving up. Even with today's donut halves. There are more in the box, what is wrong with my kids? It isn't as if I can make them eat them...blah, they torture me. So why did I buy them? I truly don't know.

where have i been all day?

I went far far away, to take Paul to the airport. It is really not very far, the airport is located where I grew up, in a village less than an hour from here. In suburbia. My parents are no longer there, the house is occupied by strangers, and I have yet to drive by there since it sold. I am still sad and lonely for them when I go to the airport, since for years and years it was considered a done deal that a trip there would include stopping at my parents' house and parking there for all the live-long day. Or picking up my mom and taking her shopping. Once I stopped at Carvel and brought them hot fudge sundaes, my father was IN LOVE with that sundae.

So today we brought Paul to the airport...he is off to Ireland. Since I am a nice mommy, I let Sonja, Jonathan, and Charlotte Claire skip school and come with us. Jonathan saw the UPS plane, plus some planes taking off and landing. We went to Kmart, and that is always a bit sad...my mom worked there part-time when I was a girl. It was our favorite place to go way back when, before Walmart and Target. We didn't get much today, just some marked down Halloween bubble gum for the kids, a shirt for me, and some boots for Sonja.

We then went to Aldi...I got some of the yummy German chocolate for Christmas, the little foil-wrapped snowmen and Santas....and some chocolate coins, for their stockings. Also some oranges and some oriental veggies to eat with our chicken tonight.

Then...oh then, we stopped at the bakery. Oh yes we did. Blah, heaven. Absolute heaven. I had a half a peanut donut on the way home with my coffee from the DunkinDonuts drivethrough...the kids had halfmoon cookies, and yes, I sampled one. Then I got home and had a half a rasberry tail light. oh my, sooooo good. I will NOT have anymore, not one bite. It WAS lunch. The bad part is I am fighting a stubborn headache/sinus thing, and I could not exercise when I got home...I did five minutes, and my head was pounding...rats. I might be able to go to the pool, but I would really like to crawl into bed....

I could have slept in a bit this morning, since we had already decided not to send the three youngest kids...but, our 1993 Buick died. It isn't totally dead yet, but we are pulling the plug. It didn't pass New York State inspection, so Joseph had 10 days to get new rear tires. Well, there was also this gas smell...and then yesterday it wouldn't start....it is ridiculous to sink money into a car like this....so I think it is a goner. It joins the Gold Car (2000 Dodge Stratus, runs like a 747 taking off...and it is swervy and clunking...), and The Truck...which is a 2002 and can be saved with some time and money...I think we might just call PickAndPull.

Anyway, I had to drive Mr. Joe to college this morning. I took the opportunity to take a zip through Wegmans after I dropped him off...eggs and milk and bread and cheese and yogurt and bananas and carrots and romaine and frozen veggies and canned veggies and toilet paper and chicken...

And, some new Christmas lights for the front windows! I want to put them up! Christmas stuff is out early, but this year I don't care. I am excited for Christmas, Ben and Ashley are coming home, and I am picturing coziness.

Today was nice and sunny, and I wish we had come straight home from the airport and enjoyed the sun. 66 degrees out! Tomorrow is supposed to be 70. I plan to get in on the sun, as I am stuck home since Joseph is taking the minivan to college. If you pull into our driveway, beware! Give me a minute....

happy birthday Camille Anaya!!!

Ha, I just realized that today is Camille's real birthday. She is four years old. She is my miracle baby, my special sweetie, my spoiled girl. She is my little helper, my companion, my little bug. She is still squishy and huggy, but she is growing fast. She is growing up and away from me, and I have to refrain from smothering her sometimes, smothering her with hugs and cuddles when she is squirming to go and play. She is slipping through my fingers, is no longer the cute little toddler...she is her own person, and she already wants to go to school. If she has to be the last one, I have gone out with a bang, because she certainly is special. I am not ready to say goodbye to the days of rocking and snuggling and nurturing the babies, but....it has to end sometime, right? Yes, Camille has been special. She found out Sonja didn't feel well this morning, so she put her hands on her hips and said, "If you need a drink of water, you just tell me and I will get you one, okay?" She is very sincere, she tells me sometimes how good she is going to be today. She is also very greedy for birthday presents. When she found out she already got them all, and is not getting any on her real birthday, she actually cried! Everyone in the family loves her so much, when the older kids get home from an evening activity, they are always glad if she is still up so they can give her hugs. So...the days can just go by slowly...so I can enjoy her littleness.

monday again!

Kitty Kitten makes a good baby...
Will (Susan's little boy)...Kitty Kitten was nice and let Will push him around...
Princess Camille
A nice picture of Katie and Dave...Kate is lovely too, these young girls just carry their babies so beautifully...I got huge everywhere.
Camille in her "Rapunzel hair"...Susan is in the background...does it look like she stole a basketball? There are TWO babies in there! She looks so fantastic and lovely, and has this huge tummy....and I am not jealous anymore, just plain happy for her. I am looking forward to helping with those babies as much as I can!

The time change is nice, it was light out this morning for my walk. I also felt like I slept in, despite the fact that I stayed up way too late last night. The kids went to school except for Sonja, who has a cold and is delighted that her voice is slightly hoarse. She does have a cold, but she is milking it for all it's worth. She is preparing a bath for herself and Miss Camille.

I am staying home today. Big van has new brakes, it took Paul all day to change them on Saturday. He had the wrong ones due to the wrong number being in the computer at the auto parts store, so he had to drive back to the small city and exchange them...the radiator seems to be the next problem, which he is not going to tackle himself. So I am staying home and not driving Big Van until it is fixed.

Tomorrow I have to bring Paul to the airport for his trip to Ireland. Then I will have the minivan to use for several days. I told Jonathan this morning that I would pick him up from school tomorrow and take him to the airport with us, then Charlotte Claire asked too and I said she could come...

Okay...this weight loss thing. blah. I wish I could figure it out. I have gained a few pounds back...this morning I was down a little bit from yesterday, but I am still up two pounds from last week. More muscle is supposed to burn more fat, right? I should be losing weight! I had these grand plans to lose a bit more before vacation, and blah! Yesterday I went for my usual morning walk, then for afternoon exercise, I walked/jogged....this means I jogged for a few hundred feet, then walked, sucking wind terribly, feeling sorry for my poor aching lungs...as soon as I got my breath back, I would run again until it hurt my lungs, then walk...I did this for just a mile, and blah, it did me in. Anyway, as much as the scale infuriates me, I shall not give up.

Life is busy. Homework and projects and making lunches and getting school clothes out and keeping up with who really needs new sneakers and who just WANTS new sneakers, making phone calls and taking care of things I have procrastinated about...and yes, there is still a pile of clothes in my room from when I moved the couch monster when Linda S. and her family came for a visit. I have gone through the pile and gotten things out...so it IS smaller. Paul "cleaned" up recently when I wasn't home, and blah, put a large pile of folded clothes on Camille's dresser...I do not operate that way, I hang up the ByeBye clothes, and put the Around The House clothes in the dresser drawers. Right now the couch has only a few things, a few folded towels, my sweater, a Hess truck, a few Nerf guns, a blanket, and a princess purse. I write on here all the time about matching socks, the reality is that I haven't gotten to that in a while...today I shall really try.

Last night we had a good dinner. Roast beef that had roasted on low temperature for hours and hours....it was so good. We also had squash, which is a lot of work for so many people, but yummy, and some egg noodles for the kids, and applesauce, and cranberry sauce, and a cake for dessert that Paul had made with Sonja and Jon. Sonja frosted it and Jon sprinkled it with like half a container of sprinkles. I only tasted it. I also only tasted the cake Abigail brought over, super yum. She made the best chocolate frosting...I kept eyeing the cake, but decided it wasn't worth hating myself for.

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (matt 6:33) We all know that verse. So...one of the kids is being difficult. This child needs to be stopped, straightened out. I am not sure what to do, how to deal. I do not want to be harsh, but something needs to be done. Do I seek first his kingdom? Do I ask for wisdom? Do I judge myself first? Am I just irritated, or is irritation tainting my judgement? Do I need more patience? ha, of course. I have been thinking about these things...we can't just go through life acting and reacting and then expect God to clean up the mess. We need to be in touch with him in everything we do.

After my walk this morning, I told the kids, "It is so much nicer to walk in the light than to walk in darkness."

Since I am hesitating here and can't think of anything to write, it is time to get up and deal with this day....oh, the possiblities are endless....laundry and dishes and clutter....

birthday party pictures

Aaron and Mirielle, and Katie, my sister's oldest daughter..(she is expecting a baby boy, the one I am hoping to watch...)
This cake did not turn out how I wanted it to, but the girls liked it.

Evelyn Joy and Claire, one of my sister's seven daughters...Claire cut Ev's hair...I consented because I finally figured out that hair grows back...and if they want to have to fun of a haircut while they are growing up, why not?


Camille turns four tomorrow! We had her party yesterday. This is Sonja and Grace (my sister's granddaughter, the big sister of the new baby I am hoping to babysit after he is born)..and Camille...

More pictures tomorrow...it is taking forever to put these up and there is so much going on around here....