can you say, "embarrassing"?

First of all, I worked at the baseball game today...and yesterday. It isn't so bad, the weather was nice, we were busy enough at the chicken stand for time to fly. But I hate leaving the kids. Not that I don't have kids with me, today Joseph and Samuel worked with me, yesterday Mirielle was there too.

Today was not fun because I almost fainted. Now, I try to eat right. You know that. But today...well, I had gone in the pool, swam around as much as I could in a short period of time to get some exercise, get my blood moving. After a quick shower, it was time to go. I grabbed a few pieces of pepperoni and an apple. Well, we stopped at Tim Horten's on the way to the game...I got an iced coffee, no sugar. And a chocolate glazed donut. Fast forward like three or four hours, I was cashier-ing, and all of the sudden, my heart started pounding and racing, I felt dizzy and confused, and thought I was going to faint. I left the stand and ate a few bites of a Balance Bar and some almonds....and ended up sitting for the rest of the game....I just felt jittery and awful. I am almost certain it was because I ate the sugary donut, then my blood sugar dropped. So guess what? I am cured. No more donuts. I am going to be so careful to eat good balanced meals.....

Anyway, the embarrassing story: when Paul went to Germany, I had my little jealousy thing about him traveling with a co worker who happens to be female. I was a bit miffed that he fondly referred to her as, "Traveling Buddy". Now, this has nothing to do with her, as a person. Or with Paul, whom I totally trust. It was just me, and I am sure I am not the only one in this world who would be a tad bit jealous of her husband going to the other side of the world with....a female co-worker. Dang, is this making the whole thing worse? Because here is what happened....

Paul was with some of his co-workers over there in Germany. A guy from Italy recognized that he was, "The guy with 16 kids". Paul didn't have a photo to show him, so he opened up my blog. And. Someone else apparently opened it up on their phone, and clicked on that article.....oh my goodness....and started reading it out loud. Paul said that his Travelling Buddy was right there next to him. I can't even think about it without feeling like a total idiot. Paul says that's what I get for writing things like that.

I guess that's what I get. But for the record, the whole thing was just for me to write about the way I felt about things. I didn't mean for it to be any big deal, ever. So. Ouch.

It makes me reconsider this whole public blogging thing. I could just as easily write and not show it to anyone. I just like to write, it helps me sort things out. It relaxes me.

Can I get some feedback? Am I too open, too honest? Should I censor myself more?

I do miss him like crazy, my husband. I really do. I don't care anymore about having the bed all to myself, being able to read for half the night. I just want him to come home. I have talked to him a few times on the phone, and just hearing about his trip to the Baltic Sea, going to dinner with his colleagues...hearing his voice...made me miss him so much.

Then he told me he might go back for a week in September. And for two weeks in October. AND for two weeks in November.

I guess that means I will have to learn how to do more things around here instead of waiting for Paul to fix them.

Anyway, summer is almost over and I am sad about that. My two little girls are jumping up and down waiting for school to start. Camille is too smart, she is keeping track on the calendar. I personally like to stay in denial about how little of summer is left, then panic when I realize that Labor Day weekend is upon us and we still have to fill the backpacks.....

So in the midst of all of our craziness, I am dreaming of a vacation with Paul again. I mentioned it to him the other day as I drove him to the airport, and he said, "You can go hunting with me.". Um, no. No thanks. It would be extreme torture for me, blabbermouth that I am, to sit there, all alone in the woods with my husband, and have to stay quiet. Waste of good alone time!

Not to mention the deer are too cute to shoot.

No, the vacation I am dreaming of is one that I now know exists, because we have had a few of them. They consist of forgetting about all of our many responsibilities, and enjoying each other. I know they exist, and that is almost worse than all those years of not realizing that we could possibly have so much fun together, and that such a state of relaxation really does exist. On our first trip, after being married for 26 years, I said to myself, "So THIS is why people go on these vacations!!!". I mean, to us, "vacation" meant camping with like a dozen kids. I won't even go into why that doesn't really qualify.

So Mirielle and Kathryn went to town to get a movie from Redbox. I shouldn't stay up late again. But I know I will. Because it is still summer.....and I shall enjoy every minute of it.