sunday.....

There are 17 people in this house right now. Samuel is fishing with his friends. Lots of the kids are having lunch, a few are done and are going out to play in the snow. Camille isn't eating very well, she is so tired. She was up until eleven last night, then she woke up extra early this morning. She will be tucked into her little green bed before too long.

I would like to be tucked into my nice bed before too long, too. Some of us stayed up past two this morning talking about things. Then Camille woke up a two or three times, then morning came extra early. If I can get through this afternoon slump, I'll be okay. I am thinking coffee. hmm.

Tomorrow is Emily's 25th birthday. What this means to me:

I have been changing diapers for 25 years now. There has never been a time when there was no one in diapers. Usually there were two, sometimes three. It also means that I am old. I had Emily when I was 19. So now she is 6 years older than I was when she was born.

I am happy today. I am happy because I although I am not very competent or energetic and today when we left for church there was hardly any gas in the van, which I exclusively drive except on Sundays, I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I am not the kind of wife that my husband is bragging about, because I keep the place so amazingly spotless, or the kind of mother who just remembers everything and the kids sing praises. In fact , just this week, I forgot to make the playdough for Sonja for her second grade maps at school. And lots of times Paul teases me or makes comments about how well my dog listens, ha, or mentions that I MUST love clutter. Okay, I wish I was a more-organized, less-forgetting person. But I am what I am, and the important thing is that I do not get offended! I can wear myself out trying to be zippier and more helpful and keep things nicer, and that is all well and fine, but the way I take the comments, and the way I guard my heart, that is what is important. No one can stop me from being faithful to God. Messy houses, crying kids, sarcastic comments, they cannot stop my faithfulness. God does not make mistakes, there are no limitations in the bible....Jesus does not say, "Follow me, except when you ARE right. or when you are really tired. Or when everyone is just being so disrespectful." Times of trial, where the fire tests the faith, are necessary and good.

ha, that is my sermon for today. I cannot help it, there is such great joy in NOT feeling sorry for myself.

Camille fell asleep on me, Emily brought her into her little green bed, and she is crying because she wanted, "Momm-eye to put me to bed, want Mommeye!!!"

celebration day!!

Okay, pile the balls on the top.... Yay!

Jonathan lost a bottom tooth....

Mali Rose....

Rosie likes to play with the girls...

This morning I had to take Margaret to get her eye exam, so we made a day of it and took her friends Phoebe, Melanie, and Nellie, along with Abigail and Kathryn. The eye dr. works in the Sears Optical dept., which is in Sears, and the Sears is in a mall. So......we went to Old Navy, which was having 50% off their clearance....I got some nice sweaters for 4 of the younger girls. I try to get them new sweaters every year, after Christmas time when things are cheap. I got Joseph a sweatshirt for five bucks.....then, since I had spent enough money and didn't want to go in any more stores, I asked the girls what they wanted to do for lunch....

They decided Chinese buffet, which I had a 20% off coupon for. Chicken and tea and and those fried donuts...my mind would not let me eat one of those. I did not put one on my plate. But Abigail had one she didn't want, so I took a bite. Then another...then I put it down...rrr. Good, but just too greasy.

Then I just wanted to go to the grocery store, but the girls wanted to go to the dreaded Target, the store I should not be allowed to go to...there are just always good things there. Today was no exception. I bought myself some nice lined leather driving gloves for $5, but I put back the nice leather purse that was marked down to $6.24.....I bought some sneakers for Jon in the next size up, and a few other things. I didn't do too badly. (Charlotte Claire and Camille didn't really NEED the striped sweaters or sweet little floral tights I bought them, but.....)

Then to the grocery store. I let the girls go in the pet store next door before they joined me. I got some good stuff for salad, and lime tortilla chips (they are so good!) because Mirielle and Emily were making some marinated roasted chicken.....and some rice....and when we got home, they had the table all set and birthday signs up and they all said, "Happy Birthday, Margaret!!!" She was so surprised! Her cousin Audrey is here, too. After we had dinner, the little girls put on a play, and the girls played a few games....and then onto Emily and Mirielle's cakes. Em's was a white chocolate cappuchino, and Mirielle's was "death by chocolate".....the girls are all still sitting at the tables, having tea and talking.

Having cell phones is so much fun, how did we ever live without them? Emily called me and asked me if they could open the package of 100 ballpit balls that Ben had in his closet. They also found the inflatable fire truck ball pit that was down there, they had it out a year ago or so, then we packed it away and forgot about it. Mirielle sent me a picture of them playing in it. (Right in line with my Mom-guilt, I felt so bad for Paul being home with all the younger kids with the ball pit in the living room, while I went out to lunch and spent money and had fun...)

I am a bit tired, even though I didn't do much of the dinner prep, I helped serve and clean up, and 22 people for dinner using Real plates, as opposed to Fake plates, is a big clean-up. It has been a fun day, I mean, how could it not be? I cannot help it, when I am with the younger girls, I feel younger. I even had a snowball fight with them in the grocery store parking lot. And we flipped through the radio stations, singing along, swerving the van to the tunes....I still know all the words to "I Will Survive..."

Now I am back home, and no longer one of the girls, but the MOM again. Which is nice, too. Jonathan in his polar bear pajamas, and Camille with her little hugs and telling me, "I want you, Momm-eye, I want you!" I do not know how I became, "Momm-eye", but that is what she calls me. They are putting all the balls on top of the inflatable firetruck, and then abruptly smacking the roof, sending all the balls, "hip, hip, hoorah!".....all over the room.

And my break is over...the girls need to go home....one lives 9 miles to the east, one nine miles to the north....I think a few of us are going to go separately. And the little kids got to stay up late tonight, they are kind of excited and wound up, except for Jon, who is watching You-tube videos of cars and motorcycles with Paul, all cuddled up on the couch. So.....enough for tonight.

where did the day go?

These days go so fast. What did I even do today? Nothing that won't have to be done again tomorrow, that's for sure. I had this realization today that THIS is life. This is it. It is just so easy to live barely tolerating the situations, looking always ahead to what I am going to do later, or where I am going tomorrow....or, heaven forbid, looking forward to that elusive nap.

Today, with this awareness that THIS is life, I spent some very nice time with the kids. Emily and I dragged out the Little Tikes kitchen, and the bin of play food and dishes, and some chairs and dollies and blankets, and made a little house for Charlotte Claire and Camille to play in. (and fight in)...then Emily went and picked up the older kids so they didn't have to ride the bus, and Sonja k, just to spend some special time with her. She took Sonja and Kathryn with her to register for classes, and to the store for milk. Emily is good that way, she gives the kids the time of day and makes them feel special.

Mirielle made brownies for the kids after school, one of those huge half/sheet pans. She did take some for activity club, but they ate all the rest, and I did not have one single bite. But not because of my super self control, I just wasn't quick enough. I should do that from now on, just wait a while, and maybe they will be all gone.

Paul and I and Rosie are the only ones in the living room. Charlotte Claire and Camille are tucked into bed, and the kids are all still at activity club. Any minute now the younger ones are going to come bounding in the door, telling us all about how much fun they had, or maybe one or two complaining about something their sister did to them on the way home.

and they are home!

fresh new day...

Everyone who goes to school has gone out the door. Samuel didn't get up in time for first trip, then was brushing his teeth when the second trip bus came, so Benjamin is driving him to school. They took Rosie with them, and everyone here is sleeping, so it is quiet. I don't know if I have always loved quiet, but something about living in a house with 17 other people and a dog and two cats,( not that the cats are noisy, but when the kids put on cat in the dog cage and the dog barks at it, they indirectly cause noise), that makes the rare silence just delicious.



I thought today I would just write some random things. Wait, that's what I always do.



The earthquake in Haiti: what can one say? It is almost unbearable to look at the images, especially of the children. Seriously, how can I complain about anything?



The economy: with the exception of Emily, my older kids have had no luck at all finding work. Abigail has a four year degree. Both her and Benjamin have had to ask for deferrals for repayment of student loans. Now Abigail's car needs a new tie-rod (?), and she has very little $ left from the month she worked. (she is just thankful she didn't go buy a new car right away when she got hired...). Mirielle is starting classes soon, and is going to use loan money for gas, I don't know what she is going to drive.....maybe Abigail's car, since Abigail is not going anywhere. But wait, Abigail's car needs work....



The weather: it is warming up around here, which means melting snow and more slippery going. Taking Rosie out on the leash countless times a day is getting old. She still pulls, dragging me along. I stop, she stops, she pulls again as soon as we start again. Last night at 9:30, I had the little ones in bed, and I was sitting with my feet up, Rosie was at the door whining. I just let her out. When I called for her a few minutes later, she just trotted down the road. I put on some giant boots (there are always lots of boots to choose from by the door, either Ben's or Joe's or Aaron's or Sam's or Paul's....they are big and easy to slip on in a hurry...and I look lovely in them. So if you see a lady in a long jean skirt and big huge boots and long tangly hair blowing in the breeze, screaming fruitlessly for a dog that AIN'T gonna come to her, that is me....)I gave up on Ms. Rosie. She would run near me, and take off again. She was being blatantly disrespectful, and in-my-face disobedient. I was so mad at her. I finally just stomped off back down the road toward home, and she followed me. When I got to the deck steps, she turned and took off down the road again. I just went in the house, and seriously at that moment I almost wished a big truck would come along...then I felt bad for even thinking it....a bit after 10, she was out there on the deck waiting to come in. She trounced into the living room all happy and smiley, and I forgave her. Almost. Rrr. All the time I spend training this dog, and she does as she pleases. rrr.



I want to get Charlotte Claire and Camille this loft bed I found on craigslist, but Paul doesn't think we need it. Well, Miss Camille is too big for her little green bed. And their room won't fit two beds. This loft bed is $100, and it has a slide! I know,I know, they won't get much sleep, but it looks like so much fun! The top has rails around the whole thing, and we could put a toddler bed underneath it for Camille. It isn't very high, lower than standard bunks. I am not thinking they will get much sleep if I put them together anyway, so what's the difference?



I haven't walked on the treadmill in a few days. When I walk on it, after about ten minutes or so, I get this chest pain...I am 99% certain that is muscle pain from taking the tugging and pulling Rosie for walks, because I have had this exact exertion pain on and off for years, in this chest wall muscle. But that 1% niggling worry bothers me. With a $2000 deductable on the insurance, and us having to pay 20% of everything after that, I am not in a big hurry to get it checked out.



I am going to eat more healthy today. Those rotten little Cookies'nCream hershey bars are almost gone, why did I buy them? I eat good healthy food, but then I eat these snacks...I do not eat ice cream anymore, just very very occasionally. I just need to be meaner to myself during the day. ha.



Sometimes I find myself incredulous that I have so many kids. Like my life just fast-forwarded to NOW, and I have all this responsibility. Being pregnant and having newborns is not the hard part, no sir, it is the day to day nurturing. I find that I have no wisdom at all, I don't know what to do about Evelyn's little stompy fits (ten going on 17), or Mali's heartbreak, or Sam's argumentativeness, if that is even a word. So I am in a good place, God will help me when I am humble and needy. Sometimes people ask, "How do you do it?" How can I answer that? I get up each day, get dressed and washed up, and come out here and deal with one thing at a time. When I get complain-y and witchy with a capital "B", things go badly, and I have to repent and get back on track. This morning, Rosie was whining like crazy in her cage, and I couldn't find her leash. After last night's fun, I did not want to let her go, especially with the bus coming soon....but she was doing the "pee-pee" dance, so I let her out. She peed right on the deck, she had to go so badly....but at least she came right back in....(Ben has the leash downstairs. Thank you Ben. If you can't find something, ask Ben. He has it.) Anyway, things do not always go my way, and I know from experience that if I have the wrong attitude, everything will be hard and heavy. Seriously, when I am sacrificing myself, and have that giving spirit that asks nothing in return, which only God can help with, then that goodness spreads to the kids, and it is good here. When Paul comes home from work and he is in that good spirit too, then it is REALLY good here. Good has more power than evil, and thankfulness overcomes selfishness. Blessing and helping and listening and giving, the fruits of the spirit that come from denying MY sin, the draw the kids to God, and make it warm in here.



Now, after several interruptions, I need to get moving....these kids want breakfast. I was just talking to my little brother on the phone, and watching Charlotte Claire CHANGE Camille's diaper. It was the funniest thing I ever did see. Charlotte Claire brought out all these clothes, she has on size 18 month overalls, with all the crotch/leg snaps undone, with no shirt on underneath, and her new slippers. Camille tried to put on a jumper, but gave up and is sitting with me in her diaper that is not on quite right, which I have to fix before she poops, but she is all cuddled up under blankets. She is giving me Richard Scarry's Counting Book, to read AGAIN.....

busy day...

Emily and I, along with these two little girls, took Mali out to lunch today because she has been having a rough time. We then went to the RescueMission store, where I bought a sweet little cupcake jacket for Camille, and a pair of denim skorts for Sonja, for a total of $1.23. Then we went to a giant craft store. I got two battery operated candles for $1 each, a scarf for Mali for a few bucks, some beads for Suzanne, and a princess dress for Camille....for her birthday, probably. Then we went to the dr. appointment, and Miss Charlotte Claire was reading a book to Camille in the waiting room.

(that is Emily in the background) But they were not angels like this the whole time. No, they fought over these two exact same chairs. By this time (we were there from 2:25 until almost 4:00), it was nap time for Camille, and she cried three or four times. When we were finished, we took them next door to the little pharmacy, where I got them some Cheese-its and a few sweet tarts. Then they fell asleep in the van on the way to the dollar store...so Mali stayed in the van with them while Emily and I went in and bought 1 pound bags of frozen fruit, bags of frozen onion rings, organic soy-enriched waffles (for Mali), strawberry preserves, and hair ponies and a belt for Sam, all for $1 each. Then to BigLots, where I bought some Christmas candy for 75% off, and lots of chips and snacks that were reduced. I also bought some new socks and some batteries for the Elefun game Charlotte Claire got for Christmas, and hasn't played yet. When I say I bought some chips, I mean I bought 8 or ten bags. They were piled up on top of the cart, overflowing, and I found myself a little embarrassed....and almost as if Emily could read my thoughts, she said, "proceed to the register with dignity, Mother!".....it was quite funny. I know I am not a small skinny thing, and to be walking through the store with a cart full of chips....I told the cashier, "I AM having a party, you know..." And we are. Margaret never had a party for her thirteenth birthday, so we are surprising her on Saturday night and having some girls over. We don't exactly need that many chips for that, but when these guys go to activity club and to their youth gatherings, they are always bringing things. Oh, listen to me justifying myself.....chips are bad for you, and I bought chips.

The girls woke up when we got back in the van. It was a short nap, and they are still up and they are falling apart. Charlotte Claire doesn't take naps usually, but sometimes she falls asleep on the couch.

When we got home, Mirielle was making spaghetti - which consisted of heating up some yummy frozen sauce that Paul's mom had made for us in the fall, and heating up some pasta. I was glad to come home to dinner almost done, though. All the older kids went to the youth meeting after dinner, so it is just Paul and I and the youngest seven here now. And Benjamin. And Rosie, the dog who chews on things. She just picked up one of Jon's Hess trucks and walked away with it. Excuse me? Now she is chewing on a cup, and I don't care. She isn't being bad, she just has to chew on things.

The kids need Mommy....oh, after dinner tonight, Camille had already gotten down, and I was still sitting at the table with the older kids....she came up to me and said, "I want you, Mommy. You aren't busy!", and she put her arms up to be picked up. I don't know how she became such a talker, she is a minature person now. But so sweet and snuggly. Yeah, and they need me....so I need to get off this computer and read and talk and give attention.

warming up!

It is going to be above freezing today. And since I am going to try harder not to complain, I won't mention that when all this snow melts, there will be mud...and Rosie will be dirty again instead of just wet and snowy.

Today, so far it looks like 6 of the 9 school kids will be going. Jonathan is just plain exhausted. He has this fear of the dark, so they sleep with their door open, and the bathroom light on. When they go to bed, the rest of the house is still like Grand Central Station, so Jon's rule is that when you use the bathroom, you have to turn on the hall light!!! He gets out of bed and turns it on himself whenever anyone forgets, then comes out here and yells at everyone to stop forgetting....so it gets later and later for them, even when they are all tucked in by 8:30. He just looks so tired today, and his kindergarten day is so long, he doesn't get home until after 4:00 pm. So I let him stay home. Sonja is dragging, but she already missed a day this week. Suzanne gets to stay home. She hasn't missed a day yet, and she is tired....Mali is home too, she was feeling awful last night.

I stayed home yesterday. I cuddled with the little girls, and read them stories and I did some laundry, and after school I took Jonathan and Charlotte Claire outside to play, with Rosie. I made homemade molasses cookies, using Paul's grandmother's recipe. His mom wrote on the recipe card to me, "this is enough to make plenty for your big family"...well, I one and a halfed the recipe, (the molasses was in a 12 ounce jar, and the recipe called for one cup, so it just made sense)....and they are gone. These cookies came out of the oven during dinner and after dinner. And every one of them are gone. I guess they liked them. I certainly did.

It is nice to have Suzanne and Jonathan home today, I can tell already it's going to be fun. Jonathan has been playing with these old trains that Ben got from one of his friends. The engine is metal, and has a key in the side for winding. It still works wonderfully, but it is so old. I think they are worth something. I looked on ebay and a caboose just like the one he has was going for almost $200. I want to take them from him, but he is having so much fun.

This afternoon I have to take Mali for a check-up. New York state law says check-ups are mandatory in tenth grade. She will be expelled if she doesn't get it done. So off we go. I am planning on stopping at the dollar store and BigLots, too.

Being a mom is the best part of my life, good thing, eh? Because it is certainly the most defining thing about me, and the most all encompassing. I am like my mother was, I like to be friends with my kids. This can be difficult when I make a decision that I know they don't agree with. Because I want them to like me. I find this influences me too much sometimes. Especially when we go shopping. I have the "magic card", and it is easy to be popular when you have one of those. I hate disapointing them, I love spoiling them. ( it is good I am such a cheapskate though) And not just with clothes. For example, in the grocery store: I recently was tempted to buy some boxes of those awful little frozen pizza pockets, a 15pack for $1. Mirielle was with me. She doesn't like me to buy unhealthy things. But I imagined the older boys, like Sam and Joseph and Aaron...they would devour those. And enjoy them. And I like when I bring home something that they like. But then there was Mirielle....and seriously, I don't like to see them eating junk all the time anyway. So I didn't buy them. Anyway, my point is that when you seek to please your kids, it is hard to make wise decisions. And anyway, you cannot please all the people all of the time.

Last night, I didn't have to make dinner, again. Mirielle made Cornell chicken. (google the recipe, it is wonderful)....she marinated it for a while, then baked it. She made a broccoli stir-fry, and basmati rice. All the older kids had to leave, so Paul and I got to clean up. I found myself tempted to complain, but then I realized how blessed we are to have such good dinners, and hot running water, ect. It IS a lot of work, all those plates and forks and cups and 3 chicken pans, and the other pans...plus I had made cookies, so the stuff from that. Then I thought, when Mirielle was cooking, I was outside playing in the snow. I am so spoiled, yet I still find that complaining.

And the spoiled-ness won't last long. Mirielle will be starting college soon. Emily will be starting work next week, and moving out probably next month. She will be renting an apartment only 5 miles down the road, so we WILL see her. She is taking Abigail too, Abigail who is trying like crazy to find a job. This economy is a little bit scary. I do MY part to keep it going though.

Today I might match some socks. Socks just get eaten up here. They get divorced and separated. When I match a huge basket of socks, I feel like a rich woman. Let's just say right now I am feeling very poor. I DID bleach and wash a nice big load of white socks the other day, but they are all mingling in the basket, yet to be matched up. But as part of the guilt-trip that goes with mommy-ing, the thought of the kids going through that basket for socks when they are in a hurry to get on the bus can literally make me cry. Thus, I will match socks.

This place does NOT stay clean for long. I wish I had a mudroom. There isn't much room for coats and boots and snowpants and hats and mittens, along with the shoes and sneakers. And the living room: Well, we DO live in here. A few pair of sneakers for treadmilling (one is mine, so I can't complain), a LittleTikes piano, 5 or 6 years of Hess Trucks, Jon's train track and the old trains, a blanket, Jon's backpack, a few towels, the jammies Charlotte Claire slept in, her "Pretty Dress", two MickeyMouse pop-up pals toys....and a few socks, duplos, hair ponies, a pencil...and some books....all scattered around randomly. On top of the dog cage is Mirielle's purse, Samuel's hoodie, a hairbrush, a Curious George coloring book and some crayons, one of Camille's shoes. So we will clean it all up and tomorrow it will be the same way again. I just hope and pray I never give up on trying to keep it clean....then we would REALLY be in trouble.

they all went to school!

and here I am with just Rosie and Charlotte Claire....Last night, Benjamin cleaned his room. He found these glasses. And this football. For some reason, Miss C.C. thought they looked nice together.

Camille

Camille...she is just so cute!

Well, since I put pictures of everyone else on here looking silly, I suppose this is only fair....

Aaron....

Suzanne was hugging Charlotte Claire goodnight.

Miss Margaret Cheryl...

Evelyn Joy

Sonja kathleen

Rosie.....and yes, I put the hat on her....

Sonja with Camille....






And this picture: what would be a good title? (they went in the cage of their own accord!)

And now Camille is awake and calling me...