summer 2011

summer 2011

Paul and I, all 16 kids and Ashley, Benjamin's wife...Christmas 2012

Paul and I, all 16 kids and Ashley, Benjamin's wife...Christmas 2012

Monday, September 22, 2014

rainy monday morning

Morning walk in the crisp rainy air...

No excuses, right? A little rain never hurt anyone. When I get up and the kids are still sleeping, it is very tempting to just curl up with a book...or clean without interruptions...but my morning walk is more than just a walk. It is like the determining factor of whether my day will have more good choices than bad ones. It's like I start the day by checking a very good thing off my to-do list, and we all know that's big for me. Because I don't really even have a to-do list.

So it's still dark and drizzly out there, but here I am, with my walk under my belt, oh the smugness!

The princesses are up, and shh, they are watching, "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood", an episode about Daniel becoming a big brother...he is pretending to be a baby so his friend can pretend to take care of him, the girls are totally transfixed. We have to get moving and start school soon, but...this is so quiet and relaxing...

Whatever I felt awful with yesterday is gone. Perhaps I fought it off, I don't know. By afternoon, I decided I felt well enough to peel some butternut squash. Then I peeled whole pile of apples (with Evelyn), because we were having barbecued pulled pork. We sliced them up, and I microwaved them with a little palm sugar and some cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice. They were so good, almost like apple pie without the guilt.

After dinner, I washed some dishes and wiped down counters and put away leftovers. So much for a Day Off:)

Aww, this show is so cute, I want another baby! My girls are grinning from ear to ear, watching Daniel try to fit into his old crib, then decide to give it to their new baby. Oh, and now his mama is showing him the baby clothes that he used to wear...

Oh, the good days and years we have had here, having all the newborn babies that we have been blessed with. It was such the ritual to wash all the baby clothes to get ready for each one. I may be a procrastinator in many aspects, but I was ready for those newborns for weeks before they were due. With each new baby, the piles of clothes grew, and of course I had to buy new stuff for each one, too. One cannot take a new baby out and about with an old faded receiving blanket! And the car seat has to have a new cover for each one, too....or better yet a new car seat...and of course a few new strollers or prams.

There is a time and season for everything under the sun, and I suppose my baby season is over. I would still take another one though, so if anyone has one they don't want...:)

It has been an interesting weekend for me. Okay, I love my husband, I really do. But sometimes it seems like we are on such different wavelengths. The other day, he made this comment, a comment that really broke my heart. I had to go to the bathroom to cry. I couldn't help it. Well, then other thoughts started to come, and I was pretty certain that he just doesn't really like me. And from there, more thoughts came...and I had to put a stop to it. No, not gonna think bad thoughts about my husband. Not gonna do it. I pulled myself together, and dried my tears. The kids asked me if I was okay, and yes, Mom is fine. Mom sort of has to be fine, right? Anyway. When I talked to Paul about it, he didn't even remember. Anyway...we ARE different. We don't always agree on everything. But that doesn't mean we fight about it. He is a good man, an honest and hard working and faithful man. I love him, and I respect him. What I am trying to say is that on my part, I need to learn to Let It Go. Forgive and forget. The true testing of our faith is when we feel the most misunderstood and alone. Then we need to be assured that God knows just what we need and there are no mistakes. We need to bow down in our spirits, and let God work in us. We can choose at those moments, choose to be hardened in our hearts, letting bitterness in to grow and take root, or we can choose to let it go. To love. To love in return, instead of trying to get back at someone.

When I was mulling over all these things, I was aware that I could choose how I wanted to go in my heart. Then I had this thought, "How can I possibly preach the gospel to my children and encourage them to choose the good if I myself choose to be offended and bitter?"

So I am thankful. I am thankful that God is near, and God is real, and there is a pathway for my feet, and that I can keep my heart pure. It isn't only in the big huge trials that we gain our heavenly treasures, there are countless little testings along the way.

And now, it's time to start school.

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