saturday evening post...

Paul is headed back to France, Margaret and Joseph are with Emily and Aaron visiting Samuel, Sonja K. is in Detroit for the weekend with her cousin Becky, and Jonathan is at Abigail's house for the night. We aren't lonely here though, we have two cousins visiting.

After dropping Paul off at the airport, Suzanne, Evelyn, and I went to the dollar store. We got a few Christmas trinkets, and some dark chocolate...the yummy salted almond kind. And a milk caramel bar for the kids. We bought some wrapping paper and a school workbook for Camille.

Then...we went to Target. I had a ten dollar coupon:) I bought two space heaters because they were buy one get one half off. I got a few Christmas gifts for the kids, including a dress for Evelyn which she had her eye on that finally went down to 70% off.

Then the grocery store just for carrots and eggs and popcorn, and ice cream for tonight.

We came home and made a few pizzas, and I made up some Buffalo chicken breast chunks. The little girls went roller skating today with one of their friends, and came in the door and asked please please can their cousin Danielle spend the night. Yes, I said. So, at 11:22 at night, they are still wide awake and talking. They had a mystery to solve this evening...Camille had cut her toe, and didn't know it until she spotted the blood...and she had made a trail. They were in their own little world being detectives, trying to figure out what she did to her toe, and where it might have happened. They moved one of the couches so part of the living room is closed off, and have set up their little houses over there. They simply have too much fun.

We tried to watch a movie tonight, but our dvd player broke, and Jon took the game system with him to Abigail's house. My computer doesn't have a disk drive, and Paul's computer is with him on the way to France.

Paul will be in France for a week, home for a week, then in Florida for two weeks. Florida for the first two weeks in December. blah. No fair. He's gone so much, I feel like a single parent. I do all the day-to-day parenting, filling him in as much as I can, but mostly headline news, not little details. When he is home, he usually gets home from work late, closer to 8 than 7 most nights. I don't want to complain, because he has a good job, and he actually likes it, but I need to vent a little.

I don't know how to fix the stove or replace the broken light fixtures or figure out why the minivan is making that noise. Mirielle says I need to learn, and not save it all for Dad. I feel accomplished when I change a lightbulb, put batteries in something, or assemble a toy. I don't think I can tinker with the heating element on the stove.

We never did decide on what to do about new windows, so he fixed our existing ones by spraying on this extremely attractive foam, to seal the cold air out. It looks like fat puffy yellowed spray whipped cream.

There is a towel in front of the refrigerator, and a towel in front of the washing machine.

Yet, here I am, alive and well.

Life is short. There is something in us that wants everything just so. When it's all in order, I'll feel better, I subconsciously think. Of course, then there will be something else I want arranged differently. Or upgraded or replaced. It goes on and on, and if we're not careful, our days will be frittered away, always in pursuit of new and improved.

I know, there are things that have to be done. But we do delude ourselves about what is really necessary, and what we just plain WANT.

Granite countertops. I want them. A new garbage can, stainless steel - I want one. One of those fake fireplaces with the realistic flames...ohh, yes! New furniture because I never cared for this red stuff, please! What I would actually really really love is an endless pool. An indoor hot-tub like thing with a motor that creates a strong current to swim against.

The way I see it, is that rich people are never happy because the more one gets, the more one wants. The contentment is not going to come set up camp in me at some fixed point when I get what I think will make me happy. No sir. It comes when I decide I am happy with what I have.

Lately, I have been so extremely thankful for my little kids. Now that Char and Cam are homeschooling too, Jonathan has someone to play outside with. We had our first snowfall, and they were so very excited to go out exploring in it. They are just so funny. They made pretend passports. They played school this morning. They each had 32 invisible students. Cam was grading papers, talking to these invisible students as she frowned at the pretend papers they turned in. "What?! You think bears hibernate in the summer? No, wrong!", and Char was telling her students, as she stood at her easel with a marker in her hand, "I'm sorry you got a detention, but that's that, you have to keep it." They sometimes decide to play store, and in an instant, the living room has three shopping carts, some toy cash registers, and food from the cupboards set up on the couches and coffee tables. They get their real money out, and then some plastic Walmart bags...they just don't get bored.

I guess I realize that my days as a mommy to little children are numbered. So I am stepping back and breathing it in, living in the moments. For years and years I had what seemed like an endless supply of little ones....:)

One thing's for sure: the older ones, oh they try my soul! I almost can't bear it sometimes, I feel their pain, I want so much for them to find peace, and make good decisions.

It gives me a tiny glimpse of how it is for God, and us. He wants us to be saved, yet gives us free will. How He must rejoice when we make good choices!

Anyway, I am getting more and more tired, as I ramble....