this old lady is tired!

(Suri and I) I meant the dog, of course. We went on a small hike, across a big bridge, then through the woods....

Suri didn't care for the bridge, and I don't blame her. It was scary, and lots of work for her not to let her paws slip through. And lest you think me mean to bring her across this bridge, note that on the other side was freedom...I let her off the leash, and she bounded. She sniffed and explored, but mostly stayed with us. She liked to hop down the path right along side the kids.

Jonathan, Char, and Camille and I.

See, I promised them if they did all their school work today while I was gone grill shopping with Emily, I would take them somewhere fun. And believe me when I say that I seriously didn't want to do anything but put my feet up after going to Wegman's (only for a coffee, Em says they have the best. I mixed dark roast and pumpkin spice, yum), BJ's, Tops, and Real Deals, then to the church to put it all away....

The kids did all their work, with help and encouragement from their big sisters. So, I was on the hook to go bye-bye again. The older kids were all going to the youth meeting soon anyway, so I left with Jon, Char, Cam, and Suri. We didn't bring Duke too because he isn't "fixed", and what if there was a cute female dog? All reason leaves that dog when he smells a dog in heat. BTW, we got him last year at 8 years old, and decided he was too old to neuter, although I still would like to have it done. Anyway, tangent.

We went on an adventure. We walked across that bridge and down the path through the woods for a while. It got rather warm (or was that just me?), and the mosquitoes started finding us. I was tired enough to come home and put my feet up, once again, then Char had the bright idea that we should go to the Rec. Center pool. um, really? It did NOT sound good to me, but I heard myself agree to it. I even told Charlotte Claire that it was a good idea. Faith and all that, you know?

So home to get the suits and towels, and drop off Suri, and off we went, again.

We stopped at the library in town. We wandered around, got a few Barbie movies, a Judy Moody book, another I Spy book,a Star Wars movie, and a few books for me.

The pool WAS a grand idea, I told Miss Char. It was relaxing and it really felt wonderful to get into the water after being so busy today.

Home...ah home. I wanted to bake the cake for tomorrow's Cast Party for this past summer's church play, but I decided to put it off until tomorrow. It was the night to crack into the frozen pizza rolls for the kids. I had cauliflower tossed in butter and hot sauce, microwaved pepperoni, and a bowl of popcorn cooked in coconut oil and drizzled with butter, salt, and pepper. Yeah, I am healthy like that.:)

The girls are sleeping in my bed again, I get just a small bit of room near the edge, but there is something so cozy about having sleepovers with those little girls.

Tomorrow I have to bake that cake, and maybe some cupcakes or cookies too, for the cast party. I will get up and go for my walk, no matter what. I have laundry to do, and the floors will surely need to be swept...the dog hair, ugh.

I miss Paul this trip more than usual. He is in France again.

It's late, and I am tired for some reason. ha.

and a sunny monday morning it is....

As nice as an occasional walk with another person is nice, walking alone is conducive to really good thinking. Sometimes I pray for my friends and family, sometimes I give myself pep talks about staying away from sugar, sometimes I clean whole rooms in my head and figure out where to put things. Sometimes I just breathe, and try to clear my mind from the barrage of little things I know I have to do.

I'm glad I didn't listen to myself and just skip that walk this morning. I swear, I am my worst enemy when it comes to these things. My excuse this morning: I don't want to go for a walk in these ridiculous capris! Now, they ARE silly, these sweatpants of mine. They go to between the knee and ankle, but they are loose at the bottom, not fitted, so they look just bum-y. They are Adidas, black with these three 80's looking stripes down the sides. Paul asked me one time why I had Adidas pants. Because duh, they were three dollars at the thrift store!

I am not one to wander into Walmart in my jammies, nor do I go shopping in sweatpants. Even if I go pick someone up from school or drop a kid off at a friend's house, I change into presentable clothes. Perhaps I have a deep seated paranoia that if I dress slobby, I will be certain to get into an accident. (We already know that kids get hurt and have to go to the E.R. when my hair needs a wash, ha.) The other night, I actually went to Emily/Abigail/Mali's house in these capris and my new doggy t-shirt from my mother-in-law. I do like the t-shirt, it's comfy and cute, but overall, I am not a t-shirt girl. Anyway, I don't usually leave the house in my Around The House clothes.

Off On A Tangent, I am too good at that game.

My point was that it doesn't take much for me to talk myself out of my morning walk, for some reason. I enjoy it, but getting myself to do it is a daily struggle.

Same with eating right and making good choices. It will ALWAYS be a battle for me.

Saturday I worked at a bake sale for church. It wasn't the pies and cookies and cinnamon buns on our table that just about killed me. It was the stand that made freshly fried donuts. From the fryer to the cinnamon and sugar, to the customer. The smell, oh the heavenly aroma...and the bad thing? They tasted just as good as they smelled. It was my lunch, okay? One donut. Just one. I also bought a chocolate chip cookie and a cinnamon bun from our table, but only tasted them, and I do mean just one small bite, and gave the rest to Sonja K. and Irene, who were helping at the bake sale. That donut, not a good lunch, but oh so yum.

Yesterday, Abigail and Jonathan were working at that bake sale. It was at a harvest festival, and I had decided to take the little girls there after church, leaving the older ones at soccer practice, ect.

Jonathan and I waited in the long line for more donuts, I had only one, and it was my lunch, again. I passed the other ones out, and gave the remaining few away to a friend...:) Anyway, we had fun at the festival, especially at the petting zoo. There were puppies at that petting zoo. They looked like yellow labs, but were a creamy white color, and were absolutely adorable. The kids were allowed to go right into the pen with them, and of course mine did. They just played and played with those puppies. Jonathan asked the owners how much the puppies were, and yeah, $500. It was so funny though, Jon and Char and Camille were standing there adding up how much money they had and trying to figure out if they had enough. They came up with under two hundred, and asked me if I could pitch in the rest. Oh you guys, we aren't getting one of those puppies. I should have stopped them right away, but they were hysterically cute trying to figure out if they could buy one. At one point Jon said, "Wait, we don't have our money with us. Abigail, do you have some we could borrow for now?" Um, no.

So I brought them in the food tent and bought them a slice of pizza.

We stopped at the store on the way home for some apples and bananas and chicken and eggs and bread.

Then we stopped for ice cream, and yeah, I had one. It was pumpkin! Soft pumpkin ice cream. Need I say more?

But today is Monday, a new day, a new week, and I am going to behave.

Today I have bills to pay and kids to teach and things to clean up and things to organize. It is still quiet here, but soon it will be busy and loud and crazy.

these are a few of my favorite things....

Yes, we did. We got a new kitty.

Jonathan is pretty much in love.

Sonja K. with new kitty.

See, we went swimming today at our church pool....
Homeschooling gym class:)

Oh what a glorious day at the pool! 90 degrees out, sunny and breezy, oh just yummy. The kids sure got their exercise.

I kept my little niece and nephew with me for a bit....and when I dropped them off at home, little Dani went ran in the house and came out with...the sweetest little kitten. Mom! Mom, please! We'll take care of it!

And, I fell for it. Yup, I did. Even though I know for darn certain who will be the one cleaning up messes...taking it to the vet....paying for it....I fell for it. Because, shh, she's adorable! I am a huge sucker for babies, even baby kitties.

The fun part was telling Daddy. If I had called him and asked him, we all know what he would have said. We had to go to Walmart to get kitten chow and worm medicine just in case, and flea drops, and a litter pan and litter, and a cute little water and food dish. This kitty was still nursing from her mama, and doesn't know how to drink from a bowl. We are giving her water from a medicine dropper, but she figured out how to eat the kitten chow pretty fast. Anyway, we got home and made dinner...taco salad with veggies from the garden, corn on the cob from Walmart, local corn, for 10 cents an ear...and the kids speculated endlessly about What Daddy Would Say. The suspense was killing me. He finally came in, and the kids were just looking at each other, Sonja actually meowed, sitting at the dinner table. I couldn't stand it, so I told Suze to just go get Kitty. She did. Paul was like, "You got a kitten? Why?" He shook his head, but didn't say much. I told him because it was cute. He agreed, she is cute.

And that was that.

He is a pretty nice guy.

I did feel slightly guilty because he had an appointment with his heart doctor today, and was put on an additional med for his heart, and the only pharmacy that our insurance covers didn't have it at any of it's stores, and he leaves for France tomorrow. But it didn't seem to bother him, our new little kitty.

Tomorrow is going to be busy one: I have to bring Paul to the airport, then I am working at a church bake sale. Jon is going to a friend's birthday, so I have to get him out some decent clothes tonight. The little girls are going to their two cousins' party, I have to make sure they have clothes out. Margaret is bringing them for me, it's nice when the older kids drive.

We wrapped the birthday presents already, hopefully they will remember to bring them when they go.

lovely day....

Ah, my morning walk. Three days in a row! Of course I expect the scale to start being my friend again immediately, but the key here is patience...

Here are my homeschooled kids this year: Jonathan, Kathryn Grace, Suzanne Eleanor, and the little girls, Camille and Miss Char.

Homeschooling is everything I had hoped it would be, so far. Kathryn and Jonathan are pros at it, but it is new for Suze and the princesses.

Yesterday we made Jello jigglers and cut out the letters of their names. It turned silly, then messy. Our poster-making turned quite silly too, and just as I was tempted to put my foot down and restore some order, Charlotte Claire said, "This is so much fun! We never had THIS much fun in art class at school!" So, I let them have fun. They do their quiet morning work first, spelling and math and writing...then the fun starts, apparently.

Today is a wonderful day. Sunny and warm already, going up to 80-ish. We are thinking of going to the beach after morning work.

On my walk this morning, I thought about thoughts. You know the saying, "You are what you eat."? That may be true, but more accurately, "You are what you THINK." It's the thought life that determines how I am and how I react. If I focus on things that other people do that bother me, I can make a whole court case against them in my thoughts. Now, I can't help if a thought pops into my mind. But it is my choice whether I consider it, roll it over, agree with it, let it take root...or reject it. Other people can't see our thoughts (thankfully...can you imagine being like cartoon characters?), but God can. There is nothing hidden from Him. When I am faithful there in my thoughts, to forgive and be kind and be hopeful for others instead of just judging and critical, then there is a blessing. I don't have to just be bitter and short sighted and short tempered and miserable.

I was also thinking about having hopeful thoughts for me! I know I am capable of exercising self-control, of staying away from sugar, because I have done it. My morning walks are excellent for those little pep talks.

My first pep talk of the day starts when I start reasoning why perhaps today I should just sit down in the quiet instead of putting on my sneakers:)

My kids stayed up too late last night. Jonathan has been going to the library in town with Margaret, he has his own library card. He is obsessed with Star Wars, and was waiting on one of the movies to come in. Well, it came in yesterday. So I let them watch it after dinner, and those movies just go on and on and on. Seriously, the dialogue is so lame. But they love them. Jon would pause the movie to explain things to his sisters, and kept saying, "I called that! I knew that was going to happen!" Anyway, they finished the movie and got to bed after ten. oops.

Emily visited last night, then Mirielle came in.

Well, these girls are bugging to start morning work....

too late to be up...

But today was busy, and I need some quiet.

Our comprehensive curriculum books didn't come yet, but we still did some school work. The girls wrote some opinions and facts about camping, then wrote a few paragraphs about their weekend. I picked out the words they spelled wrong, like "opinions", and "annoying tricycles", which were in the road when they were trying to ride their bikes. We made a list of 13 words in their spelling notebooks for them to learn. They did some math, just to get their brains going, then we went to the library.

Then, the grocery store for bananas and apples and Pop-Tarts (after the store coupon, only 67 cents a box. I do not eat them, nor do I really like to feed them to the kids...but I will ration them, and let them have them for treats.). We bought milk and spinach and lettuce and chicken breast and some cereal.

At the gas station I was pleased to have $2.34 off per gallon with my Price Chopper card, so I put over 16 gallons of gas in that van for $19.45.

Home, ah home. I started in on a library book about Auschwitz, which was terribly horrid, but based on true stories, so I read the entire book in one afternoon, while also making dinner (really yum chicken soup, Char had three servings), working out, doing some laundry, filling out school papers for three kids, which was relatively easy considering I have had years of doing that for 8 and 9 kids. I also gave baths to to bad labradors who rolled in something yucky.

I have three more library books, but don't want to start another one yet.

The school nurse called Paul today to ask where the little kids were. She didn't get the memo.

Paul picked a butternut squash from the garden this evening from the garden, and cooked it up. Oh so good with butter, salt, pepper. It was as good as having ice cream...maybe better.

Not eating in the evenings is one of the things I am working on. I find that sipping tea, like the vanilla caramel or chai, helps, but then I get heartburn, and have to go pee in the night. I feel like I am back on the right track again, but now that I know how easy it is to fall off the wagon and eat sugar, and how addictive it is, I no longer feel so strong and immune and invincible. I cannot be the One Bite person. Nope. A taste may satisfy some people, not me. It just makes me say What The Heck, and eat the whole thing. Okay, I exaggerate, and I do have some self-control, but it is just easier not to eat sweets, chips, anything like that. Just easier. No means no, I tell myself.

I don't eat bread anymore, and have changed my diet so much, yet if I so much as look at anything bad for me, I gain a few pounds back, which is totally No Fair.

But, it's my life now, and I will get back into my groove.

I miss the feeling I had almost captured of being Sporty. I want it back. I want to be able to work out and exercise and walk without feeling like I'm dying.

One thing's for sure, I will never give up. I will not. I won't make it to the cover of a magazine for an extreme transformation, but I will be healthy, and I will move every day.

My battery is running low, and I don't feel like getting up and plugging it in, besides it's so late and I have to get up in six hours. blah. It's hard to be motivated to exercise when I'm tired.:)

and school begins, again....

Today is the first day of school here in our rural district. Three of my kids got on that bus, Margaret 17 is a senior, Evelyn 15 is a freshman, and Miss Sonja K. is in 8th grade. (I noticed the three going to school are the curly haired girls...and we did mention this morning that they are the snippy ones, the three who rub each other the wrong way the most....)

Later I will take a picture of the five kids who are homeschooling, for their first day. We are planning a trip to the library. Right now, Jon is taking a shower and the princesses are writing down some spelling words. They wrote me five facts and ten opinions about our camping trip, and I simply chose the misspelled words and made a list. I have ordered comprehensive curriculum books for them, but they haven't arrived yet.

Lake Ontario in the evening. See the moon? It was breathtaking....

The lifeguards were gone for the night...so these three youngest children of mine enjoyed the chair. They took turns jumping into the pile of sand in front of it.

It was chilly there on Sunday, but the kids didn't mind.

so this wasn't exactly wilderness camping:)


We took a little field trip to Sackets Harbor to see the battlefield from the war of 1812.


Unknown soldiers from that war. It did make me cry.

We went to the visitor's center.... Miss Charlotte Claire. It's kind of interesting for me when one of them forgets their jacket, and Jon offers his. They had nice little matching jackets:) We had a Shoe Emergency while camping. First, we started off down the road and Char realized about five miles in that she hadn't brought any shoes at all. So, we turned around and went home. She grabbed Cam's extra sneakers, an umbrella, and her 98 cent flip flops from the beginning of summer. Well, they broke, those flip flops. We used the plastic tag from the bread to hold the toe thingy on to the ripped part of the sole, but they were goners. So, a trip into the small city up north, to Target. Now, going to Target with Paul is not exactly fun. We went straight back to the shoe department, found some nice comfy sandals for half price, the to the register we went. He was very patient, given that girls in a shoe department take forever and a day, and of course Camille automatically needed new ones too, in her mind. She didn't get any, and took it quite well.


Camille would have stayed in the rocking chair for an hour and read the books, but the rest of us wanted to move on.

Kathryn and Suzanne want to go to the library now. I don't. I want to sit here and write. I got up at 6:18, dawdled around talking to the school kids, then went for my walk. I would like some quiet time to write, but it isn't happening today. Char is sitting at the table with Kap and Suze and Jon, and they were talking about war. Char said that kids should be allowed to put on astronaut suits and jump off the earth to another planet if war started. um, gravity Char? Oh yeah, she said.

Jon is talking about the invisibility power now. Harry Potter is a favorite here.

Jon is now explaining to Charlotte Claire about StarWars, and how it is in a galaxy far far away. Kap just found out that Annikin is Darth Vader:) Oh, the nerdiness!

fun fun fun

Our little family at the beach....it was SO weird to camp with only three kids! Instead of feeding a small army, we made meals for five!

Paul even relaxed.

Tomorrow is the first day of school....so I have to talk to several kids...goodbye for now.