and boom, it's the weekend!!!

Shh, not that it makes a huge-0 difference to me, except that walking out of physical therapy today and knowing I will have the rest of the day, plus two whole days before waking up and remembering it is PT day, well...that's golden.

So mind over matter and all of that, I've been trying to trick myself into letting go of the walker more and taking steps, but that dang knee will buckle.  At PT today, the therapist had me marching, holding on loosely, and taking big marching steps with one leg then the other, and sure enough, right in the middle of standing on that surgical leg with the other leg high in the air, it tilted forward suddenly.  It's not painful, but disconcerting, and I do not want to fall.  

The rest of PT went well, I can bike okay, and lift the heavy weights with the straight lift, and now push 12 pounds on the leg pusher thing-y, then I don't know how much on the leg press, that is a killer but oddly satisfying.  My bend was 116, up from 115 on Wednesday, so not too shabby.  The extension (straight leg) was also measured, and it's under five, which is good. 

Coming in from PT is always nice, in out of the cold, and having that second cup of coffee, relaxing a bit.  Nevermind the awful stiffness after sitting a bit, but whatever, right?  I wrapped some presents, did some laundry, and peddled the peddler.  I walked up and down the hallway, but it's SO hard to trust that I can let go...the PT actually doesn't want me to do that, wants me to build up the strength first.  I am hoping and praying that it works!  

I am super excited about Christmas.  Just think of all the little ones who will be here on Christmas Eve, all happy and I get to give them presents.  My mind is full of all the ways to make it more efficient, less stressful.  I would absolutely LOVE a huge huge living space, so we could fit better, but we have what we have.  I'm thinking to have everyone hang coats in the foyer, maybe leave shoes and car seats there too.  (I know, I am a very blessed grandma, babies in car seats!)

We will move tables and benches and put away toys and try to create more seating areas.  We will put away the Kitchen Aid and the fruit basket and various other things that somehow make their way onto the kitchen counters.  I'm thinking we can even consolidate the coffee making stuff to have half that counter for snacks.  Our menu:  barbecued meatballs, those little hot dogs in crescent rolls, (fancy, I know, but everyone loves those!), Nate mentioned making pan fried dumplings, there will be taquitos, chicken wing dip, bacon cheddar dip...and who knows what else?  Oh, and we are going to order a huge Wegmans sheet cake, half chocolate and half vanilla, with buttercream frosting.  I know we are all bakers, but it's so good, and we got to talking, and decided, heck, it's Christmas, let's do it!

Cam and I got our gingerbread cookies baked.  We both rolled them and cut them, she did the baking, and it was hard to tell if they were done, plus we rolled them too thin.  So they are more like ginger snaps, really good though.  We froze most of them for Christmas Eve.  There is now sugar cookie dough in the fridge, that I made yesterday, we will roll those and bake tomorrow, and freeze.  Camille also made red velvet crinkle cookies and put them in the freezer.  

Christmas morning will probably be Paul and I, Charlotte Claire and Camille, Sonja and Oscar and baby Kaia, maybe Suzanne and Zech?  Maybe Nate and Evelyn?  Jonathan and Rosi?  Emily and Mariel like to stay home and chill, and the other kids like to have the morning with their families.    Not sure yet who will come over in the afternoon, and would it be nicer to make pizzas, or have a lasagna all made and put it in the oven, or cook a turkey?  In any case, we'll have cinnamon rolls and orange juice, and scrambled eggs and sausage for brekky.  

Paul is finally going out hunting tomorrow morning.  The girls will be here all day, I told him to go!  He hasn't gone in over five weeks, the season passed by, glad he gets a chance.  He has been SO good to me.  

The girls are at a Christmas party tonight.  They went to Target and Wegmans with Sonja today, and brought home yogurt, bread, a ham, some potatoes...and a Target pick up of stocking stuffers for them, I told them not to look in the bag.  

Sunday is a Christmas celebration for the kids at church, and some of us picked names to get them gifts.  We'll hear the Christmas story, sing some songs, play some games, and eat some good food.  

Grant and Achilles have birthdays this month, Grant turning 8 and Achilles six.  I gave Grant his presents already, and have a pile here for Achilles.  I have three kids with December birthdays.  Paul sent Aaron a gift, I gave Margaret an early present, and oops, haven't sent anything to Abigail yet.

(You all probably remember me telling the story of Miss Margaret's birth...we had 4 boys and 4 girls, she was the tie breaker, and little did we know the first of those five-girls-in-a-row-in-five-years!  She was born on December 22, and I brought her home from the hospital on Christmas Eve.  Emily was not quite 12, Abigail 10, Benjamin 8, Mariel 6, Joseph 5, Aaron 4, Molly 2, and Samuel was 16 months old.  We always went to my brother's house for Christmas Eve, it was the most exciting night of the year for the kids, to play with their cousins, and Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary always made it so nice for us all.  Well, Mariel got sick, so Paul stayed home with her.  I had a 19 year old girl helping me out for a few weeks, and she was super nice, but not exactly 100% helpful, but she tried:).  Anyway.  I simply did not have it in me to disappoint all of my kids, so I got into that 15 passenger van with that newborn baby and the one year old and the two year old and the other six kids, and we went to Uncle Bob's.  Right after I got home from the hospital.  Everyone helped with the kids when we got there, I just sat with newborn baby Margaret and took care of her.  Somehow I survived...but shh, Mariel had the throw up bug, so guess how the rest of the week went?  ha.  )

Anyway.  Grace is having her baby soon, she is due the week before Christmas, Sam is so excited!  I don't know if we'll see them on Christmas Eve or not!  She said she wants to take some time off to stay away from germs and sicknesses so based on that, we won't be seeing them.  

Ah well...you all have a nice night, and a good weekend!

Just a bit of snow on the deck!

Paul and Orange Guy relaxing...
  

one snowy blowy morning...

I know I yammer on and on about lake effect snow....but it is so very interesting.  Lake Ontario is a snow making machine.  The cold air comes across Canada, swoops over the lake, picks up all that moisture, and dumps it in lake effect bands that vary with shifting winds.  We live in an area that is usually in that path.

That little circled area is where we live...12-18 inches forecast...note the Watertown area, directly east of the lake though, two feet!  (we go camping just a few miles south of there, eastern Lake Ontario is beautiful...in the summer ha)

 In this map, I think we're right south of the L in Lysander...see how it's hit or miss?  Kathryn lives ten miles north, and sometimes she gets way more snow...

Just some cozy...:)

Orange Guy...

We have not baked cookies yet.  The dough is all right in the refrigerator, one of these days we'll get to it, hoping it's today.  Camille had an in-person math final yesterday which took a while.  Then they did some shopping for us, and it started snowing really wildly.  It hadn't been forecast, but there it was just the same.  I regretted not insisting they take my car, which has new tires, instead of the little Buick sedan, which is not great in the snow.  But, they got home safely before dark, with all the good things from the store.   

There simply was no more time in the day to make those gingerbread men, because they went to Activity club to help out with the kids.  

So.  Today I managed to get a load of clothes into the washer, and have to go transfer them to the dryer.  I'm trying to move more, but please pray for me, as I am concerned that I am not walking on my own yet.  I am seriously concerned about the random buckling, it happens way less, and that's promising, but sometimes I get something in my head to worry about, and ugh.  I made the mistake of reading about it, and the phrase "revision surgery" jumped out at me.  But talk about jumping off the bridge before you even come to it!  NO!  I just need to practice putting weight on it more, strengthen the knee more, and it'll come, right?  

I have dreams I am just walking along, and I realize that I didn't even need that walker!  Sometimes I get so determined to ditch it, and I walk up and down the hall, around the living room and kitchen, trying to let go as I take steps...Charlotte Claire told me I just need to know I can do it, then do it, but Cam told her not to tell me that, that falls in "elderly people" are serious issues.  

Anyway.  I'm going to get up and move around again....I started my day with exercises, then laundry, then sat with the coffee...I have PT later today, so do I stretch and move as much as possible so I'm more limber there, or do I take it easier because it's going to knock my socks off and slay me alive?  Oh, the things I have to mull.  :).    I'll check in later, after PT, because I know you all are wondering how it will go...will my bend get better, or will they send me to the dog food factory?  ha.  

Here I am, all warm and toasty with my afternoon coffee, in my comfy chair with Orange Guy on the arm beside me, and Old Kitty on the back of the chair.  Purring in stereo.  And, Sunny on the couch she is not supposed to be on...but who could tell her to get down, with that face?

So I'm home from PT, and it wasn't that bad.  My bend was 115, same as Friday, but better than Monday, so there is that.  I worked hard, and got some encouraging words from the therapist, he says I'll be fine, just have to strengthen things up and I'll be walking again.  He's kind of stubborn, so I think he took it as a challenge, ha.  

Another package came in the mail, so yay, something to wrap, ha.  Camille and I did bake those gingerbread cookies...they're tricky, it's hard to tell when they're done, so some of them are a little bit overdone, but not burnt...just like gingersnaps.  Not what we were going for, but they still taste wonderful.

We have plans to bake some different varieties and freeze some so we have a nice assortment on Christmas.  I would love to do that, and I especially enjoy frosting them.  

Today is my #6 child's birthday, Aaron.  He lives out in Phoenix, and I miss him!  We're thinking of a trip in maybe April...when it's swimming weather there...:). Happy birthday to Aaron...when he was born,  I brought Benjamin, Mariel, Joseph, and newborn Aaron to Abigail's kindergarten Christmas party...Ben was four, Mariel 2 1/2, Joseph was 18 months...after Abigail's party, we trouped up to Emily's second grade class and let the kids see the newborn...the girls loved him, but one of the boys was like, "Can we PLEASE open presents now?"  ha.  Anyway.  Aaron was a beautiful baby, and I'm sure we had a wonderful Christmas that year.  I wish I had kept a journal, blogs weren't invented yet.  

Ah well.  I won't sit here for long.  I will get up and walk around, and try to balance more on my surgical leg...the PT had me doing squats today, but my "good" knee protested, he put has hand over the kneecap while I bent the leg, and declared it was more of a problem than the surgical leg.  well, yes.  

Anyway.  You all have a really good evening.  :)

enjoying the moments!

 

Look at that face!  Old Kitty, aka Kettler, or Mama Cat...is 11 or maybe 12 now?  She loves me.  This means she follows me around.  This picture was taken when I was lying on the couch to do my heel slides and leg lifts, she hopped right up onto my tummy.  

Ruth and Maeve all sparkly...

On Saturday, Benjamin came over with Anya, Elise, and Declan...Anya likes holding Ellis...(and Kathryn came with Rhys, Jamison, and Ellis)

Auntie Evelyn with baby Ellis...I love this picture.

The weekend flew by.  Now it's Monday again, and I have PT this afternoon.  I don't dread it as much as I used to, but getting down the steps and sidewalk when it's this cold out, eeks.  I think it's four right now, which is -15.5.  At least it's not snowing though.

And, now it's Tuesday!  Recovery from this surgery is not linear, at least not for me.  My bend actually regressed by a few degrees.  It was 115 on Friday, and 113 yesterday.  I was deflated.  I had worked very hard all weekend, even with kids and grandchildren over!  My straight leg raises were extremely difficult, with the weight increased to two pounds, then the seated hanging leg raises, up to 12 pounds!  The leg press I don't even ask, but it's hard anyway, but kind of satisfying.  

My biggest issue is that I still use the walker.  I can take a step or two holding on with only one hand, but so far can't just let go...because that new knee feels so unsteady sometimes...so I practice, walk all around the house, over and over again.  It's tiring, and it feels like I'll never ditch the big unwieldy thing.  Yesterday morning I was very tired, and teary eyed.  I just felt so hopeless.  I'll be honest:  I'm a picky pants.  People do things around here for me, of course they do.  But does anyone shine the dishwasher, or water the plants, or diligently check the water level in the tree stand?  (One day I ask, and OF COURSE I CHECKED IT MOM!  (pardon me for asking).  The next day, I asked again, because I'm a glutton for punishment, and..."oh, I forgot."    I cannot get down there on the floor and water that tree.  

I just feel at everyone's mercy.  I can make a cup of coffee, but can barely get it to my chair to sit and drink it.  I can, but it's challenging.  I can make dinner, but walking with the walker and bringing things I cut, chopped, or peeled at the table over to the counter...ugh.  (but bear with me while I tell you about dinner:  a 3 1/2 pound pork loin roast, lime juice and smothered in salt, pepper, rosemary, onion, garlic...sat in the refrigerator (covered) for the day...then patted off, rubbed with olive oil, and into the new air fryer, with the temp probe set for 160, which could have been a bit lower actually.  I peeled and chopped a huge butternut squash, and cut up one red skinned potato because that's all we had, and peeled and chopped two big Granny Smith apples.  That all went into the air fryer too.  It was the BEST dinner, the pork came out tender and juicy, with a nice crispy edge, the tart apples (I mixed some brown sugar into them before cooking) with the pork, then the sweet squash with lots of salt and pepper...so good!). 

So it has been really good for me, to let go of expectations, and not be demanding, but also to be firm about some things that are important.  I could so easily be a huge nagging witch, and I don't want to be.  This is my home, and I like things a certain way.  

Yesterday, I was wrapping a few presents, and I dropped the tape.  Thankfully, Paul had just walked into the kitchen, so he picked it up for me.  I have had new thoughts of mercy for older people and people with all sorts of physical challenges.  

After I wrap the presents, I can't carry them to put them under the tree.  boo hoo, right?  I mean, the things that grate on me are trivial.  Mostly what gets me is not being able to walk independently yet.  

But.  Despite all the Poor Me stuff, life is good.  I have been sleeping better.  I still wake up frequently, but sometimes instead of getting up, I just do some heel slides in bed, and go back to sleep.  The pain is generally much better than it was a few weeks ago, but it's still achy and twinge-y, and very stiff sometimes. 

My gingerbread cookie dough is wrapped in the refrigerator, waiting to be rolled and baked.  The girls will help me later this afternoon, hopefully.  I want to freeze some for Christmas, and also make at least one batch of butter cut outs.  

Camille has to go to the college today for a math exam, so Miss Char is bringing her.  I have a few store lists for them, it's hard not to go with them myself!  It is so freezing cold here though, and icy and slippery everywhere, just getting to the car from the house is an ordeal.  

Oh, it's not all doom and gloom.  I have so many things to be thankful for.  It's been cozy and not terrible, being at home all this time.  I'm laughing at myself, "cozy and not terrible."  oh dear.

All this being said, no one here has been awful to me or lazy, they're not telling me to suck it up and do it myself.  It's all just me, and my impatience.  For example:  I like the floors vacuumed every single day, and the couches too.  The whole hallway, over by the door, the bathroom, everything.  Some days, everyone is busy (Paul does have a full time job!), so I attempt it, and it's so challenging.  The cord is my enemy, I am really tempted to buy a cordless vacuum!  It gets all tangled up around my walker wheels, it's kind of hilarious.  I am just driven to have certain things done, and no one else is.  To be fair, Paul also mops the floor after vacuuming, several times a week:)

Anyway.  The entire experience is just a classic example of how the answer is to be saved in it all.  If I believe that God sends all things for my very best, then why would I not be content?  Because I WANT.  That is the whole issue.  Me, and me and me.  But praise God that there is a purpose for all the trials, for all the annoyances, that God can do a work in me, and give me more patience, more thankfulness, so I don't have to be a miserable old lady.   This isn't a linear work either, at least in me.  It takes me a bit sometimes to let things go, and to learn thankfulness.  But oh my, thankfulness is a powerful weapon, misery doesn't stand a chance against it.  

You all have a really good day!  Stay warm!

here we are at the weekend again!

 This fine arctic day, PT was in the morning.  It was challenging to get from the living room to the car...down the stairs is always nerve wracking, then onto the icy porch, which Paul salted, so it wasn't terrible....down those two steps, and onto the sidewalk....it was shoveled, but it was so cold out, it was still a bit snowy and icy.  I made it though, and brrr!

Since you all like to hear the hairy details of PT:  I did hanging leg lifts with ten pound weights this time, then the bench press, which was not fun but not horrid.  Then the leg extension to straighten that knee, which hurts more than the exercises sometimes, then the measurment:  115 bend today!  That's only 3 degrees more than Wednesday, but Wednesday's number hadn't changed from Monday, and I was getting concerned I would get stuck.

So it was good.  Home, into the house, brrrr.  Paul made me a coffee, and I settled into my comfy chair for a bit with an ice pack.  Then, up to do another round of exercised, then wrapped a few more things that came in the mail today.

Paul had places to go and things to do, but the girls were home from their shopping trip, so off he went.  I decided to mosey into the kitchen and see what to make for dinner...and decided on "The Best Chicken Soup You'll Ever Have", recipe Ambition Kitchen cookbook.  We don't have any couscous, so Cam made a separate pot of egg noodles.  I chopped the celery, carrots, and onions, and packaged up the leftover chicken from the new pack, in lime juice, salt and pepper, and put it in the freezer.  Miss Cam did most of the soup assembly, but we had a really good time working together.

Right now, the soup is bubbling away, and it smells so good, lots of rosemary, ginger, garlic...mmm.  The Christmas lights are all on, and it's cozy in here.  Life is good, and I am happy.  A strange new Christmas song came on at PT today, the twelve days of Christmas but all the things that could go wrong, a complaining song, actually:  five months of bills...!  The PT said he just hates complaining, and I agreed.  I said, "I am actually really happy.   Life isn't how I want it right now, but it's my life!"

I didn't get into it really deeply of course, but this is a physical battle, yes, but mostly a mental one!  I'm like:  it has gone on long enough, I quit.  But, I cannot quit.  I have to keep working and moving and yes, suffering, to get that mobility back.  There's this lie that when THIS happens, I'll be happy.  But what about now?  

Anyway, life is full of trials and challenges for all of us, but we need to believe that God sends all things for our good.  Believe it or not, there are times I feel heartbroken and misunderstood, times I am lonely in the midst of all the busyness, especially these days when everyone else is busy and I'm not.  People can say things that hurt, and you can either chew on them and get bitter, and turn it into a big thing, or let it go and drop it.  

Anyway.  Camille has discovered using the Kitchen Aid with the paddle attachment to shred the chicken...:).  Off I go, to enjoy some soup...:)

Here's a blast from the past, when lots of kids lived here and had a gingerbread house contest...

The Cybertruck dropped off an Amazon package

The girls put together a new cabinet for the downstairs bathroom...and Paul with his hood on ha.

This fine morning was colder than 18!  Monday will be quite cold again...it's white out there, makes it special in here, with that lighting that only a yard full of snow can give...:)

let's focus on the good things today!

 I have slept better the last few nights...two hours, two hours, then two hours...that's not too shabby!  

PT was not fun today, but it wasn't horrible.  I was able to do what I had to do, but my bend was the same as Monday, which wasn't great, but it could be worse, I suppose.

Packages are coming in the mail, and I'm wrapping presents.  I sat at the table for too long, and oh I paid dearly....have to get up and stretch and straighten and bend, or else..ugh.

But we're talking about good things.  And now it is Thursday.  :)

It is a blustery cold and snowy day here in central NY state.  Sonja came over with baby Kaia, and was going to go shopping with Charlotte and Camille.  The snow was coming down like a snow globe, then it would stop for a bit, then start again.  They finally decided to head out, but after ten minutes or so, they returned, and Sonja headed home, the roads were not good.

Baking cookies, that's what is sounding good to me.  I've tried to get the girls on board, as I can maybe put the pans in the oven, but probably would struggle to take them out...I could sit and roll them and put them on the pans, if I had a helper or two...one of these days maybe.  Gingerbread men, rolled sugar Christmas trees, sound so fun to frost and decorate!

I did talk to a few grandchildren on the phone today, and a few different daughters, and heard some nice encouraging words from one daughter-in-law.  

Tomorrow is going to be a freezing cold day, going down to four degrees tonight( -15.5 c), brrr.  I have PT in the morning, not looking forward to going down the icy front porch and walking down the sidewalk.  But I won't worry about it already tonight, ha.  

My hope:  tomorrow's session is better than yesterday's was, my bend was unchanged, and the front of the knee quite sore and tender.  Ah well....Paul made me a wonderful dinner tonight of scrambled eggs with onions and black olives, bacon, Ezekiel raisin English muffin, one half with peanut butter, and a bowl of chopped apples, pears, raspberries, and blueberries with whipped cream.  It was SO good.  :). 

You all have a good evening, I am off to do one more exercise session, although I'd rather stick my head in the toilet ha.  :)

going nowhere fast...

Today, I wanted to do extra exercises, really work on stretching and bending and lifting, so tomorrow I'll get good results at the dreaded PT.  Well.  I did everything, but developed a new pain on the front of the knee.  I googled it, and watched some you-tubes by a Dr. who specializes in knee replacement, for some hints.  It's like a catch-22, you slow down a bit to heal, and things tighten even more.  I used the little peddler alot today, just to loosen up.  

Tomorrow, Paul is bringing Emily and Mariel's exercise bike here for me to borrow.  It's a regular upright one.  :)

So what did I do today?  Between heel slides and leg lifts and stretches and bends, and walking around practicing to hold only the cane, then sitting and icing, then getting up and puttering a little more...the day went by.  Paul marinated some chicken thighs, then put them in our new air fryer, and they were so good!  He also made us some salads, I like mine with craisins:).

Icing and elevating while the girls did their school work...

the little peddler...

I thought this was funny....cats, they do what they want.

All right, you guys have a good evening!

 

back from break....

 ...I got to go to PT again today!  I'm ridiculously silly sometimes, so when I got on the stationary bike, and noticed the seat was even lower, which makes pedaling a bit harder, I said, "Oh how nice, every time I get on here, the number is higher and it's a little easier, thank you!"  

The ankle weights for doing the dangly leg lift were increased to seven pounds.  The leg press, the horrid evil leg press, stayed the same, and I did my 30 reps.  The therapist bent and stretched my leg, and I did my flexion test:  112!  Up two from last Wednesday.  He was happy with that number, said I just have to keep at it, and keep getting those numbers up, bending that knee.  Straightening it is extremely important too, it is painful, but it's almost there.  He said the buckling would get much better when the leg is fully straight.

Phew.  

So, after PT, we needed a few things from the store, but stopped at a local spring to get some water, then headed to Aldi.  I have not been in the store in four weeks, so Paul pulled right up in front, ran in and got me a cart, and off I went.  I had been in the car for a long time, and the leg was so stiff.  I tiptoed and minced my way into the store, and let me tell you, it was cold out!  

Raspberries, pears, some Everything Seasoning crackers...it was nice to pick out my own stuff.  Paul had his own cart, and gathered up chicken, bacon, eggs, ect., while I perused the Fun Aisle.  I only bought some First Snow scented wax melts, and a roll of wrapping paper.  I also picked up a small pork roast, as I was thinking it would go good with the rest of the tart apples we have.  

It wasn't painful to walk through the store.  But it was slow going.  I didn't feel very steady, and was glad it was a small store and a quick trip.  Paul went to get the car while I hobbled out with the cart to wait on the sidewalk out front, but guess what?  The entire sidewalk slants downward towards the crosswalk, making it almost impossible for me to keep the cart in front of me!  Gravity was pulling it, and I was pulling it back!  I tried to turn it, but it wasn't having it.  Paul got there, and I growled, "The cart is out of control!"  He thought I said the car was out of control, and he was like WHAT?!  I think he thought it was rolling away or something, so he was veering back toward the car and looking at it....whilst I ever so sweetly hissed, "Please help me with this cart!"  It was just a 30 second misunderstanding, but oh dear.  I was so done.  

I told him that I know the whole ordeal took him three times longer because he brought me, but it was wonderful for me, almost like we went on a date!  Home...I made it up the stairs and into the house, got in my chair with my ice pack, and he made us bacon and eggs for dinner.  He is a keeper.

The girls are home now, the Christmas lights are all on, they are doing schoolwork, and it is quiet and cozy in here.  You all have a good night!