it's all the perspective!

 So not to brag, but...I just went to the Dollar General all by myself.  Can you even believe it?  Now, if it had happened several months ago, as it should have, would it be as sweet?  It's like spring in the northeast, we appreciate it all the more because it takes SO long to arrive.  

Some grandchildren are visiting today, and we didn't have much bread.  The girls went out and about last evening, so I asked them to stop and get some, they forgot, and they're at work today.  So, I sucked it up, and went to the store.  I wandered and meandered, too.  I mean, all the effort to go there, I'm going to look at the spring stuff.  I bought bread, turkey, some really cute plates for Easter, some watercolors for the kids, and brushes, and one toy marked down 70%, a flat wood cut out doll with tons of cool wood clothes.

As I exited the store, parked the cart, carried the bag and walked with the cane, I had to make a decision:  step off the curb, or go down the ramp, which was longer and involved navigating a puddle.  Hmmm.  I chose the ramp.  I inched down it, and noticed out of the corner of my eye a man turning around and walking back towards me.  He asked if he could help, or carry my bag.  I thanked him and said I could manage, but it was so nice of him.  Small town living, the guys in camo with their ball caps on, driving those pick up trucks, can be so thoughtful.  

Home...I made it up the stairs and into the house with the bag, and put the things away, put my clothes in the dryer, and here I am, landed in the comfy chair.  I am going to get up and vacuum soon...

My goal is to practice walking, forwards and backwards, sideways, and to go faster.  Another goal is to put the Birkenstocks on and learn how to walk in those.  I know, it's not that big a deal, but it kind of is.  My trip to Arizona is in less than two weeks, and I don't want to wear my wool sneakers, or my water shoes:)

You all have a good day now, off I go to clean this place up!  (Oh, and thank you for the kind comments!)

it's no joke!

 Today I am happy.  I had a good physical therapy session, and feel that I am on the right path, FINALLY!!!  It won't automatically be smooth sailing from here on in, one thing I've learned is this journey is not just linear, it's more like the bunny hop:  forward, backward, and now finally...hop hop hop. But still, let me have my moment of exhilaration!  

This was the first time going to PT since my appointment with the surgeon last week.  I was totally honest and told the therapist how that appointment was awful and humiliating, and I have done some crying.  But, then I really examined my walking, and knew I had to get that bend in, and by the grace of God, I was able to, and the knee hasn't buckled in days.  My cane is not as necessary, and I can see, for the first time, that I won't have it forever.  I can picture myself walking normally in the future.  I still have work to do, he gave me specific things to work on, and the surgeon was right, I have to walk more.  But, now at least I have it figured out...you think it's natural to just walk until you can't do it!  

I did go to the pool this fine morning, and yes, it was a struggle to get across the wet pool deck and down the ramp into the water, but I did it.  There is a joy in that, even if I barely did it.  

So now I am beat.  Yes, I am tired.  I drove myself to PT, came home, poured a Diet Coke on ice with some lime, and ahhh, here I sit.  We're having bacon and eggs for dinner, so I don't have to start cooking yet.  

Grace is coming over with her kids tomorrow, maybe Kathryn will come too.  

And...wow, I am rather tired, can't even think of anything to blather on about!  You have a good evening!

thunder and lightening!

I woke from a dream last night...a dream that Paul was driving, and there was a flash so bright he was blinded, and stopped right in the road...then we heard the crack of thunder.  I woke up from the dream then, when I heard the crack of thunder in real life, in the night.  That lightening must have been pretty bright if I saw it in my sleep!  

I got up this fine morning, reveling in the dark and scary thunder storm and the rain drumming on the metal roof.  I like a nice dark storm.  I got my coffee, and ahh, it was great.  I placed a Target pick up order, then Sonja came over with baby Kaia, and Camille and I got in her car and met Kathryn at Target with her four little ones.  Sonja and Cam took Jamie and Rhys so Kathryn could shop easier, with Achilles and Ellis.  I rode around on the driving wheel chair, which I love/hate.  It's kind of embarrassing, but you raise your kids not to care what people think of you.  right?  I can walk a bit better, but walking all around Target is not happening, the last few times it was so painful. 

But.  I did walk around Aldi, and it was not horrible.  I was in a crowded aisle though, a worker was trying to stock and had two big carts of merchandise, I made my way around him and his stuff, and was looking at the garden bed things, pondering one for the front yard.  A lady wanted me to move so she could get by, I couldn't move quick enough, I was apologizing and limping and she smacked her cart right into mine, muttering....  she had no idea that I couldn't move quickly!   Pardon me, but I put all this effort into walking around in Aldi, I am going to browse the Aisle of Shame!  

Home...ahh, home.  Afternoon coffee, Sonja visiting with Kaia for a bit, so nice.  Then...what's for dinner?  I had bought a veggie cauliflower crust pizza from Aldi, Char added pepperoni and put that in the oven.  I chopped up a five+ pound package of chicken breast, froze some in lime juice, salt and pepper, and fried some up in olive oil.  The girls also made pasta and Alfredo sauce for their dinner.  

My walking is definitely not there yet.  It's still especially rickety when I first stand up.  I have learned to walk with a slight bend in the knee, and it feels steadier, but I still need to work on form, not limping, and stamina.  I go to PT again tomorrow...

It does feel never-ending.  One day I'll wake up in the morning though, and forget all about my knee.  :)

Charlotte Claire told me today that this is just a season...:)

All right...time to get up from the comfy chair and clean up dinner...you all have a good evening!

oh, ya know....

On Saturday, Paul cut down the pear tree in the front yard.  I loved that tree, but it stopped producing pears a few years ago, and had a lot of dead branches.  It had a disease that pear trees get, which was beyond my talents to fix.  

Char and Cam braved the freezing cold day, and the snow flurries, and helped load up the branches.

Mariel Joy with baby Kaia, and Jonathan with his new Emilia, and Achilles:)

Jon was just telling me the other day that I take awful pictures...

   We had Evelyn and Nate over on Saturday night, Nate grilled burgers on charcoal, Evelyn made a nice salad, I made brownies, and they brought Girl Scout cookies:  thin mints and Samoas.  I can't even remember the last time I had them, but they were pretty good.

Newton loves balloons!  
 

Yesterday afternoon, we had Margaret and family and Kathryn and family over.  The weather was milder, so the kids went outside and enjoyed it.  

This fine morning, I got up and went to the pool.  It's school break, so there were some kids in the pool, which makes the pool deck wet and slippery.  That nice lifeguard was trying to wipe up the water for me so I didn't slip!  I didn't.  :). 

When I got home, all I wanted was a hot coffee and a blanket.  The pool water was chilly today.  Char and I had a mission though:  a grill from facebook marketplace!  

We drove over hill and dale to get this, 50 minutes to the west.  The rolling farmland of New York is gorgeous in the spring time.  There are Mennonites and Amish farmers, and so many old brick farms, lots to see.  The man selling it said he had two more people coming to see it before me, and I knew they would buy it, so I asked if I could come earlier...he nicely said yes, and I bought it.  I didn't even offer less, because it was well worth $125.  It's missing one side tray, but the grates and inner parts are still nice, it was kept in the barn, so it's in good condition.  They are $550 new.  We needed a new grill this year, so it was this or go to Walmart or BJ's and spend two hundred dollars on one that will last a few years.  

We got home, I vacuumed, made another coffee, and here I sit.  I have no idea what's for dinner, I mean, I made dinner yesterday, I have to do it again?  (We had chicken in the instant pot, browned up in a frying pan in some olive oil, with taco seasoning...then olives, onions and peppers, all the fixings for fajitas last night)

Ah well.  You all have a good day!  (shh, I did a whole post without mentioning my knee!!!)

you guys are the best...

I am truly thankful for your supportive comments.  Truly.  Since I know you all want to hear more on the Knee Saga, here's what I've been doing this fine day:  I decided to walk around without the cane.  This sounds blissful, but if you could see me, oh dear...I'm not bending the surgical leg yet with a regular step, so it's like a hoppy step from the old leg to the new, which I make sure to strike heel first.  I am also practicing walking around with both knees slightly bent, which I can do better than the regular kind of walking, but I'm sure I look hilarious.  

I was able to go in the kitchen, wipe things up, do some dishes, get a coffee, and get it back to my chair without spilling it.  

Smooth sailing, that term doesn't seem to apply to any of this, so I know it won't be easy, but dang it, I am going to walk.  Even toddlers can walk!  To be fair though, they fall down and get right back up:)

In other news, yes, Evelyn is one of the others who is going to have a baby!  She and Nate were married last May, and are expecting in August!  We are planning a baby shower for June, first babies are exceptionally fun.  Two more grandchildren are expected this year, but I ain't saying who...not yet.  

In other other news, I have so much Easter candy on the kitchen table, and 240 eggs to fill, for Easter Sunday for the kids at church.  I also have a huge bag of candy for Easter Sunday here, for the big basket I'm going to fill.  Those are things I like to do!

Reading some news a little while ago, there was a podcaster (I had no idea who he was) who was interviewed about ICE presence at airports to help the TSA.  He said it was fine, and whatever made it smoother, God bless.  He also said, "I just wanted to get to the beach. I haven't had a vacation in 6 months, so this is well-deserved."  I laughed my head off.  Six months, how is he still standing?  How does anyone go that long without a vacation? 

In still OTHER news, as I mentioned before, Paul and I are going to Phoenix in April.  It seemed like so long in the future when we booked those tickets, now it's sneaking up speedily.  I am unprepared.  I can barely walk, much less walk in Birkenstocks!  Paul said to just wear my water shoes...I bought them for five bucks on Amazon, and they're black netting, they do their job to help me not to slip on the pool deck, but imagine traveling in them....oh dear.  Life is simple when you're a guy, I guess.

I did buy two sundresses online from Walmart, and surprise, I like them both.  I ordered a thin white cardigan from Target, so I can wear that with them.  I am not going to look like a million bucks, but I'd like to aim for at least a hundred:)

It's the little things in life:  I ordered a new rug for over by the door from Target.  I put all these things in my cart, see the total, then hit "save for later" several times.  Something that stayed:  two Matchbox cars for $1.70 each that have "moving parts".  You know, the doors open, the trunk, the hood.  That's how all of them were when I was a kid, so I just had to have them.  

One of my favorite toys when I was a kid was the Tonka Winnebago.  

These are pics from Ebay (My little brother Casey could have made $143 if he had saved this!). The top went over to make a super nice awning...

We would haul that thing down to the beach, with our cardboard box of Buddy-L trucks, and make a campsite, and roads and stores.  I liked to make sand houses with patios and wood fences with sticks.  

So I blog in fits and starts, sometimes, especially when I'm trying to move more here.  Kathryn called me back, I had called her earlier when she was knee deep in homeschooling, so I got up and walked around.  I put away some dishes, and watered the plants, then headed down the hallway to the bathroom.  This is daunting without the cane.  Shh, I do cheat and hold on to walls when I have to.  But.  To get into the bathroom, you have to step up a little bit, and I always bend my "new" knee and step up, and it occurred to me that if I can step up on my knee, why can't I bend it and take a step?  

So.  I did just that.  I have my walker parked in here, as last week the PT suggested I use it to try to get a better gait, so I grabbed that, and walked across the room properly, with the knee bent.  This is HUGE.  I was holding on to the walker, so it wasn't all sunshine and roses, but it's a very big step in the right direction, so excuse me while I sit here and cry a little bit.  :)

It's cold and sunny today, Paul is at the gym, the girls are at work, so it's just the kitties, Sunny, and I here.  I don't mind some quiet, but jeepers, sometimes it's a bit much.  

Anyway, I am not really 100% ready to give up the cane realistically, but it gives me a little confidence.  I'm working on walking like it's my full time job.  I have lost so much stamina, and despite that exercise bike and doing my leg exercises, oh and going to the pool...which was closed today due to no lifeguard, I guess I'm not exactly a chair spud, but not like I was before, for sure.  

You all have a really good day, and again, thank you for kind words.  :)

what can I say?!

 So.  I will tell the story of my appointment this morning.  Shall I start with how nice Paul is?  We had to be out the door by 7:15, so he made me a coffee, and carried it to the car for me.  I put on my jean skirt, so the dr. could examine the knee easier, and off we went.  

Warning:  this is very difficult for me, but I will just be totally honest, I felt humiliated.

We used the wheelchair to get into the dr. office, because it is a small haul from the parking garage, and we didn't have all day, ha.  I had x-rays first, then saw the surgeon.  He was stunned that I came in the chair, said it was the first time he's ever had someone four months out come in with a wheelchair.  He said my new knee looks great, he examined my leg, said the ligaments are all nice and tight.  I told him I cannot walk yet, I walked across the room for him, and he said, That's how you walk?!   um, yes.  yes it is.  He took another look at the x-rays, and explained that everything looked perfect, but if there was anything loosening up, he couldn't do anything about it yet, but he seriously doubted that was the case anyway.  He said to walk walk walk, to do everything the physical therapist says, and keep walking.  He then said to Paul Don't baby her.  Get her to walk more.    

I died a million deaths, yes I did.  BABY me?  oh dear.

So his solution to not being able to walk is simple, just walk MORE.

Now, I'm dramatizing this, but on the way home, after a few sniffles, we agreed that he's probably right.  He says my knee is not going to buckle.  He says it's strong and firm.  He says I have to learn to trust it.  We decided not to get a second opinion at this time.  

So.  I got home, and did as much walking as I could, vacuumed without my cane, which was some hobbling and hopping, but I did it.  I did the walking while sqatting a bit, which is what the PT recommended.  I did some step ups on the stool near the bike, and rode the bike.  

Will it work?  We will see.  I plan to get back into the PT, have a talk with him, make a plan, and see if we can get me walking better.  

Sonja called me around noon and asked if I wanted to go with her to Jon and Rosi's house to deliver some diapers, and of course I did!  We got to see the new baby Emilia!  

Jonathan is totally smitten!

I didn't take a picture of Rosi, she just woke from a nap:)

We had Kaia with us too.  Juni liked her.

Home...it was raining out, and is still raining out.  Our warm day was nice, but it's getting cold again before getting warm next week.

Paul made smashburgers for dinner, I wrapped up the rest of the burger to freeze.  The girls had places to go and things to do, so it's just Paul and I here watching basketball.

In closing, please know that if we decide things aren't working with the knee, we have a name of a good surgeon, and we can get in to see him relatively quickly, as we have a relative who works for him.  But, I think we (I) need to try a little harder, knowing the hardware is sturdy.    I am not up to trying harder, but I need to.  

You all have a really nice night!  And thank you for kind words, kind thoughts, and prayers!!!

this fine day...

 ...was Tomato Soup Day.  Cam has been wanting to make it homemade for a while now.  I made some chicken too, cubed it up and put it in some lime juice and cajun seasoning, then air fried it.  I also heated up some leftover meatballs.  Miss Sonja came over with Kaia, they made grilled cheese to go with their soup.  

Sonja put the blankets down on the floor for Kaia to sit on with some toys, and Sunny came right over to lie down.  Sunny has three dog beds, but she prefers a blanket:)

So it was a stay-at-home day for me today, but having Sonja and Kaia here for dinner and the evening was nice.  

Charlotte Claire just put new Seresto collars on the cats and Sunny.  Sunny saw her putting them on the cats, and hid between the couch and coffee table.  She consented so nicely to having it put on, but then went way over to the corner of the living room and is so offended.  Orange Guy is a hunter, and likes to prowl around in the woods, so he has gotten some ticks lately.  These collars are excellent for both fleas and ticks, pricey but effective.  

Bright and early is my appointment with the surgeon tomorrow.  I have to be in the small city in the office by 8:15.  I am not looking forward to it, I am dreading it either way:  The hardware looks absolutely fine, there's no reason why you shouldn't be just walking all over the place.  Or:  It's all broken in there and you need another surgery to fix it all up.   There might be option #3 that I am just not seeing, but...in any case, it seems dismal.  A second opinion might help, might not.  

I keep thinking of the verse And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.  Galations 6:9.   Because I FEEL weary.  I am sick and tired of this, to be honest.  This fine day, Miss Kathryn went out to Target and the grocery store with all of her kids, and I couldn't even go to help her.  I couldn't have her drop kids off here either.  Sonja went with Char and Cam to a lovely little tourist town on the lake, to the patisserie and then the store, I couldn't go.  Well, I could have, she would have brought me, but I couldn't walk.  

Part of me wants ANSWERS.  Well, all of me does!  But part of me is whispering, Get oil in your lamp, this is a situation weighed and measured for your best, don't just wish it away!  

Yes, we are programmed for survival, and I think walking is part of that, so there is nothing wrong with wanting to reach that goal, but to wallow in the discontent, that's another thing altogether.  

Anyhow, I have to shower and go to bed, to wake up early....you have a good night, and I'll let you know what the good doctor says!