it's the teeny tiny little things....

 This fine morning, I did something new:  I went to the pool, all by myself.  ALL BY MYSELF.  Yes, I walked down the deck steps, to the car (to be fair, Paul did move it to the front of the driveway for me!), and drove to the pool.  I could have gone around back and parked close, and called the desk, they would have unlocked the back door for me to come in, but I got a nice close parking spot, and decided to walk down the long sidewalk.  

This was the first time I was actually there during water aerobics class, since before the surgery.  It was so nice to be back!  I was able to do some of the things, but also was walking back and forth, just moving.  One of the nice ladies in class walked with me back down the sidewalk to my car:)

Next time, I'll go in the back door!  It has stairs, but it's a much shorter walk.

Now, since I've been home, I had a second coffee and sat here in my comfy chair.  Then I got up, took care of my wet swim stuff, put in a load of laundry, went on the exercise bike a little, just to get the stiffness out...then I vacuumed my room.  It had been way too long.  Of course I vacuumed for like ten minutes before I realized the vacuum wasn't working well, someone (probably me) had vacuumed up a big plastic bead.  Behind that bead:  dog hair, fuzz, dust, crumbs...ugh.  

Anyway.  I still need to vacuum the rest of the house, but I took another break.  I have to leave here in just a little while for PT, which is gonna be killer, after going to the pool, but I didn't want to call last minute and reschedule, AGAIN.  

Oh dear, it's snowing out!  Big fat flakes!  It was raining when I left the pool...I hope it doesn't get too icy.  

And, here it is, four in the afternoon, and I'm home from PT.   They tried a new thing, had me lie down with a bolster under the knee, and hold it up and tighten the thigh muscle, while the therapist poked and prodded around the knee...it's supposed to wake up the brain-nerve connection.  Well.  I proceeded to do the other lovely things that I do in PT, bike and balance board, leg press, leg lift thing...but they were nice and didn't make me do the stair stepper, since I had been to the pool.  Was it worth $88?  ha.  not really, but I don't feel ready to walk away from it yet, since I can't walk yet ha.

I came home from PT, checked the things in the dryer, made an afternoon coffee, then was walking to my chair, feeling pretty good about my busy day, when my knee...sort of buckled.  I didn't fall, but it is so disconcerting.  It seems to happen more when I'm really tired, and it does happen less and less, so that's good.  But dang!  

It's like it's saying Don't you get any ideas about saying things are going so much better!

Overall, I have no complaints.  Except for this:  Today when I was getting the vacuum cleaner, I had the thought to tell Cheryl about swim class, because she knew the lady who walked me out to my car, and it hit so hard, I felt a sudden flash of strong anger.  I didn't dwell in it.  I am not mad that she died.  But I partly am!  I do not like it, not one little bit.   I know that's the selfish part of me speaking, but it is what it is.  I miss her terribly.  Of course I do.  You don't love someone and care about them, and go on adventures with them, and do fun things with your kids together with them, coupon shop, and make the same dresses with the same patterns and collect the same toys for your kids, and laugh about the same things, sit in the sun together and solve the worlds' problems for years and decades, then boom, it ends and you're not sad!  I still am here, I am still alive, but I'm not whole anymore.    I can't imagine the days ahead without her.  

The depths of despair...that's what Anne Shirley told Marilla in Anne of Green Gables.  Cheryl and I liked to use that term.   I am not wallowing, no, I won't stay in those depths...but it is a process, and I do miss her like crazy.  My son Samuel always likes to say,  "Two things can be true at once", and in this case yes, I am sad and I miss my sister, but I am also very happy and thankful, if that makes sense.  

Ah well....it's What Are We Having for Dinner O'Clock, and I am envying all of you meal planners right about now...have a good evening!

joy!

 So yesterday after my big trip to the pool, I puttered around here, and tried to keep moving.  We had a ham in the refrigerator, a nice honey ham, spiral sliced.  I told the girls I was going to put it in the oven, make red-skinned baked potatoes, and some roasted Brussel sprouts.  Char was dubious, a ham, just for the four of us?  That got me thinking...so I put the menu out on the family chat, and offered anyone who wanted, could come to dinner...

Emily and Mariel ended up coming!  It was so very nice!  We ate dinner in the manner of young adults these days, in the living room all cozy, watching the Olympics!  I also chopped up six apples, put them in a baking pan with a mixture of brown sugar and cinnamon, and baked them up.  I had some with one small scoop of vanilla ice cream, when still warm from the oven...oh dear, so good.

We had such a good time, talking about things and critiquing the snowboarders.  We have a dear friend from church who passed away in the morning after Cheryl.  We're having a remembrance/celebration of life on Saturday, so we're planning for that, and remembering visits with him.

The younger girls are going on a trip to Ottowa for the weekend. When they're gone, it's a stark reminder of what's coming in the not too distant future.  We will be empty nesters.  Now, some older people count the days...we are not them.  The house comes to life when they are here, with their silly movie quotes and belting out Stevie Nicks.  They do their homework, then take a break with home made vodka pasta at two in the afternoon.  

I think I'm hanging on for dear life, to these days of still having "kids" at home.  I love them all dearly, of course, but these two younger ones are so lively and fun.  I know we aren't going to die of loneliness, because thankfully the older kids still come and visit and the grandchildren burst in the door and fill the house with fun.  But it's different.  

We have eighteen-going-on-twenty grandchildren all of the sudden!  8 boys, 12 girls.  The oldest is 12, then the rest are 8 and under.  Richly blessed, how did we get so blessed?  

So this fine morning, I decided today shall be a Pot Pie Day.  Chicken Pot Pie, to be exact.  I made four butter crusts to make two pies with tops and bottoms, then started on the filling...I chopped celery and carrots, and peeled six or seven potatoes, cubed them up.  I put chicken breast in the crockpot with rosemary, thyme, sage, salt, pepper, onion powder, minced onions, a dash of garlic.  I added all the veggies, and a little bit of water, then 32 ounces of chicken broth.  The pie doughs went into the refrigerator for a while...then later, I rolled them out, thickened up the filling with corn starch and flour, and made the pies.  On the tops:  salt, pepper, rosemary, then onto baking sheets lined with parchment.  

Sonja and Oscar came for dinner, and we watched some ice skating and half-pipe snowboarding.  Kaia is sitting up now!  She is also spitting up, but that is a whole 'nother story, ha.  

Now they've gone home, the kitchen is all cleaned up, and I'm tired.  I did my stair-stepper this morning, for 5 and a half minutes, and got on the bike several times.  My walking is still rusty, but getting incrementally better...I do not see the increments but I know they are happening.  

Tomorrow morning, pool again, then PT in the afternoon, this sounds rough!  Two weeks until Norway, two weeks from tomorrow!  You all have a good night!

this glass is half full!

 I just thought I would share that I went to the pool this fine morning, (and it IS a fine morning, sunny and 25 degrees! (-3.89c)).  I walked down that sidewalk without one knee buckle. I won't exaggerate and say it felt great, but it was smoother and not terrible.  (The funny thing was, Paul was walking with me, asked , "What's preventing you from just walking?"  well.  You tell me, then we'll both know.  ha.  I thought I was doing splendidly, too!)

Anyway.  I talked to lots of ladies, and I realize how much I've missed that part of going to the pool.  I was there before my swim class began, and leaving when they were arriving, but talked to different people there too.  

I put in a load of laundry when we got home, and now I'm sitting here with my feet up.  I am going to get on the exercise bike in a few minutes, so I don't get all stiff from the walking and swimming...if you could call it swimming:  I did kick my legs a little.  I mostly walked, forwards and backwards.  I swung my legs up and down and to the side and just moved.  It did feel better this time.

Charlotte Claire is doing an order pick up for me after her classes this morning, but I don't have a meal plan except for to use the chicken we have in the refrigerator.  We also have a ham I need to use.  We do have everything for pot pie, and for stir fry, so maybe we'll do both of those this week.  

I may have forgot to report that Paul took me out to dinner on Friday night!  We went to a place called The Angry Smokehouse.  He dropped me off, I crossed the road and was making my way up the little sidewalk toward the door, while he parked the car.  The maitre'd/host/seater-guy came right out and held the door for me, so I had to step up a step holding my cane and the door frame...I felt like SUCH and old lady.  I hobbled in, and he sat us down right at the first table, and it was super nice!  

In case you're wondering what we had, Paul had a burger, and I had a French dip made with beef brisket...it was ridiculously good.  Darius can smoke a better brisket though.  (yesterday he did indeed smoke a brisket, he brought me some, hot from the smoker, is there anything better?)

Anyway.  Today Paul has to bring his iPad into a shop, it's not turning on, so I'm going with him for the drive, getting out of the house is nice.  

You all have a good day, and thank you for visiting me here, to read the same old same old!

so...

 on Saturday morning, we did get to go to the Rec. center!  Paul drove me around back, and my good friend Janette unlocked the back door for me, so I had a shorter walk into the locker room!  There are stairs, but stairs aren't as daunting as a super long possibly slippery sidewalk.  

Into the locker room, teeny little cane-leaning steps...painstakingly slow.  One lady in there asked what I had going on, then replied, "In November?!  And you're walking like THAT?!"  yes.  yup.  mmm hmmm. She was actually quite nice, she had a knee replacement herself a few years back, and the recovery was so quick and easy.  Yas.  of course it was, ha.  I hobbled all the way across the pool area, then down the side, because like I grumbled about before, the entrance to the ramp going into the pool is at the exact opposite side of the huge-0 pool room as the locker room exit.  Walking down the ramp is no picnic, but the beautiful black five dollar water shoes helped, gave me some traction, thank you for the suggestion!  

I walked in that pool, forwards and backwards.  I lifted my legs up sideways and front ways, and I paddled a little.  Here's the honest and sad truth:  it didn't feel great.  The new knee just feels jangly in the water.  I want it to feel smooth and painless, but not yet, I guess.  

Then, I walked back up the ramp, feeling even heavier than on the way down, ha.  Back into the locker room, a shower, got dressed, and made it back down the stairs out the back door to the car...ahh, I did it.  There isn't such a triumphant feeling when you know you barely did it!  But, I did it!

Sam and Grace stopped over on their way home from a two day little vacation, and stayed until after dinner.  Margaret and Adrian came over with their little ones, and Kathryn came over with hers.  Evelyn came, and Sonja with Kaia.  12 grandchildren in one day!  They had their corn dogs, and we made the ice cream sundaes:  Sam scooped the ice cream, I put the brownies on the plates, Wulf put the squirty whipped cream and chocolate sauce on, Grant manned the sprinkles and mini M&M's.  (Then the two boys got to make their "masterpieces" for being such good helpers!)

We had our stew for dinner, and there was just enough, although Emily came over later, and I'm not sure she got much in her bowl. I always try to gauge how much to make for dinner, and I ask ahead of time who is going to be there, and don't always get a response from everyone.  It's my kryptonite, my weakness, what I have bad dreams about:  not having enough.  I think it stems from having 16 children, and having to feed them dinner every single night, ha.  I wasn't always the best planner, and standing there with the refrigerator door open, trying to figure out what I had enough of...

Anyway, like the fishes and the loaves, everyone had enough to eat.  The stew was super good, in my humble opinion.  Beef prices are ridiculous, but I just crave a hot bowl of beef stew in the wintertime.  The kids brought fresh bread, some heart shaped cut out cookies, and other snacks, and drinks too.  

So this fine morning, it was time to get ready for the baby shower.  I don't have many pictures, but it was lovely.  

Two little helpers, cousins Rhys and Ruth, delighted in Aunt Rosi's baby gifts.  

Margaret's cookies!

Mariel's cookies!

Camille (and my) cake!  I didn't get a pic of the brownie bites...they were super good though.  

Ah well.  Today's walking wasn't the best quality, but I did manage to get from one place to another...tomorrow is another day, and we're planning to go to the pool again!  ugh, but...yay!  Does that make sense?  Have a good night!

and we didn't get to go...

 ...to the pool this morning.  Paul had too many work calls.  Our pool is only 9 minutes away, and I'm thankful for it, but...the hours it's open, dang:  Monday, Wed., Friday closes by ten a.m.  Opens back up every day Monday-Friday at five until 8:30...BUT:  the swim team practices, followed immediately by another local school's swim team because their own pool is being redone.  So you can go, and maybe get a little corner of the pool to swim in, but it's crazytown.  It is open until noon on Saturdays, so we are going to give it a try in the morning.  

This fine day, I washed a load of clothes, did some dishes, and went on the stair stepper for 5 1/2 minutes.  I went on the exercise bike a few times, straightened up a few things, puttered, and here I sit.  

Accountability!  My walking is still not great...I took one step this morning, on my way to go down to use the stair stepper, and it didn't land right, and it hurt.  I still feel so peg legged and unbalanced.  Trying to focus on that half full glass isn't always my first reaction.  It's like a lose-lose sometimes, the more I walk and try to practice, the more sore and achy  I get, but I do know that it's temporary, and I have to do it to build endurance.  

If I had a nickel for every time I thought of something to tell Cheryl, I'd be out buying a new car.  dang.  I knew she had cancer, knew it spread, knew she was tired, yes, I knew.  But I thought this past hospitalization was just another blip, and that she would come back from it...all those things I was storing up to say to her, naively thinking we still had time...dang.  

She wouldn't want me to be sad, and I'm not walking around here hanging my head.  It's just those gut punches when I remember, and the things she would appreciate, and the knowledge that she's gone...my heart aches.

Here, though, is some cuteness:

Camille...darling angel, the cherry on top, my very last little baby.  She is 18 now, how?

Suzanne Eleanor, Jonathan Robert, Sonja Kathleen, and little Camille...not so very long ago!

Miss Charlotte Claire and Miss Camille Anaya...#15 and #16 (well, not including baby Robert...that would make them #16 and #17, but that's too confusing).  The two of them are still besties.  

They're at work today, going to a Valentine's party this evening, working tomorrow...tomorrow I'm having some kids and grandkids over, and going to the pool and frosting the cake, and making brownie bites and frosting them...oh boy!  Maybe I'll get those brownies made today.  

Yes, I have been very blessed, extremely.  :). You all have a very happy Valentine's Day!  

may as well!

 I wasn't going to write anything today, because everything is the same old same old.  I woke up, got my coffee, sat in my comfy chair...then went on the stair stepper for seven minutes, yay me.  

I rested a bit, went on the exercise bike, rested, had another coffee, washed some dishes, and vacuumed.  So exciting I can't even stand it!  I did talk to both Kathryn and Margaret on the phone, and texted Sonja.  

Charlotte Claire went to her college classes this morning, and is stopping at Aldi for me on the way home.  I realized that when the grandkids are here on Saturday, it'll be Valentine's Day, so I want to make it special for them.  Ice cream sounds good in February, right?  

Dinner tonight:  smashburgers.  Why do they taste so good?  Iron frying pan, caramelized onions, beef patties smashed down into crispy thinness, lots of freshly ground pepper, salt...maybe a little bit of melted cheese...mmm.  

Camille is making the most beautiful merengues for a Valentine's party she's going to, I'll get a pic when I get up.  

I was going to make a list of things that bug me, but I have forgotten what was bugging me, and THAT bugs me.  One thing though that I absolutely despise:  the death penalty.  I just can't.  no way, no how.  How can it not totally negatively effect anyone who has a part in carrying it out?  How can it possibly be helpful for victims' families?  It is barbaric.  Most of those people are on death row for years!  It seems that most of them have apologized and repented, what good does it do to strap them down and kill them?  I also hate when hard working immigrants are rounded up and deported.  They've been practically invited to waltz over the border in previous years.  They came, the built lives, got jobs.  I am not talking about criminals or gang members.  Mariel works with a few guys who were deported, they bought a house, had good jobs, were doing all the paperwork they were supposed to be doing.  A local mom worked at a nutrition bar company here in town, she was sent to a detention center without her 13 and 15 year old sons, they decided to join her, and are all back in El Salvador...she was working, they were doing extremely well in school...why?  

This isn't political, it's just how I feel. 

Anyway.  It's a few hours later, and we didn't have smashburgers for dinner.  Paul had to leave, so he made himself some eggs, he's the one who likes those burgers the most, so they're on hold until tomorrow night.  I made bacon and eggs for Cam and I, and Char had some cheddar sausages.  

Camille is going to band practice tonight, she plays the violin.  Charlotte is going to make some chocolate covered strawberries for their party tomorrow.  I am going to help her.  :). 

I'm hoping to go to the pool tomorrow...if it warms up a little and isn't as snowy and slippery out there...:)

today is Wednesday....

...and I'll cry if I want to.  :). This fine day, I have a tooth infection.  It's a molar that needs to be pulled, and it's not a new story.  The dentist gave me antibiotics a few years back, it cleared it up, he said I could ruminate on the tooth, it wasn't an emergency to pull it since the antibiotics worked so well.  I have had no issues with it for almost two years, then this week...it flared up again.  So, I called the dentist and wrangled a script for amoxicillin, which does NOT agree with my tummy.  So I ordered some probiotics from Amazon, which should come tomorrow.  See, I have an exciting life!  (I'm telling you, one single dose and I was running down the hall, TMI!)

Okay.  not running.  limping.

I went to PT today.  It was a very snowy day, so I wimped out on going to the pool.  I would have had to drive myself, park the car, hobble across the parking lot, then up the big sidewalk...and when it's snowy and icy, well, nope.  Sometimes it's impossible to get a good parking spot too.

So I stayed home, then went to PT.  It was the usual, I measured right around 120, which if fine, the leg is straight, I did all the exercises, and walked all around without the cane.  Now, this is what I was absolutely dreaming of a few months ago, remember?  It's wobbly and not smooth at all, and sometimes that new knee just give out a little, and the old knee stiffens up and creaks, but...I can do it.  I need to practice practice practice, and keep doing my exercises.  And:  be thankful!!!!  I hate that streak of pessimism!  The glass shall be half full, and stay that way!  It shall runneth over!  I am where I am!  

I vacuumed today.  Now, that may not seem like much.  But it IS much.  Not too long ago, I was all tangled up with the walker and the cord, and had to vacuum in like three small sessions.  Today, I did part of it without using the cane!  It's still more challenging than it used to be, but I can do it.  Enough with the dissatisfaction, right?  

There was also laundry today, two loads...I washed some dishes, made dinner:  pulled pork nachos.  I helped Camille make the vanilla cake.  Well, she did all the work...it looks lovely, and is in the freezer.  We will frost it/decorate it sometime for Sunday's baby shower for Jonathan and his wife Rosi. They are having a baby girl in the beginning of April, grandchild #19!   I'm also going to make some mini brownie bites, which we'll decorate prettily.  

Miss Char did an order pick up for me today, after her classes.  It's so super easy!  Now we have stew beef, and burger, and mini M&M's. Crackers and cheese and chips and dip and mini peppers and mini carrots, for the shower Sunday.  

Yesterday, Molly came over with little Denzel, who is two and a half.  He had a lot of fun dumping out all the toys and eating a few treats from the candy dishes.  I didn't even think to take pictures!  He is SO cute.  Then Kathryn came in with Achilles, Rhys, Jamie, Ellis.  How lucky am I?

Ah well.  You have a nice evening!!!