looking up a little bit!

 

This is what I look at when I do my pedaling, in the evening.  I've been working hard.  I also stopped taking the pain meds, for various reasons.  I was only having one at night, and one before each PT, but decided yesterday to stop.  Last night wasn't the best night, and today's PT was more challenging, but here I am, still alive.

Not that anyone cares, but here's the flexion progress for nine PT sessions:

3 days post op: 65

6 days              :70

8 days             :85

10 days           :91

13 days          :91

15 days           :97

17 days          :100

20 days          :102

22 days          :110!

Slowly but surely, because I felt good today, good to hear that number, good that I lifted six pounds of weight with dangling knee bends, and pedaled around when the bike seat was set even lower.  It hurt.  It hurt badly, especially without the Tramadol taking the edge off.  But, it felt like something sweet, called progress.

WELL.  Then I got home, sat down and made an apple pie.  When I got up, and hobbled to the bathroom, I thought someone had taken my entire leg and replaced it with a wooden leg, except that it sort of hurt, too.  ha.  One step forward, two steps back.  

Miss Cam and Miss Char were wonderful.  Cam made a lemon meringue from scratch with freshly squeezed lemons, and Char an amaretto cherry with a crumb topping.  

I did what I could from sitting...

The apple pie looked better before baking..it is packed with apples.

Charlotte Claire's cherry pie.

There are also two pumpkin out there, which they made.

  The girls went to see the new Wicked movie with some friends, so Paul and I had a quiet evening.  I had to go pedal on the little bike thing, then do some heel slides and leg lifts, some bends and some straightens, just because it hurt just to sit.  Now I'm settled down again with an ice pack, phew.  It's tiring.

Tomorrow will be interesting, but I am super excited.  Eleven of the kids, and spouses and grandkids will be there.  I'll be bringing my peddler, and some ice packs.  :)

Oooh, I am excited about this:  I ordered us a Christmas present.  We have a double sided Ninja air fryer, but it makes small quantities in the baskets, and I really wanted an open door oven style air fryer that fit more food at a time in it.  Walmart had one for $57, so Merry Christmas to us.  It feels weird to buy things for us at Christmas time, but it will be SO useful, not having to use the whole oven to make dinner.  And shh, I like things crispy!   

And, I did cave and have bought each grandchild one small gift.  :). It makes me happy.  Next year, I am going to budget and plan and get back to buying something for everyone.  It's just too hard for me not to.  (the list is long, 48 with Paul, the kids and spouses, and grandkids). This year, I just can't do it.  

Paul is redoing our downstair bathroom, as I mentioned before.  He redid the ceiling, and is painting the walls, will be putting up bead board and new trim, as well as a new light fixture, new shower bar and curtain.  He has to keep busy, and since he has not been hunting because he is here helping me, so kindly, he's doing this project too.  The girls were so excited, one of them asked if it was their Christmas present!

Ah well.  I'm tired, it was a good day, and the house smells absolutely heavenly, mostly like apple pie, because that was the last one baked.  You all have a really good Thanksgiving...oh, wait, here's the snow fall map for us...tomorrow night through Friday night...just in time to get a Christmas tree...we're in the white blob right above the city of Auburn...

Just 6 to 10 inches...:). Have a good night!

what can you even do?

 I think today is the first time I've really cried since I had this surgery.  Now don't worry, this won't be a total downer post.  I won't veer  into pity party, feel-sorry-for-myself mode.  I won't.  But.  I will say that PT was downright discouraging today. 

I worked my little butt off this weekend, or rather...never mind.  But I worked it.  I pushed myself on the little peddler, and with all my exercises.  I walked more than I felt I could, and limited my rest periods.  Mind you I don't sleep more than two hours at a time at night, and I do all my flexing and stretching and bending in between those naps, to combat the stiffness.

So.  I went to PT, did all the exercises, rode the bike, increased the ankle weights to five pounds, did 30 reps, ouch.  Then to the leg press, which is a killer, and whatever weight they had that up to, more than last time.  I had to let my non-surgical leg dangle, which killed more than the hurt one, but if I set my foot on the bar, I was told I was cheating.  It was rough.  But okay.  I did the 30 reps, somehow.  Then came the last thing, where I bend as far as I can.  It was like spinning the wheel on a game show, come on big money!  I sit on the edge with my foot as far back as it can go, then scootch forward incrementally, they say more more more...and my measurement was 102.  Not great.  Not what they wanted.  He shook his head and said, "You need to push yourself."

Okay.  Ice and elevation then home, where I cried my eyes out in the bathroom.  

So of course in my mind, I HAVE been pushing myself.  harrumPH.  HARRUMPH.

But.  All is not lost.  Because, I remembered that as we drove through the village towards the dreaded PT office, which we are very very lucky to have five miles away from us, I might add...I prayed.  I prayed because I don't like PT, I prayed for a good attitude, and to be humble, and to be flexible.  I prayed that I would make progress and get stronger and be able to walk on my own again soon.

I remembered this after my good cry.  I had prayed.  God heard.  Maybe I am just too proud.   My feelings were butt-hurt, as the kids would say.    But since I prayed, and God heard, I know that what happened was exactly what I needed.  Not necessarily what I WANTED.  :)

Patience.  Perseverance.  Hard work.  Fighting off dismal feelings.  That's my job right now.:)

We had a wonderful weekend here, by the way.   Evelyn and Nate came over yesterday.  Ev put white lights in the living room windows, and used the smart plugs, got the app for my phone, and voila, magic!  I can turn them off and on by just pushing the little icon.  She put wreaths in the windows and finished up lots of other little details.  It was SO nice.  Paul had made some really good crock pot salsa chicken, then Oscar and Sonja came over with baby Kaia, and Jonathan and Rosi came too.  Char and Cam were here, and we had a really nice time.  

This fine morning, the girls went to Aldi and Walmart with Sonja.  They got Thanksgiving stuff:  pie apples, frozen cherries for pie, lemons for pie (can you guess what kinds we are making in addition to pumpkin?). They got pepperoni and salami and cheese and crackers, and chips for charcuterie, and some drinks.  I ordered some coffee from my favorite roaster, I try not to do it too often, but for Thanksgiving, we'll have some fresh light roast.  

I have a master list written up of all the things we need to bring on Thursday, tomorrow we'll make the pie crusts.  I have a plan:  I'll chop butter, Cam will weigh the flour, measure the salt and sugar, food process it, add the butter, give it a few whirrs, and make one dough at a time.  She'll dump it into a bowl, and I'll be sitting at the table with the huge glass measure full of ice water.  I'll toss, and make the doughs, wrap each one in plastic wrap, then they'll refrigerate them.  

Wednesday, we'll roll them out....I'll cut the apples, and toss them in their sugary cinnamon coating.  Char will make her cherry filling and crumb topping, Cam will lemon meringue.  And someone will make the pumpkin filling.  

Thursday morning, we'll chop celery and onions for the stuffing, and pack up coffee, creamer, mugs, pies, crock pots of potatoes, extra butter for rolls ect., and and and.  Oh, and the Thankfulness board!

Paul is making dinner, I could get used to this.  :). He's making me a salad and three chicken fajitas (small ones).  He has been amazing.  I could not even dream of someone being nicer to me.  So don't feel sorry for me.  

I will say, my knee is aching up a storm tonight, after that brutal PT.  Is it really necessary for them to push that hard?  Probably.  ha.

Anyway....have a good evening!

I missed a nap and I'm cranky!

 This new sleep pattern of:  less than 2 hours, get up, repeat, repeat, then about one hour...has netted at the most, added up, seven hours of interrupted sleep.  That's been getting me by, but this morning, I was in the bathroom, ready to go out for my last little one hour sleep, and Paul and Sunny were up already!  I asked why so early on a Saturday, he said he was awake.  No worries, he made me a good hot cup of coffee.  :)

Yesterday afternoon, Sonja K. was here with baby Kaia, and Char and Cam were here too.  They had tons of schoolwork to catch up on, so we decided to order a pizza and some wings for dinner.  I have been really craving the dirty charred wings they make up at the place in town, they're so good, and they didn't disappoint.  I also had a half slice of pepperoni pizza, mmm.  

Such an exciting life, right?

This fine morning, Paul and I did our exercises together, his a bit more intense than mine.  We're talking about going to Arizona.  We were thinking in February, but it won't be pool season yet there, and I like pool season, to say the least.  Having their beautiful pool right there out back is heavenly.  So we're thinking April.

I have my trip to Norway booked for March, so I have a goal to be walking and moving and back on my feet.  I know it looks like I've made progress, and I have, but it's still so...dismal sometimes.  I sit and elevate, ice my knee, then get up to walk around, and it's extremely stiff and painful, truly one step forward and two back. 

Anyway, Paul and I have plans for our downstair bathroom.  He's going to finish the ceiling, put some bead board on the walls, put in new trim along the floors and ceiling, get a new shower head...I like when he gets on board with getting these things done.  Is there anything more satisfying than a good before and after?  

We have a huge room downstairs that has too much stuff in it.  Shelves with camping gear and painting equipment and tools, a large chest freezer, then stacks of bins of decorations, and toys.  Lots of toys.  There's an Emmaljunga pram, a double Emmaljunga stroller, a high chair (for some reason, my kids don't seem to put their kids in those very often...so I might just get rid of it)(I do have a booster seat with a tray, and another booster seat).  There are dollhouses and road tracks and and and.

My plan is to downsize the decorations into few enough bins that they can go in the upstairs guest room closet.  Then downsize the toys, keeping mostly dollhouse and some Little Tikes stuff, and putting that in the downstairs guest room closet.  Then, massively getting rid of everything else.  We have another bedroom down there which has an extra refrigerator and shelves in it for supplies we used for renovating rental houses, we can put the camping things and tools we want to keep in there.  The chest freezer will probably have to stay, but I really picture a big empty room for the grandkids to play in.

In that big empty room, I'd like new flooring.  I'd like some built-ins at the end of the room, with a nice fake fireplace in the middle.  A couch, maybe a game system, a few chairs, nothing else.  

Our family isn't getting any smaller, so a secondary gathering place/play space is almost a necessity.

It just takes a lot of time and effort, and some amount of money, although we do the work ourselves so it isn't that expensive, says the woman who has all the ideas. :)

Grow where you're planted, that's what I say.  We aren't moving anywhere, so we may as well make the absolute best of what we do have, which is a huge rectangle of a house, with eight bedrooms.  

Cheryl commented about having the crooked picture on the wall, oh my goodness!  Story of my LIFE right now!  I see the things no one else sees, and I don't want to nag.  I am a vacuum-every-day girl, Paul vacuums every two days or so, but he also mops all the time, so the floors are nice and clean.  I can't complain, but things still rankle ha.  

Ah well, I've been sitting long enough, have to get up and stretch, the leg gets so tight and painful...you all have a good day.  I know I will.  Sonja and Kaia are coming over, and Kathryn with Achilles, Rhys, Jamie, and Ellis...Kathryn is bringing dinner...all the fixings for grilled chicken street tacos...:)

the Friday before Pie Day...

 The holiday season looks different to me this year.  I won't be making a few dozen pies.  I plan to help with the pie doughs, and I think I can sit at the table and peel some apples.  Wednesday is Pie Making Day, and since the girls will be here to do the leg work, I can help.

We've split up the pie making responsibilities, and different kids are bringing apple, pumpkin, cherry, lemon meringue, chocolate, chocolate peanut butter, pecan.  

We're thinking to get our Christmas tree next Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.  That means I'll have to move my chair from the Christmas Tree spot, along with all the junk I've accumulated during this strange recovery period.  

Yesterday, I went to the ortho appointment and had the staples taken out.  If you're squeamish, scroll on by:  

Looking good with the steri-strips!  I can shower freely, these will fall off within a week or so.

The staples, looking a little Frankenstein-ish.  Pretty barbaric.  I did send this pic to the grandkids:). 

Each staple stung a little bit upon removal, but nothing too terrible.  I didn't look, and kept up a steady stream of conversation to distract myself.  The surgeon came in, said it looked really good, my X-rays looked really good, asked me to lift my leg, then to bend it, said I was doing great for two weeks out, and bye, I'll see you in six weeks.  WAIT, I have a few questions...I asked about the terrible knee pain with the leg lifts, he said to do less at a time and not push through that much pain.  (We tried that today at PT and it worked).  He also said it wasn't necessary to have 10 out of 10 pain at PT, but also if I baby the knee, it won't get better.  Then he as off to the next patient.  

Since there is never a dull moment, I will say this:  this particular surgeon comes with tons of experience and highly recommended, yet he is accused by the head of anesthesia of leaving the OR near the end of a surgery, and having the PA finish up, to go check on another patient.  The anesthesiologist complained about this, and was fired.  Several other anesthesiologists quit in solidarity.  So politics, big boys fighting, not sure what it's all about...who is right, who is wrong, does it mean he's a bad surgeon?  His bedside manner is not the best, but I trusted him to do the surgery.  So far it's been okay, for me, but jeepers.  I did know about these allegations before my surgery.  

I was afraid I would slip and say to him, "Please don't walk out during my surgery.", then he'd be mad at me and do a sloppy job.

But, I didn't slip.  

Anyway.  Today at PT, my bend was 100, with lots of pushing and cajoling.  I rode on the bike again, and was able to pedal around forwards, the first few times hurt like the devil.  My hanging leg lifts were with 3 pound weights, then I did the leg press again.  

It doesn't seem like progress because we came home, and I walked with my walker down the sidewalk towards the front porch, a-limping and a-hurtin.  I made it up the steps, Paul made me a coffee, got me some ice, and here I sit.  I'll get up in a little while and walk around and do some stretches, and it'll hurt.  It just hurts.  But.  I have made so much progress.  Today, we'll celebrate that, and stop being like Eyore.

Two weeks ago today, my flexion was 65, today it was 100.

Two weeks ago today, I couldn't lift my leg even one inch by myself, I had to use that strap.  Now I can lift it all the way up.

Two weeks ago today, I could barely get in or out of the car.  Now it's challenging, but I can do it.

Two weeks ago today, the first time I went down the stairs, I was feeling like I was going to faint, now I can do it, not easily, but it's not so daunting.

Two weeks ago today, I couldn't even lie flat on my back on the couch, it hurt my leg just to stretch it out.  Now I can sleep there for almost two hours at a time.

So.  Here I am.   I have a long way to go.  My knee is very wobbly, needs to be strengthened, and the only way for that to happen is the rough PT sessions, and doing my exercises here.  I have things I want to do, things I see and cannot fix, places I want to go to.  I had to ask Paul to put in a load of my laundry today, as I cannot get in there to the washing machine.  He did it, and very nicely, but I'm ready to do things myself.  

Christmas is looking different this year.  I usually buy gifts for all the kids, the spouses, the grandkids.  I am simply not doing it this year.  It's a lot of work, not just to buy the stuff, but to find a place to put the bags, then wrap it all.  I love love love giving gifts, so this is hard for me, but.  I just can't this year.  (Plus, I buy things for the kids all year round).

Instead, Evelyn and Nate have a plan to give each of the grandkids a small prize bucket thing, and do lots of fun games with them on Christmas Eve.  We donated some money toward this.  The older kids will be fine with not getting gifts, and the parents are glad the grandkids aren't getting more "junk".  

The girls who live here will get some gifts of course!  I'd love to figure out how to surprise Paul with something nice.  I do battle guilt at the hunting season he gave up, to take care of me.  He still works full time and has so much going on at work, yet he's been able to bring me to all of my appointments.  He has done all this so very nicely too.  

Now, since we are all different, I would do things differently, but I'm working on letting things go and not being picky.   Being thankful is so much better.  It's hard when you're use to being the kitchen boss, the laundry boss...oh well.  It's good for me.  Have a good day...Sonja's here!

being an old grandma...

 This will be a rambler.  Yesterday, Grace was coming over with Grant, Ruth and Maeve.  Miss Char and Miss Cam have been staying at Margaret and Adrian's for a bit, with Wulf, Tennyson, and Blythe so Marge and Adrian could take a little breather down in Key West.  Char and Cam were bringing the kids over for a visit here.  Then Kathryn came for a visit with Achilles, Rhys, Jamison, and baby Ellis.  Now, Wulf and Grant are the oldest of these kids, being seven years old.  The other eight of them are five and under.  That's two 7 year olds, two 5 year olds, two 4 year olds, three 2 year olds, and baby Ellis.  (And Grace is due for baby girl in four weeks!). (This isn't all the grandchildren, Ben and Ashley have 3, Molly and Josh have 3, and Sonja and Oscar have baby Kaia).

So they all came tumbling in the door, and the fun began.  Wulf went straight for the hoverboard, he's only allowed to use it in the kitchen at this time, because I don't want to be crashed in to.  Tenny didn't like that Wulf went straight for the hoverboard, and Achilles, who got here first and was counting the minutes until his cousins arrived, didn't like that they were sqabbling about the hoverboard, and not playing whatever game he had in his head that they were all going to play.  Ruth and Rhys got right into some playing, with some begging for treats mixed in.  Jamie slugged Blythe for no apparent reason, which Wulf didn't like one little bit, he might be a crazy kid, but he's gentle with his baby sister.  So just kids being kids.  They were actually pretty good, as they didn't want to bump me, I think all their parents told them beforehand not to run around near Grandma's Chair.  :).  

Camille made a whole pan of fries and a pan of chicken strips, so they had a simple dinner, and they seemed to like it.  One child thought he'd be funny and was dancing in the table, but he listened and got down and sat nicely.  They were happy and funny and loud.  

I didn't do anything but talk to them, listen to them, and enjoy them.  :)

They liked my Christmas decorations, and left a few toys scattered around, but their mamas and the girls cleaned most of it up.  (I cannot clean up yet.  I can carry like one coffee mug with me to put in the sink, and I can stand there and wash it, but...). I have also leaned over and picked things up, but it's a snail's pace, and I don't want to fall.  

Old Kitty and I, this fine morning.  She has been my little purring friend.  My nights are a series of naps, she likes to jump up and snuggle as close as she can get, and she seriously purrs.  She is half on my keyboard right now. 

Last night:  on the couch at ten, flat on my back...10:30, still awake...come ON, fall asleep!  It must have happened, because I opened my eyes, and midnight!  I was so stiff and uncomfortable, I got up, used the bathroom, bent the knee, switched out the ice, then tried again, on the couch. La de dah, I drifted off after forever,  I woke up again and it was three.  Up again, bathroom, switched the ice, stretched and bent the knee, then to the recliner...it was now 3:30.  I scrolled through my phone for a bit, had a drink, took two tylenol, then woke up and it was 6:30, so another three hours.  Okay, morning!  I got up, cleaned up and brushed my teeth, and did my exercises, I was so stiff from sleeping almost three hours!  

Paul got me a coffee, and after I iced and elevated, I sat here and relaxed.  He went to get the new tires installed on my car YAY, and I got up and used the little peddler, filled my water bottle, switched the ice, and here I am...it's time to get up again, and take a shower, because today is the dreaded PT.

Sonja might come visit later.  It's hard not having Char and Cam here.  Paul is great, but he also works full time, albeit from his office right down the hall.  One of the reasons I go out and about so often is that I don't like hearing all of his phone calls, I am a Get-Involver.  It's not even remotely my concern that Pam needs to itemize the sequences or if returns get pushed to level three or if India is coming onboard or whatever.  But when it's the only noise you hear, well.  So usually I keep busy and leave the house really often, and let him do his work.  

He will totally come help me when I need it, and thankfully this week I've gotten a bit more independent.  I can do all of my exercises by myself, get the ice out before I start, he just has to help me bring the big bolster thing over to prop my leg after for icing/elevating.  I can get it down by myself after, and carry the bolster back to where I sit and prop my leg.  He brings me my morning coffee, and when he's between calls and actively doing work, he asks if I need anything.  He helps me with showering, which is a whole 'nother comedy show.  (I shower myself, he just is there when I sit back onto the shower chair, it's over the ledge, and hard to get onto, then helps me back up after....)

I had a dream the other night that I was walking normally without the walker, and it felt fantastic.  So there is a goal here!

I talked on the phone with my sister last evening, after I finished up my exercises and I was lying on the couch icing/elevating.  I mentioned the alternate reality we seem to be living in...we are 60 and 70 years old, and both of us having trouble getting around, making it to the bathroom is a major adventure.  How is this us?  Why, just last week we were nursing babies while changing diapers while making peanut butter and jellies!  We were hatching plans to bring all of our kids on great adventures, at least to the mall once a week!  Oh time flies and one minute you're too young to be taken seriously, the next you're too old to be taken seriously.  :)

Ah well.  I won't publish this now, because what fun would it be without the physical therapy session update?  Just a hint:  the last session was a DOOZY.  They seem to think it's only a success if they push push push....oh that pop when my knee went around on the cycle...yay, they said, scar tissue!  Oh it hurt.  And shh, don't Drama Queen me!  :)

I'm baaack!  One more PT session finished!  My bend was:  97!  I would have liked more, but was glad we're moving in the right direction.  Slow and steady, right? I did my leg lifts and heel slides and thigh presses.  I got on the bike again, and pedaled back and forth, got my foot to the top of the pedal, then went back down the other way...then dang it, mind over matter, I pushed the foot around, it hurt.  ouchie-wah wah.  But, I did it again and again, for five minutes, which seems like the longest five minutes ever.  Shh, it did hurt less after a few cycles.

There was a new torture this week:  the leg press.  I had to climb onto it, which was hard...it was not comfy at all.  But, I was able to do it, only two sets of ten, as it's new and they don't want to scare me away.  I had to sit with my foot on a stool so the knee hung down, trying to get it more straight, that's another doozy.

But.  After ice and elevation, walking out of there I felt a bit more limber, and a bit more hopeful.  We stopped at a little store for some things for the Instant Pot beef stew Paul is making for dinner.  He also got some chicken to put in some marinade for tomorrow.  (He broke his own No More Chicken rule, as we had so much in the freezer, but he said it looked good, and we've been eating so much of the freezer meat lately.)

The little things in life, I'm having my much anticipated second cup of coffee.   Sort of a reward for PT, ha.  It's really yummy, if a little late in the day.  

Ah well.  It's been quite a day.  It's pitch dark out already at 5:30, but it's cozy in here.  The girls will be back home tomorrow.  But shh, it's been almost like when we go camping, just Paul and I here.  :). Except for I can't really walk, ha.  

Have a good evening.  :)

Then two pound weights and three sets of 10 hanging leg lifts, 

Well, it was some night!

 This is not meant to be a bashy post, it's meant to illustrate how difficult it is to go from running things around here to...not running things around here.  

Last evening, Paul made me another excellent dinner.  He roasted chicken breasts in the oven, all crunchy coated with some Nashville seasonings.  He roasted acorn squash, and made me a big salad, a really good one.  It was delicious.  

Not too long later, my stomach really hurt, and that's all I'm going to say about what went on all night long for me.  It happened to him too, to a lesser extent.  So.  Before he made the chicken, I asked him how long it was in the fridge for, he said it was fine.  He smelled it, it was fine.  (you may remember that he hasn't had such a good sense of smell since he had Covid).  Anyway.  The girls went to the store last Monday, bought chicken, used some, and put the rest in a baggie in the refrigerator.  MONDAY.  So last evening, Sunday.  That is SIX days, way too long!  (If you buy a package and don't open it, it lasts longer...)(I didn't know these details until I asked Miss Cam today)

Anyway.  I am not pointing fingers, it's just that I keep better track of these things, and would have found out exactly how long that chicken was in there before I made it.  

This sounds really whiny, and I don't mean it to be.  I'm fine now, but no way, no how am I eating that chicken again.  (He's making tacos tonight:))

Anyway.   This fine morning, I puttered around a little bit, putting Christmas stuff where it looks nice, and keeping busy...you know, I had a shower, washed my hair, got dressed...walked to the bathroom a few times, did my exercises, pedaled the little peddle thing.  Then, it was time for the dreaded Physical Therapy appointment.  Oh, I hate going.  I know it's going to hurt.  And I'm always right.

The good parts:  I can swing my leg up onto the table now without using any strap.  I did the 30 leg lifts, although they did hurt.  I did 40 heel slides, then some other exercises.  Then, the measurement:  91.  Same as Friday.  That was disappointing.  Then into the gym, and onto the bike.  They had me go backwards, and I could almost make it around.  The two therapists were cheering and pushing, and dang, I made it around, backwards....then without thinking, I went around forwards, which is more difficult!  I will say, it really really hurt.  I couldn't do it again.  

Then on to the weighted leg lifts, 30 reps with two pounds of weight...then back in to do leg hangs...foot up on a bench, so the knee hangs down unsupported, to straighten the leg.  That one hurts a bit.  Stretching again, and another measurement...87...then 91 again.  ugh.  I know it's not all about the numbers, but we want to see STARK RAVING PROGRESS!  We work hard, we want results!

Instead, I hobbled out out of there pretty dang sore.

Paul stopped at the DG and got me a salted caramel chocolate bar, and some diet root beer, along with black olives and corn tortillas for dinner.  We'll behave and have a few squares of chocolate after we eat.  :)

Aunt Char with Blythe...her mama and daddy went away for a few days, so Char and Cam are being excellent Aunties, total blessings, and holding down the fort and watching the three children.

They visited here for a bit yesterday, Wulf and Tenny...with Grandpa and some cartoons.

Our friend Janette and Mariel, they went to NYC to see the Packers win!

Sunny....Wulf waiting while Grandpa helped Tenny on the hoverboard.

Seriously though, I have no complaints.  Paul has been amazing.  We've been having lots of fun, actually.  Dinner is now served, he is spoiling me...so please, don't misunderstand my opening paragraphs, I am not blaming him AT ALL, it's just ....well, life.  Kind of funny....now, ha.  

You all have a good evening!

just checking in!

 If that title sounds cheery, be not fooled.  I am not cheerful, ha.  This verse keeps coming to me though:  A merry heart is good medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

And Proverbs 18:4, The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a broken spirit who can bear?

It's all in the attitude, and mine is being re-adjusted continuously.  

Allow me to vent.  

I've been doing above and beyond.  I do not sit endlessly in my chair, I get up at least every hour, usually 45 minutes or so, walk around, bend, stretch.  I do my exercises religiously, even though they kill.  The straight raised leg lifts just do me in.  Afterward, I feel more limber, but super sore, then after a bit, really stiff again.  Then I walk around and the new knee buckles and clicks and protests.  I sit down, elevate and ice it, and it throbs.  There is very little rest time in between where I say, Oh, this isn't bad.

The newest thing is numbness in my foot.  I stretched my leg, and hmmm.  Great.  

It feels tight and huge and when I walk around and do things, my hips ache and I get really tired. 

But.  I think I'm getting a tiny bit better each day, it's just so slow.  

Paul has been amazing.  The girls haven't been here, so he's been doing everything for me.  He should be out there hunting, but he has been so good about missing out.  He made me eggs and bacon for dinner, and an Ezekial cinnamon raisin bagel.  He brought me coffee twice, and some egg bites this morning that Sonja had made for me, all heated up with salt and pepper.  He dragged out the ornament/decoration bins today, and took out what I still want to put out, put up.  He put lights on one of our little Christmas trees, and helped me put lights on the Olaf I painted a few years ago.  He hung the garland with lights up around the kitchen sink window. He helps me get started on the leg lifts when I do my exercises, and he got a chair set up in front of the little cycler, which I used twice today. 

So I really have no complaints.  But I wonder if it's always going to hurt this bad.  I wonder if I should be doing more, or not so much.  I wish I hadn't seen the older lady at PT the other day, four weeks out, walking like a champ with no walker or cane, cycling like she was a teenager.  Will I really make that much progress in the next two weeks?  

Of course I hope so.  But it does no good whatsoever to worry about it all.  Although, am I allowed to wonder?, ha.  

I am not in the depths of despair.  I'm not.  But I haven't seen that light at the end of the tunnel yet either.  

It's rainy and windy here in central NY state.  I am not used to staying home this much, but I don't mind it as much as I thought I would.  It's cozy, and it's nice.  Every time I get up, I arrange a few little trees or sparkly deer, it's coming together.  

Anyway, this is not fun, and I am not zipping through with flying colors.  

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall attain mercy.  (Matt 5:7).  We need to suffer in trials in order to be merciful.  We cannot expect to sail through life with no troubles, then feel compassion for others.  We need to learn not to complain, and to be thankful.  We know that thankfulness is a powerful force, it drives out anxiety and worry.  So this is a good fight.:).   

You all have a good evening...:)

friday's outlook on life...

 But first, let's take a little look at Thursday!  Kathryn came in the door with the kids, and Achilles had a box of Built Bars behind his back, presented them to me so happily!  It was awesome.  He's a cutie.

Jamison, Ellis, Rhys Harper

Ellis loves his baby cousin Kaia!

They got out the Christmas stuff...the kids thought it was great fun.  Jamie was obsessed with the little red mug, so he had water in it.  He thought it was the coolest thing.

I got some baby Kaia time.  

Grandpa with the Looney Tunes! (Achilles and James)

So yeah, they got out the Christmas stuff, but Cam was making pizzas for dinner, and had to leave for band practice, Char was setting things up but didn't seem to have her heart in it, she did fine, but had so much school stuff to do.  Sonja was trying too, but Kaia likes mama, and Ellis likes Kathryn too.  I told them to just put the stuff back in the bins and put it in the guest room and we would get it out another day.  Char did wash a huge load of blankets, and put the Christmas throw pillows in the dryer with a fabric softener sheet, just to get the dust out.  They put away the fall stuff, including the orange lights, and put some warm white ones there instead.  It's kind of halfway done, but I don't mind.  I puttered around and straightened some of it, I can work on it little by little.

So, today's PT was dreaded, as usual.  I have not been sleeping well at all, but I really forced myself to be optimistic.  When I did my leg raises here yesterday, I did them quite well, so I tried to focus on making progress.

Charlotte Claire braided my hair for me!

Upon walking into PT, I was directed right to the gym.  Crap.  :). I got to lie down on a low table so the therapist could push my knee back as far as he could, and hold it there, over and over again.  It's not the worst pain in the world, but it's not fun.  He had me do the other exercises, then the leg raises...I can do them mostly by myself now!  Then, onto the bike...climbing onto it was an adventure in itself.  I can't pedal all the way around yet, but I did as far as I could go, then went the other way.  Then to the leg lifts with a two pound weight, then the extreme bending...I got to 91! ..then phew, we were ready to ice and elevate.   

So I am making progress, little by little.  The knee itself is wobbly, it gives out and it clicks, but it'll get better.  I just try to get up every hour and move and stretch, and do the exercises here at home, and keep fighting the mental battles.  Having the kids over yesterday was a very nice distraction, very fun.  It's hard because I cannot do anything for anyone.  Paul made meatballs in the crockpot, and Cam put in a cauliflower crust pizza for me, so dinner was really nice.  

This fine day, Sonja picked Camille up, and off they went to Costco.  I requested a rotisserie chicken, because five dollars, a bag of whole bean Starbucks coffee, heavy cream, Built Bars, and a hot dog and Diet coke from the concession stand.  I don't eat the bun, so it's not terrible for me, and it's so good.  :)

 Terri, I went back and read your blog posts, and I'm sending you a big hug, and yay for your good friends and neighbors.  You essentially went through the stress and trauma of Joe being so sick, and having this surgery to recover from.   My goodness.  

My son Joseph came to visit me yesterday too.  He's a very special kid...kid, ha he was born in 1991, he's 34!  He is married to Bethany, and lives five miles away in a nice little house in town.  It's always so nice to see him.  

Anyway, not too much going on.  It's almost time to heave myself up to walk around a little bit, do some stretching and tightening....have a good day, everyone!

not disappointed at all!

 The new loveseat is quite fine.  It's "fast" furniture, came in a box, wouldn't last through kids jumping on it, but it's lovely, for eighty dollars.  

This is the stock picture from Kohl's.  It's just as nice in real life.  Thing is, it's supposed to replace this:

See how messy it looks?  Old Kitty likes it.  This is still in it's spot, one of these days...in the meantime, the new little couch fits in near my chair, and looks kind of nice on that wall.  So will we get something different for where The Red Couch is?  who knows.  

In other wonderful and exciting news, we booked a campsite for a weekend in August, in the Adirondacks!  Lots of the family are booking sites, we're right near Evelyn and Nate, they got a water site.  Summer seems like a distant memory already, especially today.  It's raining on the metal roof, and it's dark in here.  So grabbing a piece of summer, reserving time away, yay!

Last night was another rough night.  My knee just hurt, especially when fully extended.  I tried to sleep in the guest room, it's a super comfy bed, but nope.  I couldn't fool, pester, or cajole myself into falling to sleep.  At one o'clock, I got up, which...again, sounds easy, but HA.  I did it though, I walker-ed out here, got one Tramadol, a big drink of water, switched out my ice, used the bathroom, and headed back to bed.  Well.  Same thing, even with the pain pill.  It just ached and hurt, down the back, up the front, in the middle, it all took turns.  I finally got up and came out here, switched the ice, used the bathroom, ect.  I think I slept for two hours in my chair, woke up at 6:15,...switched the ice, used the bathroom...at 7:15, Paul was up and Sunny's feet were tap tapping across the floors.  I fell back to sleep until 7:45, woke up again, and gave up.  

So tired doesn't begin to describe it.  I called the ortho office and got a refill of the Tramadol, I think I need them at night, as well as before PT, for a while still.  I was cranky and sore and discouraged this morning, truth be told.  But.  I decided to NOT wallow.  I had my coffee, then did my exercises, didn't push really hard, just went through them, challenged myself a little but not to the point of horrible pain, like in outpatient PT.  Then, iced and elevated, then walked around, then back to my chair with fresh ice.  

Outpatient PT is not fun for me.  Life is filled with things we would rather not do, so I'm trying not to hate it too much.  

Charlotte Claire brought Miss Cam to her dentist appointment this fine morning (no cavities!), then they stopped at Aldi.  They got some pizza dough, and I have a cauliflower pizza in the freezer.  Sonja is coming over with her pizza dough, and Kathryn is coming later and bring some more.  We will have a pizza making night!  I will give constructive criticism.  

I like when they come over, it definitely helps distract from my aches and woes.   :)

It seems it is time to get up and get moving again....bye for now!

Little Miss Sunshine...her face!

a little bit of fun and exciting!!!

 You know me, full of ideas and haunting Marketplace...I found a loveseat!  What?  You didn't know I "needed" one?  Well.  We have The Red Couch.  It's in front of the window at the end of the living room, where the kids' toys are.  It's the Dog Couch.  I kept it covered for a while, and it's actually not too shabby, fabric wise.  But the cushions are old and all askew, and Sunny rolls around on it and they fall off and it needs to be readjusted continuously.  It's red plaid, which I thought was sharp, 20-30 years ago when I bought it.  Now...nah.  It also takes up a lot of room.  So I started thinking...I shouldn't replace it with another couch, but a loveseat!  

This is all I have to go on, the lady said it's tan.  Is it pleather, or cloth, I don't even know.  But it's brand new, and only ten minutes away from us.  Paul was fine with going to get it after PT, and it worked with the lady for him to go, so off he went.  It'll be nice even if it's kind of ugly, in my humble opinion, to get rid of The Red Couch.  It's for Sunny, so we'll keep it covered.  See, she HAS to have a window perch to make sure Paul's coming back whenever he leaves, she has to keep watch.  If we get rid of The Red Couch and don't put something there, she will just have to get on the nice couch, which she is not allowed on.  

So he will be home with that in a bit, and I'm excited about it.

I'm sitting here in my comfy chair, with ice on my leg, sipping the coffee Miss Char made for me, and eating some cranberry nut trail mix from Aldi.  It's getting dark out already, but dinner will be stew from last night, which was delicious.

Can we talk about PT?  First, let me back up and chronicle my night...feel free to skip this part...

We watched the second Gladiator movie, then I got settled flat on my back on the couch, for my first nap of the night.  Sleep didn't come.  Where was it?  Oh, it was dancing right out of reach because of the throbbing pain right in the center of my knee!  I tried to tell myself stories, sing some songs in my head, I prayed...but the pain was insistent, and I could not fall to sleep.  I got up, swallowed both my resolve, and one tramadol.  I lay back down, which makes it sounds like I just did that, but really I scooted with the walker, sat on the edge of the couch, swiveled around, lifted my leg up and put it on the couch, got all settled in flat on my back...and I forgot to get ice!  I was not getting up again.  I fell asleep for two hours, got up, went to the bathroom, got fresh ice, and tried again...no go.  So I got up and settled into my chair, slept for one hour.  ugh.  

The knee just hurts more today.  I don't know why.  I did all of my exercises religiously yesterday, iced and elevated afterward, didn't sit for too long, did everything right.  Then PT today, and he really pushed the limits...had me do straight leg raises until my whole leg was a-fire.  I had to go into the gym and put on an ankle weight (okay, it was only one pound!), and do leg lifts.  I bent as far as I could, and reached:  85!

So Friday was 70, Monday 80, today 85!  He wants 90 on Friday.  harrumph.  I hope so, I want more flexibility too!  But jeepers.  It's a heck of a process!  

Something else fun and exciting:  we bought new tires for my car!  It REALLY needed them, to the point if you drove in the rain you could feel a loss of traction, scarily.  So they're here, and Paul's having them put on at the garage in town next week.  It'll be so nice, especially with winter arriving.  

Tomorrow I'm going to call the ortho office and see if they'll refill the Tramadol.  I'm parceling it out like a hawk, want it to last for those Torture Sessions, ha.  I don't have too many left.  

Camille made some cupcakes for her friend's birthday, aren't they beautiful?  I hope she doesn't leave any home, not sure I could resist right now!

So that's my day, fun and exciting!  I'll be sure to take a pic when we get that new loveseat put together.  Maybe one of The Red Couch too...you all have a good night now, and stay warm!  

a very special day....

 37 years ago, when I had my very first baby boy, I didn't know how special it was that he was born on Veterans' Day.  I just knew it was special.  Emily and Abigail were my little girls.  We lived in a nice mobile home (it really was nice, we bought it brand new, it was on a huge grassy lot with trees, it had a big cement patio and a deck, and we put in a swingset, and a garden, a sandbox...anyway.  My mother was there the night I was in labor, she knew exactly when it was time for me to go to the hospital.  She was making dinner for the girls, and Paul was peeling an orange.  He came over and squatted down in front of me, asked how I was doing.  I told him to get away from me, he smelled like oranges.  My mom said it was time to go, ha.

I got there at 6:30 pm, he was born at 8pm.  I timed it just how I liked.  To be fair, I must mention that I had already been in the hospital in the morning, but the nurse told me I'd be better off going home for a few hours, until the contractions were "real toe curlers".  

Anyway.  Benjamin Paul was my smallest little baby of all the babies.  He weighed a mere 6 pounds 3 ounces.  When he was born, he stared and stared at me, like I know you!  I was smitten.  I had forgotten, in all the prep of having a third child, how much I would actually love the baby!  It seriously hit me like a ton of bricks, the love and affection for him.  

I remember mentioning to the pediatrician that I was worried about how small he was, dr. replied He'll grow.  

He did.  He grew and he grew and he grew, right out of this house...to college, to the Army, to marrying Ashley...he lived in Seattle for a few years, but now he's ten minutes down the road, and I still don't take that for granted.  

Now he's a husband and a daddy, with his own two little girls and little boy.

If you all were reading back when he was a medic in Afghanistan, oh dear.  I'm glad that is over and done.   He was so young.

Samuel was also in the Army, my dear son Sam, so aptly named.  (with Grace, also aptly named, she's truly Grace) 

We are having some snow here in NY state.  It's given the living room that Christmasy vibe.

Another picture stolen from Kathryn.  Her kids are enjoying the snow!

Why I am so against taking the Tramadol is a mystery to me, but it brings me peace not to rely on it.  I took one yesterday an hour before PT, and have alternated Tylenol and ibuprofen since then, the one before that was the day before.  Yes, I have pain.  It isn't unbearable, at least all the time, but there are moments.  I'd like to be in a haze but I hate putting all that stuff in my body.  You know me, I googled the side effects,....possible seizures.  I'm just one of those people that, if there are going to be side effects...

I have to be weaned off them at some point anyway, so I made a decision, that I will only take one an hour before I go to outpatient PT, unless things really really hurt.  I've been tempted a few times, but decided I was okay.  Maybe this gives me the illusion of some control, I don't know.  But it's a peaceful decision for me.

It feels like I'm running as fast as I can in a swimming pool, and I'm just not getting anywhere, like when you're running in a dream, and using your hands as paddles too to propel you forward, but you're just not getting traction.  My daughter in law Grace had a dream after my surgery, that I floated right down the stairs like a Disney princess, right after.  I'll take it!

But life isn't like Disney, and we have to work hard sometimes.  My day:

Bed at midnight on the couch, flat on my back.  Sleep three hours.  Get up, use the bathroom, bend the knee a bit, get back to the couch, another two hours of sleep...up again, use the bathroom, get in the chair (which requires moving my pillow and blankets).  One hour of sleep, Paul gets up early, Sunny is out here clicking her nails all around, whether I wanted to sleep more or not ha.  He makes me coffee, I get up again, get cleaned up, back in the chair.  I get up every hour, walk around or go to the bathroom.  
First PT was at 11, then iced and elevated on the couch.  Back to the chair, ice on and off all the time I'm in my chair.  PT again at three, just got back in my chair with fresh ice.  It doesn't seem to change, yet it does, incrementally.  Sometimes I get up and it all kills and aches and the new knee clicks around and it seems like I'm stuck in the movie Groundhog Day.  

But.  I am not wallowing. Just mentioning, ha.  Also, the therapist told me yesterday that I shouldn't be doing all the bending the knee things that I showed him I was doing every hour.  He said every two hours was frequent enough, that I was possibly making the swelling worse, and that I should ice and elevate after each session.  

Kitty Kitten Kettler, aka Old Kitty is here on my arm, purring away as I type.  She's equal parts annoying and comforting, but I'd never tell her to her face.  She loves me.  

Paul is making beef stew today.  I'll be honest, it's hard for me.  This past summer, for one of our camping trips, it was 100% forecast for a chilly rain the first day up there, so I made this excellent instant pot beef stew with fresh garlic and cooking wine....we put the little pan of it on the stove and sat there and ate it while the rain drummed on the camper and the candles flickered.  I found two more packages of the stew beef on clearance at Target, and knowing they were in the freezer and that I was going to make it again was such a good though...well, he offered to make it because he knows it is one of my favorites, but he wanted to use the crock pot...fine.  It's fine.  He browned all the flour dredged meat in the iron frying pan first, it'll be good.  It may not be exactly what I was envisioning, but it'll be good.  Because it's made with love and thoughtfulness, like when the kids were little and they'd help make the cookies and dump too much in and get mounds of the flour mixture on the counter, yet they would be the best cookies ever, because of their blessed little helping hands.   It didn't make sense, but when love is in the mix, it just doesn't always make sense.

(that's your daily sappiness, you're welcome)

Paul is out shoveling and snow blowing now, we got a lot of snow...less than a foot, but more than six inches, for sure.  It's falling off the branches now, but it sure looks like a winter wonderland!

The girls have been busy today, they're totally immersed in their school work.  They watched the movie The Gladiator, last night, turned it off with an hour to go, as it was midnight.  It's a long movie, one which I had no plans to get immersed in, but ha.  What a time to live in, they rounded up all the poor people and homeless people and prisoners and made them fight to the death, against animals too. Barbaric.  NOT a movie I would choose.  

Anyway.  These days tend to be a bit claustrophobic here in the northeast, with the sun setting by 4:45 today where we live.  Add in cold weather, and not being able to leave the house, and well, it's different.  It's not what I would choose, but it's what's happening, so I truly try to make the best of it.   I enjoy the HECK right out of my coffee.  This morning, after my second PT, Miss Char made me a second cup.  It was so good, I was savoring it.  I got up to walk around and use the bathroom, and Paul refilled my water bottle and took my coffee cup away...rinsed it out.  WHAT?!  He said, It was almost gone.   Okay.  It was almost gone.  He is such a good guy, I am working on being nicer, but shh, I sort of reacted...you dumped my coffee, it was so good!   heh.   It's a good thing he likes me.  

Anyway, you all have a wonderful dark afternoon and evening, enjoy it all you can.  :)

not a whine fest...

...nor a pity party.  No, just a day in my new life.  I went to PT today.  Dreaded stairs, down with the bad, half a flight down to the foyer...then onto the porch, down two big steps, walker to the car, which Paul so nicely drove right up to the front of the house, in the snowy grass.  Getting in was a bugger, I can let go of the walker and sit my rear end on the edge of the seat, but there is a ledge, so when I slide back, then attempt to pivot the bad leg up and into the car, it gets hung up.  It doesn't like the twisty motion, it's like there are sensitive sensors in the knee cap, putting their little whiskers out for any kind of twisty stuff, so they can screech.  

I made it into the car!  It was snowy and cold and damp and chilly. 

(I stole this pic from Kathryn, I didn't even bring my phone or glasses to PT.)

My session today started with the assistant, Jamison, lifting my leg, straightening it, then pushing it back towards me...more and more, and holding it there, then releasing it...getting past that scar tissue.  It killed.  He did this several times, then I did my exercises.  They were about the same as they were on Friday, then he measured my flexion:  80!  It was 70 on Friday.  Not too shabby.  I was looser and moved better, getting back into the car, then going up the steps is always easier than going down.  

Camille made a wonderful chicken soup for dinner.  Sonja and baby Kaia came over, Sonja vacuumed for me.  Char made me a nice after PT cup of hot coffee, and brought out some crackers and pepperoni.  It was nice, and cozy.  

The knee stiffened up even worse, and swelled.  It didn't like that session.  It's two steps back, I tell you.  I took one tramadol an hr. before PT, and am surviving on tylenol or ibuprofen.  So it's been a painful evening.  Right now the girls are watching a movie, and I'm icing the knee.  

I am not getting bored yet.  I do like when the older kids come to visit though.  It's supposed to be quite snowy here tonight and tomorrow, so no one will probably come tomorrow, and I am certainly not going anywhere.  One of these days after PT we might go for a ride, a drive....

Paul took stew beef from the freezer, it's in the refrigerator...he'll make it tomorrow.  MMMM.  I will enjoy that.  

I'm trying super hard not to indulge in crappy food or snacks.  I want less inflammation, not more!  I do have some mini chocolate almond bars, and I had a few of those after my chicken soup.  The girls have those gummy Nerds clusters, nope, I do not need to "try" one, because we know I'll like it!

My body does ache from not going in the pool, and from sitting more, and when I do lie down to sleep, it's flat on my back on the couch.  But, this isn't a pity party, right?

The days aren't awful, they are sprinkled with trials and doubts, but they are good days.  Overall, I'm hopeful that things will get better, and I'll get that range of motion.  The therapist mentioned the bike next time...we'll see!  

You all have a good evening, and thank you for bearing with me!  :)
 

wait, was that the weekend? so fast?

Now, I don't want to be a Debby Downer, but tomorrow is Monday, and on MONDAY, I have to go to the torture chamber again, the one referred to as Physical Therapy.  Oh, you can only stretch it that far?  That's what YOU think!  See, you did it!!

Not my idear of fun.  But.  I concur, it's a necessary evil.  It loosens things up...only for them to tighten back up again, AND swell!  One step forwards, two steps back, knee replacement surgery is the Bunny Hop.  

On Friday afternoon, Molly visited with Ophelia.  Evelyn and Sonja were here too. 

Sonja with Orange Guy on her lap, Evelyn getting the bug that Ophelia so confidently said she'd get, then she saw it and threw the tissue at it...Camille does not like bugs, and Char was just eating her Chinese take out.

Ophelia got to hold her baby cousin Kaia...

Smitten.  Absolutely.  

Charlotte Claire braided my hair for PT on Friday.  

Ophelia didn't want to say goodbye to Kaia...

Camille got some nice gifts, I got her a blue Yeti for her coffee, some new slippers, and a few girly gift sets, with lip plumpers and things like that.  She got nice shampoo and a gift card and some other things.  We had take out from the Chinese place, but I only ate a few bites then had a piece of chicken, that was marinated in vinegar and salt and pepper, air fried.  I just didn't want all the salt with the swelling I'm battling here. )

Yesterday, Evelyn and Nate came over, and Nate was bearing gifts.  He brought ingredients, and made us all Nashville hot chicken sandwiches!  We never deep fry anything, but he turned this place into a nice restaurant for the evening, fries too!  

He made those nooks and crannies, it was so good.  Spicy but flavorful, not tongue scorching.

Sonja and Oscar came over too, with Kaia, and we played some really funny games (jackbox), and laughed ourselves silly.  I was super glad for the distraction, amidst my home pt sessions, and limping to the bathroom.  I had a shower last night, which was a production.  The shower chair is in the shower, there is one four inch ledge between where I stand and that shower chair, chair has no arms, I had to lower myself onto it, I thought it was going to tip or slide...but it didn't.  Paul majorly helped me.  (I put on a big tank top, then took it off when he stepped out of the bathroom, ha, if you must know.). It was exhausting but felt wonderful.  I slept for a few hours on the couch, then a little nap in the chair.  

It's going slow.  Not to be a Negative Nancy, but it's slow.   REALLY slow.  The progress.  The exercises loosen things up minimally, then swelling, and stiffness...I'm trying to space out the Tramadol a bit more, but then it really hurts.  The new knee is wobbly and clicky, and I am not in love with it, but it's part of me now, so I am honestly trying to embrace it, strange as that sounds.

Here is my hope:  I can keep bending the knee, strengthening it, improve the range of motion, get it working, and move on with life.  This place I'm in right now, is almost suffocating, and I know it's only day five, but I want to see progress.  I'm weary of the deep aching pain, especially when I lie down on the couch at night and elevate my foot, the back of my knee hurts like the devil.  

I make myself get up every hour, walk, usually use the bathroom.  When I sit in there, I bend the knee.  It doesn't seem to get any easier.  It's so tight.  

And tomorrow, I have to go down those stairs again, to PT.  I know it'll be fine, and why am I worrying about it already, but that's how it is for me right now.  There are always various trials in life, everyone has them.  We need to learn to deal with what we're facing RIGHT NOW.  Forget yesterday, and do NOT worry about tomorrow!  Because THIS, sometimes this, whatever it is, is really hard or really painful, but I can do this.  One more rep, one more lift, just this...tomorrow is none of my business.  

Overall, I am very happy.  The girls are busy but help when they can, and Paul has been great.  I have no complaints.  The kitties have been a royal pain, however, especially Ms. Kettler, Old Kitty.  She is always up here, but she sidles down to my lap and kneads my thigh, she put her claws right into the bandage yesterday.  Then when I get up, she scrambles into my seat, and I have to shoo her out when I get back.  She looks at me, so saltily!  But, she forgives me and jumps right back up.  

Anyway.  Life is good, and I'm glad I was able to have this done.  I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I am hoping it's there ha.  Thank you all for reading, and for comments and kind thoughts and prayers.  Feel free to keep me in line, I don't want to meander into Poor Me territory.  :). Have a good night...and if you live anywhere around here, enjoy tomorrow evening's SNOW!!!  (can you believe I'm saying that four letter word already?!)