don't forget to live life!!!

We set out for the berry patch yesterday, me protesting that I had too much to do, but my nice kids wanted me along. The berries weren't ripe yet, so we went out for ice cream...



Cupcakes for the graduation party...

And now I am going to talk to my kids...it's so nice today, I will live life now and write about life later...ha.

who in their right mind....?

Would schedule a graduation party...on a Wednesday...three days before leaving for a week in a cabin?

A crazy woman, that's who.

Never mind that I have towels to gather and wash, clothes to pack, meals to plan, shop for, and pack...that is all on hold until tomorrow. Today, we are going to the berry patch down the road for strawberries...

I made lots of cupcakes last night, with the help of Charlotte Claire and Camille. This is sometimes harder than just doing it myself, but it makes it fun. I didn't have enough cocoa powder, so I substituted a can of chocolate sweetened condensed milk for the two cups of milk, adding a splash of half and half in to make up for the other two ounces, as the can was 14 ounces. Fuzzy math. I also added two cups of boiling just brewed coffee instead of the water the recipe called for, and oh dear they are good. They aren't dense and chocolate-y like the ones I usually make, but they'll do.

I won't list the things I have to get done today, but believe me, it's enough.

The things I have to do are running through my head, and when I finally fell asleep last night, the newsreel of items I need for the camp, Jon's first youth conference weekend (does he have enough clean clothes? And he lost the only pair of sneakers he owns, left them in his friend's van....).

This fine morning, I drove Suzanne to school for a Living Environment Regents, then welcomed Davian. I had coffee with my son Samuel (yay, Sam's home!!!!!), then made French Toast and eggs for breakfast. I am at the point now where I KNOW I have tons of stuff to do, but am procrastinating starting in on it.

Maybe I'll send the kids to the berry patch with money and stay home and do things...like sit here, ha.

Yesterday after picking Ev up from school, Suzanne and I, and Evelyn, went to Aldi for some fruit, eggs, salad stuff...then we went to the fabric store, not for fabric, but for one of those cool coloring books for adults, and new markers, for the cabin in the woods.

Sam went to the school to pick Suzanne up from her test, and now they're home...so bye for now.

life happens...

Sam was supposed to be here this fine morning, all hopped up on coffee from his long drive through the night from Washington, D.C. But when he went to sign out last night, at a few minutes after midnight, his leave packet was lost. There was not a thing he could do. So he went to bed. This morning, it was found, and he's getting on the road right about now. I told him that God must have thought he needed to find some irritation in himself, and he said, "ha ha, Ben told me the same thing."

Life happens. Day in, day out, things don't go the way they are supposed to go. Flipping out about it isn't going to help, but knowing for certain that God causes all things to work together for the good for those who love him is a help.

Now when these horrible things happen like the shootings in Orlando, I have no answers. I cried, when I first heard. I cried when I read the texts from the young man hiding, texting, "Mommy, I am going to die." It breaks my heart. It's just awful and sad.

There is a lot of sadness in this world, things I can't do anything about. But the things I can work on are the little things in my life that come along, chances to live what I believe.

So yesterday...we went to the doctor...and Camille got her boot off!

We're happy! She has to take it easy. The doctor said she isn't allowed to run around or beat anybody up yet, but she can swim, which is excellent news, as we are going to the cabin in the woods, in four days!!!

After our appointment, the whole slew of us filed out of the waiting room...Evelyn, who had a half day of school, Kathryn, Jonathan, Char, Cam, and Davian (Davian didn't want to leave yet, he wasn't done reading his magazine). We had to go to the grocery store, with Cam hobbling around saying how "weird" her foot felt, Jon asking if we really needed so much stuff, the little girls guilting me into buying them those cute little miniature pies, Kathryn helping Davian pick out some bubbles...two carts full of stuff...because tomorrow night, we are having a graduation party for Kathryn with the church youth group, and because Sam is going to be here, and he'll want to see all of his friends...

It's crazy to have a party in the midst of packing. Simply crazy. Packing is just on the back burner, and I'll resume Thursday, as I also do all the shopping for next week. I have to compartmentalize things, and just deal with cleaning up the house and planning for tomorrow. I have to bake a cake, marinade the meat, clean off the grill, and don't get me started about cleaning up for company...our kitchen table is the packing dumping place, and it all has to be moved now.

But here I sit, ha.

I drove Evelyn to school this morning for a New York state regents exam and have to pick her up in a few hours.

The floors have been swept, laundry hung up and more put in the washer, and the living room straightened up. The pool filter is on, the basket cleaned out, and I took the dogs out and fed and watered them.

But anyway. After our grocery shopping expedition yesterday, it was time to take the cats in to the small city for their rabies immunizations...the dogs are still good until next year. Of course Old Kitty was no where to be found. We looked and looked, but he didn't show up until after we were resignedly headed on our way with just Kettler kitty.

The line for shots was all the way to the sidewalk, probably 40 dogs and maybe 40 cats there. The dogs were all tugging and barking and sniffing, well most of them. There was one huge fat lab, as calm as she could be. Our own kitty was stressed out, she just watched everything from the carrier.

Charlotte Claire liked carrying the kitty carrier, but once the buckle on the strap came undone, and down went kitty, carrier and all. oops. It was a slow fall though, slipped through her hands as she tried to catch it, so she slowed it down to a gentle THUNK.

Anyway...it took a few hours, then we were home again. I stopped and got the kids ice cream on the way home because they had been so good and helpful...


Home. I hadn't had dinner, and opted out of an ice cream cone, although I did end up finishing Char's, couldn't waste it, ha. I made a few salads with chicken on them, and we had an eight o'clock supper...Joseph and the other kids were at soccer, and Paul had eaten all by himself. Crazy days.

After dinner, I decided to get a start on cleaning up for company, so I vacuumed the couches, between the cushions, then the stairs and foyer, and here and there...as I put the vacuum cleaner away, I smelled something horrible...the little girls smelled it too, so we started frantically searching for a cat poop...but oh no, it was Suri! Bad dog! She had rolled in something! Oh disgusting! I had to give her a bath, and I had just sanitized the tub! Camille had just finished wiping down the leather couch, which stinky Suri was lying on. rrr. So into the tub she went. By the time she shook herself off all the way from the bathroom through the kitchen on the way out to the deck, we had lots of water to wipe up. Finally I got to sit down and put my feet up, at nine o'clock, after throwing a whole 'nother load of towels in the dryer from cleaning up the mess.

But Suri is glossy and sweet smelling. I tried to lure Duke into the bathroom for a bath after Suri already totally messed it up, but he wasn't falling for it, no way no how, even when I told him, "Treat! Treat!" He just sighed, and put his head on his paws.

And I wasn't in the mood to drag his butt in there.

This morning, I am thankful for coffee, as I have been awake since 0-dark-thirty, as Emily likes to say. I am thankful that I am going to be with my family next week. Aaron is flying in to Boston Saturday morning and driving up to the camp. I am like a little kid at Christmas....

being the mom....

I wish I were one of my kids, instead of the mom, sometimes. I remember when I was a kid, and my mother would make pancakes in her iron frying pan. She made huge pancakes, none of the cute little ones that I make for my own kids. Each one was as big as the pan, and we each had one, often struggling to finish it. She stood at the stove, frying them up, and we ate them fresh from the pan, as they were done. The last one was for her, she sat and at it as we were finishing up. She was always last. When I had kids, and I made them pancakes, I stacked them up on platters and had them wait, so we could all eat together. But as I stood at the stove, I realized what "being the mom" is.

It's seeing what needs to be done, and recruiting help to do it.

It's always having things to do.

It's making sure things get done.

It's encouraging, forcing, cajoling, and ordering...kids to do things they don't always want to do.

It's getting out of bed in the morning and forgetting my own problems, as I focus on what the kids need for the day.

It's spending hours on my knees (literally and figuratively) praying for the wisdom to deal with those flukey little things that surprise me every single time, and also self control and patience.

It's keeping them fed and clothed, educated and prepared for their days.

It's making darned sure that I personally have my own life straight with God, so that I'm in the position to encourage and exhort them to take what comes on their way in the right way.

It's understanding what is important in life, and what isn't.

It's keeping track of the library books, and making sure we don't run out of toilet paper.

It's being the bad guy when they've all been on their iPods too much.

It's paying attention to who needs attention.

It's biting my tongue when I want to lash out, and bringing up things I don't want to discuss when I think it's for their good.

It's putting them first while also putting my husband first.

It's taking care of myself so I can be around for them.

It's dropping what I thought I was going to do today when I have to pick them up at school because they have a headache.

It's teaching them to drive...Kathryn and Evelyn are both learning now, #10 and #11...and I still stomp those invisible brakes.

It's making cookies for their favorite teacher when all I want to do is sit and put my feet up.

It's going to the dreaded mall when they NEED a new dress or bathing suit or bra...and waiting so patiently while they try things on.

It's accidentally putting their favorite hoodie in the dryer and promising to buy them a new one.

It's saving them a plate of dinner because they have to run out the door for something or other when dinner is being served.

It's setting a few chicken wings aside from the sauce, a few meatballs aside from the sauce, every time, because Sonja likes them plain.

Oh...it's a lot of things. I am not always good at all of these things, and sometimes I wish I was just one of the kids, and someone else had the huge load of responsibility that comes with Being Mom.

We are heading to the Adirondacks in five days. Five days. There are like 20 of us going, and we need food...the older kids are pitching in and bringing stuff, but still. I have to buy lots of food. And you know how it is, if you remember 299 food items, you get no credit, but heck, if you forget the ketchup, BAD MOM, ha.

I have told them each to pack sheets and a towel. But my head is still spinning with all that I have to remember. The kitchen table is now the grand central station of things set aside for Cabin In The Woods.

Am I excited for Cabin In The Woods? Oh yeah. Coffee on the screened porch in the morning, listening to the loons, either alone as I wake early there, or with whoever else got up early...Mirielle, Evelyn, Mali...just lovely. The campfires? A blast. Sitting in the sun on the dock, playing musical chairs, swimming in the freezing but sparkling clean Adirondack water...refreshing and so much fun, as I totally love basking in the kids' enjoyment of this.

But. I know that even at the camp, Being Mom means knowing where everything is, what we're having for every meal and snack. I am bringing a whole boatload of foam plates, sorry environment! I am not spending my vacation washing dishes:)

Anyway. I am excited to be with the kids, hopefully they all get along well and I don't have to put on my striped shirt and get out the whistle. Hopefully we can all take turns with meals and clean up. Hopefully we get lots of sun shining on the dock.

Today, I take Miss Camille to the orthopedic doctor to get her an ankle x-ray. She's hoping it's all healed and she'll be done with the boot, for camp. Me too.

Tonight we are taking the two cats and one black lab to the rabies clinic for their shots, which promises to be a good time.

Tomorrow night, Samuel starts leave, and drives home, arriving on Wednesday morning. Wednesday night, we are having a graduation party for Kathryn, last minute. So I have to clean the house and make food, and a huge cake. In the midst of the kitchen table Grand Central Station thing..ha.

But life is good, and one thing at a time, and all of that.

sunday funday....

We went to the Parade of Homes on Friday...8 houses, different builders and styles, all beautiful and luxurious. It was too much fun, the little girls just moved their little selves right into those houses.



Miss Cam says that if we had this shower, she would always always take one as soon as Mommy asked her to. I personally wondered why a family would need such a huge-o shower, one could fit at least five or six small children in there, and believe me, once upon a time not so long ago, it would have been wonderful to have such a shower, in those days of many children lining up for their turn...I also wondered why an average family would need a double wall oven, those huge six burner stoves, or the pot-filler spigot behind the stove. Or four full bathrooms. Or a complete movie theater in the basement, but hey, if you have the money, why not?


Irene, and Sonja.

So it was a nice outing, followed by a quick trip to Target to get some gifts for a few girls who are graduating from high school, and a few girls who are leaving for Norway for a year, because Emily was having a celebration at her house for these girls. We found really nice gifts really quickly, and the girls really liked them (scarves, nice water bottles, a beach towel for one of them, candy)...

We were extremely hungry, so we went through the McDonald's drivethrough...chicken nuggets are so good, I don't care what anyone says. I always think of the saying, "deep fried garbage on a sunny day", from Sesame Street (Oscar The Grouch), but I eat them anyways. I got an order of fries for the five girls to share, and home we went.

Yesterday morning, the fun began early. The younger kids were supposed to go on an end of the year activity club hike, but thunderstorms changed those plans...to a trip to the museum of play! Both of our minivans were needed, so there was some shuffling and planning, but the kids got to where they needed to be, and I got to where I needed to be, which was in the kitchen at church...I baked cookies...



I baked a huge cake. It was butter cake, three pounds of butter, because I double-quadrupled the recipe...and I don't know how to say that I 8-times-ed it.

Homemade buttercream frosting...

Topped with berries and whipped cream...and guess what? I ate some. It was SO good.

We washed and cubed 30 pounds of red potatoes, and nine pounds of sweet potatoes. Kim grilled the steak, we sliced it...22 pounds of it. We served coffee and iced tea and cold brew coffee and infused water, with platters of fruit and chocolate covered rasberries. (Snack/fruit with drinks, followed by lunch, then another snack, then dinner, then dessert...)

We left there at 8:30 pm, and oh dear I was a hurting unit.

When I hobbled out of bed this morning, I felt like I had done an extreme workout. I walked down the driveway to get the morning paper, Duke and I were a matching set...old dog, old lady. It's a lot of work, but also a lot of fun, to spend an entire day preparing food, cleaning up in between, doing dishes, making more food...

This was our crew...Evelyn over there in the corner, Emily, our friend Irene in the back, Sonja K. with the cookie in her mouth, me...in the morning, Kim was there, and in the afternoon, Patty joined us.

Anyway. Today is a nice relaxing day. Paul is at a landscaping fundraiser with Kathryn and Evelyn. Joseph is working hard on an online video game art piece that is due this week. The little girls are still poring over the pamphlets they got from the Parade of Homes...reading the Sunday comics...Sonja is coloring, Suzanne is helping me delete photos from my phone. Jonathan is still in bed. It is indeed a wonderful Sunday. Suzanne wants to bring chocolate chip cookies to one of her teachers tomorrow...so that means my time to sit here is over...

from the bottom of my heart...

I sincerely love each one of my kids. And here's the thing: sometimes I spend too much money. I stop and get them coffee, take them to McDonalds, I make them happy. I let them get new sandals, because everyone knows a teenage girl can't have too many shoes, and even if the old ones still fit, they're OLD. And bathing suits...a girl needs to feel good about herself, and having the right bathing suit is essential. I know this. I want them to know they're important to me. There may be a whole slew of them, but each one of them holds my whole heart.

Here's the other thing: I try to listen. I try to remember what each one of them is going through. I'm not always so good at these things, and thus I unconsciously resort to spoiling them a little. When I take just one or two out and about, we do have too much fun. But I firmly believe that children should grow up knowing that they are special. They are important. They are loved.

So this afternoon we are going on a fun outing. I am picking up four girls from school, Evelyn Joy, Suzanne Eleanor, Sonja Kathleen, and their good friend Irene. Charlotte Claire, Camille Anaya, and I will pick them up. We are going to the Parade Of Homes, in the nice suburbs on the other side of the city. It's a thing where you pay to walk through newly built houses, to get decorating ideas and ogle things you can't afford, thus becoming discontent with your own dumpy house. ha. My little girls, and Evelyn, have a thing for housing design. The little girls like to make floor plans on graph paper...

Now Sonja is telling me she needs shorts. No, Mom, I'm not kidding. I NEED some.

It's always something, isn't it?

Wow, now that Paul has his new(ish) truck, the vans are both out of the shop, and I'm not driving him back and forth to work, I have lots of extra time every day.

Yesterday, Emily and I shopped for a fundraising dinner we are preparing tomorrow...actually it's lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, and dessert. We are serving:

A steak bowl with red potatoes roasted in olive oil, topped by spinach/spring mix, cucumber slices, tomato wedges, and...slices of grilled steak, with fresh bread and butter.

Afternoon snack:
Honeydew, cantaloupe, grapes, cheese, and tons of homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Dinner:
Marinated barbecued bone-in chicken breasts, cilantro lime rice, cubed sweet potatoes roasted in olive oil, and a grilled veggie mix, including asparagus, summer squash, zucchini, red and green peppers, and sweet onions,.

Dessert:
Homemade white butter cake with buttercream frosting, fresh strawberries and blueberries, frozen rasberries, and topped with fresh whipped cream.

Of course we will have coffee and cream, iced coffee, iced tea, Coke and Diet Coke, and lots of water infused with lime and strawberries.

We are both so organized, my list looked like a crazy person wrote it, but we managed to get everything we need in three stores, keeping the cost as low as possible, of course.

So tomorrow will be a day of baking and preparing and serving and fun...with Emily and Evelyn and maybe Jonathan.

Last night, I made burgers on the grill and a nice big salad. The kids had yummy bakery buns on their burgers, so that was the optional carb, ha.

When we were out and about yesterday, I bought myself a new tablet, a 7 inch Samsung Galaxy. My Chromebook is by Samsung, and it's lasted wonderfully, but the tablet is smaller and I think I can maybe blog on it...I wanted to get a keyboard case but it was $22, and I had already spent too much. Miss Charlotte Claire is crazy about the new tablet, and wants to go buy one for herself. My little girls save up their money like squirrels, and now they are both itching for new tablets. Kids and technology these days! They know more than I do, and were helping me set things up on it last night. They say it's quick and they love the picture quality, ect. I know they are going to use it more than I will...I will feel better when the case comes in the mail though...Amazon Prime, only two days, ha. And no, I don't get any money for saying that. If I had two million readers a day, I might put ads on the blog, but I might not either. The idea of profiting from having a large family turns my stomach. The only reason we were blessed with sixteen beautiful kids is because God is good and kind, and took special mercy on us, and gave us more than we ever deserve.

But then again, maybe it would be nice to earn a little money doing what I like, thus being able to bless the kids even more, ha.

This fine morning I have a doctor's appointment that I haven't yet cancelled. I don't need a check-up again, I just had one last year! It's too nice a day to spend in the dr.'s office.

Anyone out there glad Hillary's doing so well? Don't.even.get.me.started. I find it hard to respect a woman who stood by her lying cheating husband. She belittled herself, just to climb the ladder. Of course I wish her no harm, but a truthful person is much more esteemed in my eyes. I must admit to being baffled...what do people see in her, why do they want her to lead this country? I do not get it.

Yeah, so no more politics. I don't like to waste my time getting ruffled about things I can't change.

It's time to start the day, I guess...

I have sixteen kids...wow.

And this is my oldest...Emily Anne...(Ann with an "e", ha.) I thought I was so original, naming her Emily way back in 1985, before the internet, before Emily was the #1 name for girls. My younger brother was shocked, he said, "Emily is an old lady name!" That was the point. Or so I thought. Anyway. Yesterday, I went out to lunch with my oldest "child".


And my youngest child, Camille Anaya.

And a few in between...Mali Rose 22, Kathryn Grace 18, Jonathan Robert 12, Charlotte Claire 10...and little Davian, baby Lydia, and Lydia's daddy Zac.

And let me tell you something: with lots of kids comes tons of joy, but also tons of this: Mommy Guilt. Mommy Guilt comes tearing at the mom's heart when child leaves lunch on counter, and mom doesn't find time to bring it to school. These sort of things. Well yesterday, we were at Chipotle, and Mirielle texted me and asked, "Do you want to go to Chipotle?" Oh I felt bad! It was nurses' day, buy one get one free, and Em and Mali are nurses, but so is Mirielle...I had just assumed she was at work...Em had been teaching a class, and came straight from there and didn't realize Mirielle was home either...oops. It worked out fine, she picked up Evelyn and Sonja and brought them out to lunch/dinner...

Anyway. Having all the babies was one thing...chasing toddlers, you know, the busy stuff...but now that they are grown up, and growing up, it's still busy. I am so so so thankful that I don't "work". I can be home, and spend time with my older ones when they have a free day, if they want or need.

So Kathryn is technically finished with high school, and is contemplating her next step. She's thinking maybe college, criminal justice, then the police academy. She's always thought about being a police officer, but isn't 100% sure that's for her. She's a really good kid, hard working, and sweet. I know she'll succeed in whatever she chooses because she's so dedicated. She homeschooled the last few years of high school, and she took it very seriously. She is taking her driver's test soon, and I sincerely hope she passes, it makes it so much easier, as far as getting a job, ect.

Evelyn is finishing up 10th grade, and is also taking her driver's test soon. Evelyn will succeed in life too, she is not afraid of hard work, she knows how to boss people around, she sees what needs to be done and assigns people to do it, ha.

Suzanne finishing up 9th grade. She isn't feeling well today, and has three finals. She left the house in tears, she gets stressed about stuff. I feel so so bad for her, she asked me to pray for her.

Sonja is almost done with 8th grade...(Evelyn, Suze, and Sonja go to "real" school). Sonja is funny, competent, and very friendly. She is so into soccer, she practices kicking the ball around the yard with Jonathan all the time, and plays on the church team.

Jonathan, Char, and Cam are all finishing up their school for the year too.

Joseph (25) lives here too...Mr. Art. He is always working on something, at his standing desk. He sells a few things here and there, just enough to get by, but hasn't hit total success yet. He loves what he does, and I am confident that one of these days he'll make it.

Abigail (29) is in Norway.

Benjamin (27) is in Washington state.

Aaron (23) is in California.

Samuel (20) is in Washington D.C.

(Sam texted this pic to Evelyn last night, I asked her to forward it to me, and on the blog it goes...Don't kill me, Sam!)

Margaret (19) is in Norway.

So the kids are 31,29,27,26,25,23,22,20,19,18,16,15,14,12,10, and 8.

My prayers take a long time at night.