I wish...

I wish I was the kind of girl who....

1. Answered every comment left here on my blog. I totally enjoy reading them, then I procrastinate about replying....then I'll be doing one of those mind-wandering jobs like wiping down the top of the stove (I live with dozens of slobs!), and I'll remember a question or a nice comment that I never answered or thanked someone for.

2. Had her act together. I mean, come on. I have a huge bag of presents in a Target bag in my room. They are for either Charlotte Claire or Camille. That one day...that day I was so proud of my accomplishment of getting things out and putting them in piles? Well. That day, we either pooped out or got interrupted before we finished wrapping...and that bag of presents is sitting there. I don't know what we already wrapped for which one...and I don't believe in equality, but...what if one of them gets all the presents? I still have to check with Sonja K., she was my helper that day.

3. Same as number two. (ha, I said, "number two"!) I never got the candy out for Suzanne's class party. dang it. I remembered after the buses left. Shh, I know I could have driven over to school...but I didn't feel THAT bad.

4. Same as number three. I am almost out of wrapping paper.

Oh, never mind this list. I don't have too long to sit and enjoy the quiet today. Charlotte Claire is sleeping on the couch. She is still not 100% better...so she stayed home again. Camille went today. I do miss her. But, it's nice to be here with just Char. I filled all the stockings, sort of. Paper bags with 17 names on them, all lined up on the table. On Christmas eve or Christmas day later on when they start asking, I will empty the bags into the stockings. I swept the floors (Suri sheds so much!!!). I washed the counters and did the dishwasher. Washed some clothes. And here I sit, taking a rest. I was going to help Emily move in to her new house today...yes, she closed on her house! I feel very proud of her for being a homeowner!! Yesterday I had my day somewhat planned out...then I dropped everything and went to her apartment with the two little girls. We packed up her kitchen stuff for her, then went over to the new house to do the walk-through with the realtor. It was really fun, and I was glad to help. So today we were going to try to move as much stuff into a U-Haul as we could, just her and I...but Char is dragging....and ugh. I just think she is better off waiting until the older kids are home from school, and Joseph is up and can help her....

I made cut out cookie dough last night. I really want to roll them out and bake them before Ben shows up home. I think he is going to surprise us, he hasn't told when he is coming yet. He better not surprise us and not come home at all...

The first batch of cut-out cookies are long gone.

I also want to make fudge....and some Almond Joy fudge for Sam.

But I don't want to eat any of it. While I was filling the stockings, I had an extra Tootsie-Roll Peppermint Candy Cane lollipop. 60 calories. So I opened it, tasted it...then decided it was just too sugary...I wasn't enjoying it, so I threw it away.

Do you believe I am still not done with my Christmas shopping? Just a few more things.

I talked to my brother today on the phone. He has two kids who are 7 and 9, and I told him he is getting them better presents than my kids are getting. Just in case they read this I won't mention the gifts, but...I want one of those! And one of those other things! Of course he IS my brother, so he didn't pay too much for anything...he just finds those deals.

Time to get out of my comfy chair and make those cookies.

And...thank you everyone for nice comments you have left me. Please know that I really appreciate them! And...to answer the question about if I worry when my kids are sick...well yes....this morning Char didn't get up until after the buses came and left...and all of the sudden I was really scared. Then she came out and was jabbering away. I worry about her though. She is very petite, no fat to spare. She hasn't been eating much, she is very pale. I don't want to send her to school to catch something else. But...after all these years, season after season of having flu, colds, the barfing fun...I know it will pass. I know they will be okay. There is still that little whisper of doubt, I worry that maybe they won't. And croup always scares me because Mirielle almost died of it. (she was 20 months old, and had an infection plus the croup virus. Her throat swelled, closed up...she had to go by ambulance to the hospital...she had to stay a few days, then Joseph, who was 5 months old, was admitted for it.)

I do pray alot, and know that God causes all things to work together for my very best, and that He is watching over me. But sometimes I have to fight against the spirit of fear...quite often, in fact. For me it is scarier to have my non-cholant 21 year old working a night job and driving to and from work in winter weather. And my 27 year old nurse daughter driving to the big city all the time, working 12 hour shifts and being tired. It is scarier to have a daughter who works at McDonalds during school break (Mali), and hear some of the comments that creepy guys have said. When my own heart does that thing where it skips a few beats, I get scared. Oh yeah, I have my things to worry about. I think everyone does. But then there is God. When I just actively give in to my worry, listen to it and dwell on it...instead of fighting against it and trusting God, then it gets stronger. Peace comes when I fight that spirit of fear.

Sorry if that is all scrambled up...it is totally quiet in here...except for the hum of this computer and Suri snoring on the couch next to Char....who is sound asleep...so I can't blame it on being distracted. But I am. I need to get moving...