you read my blog??!!

Now when I sit here in my comfy chair and spill my innermost feelings, I am not conscious that others will be reading what I write. I just write. Then when a real-life person mentions they read something here, I wonder what I wrote. I wonder what on earth possesses me to expose myself to the whole world, or whomever of it happens to stumble upon this.

Today is Paul's birthday. He is 51. I cannot believe that I am married to such an old man. ha. I know he doesn't read this, so I can say that. He doesn't seem old though. He is in wicked good shape, he works out and eats right. He isn't stubborn and set in his ways, although he has a tendency to be...but doesn't give in to it. No, he is flexible and humble. The way he views life is to be thankful, first and foremost. When I am flipping out because I think it is the end of the world the way one of the kids is behaving,he reacts with goodness... even when his nice new truck landed in the ditch, courtesy of Aaron and Samuel one snowy night. He knows that all things work together for the good. He doesn't yell or lecture, but he thinks about things, then encourages and gives hope.

So for his birthday, we are going to our training for the baseball stadium where we will be volunteering. Tonight is just to get a feel for the place. What a nice birthday outing. But, it is what it is, whatever that means. I think it means to make the most of it. So we will.

I got my black pants yesterday, and oh they are unflattering. Makes me never want to eat chocolate again. Hey, I should buy a pair just to wear around the house, and get a few more mirrors up in here.

Chocolate. Oh, how I love thee! I have stayed out of the chocolate chips lately...but don't give me a pat on the back because I have switched my allegiance to milk chocolate. Now, I do not eat candy any more. no more. But somehow, despite this firm rule, I have slipped into eating chocolate. I ate the ears off the hollow bunny that Charlotte Claire didn't want. I wondered first and foremost how in the world could a child NOT WANT a chocolate bunny. She said simply, "I don't like them." I think she was switched at birth. And while we are confessing, I ate that bunny's whole face, too. And a bite of his tail. I had to make myself put him back in his box. He is still there. I am going to throw him away, he is too yummy. And, I had milk chocolate non-pareils. Too many. Not on the same day of course. I eat right, but then the chocolate... I have stayed totally away from the other candy, but here and there the chocolate calls me...no, wait: the chocolate ALWAYS calls me, but here and there I have listened to it's lies...oh, it won't hurt. Just a little. It has been a busy day, you deserve it.

No, I am not crazy. Or am I? Does food talk to anyone else?

Yah, so I just have to get back into my groove of telling it to shut up. No taste is better than a small taste, for me. Because once I eat one, I want to eat the whole thing.

And that is my battle. My life-long battle.

So today I have swept the floors, washed pans from last night, washed dishes and loaded the dishwasher, folded towels, wwashed the smocks we wear to the Dome because there is a Dome event tomorrow, taken Suri out to run around and fetch sticks. Oh, she has a lot to learn. She runs and gets the stick, then runs in circles around me, ignoring my pleas to Bring It, Drop It. Sometimes when she gets close I will tell her to Sit, and she will, then she will Drop It. She loves to Go Get It, and have me chase her. She also loves to high-tail it over to the neighbors' to play with their dog. She is totally deaf to us when she does that....and I think of the old saying, "there are no bad dogs, only bad owners.." ouch. My mother used to say that one's dog behaved like one's children. ouch again.

And now, I shall get out of my comfy chair....