oh the quiet....

A tired mom isn't the best mom, but then again, if writing is therapeutic, does it cancel out the fatigue to sit here and type out a quick post? I spent my evening doing some online shopping for Christmas. I let Sonja K. pick out some things, and Kathryn, and then a few things for some of the others....it takes so long. I like free shipping, but what if my item was $45 and one has to spend $59 to get free shipping? Do I spend another $15 just to save $5.75? I looked and looked, and couldn't find anything else we needed, so I spent the money on shipping. Time, ticking away....

It is quite amazing though, just to scroll through page after page of CyberMonday deals, type in the card number and verify the address, and BINGO, stuff will be coming in the mail! I need to write down what I got for whom, and keep track of it. Buying even two or three things each for 16 kids, plus for Ashley (I already bought things for Anya, I have to exercise much restraint or I will go crazy there!), and for Paul, and for our friend Stevie who will probably be here for Christmas. We also do Secret Santa on Christmas eve, and there are kids coming to me and whispering the name they have to buy for, and asking me what to get or if I have something good already in my closet....my head does spin.

Kathryn, Sonja, Camille, and I brought Paul to the airport. wah. I didn't want to let him go again already. He is so very brave to go to France all by his lonesome, he is renting a car and navigating to his hotel....I don't even like driving to the big city alone. He texted me before he boarded his overseas flight...he is flying right now, almost in France. I miss him already.

After we dropped him off, we went to the grocery store. We had some coupons for shampoo and toothpaste, plus the store had double dollar coupons, so we got some decent deals. We also got oranges and grapefruit and apples and bananas and cucumbers and peppers and lettuce and meat and rolls and milk and yogurt and and and. I had Mirielle's car, so I stopped and filled it with gas.

Then to church....oh it is good to see my friends! Then home...but wait, the minivan was almost out of gas! To town to get that filled...then into the store there because they had boneless chicken breast for $1.68 a pound, we practically live on it:)

Home...put seasoning on chicken, put in oven, back out the door to bring Sonja to her cousin's birthday celebration. Home....into my room to exercise! yay me! I really needed it, the feeling of well-being and satisfaction, that feeling in the muscles....I don't know why I dread it, yet love it at the same time. And believe me, it is no easy feat to find the time, even though I do it for less than 20 minutes. Miss Camille always has a million urgent questions right when I am doing push-ups.

After that, dinner time! I bought two pizzas at the store, buy one get one free, so I baked them after the chicken was done. Most of the kids had pizza and chicken and carrots and sliced oranges....I had a huge plate of raw spinach, cucumbers, craisins, and the chicken. I cut up some of the chicken, added butter and hot sauce, baked it a little longer, and yeah, tasted like Buffalo wings....just a bit healthier.

Then....back out to get Sonja, then back to my online shopping.

We decorated the house a bit the other night, and it hit me that in a few years, no one will really care so much about making it Christmas-y in here. Margaret actually asked if we really need to get a tree this year. Um, yes! The two little girls were the only ones who were jumping up and down about putting up the little village and the advent calendars and the wreaths and the pointsettas....I am running out of kids! What on earth will I do when I am the only one happily decorating? When there is on longer little children begging to get things out and put up? Oh, it went by too fast!

Last night I had a dream that my mother was holding baby Anya, and she was just loving her. My mother has been gone for seven years now, but in that dream she was so real. It comforts me to see her in dreams because I can still remember her so clearly. Back when she was still around, cell phones were unheard of, practically. We didn't instagram every moment of our day, we didn't tell the whole world on facebook what we just bought at the store. To take a video, one had to use a bulky video camera. But oh my, I wish I had more pictures of my mother. Some videos. I miss her, miss her voice, although I sound exactly like her sometimes. I will say something to the kids and it's like Oh No, I AM My Mother.

So it gets later and later, and here I sit. I need to go to bed, Susan is dropping off some cute little children in the morning, I need to babyproof and sweep up dog fur. Abigail has the day off from work, so she is coming over for lunch. We were thinking of going out to lunch, but now I think we will just eat here and save some money and some calories, plus we will have the cute little ones to visit with and chase around.