So I went to my appointment yesterday, and thought the doctor would say, "Oh Mrs. W., everything is absolutely fine! You can go home and enjoy life, you'll no doubt live 'til you're a hundred!" But he didn't say that. The sonogram technician was very serious, told me I was smart to come right in. Then the nurse who talked to me before I saw the doctor echoed that. She explained what was likely going to happen during the doctor's exam, so when she left the room, I crawled out the window and ran down the road. Not really. But anyway. The doctor came in and did not say that I was going to live to one hundred, but he didn't give me a death sentence either. He explained that the sono showed a thickening of the uterine lining, which along with the postmenopausal bleeding, is something that has to be "further explored." He said, and I quote, "This is not just nothing." That is doctor-speak for "you aren't just wasting your money."
So, he told me to load up on ibuprofen, because this next procedure is going to hurt. He really said that. I got to choose to do it in the office, or over at the hospital, and duh, I chose the office. It's got to be cheaper, and it seems less...less serious. It didn't happen yesterday, no, that would be too simple, I instead have to wait for two weeks, just biding my time and living my life, and not thinking about tombstone sayings, although I do think I'll stick with the simple statement, "She Tried.", as my son Aaron suggested several years ago.
This whole thing is a trial of patience, because it takes a few weeks to get into the dr. in the first place, then this appointment was two weeks later, then the next one in two weeks...if it IS cancer, it could be having a pretty big party in all this time, don't ya think? Catch it early, they say. You'll have a much higher survival rate, they say. Reality: We're booked solid, but we can maybe fit you in two weeks from tomorrow....
But this whole thing is also a trial of faith. Do I really know and believe that the hairs of my head are numbered? And think of the treasures to be gained!
But on a happier note, just look at these best friends...
Sunny and Little Orange Guy just love each other. Orange Guy just rubs against Sunny purring, and curls up and sleeps with her. They chase each other around the house, but never are rough with each other. Sunny will just give the kitty a bath, and kitty will purr and snuggle. I don't know why I get such a kick out of it. And you know how kitties like to attack anything that moves, this kitty attacks wagging dog tails, and the dogs don't do anything about it.
Kitty started rabbit kicking Sunny's face, and Sunny was just like, "Really? Really?"
But back to my doctor's visit: I am not really planning my funeral. I am not actually THAT dramatic, but the thoughts do wander, and people DO die, and one of my best girlfriends died of breast cancer when we were 32 years old. I am also going in for my yearly mammogram, then the next week to the breast cancer specialists...poked and prodded, I tell you. Ain't nobody got time for that.
But in it all, there is real life, and real life is a gift. Even when someone takes the last can of seltzer and leaves the empty box, and when the last person who eats puts the rest of the corned beef in a baggie in the refrigerator but leaves the empty crockpot on the counter without even giving it a rinse. Even when you get home from the grocery store to find out you are out of milk and it's supposed to snow for the next three days.
My daughter Margaret is having a baby soon. I am cordially invited to the birth, which I am honored and thrilled about. They each called me last night after midnight, her husband Adrian, and her. She was having sharp pain, so I said to just go in and get checked out. They said they would text me if it was anything...around 2:30 Adrian texted and said baby is fine, and it isn't time yet. So I finally fell asleep. Tired is my middle name, I tell you.
One of these nights it WILL be time, and I hope it isn't snowing, they live a good half an hour north of here.
And now Anne is here, we have taken a trip to the library, and stopped into the grocery store for milk, cheese, and oranges, and are home again...