sunday night quiet....

It was another busy day here in Busytown. With three kittens and a Mama Kitty residing in the living room, with a puppy who doesn't bother them at all since Mama has hissed at her a few times, there is sweetness and sometimes a tiny bit of chaos. The kitties are curled up on the floor with Mama right now, all quiet. Whoever takes one of these kittens will be lucky - they are used to people. They remind me of the book, "Are You My Mother?"....the earnest way they peer into my face.

After church this morning, I dropped the princesses off at their friend/cousin Danielle's house for a tea-party birthday party. Home to switch the big van for the truck, then on to...the Chinese buffet with Evelyn and Suze, being joined by Abigail, Mali, Kathryn, and Sonja. Why did we go there? Apparently I promised them I would take them there sometime this summer.....and summer is almost over. So I gave in. By the time we pulled up at the restaurant, I was glad I had given in to them, and Evelyn said she was glad she had begged me.

Our fortune cookies: Suze's said, "Seek advice from you mother, she is wise." Suze said, "yeah, because she told me to make a volleyball out of plastic bags." True, I did. Long story. Anyway, my fortune had Mali and Abigail falling out of their chairs. We all laughed so hard our stomachs hurt and the boys at the next table were telling us to Shut Up. It said, "You may be hungry soon. Order take-out now." ha. As if we would be hungry after eating at the all-you-can-eat buffet...I don't know now why it was so hilarious, but it was.

Then...off to the grocery store for a can of coffee, a watermelon ($2.99!), some cherries, and a TimmyHo's coffee for me. Then...to Sear's to buy: a new dishwasher!!! We have been handwashing for months now, and when we let it slip, it takes forever to get them all washed. We usually keep up, and I don't really mind washing them....but. It will be SO nice to load them all in and get them washed at once again. I was supposed to get the $299 model, but I had a coupon for fifty bucks off an appliance priced $300 or more....so I got the $359 one for $309...it has the stainless steel front like the stove and fridge. I hope it works well and lasts long. We have a new water-softening system in, and Paul is going to put in a small filter on the hot water pipe that feeds it, so the hard water will not clog it up and kill it.

Mali, Kathryn, and I stopped to visit Paul's dad on the way home. He had a grand mal seizure last week and spent a few days in the hospital. He can no longer drive, and it is hard for him. He was sitting there on his front porch watching the cars go by. He was glad for the company, and we enjoyed our visit with him. Paul had spent the previous day with him, and he told me how much he appreciated it. Then his mom got home, so we stayed a bit longer to talk to her. They are getting old but aging so gracefully. They just seem more humble, more thankful...and I really like being with them.

Home again home again, jiggety jig. I put my suit on and jumped in the pool. It was 86 degrees out, and humid. Then....over to pick up the princesses from their party. They had too much fun, Camille only cried for me once, and had one accident, opps. Sorry, Kim! They came home, had a nice warm bath, and were tucked in before 9 o'clock.

Mali has been home for the weekend from college, her clinicals haven't started yet. She took Margaret, Kathryn, Evelyn, Suzanne, and Sonja over to where Jonathan has been, at their cousin's house (Sebastian and Linnea and William), to watch a movie. They are on their way home now, so my quiet will be invaded.

My three big boys, Joseph, Aaron, and Samuel, are back from their weekend camping trip in the Adirondacks. The van smelled horrible from all the boys that rode in there. Girls just don't stink up a van like boys do.

One more week of vacation before school starts...I am hoping it will be a long long week. I want to go to the beach, to sit around by the pool, enjoy the kids, just soak them up. For me, the beginning of school is actually physically painful. I cannot stand it. I cannot bear it. The thought of Miss Camille getting on that bus: I can't even think about it. Everytime I start to, I just push it away. I know, I have to grow up and deal...but. I don't want her to go yet. Perhaps she won't want to, and I can keep her another year. But I want Char, too, and Jonny...wah. I hate school. Hate it. It steals my kids from me.

The house....oh, the house....let's just say that tomorrow, I will have my work cut out for me. And since my kids are still on their slightly nocturnal schedule, I will be on my own for a few hours before they get up to help me in the morning. The college kids will be leaving, and I will drive Samuel, then ugh, the work. The new dishwasher isn't hooked up yet, and there ARE dishes to wash. The floors, which were swept today, need it again. Laundry, always. Counters, I know they are under that stuff. ugh, and ugh. But not the end of the world. As long as no one drops in until at least noon.

I am tired tonight. I had a headache-y day yesterday. I was out working in the yard for a few hours in the sun, (dehydration?), had a piece of hot sausage for dinner (nitrates?), and hot tea in the evening (too much caffeine?). I took an evening swim, and my head was pounding...went to bed with a headache. Never ever do that, I told myself later. By the middle of the night, I was in agony. Pounding and pounding, nauseaus, blah. I took four ibuprofen. Didn't even touch the pain. Every time I so much as wiggled my pinkie, I almost threw up. Two more ibuprofen, lots of water. Finally!!! - I finally got some relief and fell back to sleep. When I woke up at 9a.m, my first thought was, "I am gonna sleep all day." Then I remembered Danielle's birthday party, and that I had to rummage through my present closet, wrap the gifts, ect....and then there was church, can't miss that....blah. I have gone all day with that wrung-out feeling that follows those headaches. I feel like I could crawl into bed and sleep for days....but, Sam needs his ride at 6:45 a.m. Perhaps I will feel like a million bucks tomorrow. Now, I shall exercise some grown-up-ness and go get into bed instead of reveling in the quiet...ha, they all came in and there was a squabble about using the bathrooms...wait, two or three squabbles...

don't wish your life away....

This is now. This is life. Not tomorrow, not next year. Only today. Fat, messy house, things to do...this is my life. Am I making the most of it? Grabbing those moments? Hugging those little girls, engaging them in conversation, praising the older kids and talking to them instead of just saying, "you left your mug on the counter with the tea bag in it AGAIN...."?

I got up early this morning even though Sam got in all of his 30 hours of work already this week and didn't need a ride. I heard Suri whining, so I got up and took her outside. Then I sat on the floor with kittens for a while, what joy! They are just so stupid and sweet. Suri is afraid of them. She would come up to me on one side and let me pet her, then tentatively sniff a kitten, then back away. I think it is because Mama Kitty has hissed at her a few times. Mama does not want the kittens in the kids' room though, she brings them back into the living room by the scruffs of their necks. She is a social kitty, and wants these kittens in here. Do I mind? ha. I am having the time of my life. But sadly, they have to be given away in a few weeks. I am sad because I know I am finally growing up...because I know we don't need to keep one.

So this morning I am happy and thankful. There are so many things to be thankful for!!!!

1. Food. The kids get up and wander into the kitchen. There is cereal, bread for toast, bananas, orange juice, milk, oatmeal. That is nothing to take for granted.

2. Charlotte Claire and Camille. They have been awake in their room for a while, but they play in there together, I can hear them laughing. They are so lucky to have each other!

3. My husband. We aren't always on the same wavelenghth, and I sometimes think he doesn't appreciate me enough, sniff sniff, but. I love him more and more, and he loves me. We still have that spark, and I must say it has gotten better and better, and that is all I am gonna say about that.

4. God. Yes, this one should come first, because from Him all blessings come. I am thankful that He has had mercy on me, and helps me straighten out my thoughts. "We are hard pressed on ever side but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair," (2 Corinthians 4) Seriously, our thoughts are our rudder, steering us, and we need to watch over them carefully. It is okay to be tempted to return evil for evil, but it is never okay to actually give in and do it. I find that when I feel hurt or offended, it is in my nature to strike back....and I do not want to do that.

5. My messy home. I wish it weren't messy. I wish it were organized. But, I am thankful for it. For the fun we have here, and the warmth.

6. Down time. I love and appreciate when I can sit here in my comfy chair with my coffee and put my feetsies up. Never underestimate the value of putting those up for a bit. A nurse commented recently that it was amazing that I don't have vericlose veins after having so many pregnancies, and I said it was because I put my feet up too often.

7. Our big yard. We only have two and a half acres, but the kids can run around...we drive by this place in the small city where several families share a small "yard" - mostly paved, between two buildings...there is a small kiddie pool, some tables and umbrellas, and litle bikes...very sad and rather depressing. It makes me feel almost guilty that we have so much grass, and all these trees to climb....

8. My walks. I went on two yesterday. My second one was after dinner, I felt antsy so I put on my sneakers and headed for the hills. I sorted out those thoughts and determined not to have any snacks in the evening, which didn't work because I had a handful of chocolate chips later. But I SO enjoy the mild weather and those walks.

9. Jonny. He is such good company. He charges my phone and my Nook for me, he uses my phone to text his sisters, he answers my texts for me sometimes, he doesn't ask for things in the store anymore, he talks to me about important things like what cars would make good police cars (he pointed out that using gas-guzzlers could be dangerous, because what if a cop had several criminals to chase and ran out of gas?). Anyway, Jonathan is such a good boy.

10. My six teenagers. They know way more than I do. They ever need new sneakers, or have only "one good shirt". They need hair conditioner and they need face wash. When I tell them what they REALLY need, and what I lived without, they say, "In the seventies....", or "back in the dinosaur age...". But they really are good kids, and appreciate things.

11. Good deals. Today, we are going on an adventure! J.C.Penney has a special for the month of August in all their hair salons - free haircuts for school kids up to sixth grade! I will give the stylist a tip, of course, but free! Camille, Char, and Jon are going in this afternoon. Mirielle took Sonja last week. Now, I have never even had my hair cut anywhere, ever, so this is, to me, an extravagance. The princesses are really excited about it. Don't get used to it, girls.

12. Summer sunshine. There is nothing like it. We have almost set a record here this summer, 23 days of 90+degree days so far, and this weekend: sunny skies, warmth into the high eighties or low nineties.

13. My son Benjamin, and his strong faith in God. I honestly don't know what would have happened to him without his faith. Imagine being over in Afghanistan, your major lifeline and hope for the future being getting off that plane to your beautiful wife, then finding out that she has had a change of heart, THEN finding out there is someone else. Please continue to pray for Benjamin, that he holds on to his faith and doesn't give in to despair.

14. My blog. I love writing here. I don't seem to run out of things to say.

filled with hope...

In, "The Hunger Games", President Snow tells the gamemaster that one thing is stronger than fear: hope.

Now, I am thinking about weight loss today. Because I have been stuck for a while. Getting too comfy, not pushing myself enough. Yah, I have lost 60-something pounds, bigga the deal. I am not on a plateau, in my mind, because a plateau involves a person working really hard and hitting that spot where nothing happens. I am not trying really hard. Just moderately hard. I eat way way way healthier than I used to, but there are things I know I shouldn't have, and when I do have things that are okay, I need to watch those portions. For example, last night I cracked open the peanuts...need I say more? Anyway, for something to happen my life, I have to believe it will happen. This sounds yoga-y and hippie-ish, but it is true. So I decided not to glean strength anymore from what I have already accomplished, and start anew. Again. I will lose forty pounds. There. That is my goal. Added to what I already lost makes it seem too much, but starting now, forty pounds, not too lofty a goal.

We are having absolutely gorgeous weather here in our part of the world. Today: sunshine, high in the eighties. Not a cloud in the sky. Not humid, just pleasant. Tomorrow and Saturday: 90 degrees and sunny. Delicious weather. I will swim and enjoy the sunshine. If only someone would come clean my house for me. ha.

Today, I have to go to the dentist for my broken tooth. I HATE the dentist. Not him personally, just the whole poking around in my mouth thing. I love when he tests the fillings with that sharp thing, dang it makes me nervous. I find myself sitting there all tensed up, every musle in my body clenched...toes pointed toward the ceiling, grabbing the handles of the chair, thinking if my mouth opened any wider my jaw would dislocate. Then the needle into the gums...then the drill. Just the sound of that drill can make me dizzy. I hate that drill. Even with novocaine, I can feel it, and I tense up, dreading an accidental un-numb spot....yes, I have the right mindset for the dentist, don't I?

Lots of my kids are going with me today. They have their school supply lists. I'm sure it will be an adventure.

I am not looking forward to menopause. Life is challenging enough, but more mood swings? blah. I already hate the way my cycles are getting shorter and more random. I mean, it is NOT FAIR to get periods just three weeks apart. Not fun, and not fair. I like to think of myself as a nice lady, a good kind mom...but sometimes I get the tiniest glimpses of how I really am, witchy with a capitol B, and ouch. Then I get my period and That Explains It. Anyway, I am all happy today because I have a week or two or three to enjoy before it comes again.

Now, I sit here and write like no one reads this. At our church conference, a very nice daddy, who was walking with his early rising toddler so Mama could sleep, mentioned that his wife reads my blog. It rather suprised me because I forget people actually read this. This sounds stupid, it IS on the internet, but when I write, I just sit here and write what comes into my head. I have to sensor myself concerning things about my kids that they would kill me for if I ever wrote, but other than that, I am not too careful. I don't think I could write anymore if I actually thought about who reads it.

And now, I shall get out of my comfy chair and get moving. This is particularly hard to do this fine morning because Miss Char is the only one up. Even Suri and Mama Kitty and the three baby kitties are dozing here in our living room.....

my favorite things....

The way Paul loves Suri...and Evelyn sitting there with Jon's computer, with her birthday stuff in front of her...Emily got her a nice new backpack, I got her those new drawers to keep stuff in, and a few shirts, and twenty bucks. One of her siblings also gave her a twenty, but no one will fess up. I am thinking it was Suze.

Spoiled Suri...when I saw this, I thought of the new Muppet movie, and the song, "Am I A Man, Or Am I A Muppet..."

Mama Kitty has a comfy kitten-pillow...these kittens are so cute. The little girls are playing with them right now. Camille has one wrapped in a little blanket, and she is rocking it like a baby. I keep reminding them that kittens are very fragile, and they have to be nice and gentle, and take good care of them while Mama is outside.

Jonathan prays every night that God will help the kittens have good homes, and plenty of food.

Aaron loves Puppy too. She is hard to resist, she just loves people so much. She is learning not to jump up, but she gets so happy she can barely contain it, then she just rolls over to get her tummy rubbed.

Favorite things - I think my most favorite is Summer. Summer vacation. And it is slipping away. Only this week and next, and dreaded school will begin. Have I bought their school supplies yet? ha. I have stocked up on 25 cent crayons and 50 cent markers, and 17 cent notebooks, but I haven't even glanced at their school lists. blah.

Summer. This summer, I have gotten up most days at a bit after six to drive Sam to work. He does have a bike, but some of the days were so hot, and five miles there and five miles back...I am too nice. Now his new bike is broken, it needs a new tire. I told him this morning that he will have to get it fixed or ride mine tomorrow, as I have a dentist appointment for myself and two of the kids. One of my molars broke right in half during our church summer conference. ouch. It hasn't hurt too badly, but I only chew on the other side now. I hate going to the dentist. He is a nice guy, but I would rather have a baby with no pain meds than go for a filling, any day of the week.

Anyway, I haven't been sleeping in much this summer. I don't mind being up early though. I take Suri outside for a bit before driving Sam, then take her with me for the ride. Then get home and get my sneakers on, and walk before any kids are up. Home, coffee, oatmeal, blog...before they are even up, most mornings.

Yesterday, on Evelyn's birthday, I took a quick trip to Walmart with five girls, to get Ev a volleyball. They had no volleyballs in Walmart. Dang. So I bought the girls Powerades, and M&M's and two posters for Evelyn, and home we went. I wish I had thought to get another gallon of milk. We are almost out and the store in town is so expensive.

Puppies and kittens and rainbows and sunshine. I talked to Benjamin for quite a while on the phone the other day. He is working hard to move on with his life, and not get bitter about Ashley. His heart has been broken. He thought this marriage was forever. My heart is broken for him, and for her. I miss her, I care about her, and I think she is making a terrible, shortsighted mistake. It is cursedly painful to be a mother sometimes. The phrase, "I feel your pain", is actually real for mothers. I mean, I don't go to nursing school, but I feel anxiety about the upcoming exams, I remind them to remember things, I feel the triumph when they ace those tests. I am not in the army, but when Benjamin was shot at last week (the guy in front of him was hit, Ben had to patch him up and have him 'coptered out, bullets were flying around Benjamin's boots), I felt his fear. I am not in high school, but I make sure my kids have decent sneakers and shoes and clothes and I certainly feel it if they aren't happy. I am not a nurse, but when Emily loses a patient who was much too young to die, and has some mourning to do, I feel that with her. "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Prov. 17, v 22. I can't fake a cheerful heart. I have to have things in order in my own life. I can't hold on to anger, or nurse grudges. I need to let God's light shine on my sin, so I can be pure and refined, so I have something to give my children. 1 Timothy 4:16 "Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine, continue in them, in doing so you will save both yourself, and those who hear you." Take heed to yourself.

Ah, sorry about that! Just my version of thinking out loud. Preaching to myself. There is no recipe written out that I can just follow, like, "How To Keep Sane And Raise 16 Children Into Adulthood." I can seek after wisdom from God, pray for help, and be humble, then it will go well.

I think it is hilarious sometimes because people think the answer to being able to manage a big family is by Being Organized. I am sure it helps, and I would love to Be Organized myself. But. The truth is: it is by the grace of God. He strengthens the bruised and wavering reed. Jesus grew up like a tender shoot out of dry ground, which shows that what is around us doesn't determine the outcome, it is how we TAKE things. I can get everything in order around me, but still be miserable. When I learn that it is ME that has to change, then it goes well. Come hell or high water, I can learn to be content. ha, it isn't written like that in the bible, but the meaning is the same.

And now I am done encouraging myself to face the day. Because sometimes I too forget that it is me that has to be humble, I get caught up in thinking Things Around Here Have To Change, Or Else. And that may be true....but. And now I have to clean up real fast, my new babysitting kids are on their way over to meet me!

off to college....

Aaron, Joseph, and Mirielle before they left for their morning commute to college. Mali is staying in the dorms this semester.

kittens = joy.

someone is NOT allowed to sleep on the couch...

My birthday Zinnias are not dead yet. I am a plant killer. These almost bit the dust, but I pulled off the dead flowers and watered them more faithfully....anyway, it is a beautiful morning.

Summer is winding down, and I am not done with it yet! We haven't even made our Summer To Do list yet! I want to go to the beach again. Our weather here in central New York state is glorious. Sunny and cool this morn, but it will be a nice warm day, with day after day of warmth and sunshine to follow.

Evelyn Joy is 13 years old today. When she was born, my oldest child, Emily, was 14, Abigail 12, Benjamin 10 (he had just been in the horrible boat accident), Mirielle 9, Joseph 8, Aaron 6, Mali Rose 5, Samuel 4, Margaret 2 and a half, and Kathryn was 17 months. (ha, 9 kids ten and under...yet somehow, we survived). Anyway, Evelyn is going to make her own ice cream cakes today. We will have burgers on the grill, and perhaps some corn on the cob from the lady down the road. She is having a few friends over to swim.

Dang, I thought I would be able to write with no distractions, but the princesses are up now, and Suri is awake again and needs to go out. The kittens are meowing, and Camille has her head in their box, meowing back to them. She just looked at me so earnestly and said, "Luke is hungry, and the Mama Cat isn't here!" Now she is telling them to sit down in their box, so the movie can start. I think she could sit there all day. They are in the living room now, the kittens. Mama Cat, aka Swanson Kitty, moved them from the kids' room to out here because she is a social kitty, I think. They have a nice big box on the couch, and Suri hasn't really noticed them yet.

Anyway, one of these days I will be able to write a decent post...I feel like it is just blah blah lately.

Yesterday, Mali had to move in to her dorm room. She needed some things first, so I took her shopping with Margaret 15, and Jonathan 8, and the two little princesses. We went to Kohl's, where the nice cashier gave me the 20% off discount even though I didn't have a coupon. I got Sam two shirts for less than three bucks each, sandals for Jon for next year, a dress and shoes for Margaret, a few things for Mali, and a sweatshirt for me. Then to Target for Evelyn's birthday presents, then to Price Chopper for chicken and burger and stuff for Mali. After bringing Mali to her dorm, we went to Wegman's for the ice cream for the ice cream cake. Anyway, we made a stop at Dunkin'Donuts for coffee...coffee for me, that is. Iced Tea for Ev, Iced Coffee for Marg, and soft ice cream for the three littler ones (99 cents). They were all out of ice cream. Dang, I ordered the each a chocolate glazed donut. As I drove to the pick-up window, the little girls started saying, "Can we please have pink frosting and sprinkles?" So I asked the nice kid at the pick-up window if I could change two of the donuts...he said, "You can keep the chocolate ones, I will just give you the sprinkle ones for free." I said, like an idiot, "It must be my birthday, thank you!" Now, I don't even EAT donuts anymore, but I still get happy to get free ones. I did have one bite of Jon's....

Suri did not pee or poop on her papers at all last night. She does not sleep in the cage, she doesn't like it in there very much. We put a dollhouse across the hallway, so she stays in the kitchen/living room at night. When we first got her, I of course loved her to pieces, but I wondered why in the heck I got another puppy when she peed on the floor and when I cleaned up yet another poop....now we are slowly turning that corner, and she is not as much trouble, but still super sweet. She chews things up, she bites on my nice kitchen table pedestals, she has tons of energy sometimes, and still has to be taken outside several-everal times a day. But she is SO worth it.

Ah well, I shall go start in on my work...not that I didn't already wash a bunch of dishes this morning...but there is laundry, and since we are having girls over today, there is cleaning up to do...always always always, right?

monday, slow down!

Little princesses tired out from camping...

Camping is fun. Being outside, being away from computers and iPods, even phones, which don't work in the Adirondacks...being together. Cooking over the fire...(the baked potatoes were SO good, thanks to Emily). But being home and just walking down the hall to the bathroom instead of hoofing it all the way down the road - not bad. And my comfy chair, I didn't miss it, but I am glad to see it again.

I actually like the walking associated with Going Camping. I used to hate it. Now I don't mind at all. One day we went for a walk/run with Suri and the four youngest kids. I weighed in when I got home - not terrible, no gain, but no loss. It sort of kills me because if I had not eaten the candy, I would have lost, with all the exercise I did. We ate really healthy meals, like chicken breast, pre-grilled and heated in olive oil, with brown rice....and taco salad. Hot dogs on the last night, with green beans and baked potatoes. The kids liked grilling them on sticks. But we had snacks. Chips. I only had one. One single chip. Two cookies. But I had Good And Plenty, the candy coated black licorices. And Nerds, which I didn't even know I liked. I had a s'more one night, then a roasted marshmallow. I felt really blah, then realized it could have been much worse. And, It Is What It Is, whatever that means. Over and done, and it was fun.

I just got a call from a friend...a babysitting job offer when school starts, two days a week for a toddler and a little princess older sister...very adorable children. I said I would think about it, but guess what? I think I will.

Miss Margaret is ready for our trip to Target...another busy day, Suri has to go to the vet this afternoon for another shot, and we need groceries. Off I go....

home from the mountains....

Eleven of our kids, heading out to rent some canoes. They look nice on Abigail's new car. In this picture: Emily, Abigail, Mali, Samuel, Kathryn, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, Jon, Char, and Camille. Let's see....Benjamin is in Afghanistan, Mirielle and Aaron had a class to go to (Aaron did come up for one night), Joe had college orientation, and Margaret wasn't feeling well plus she hates camping...)

For the first few days, we only had seven children. We rattled around, seriously. Paul and I kept looking at them all and saying, "is this IT?" From Kathryn down to Camille, seven kids, from age 14 down to age four. We set up five tents and the shade shelter, and headed to the beach. And marveled at how easy it seemed. It must be because we no longer have to haul the Pack'nPlay and the strollers and the bug nets and the diaper bag....or because we no longer have to chase a toddler while keeping a baby out of the sun...or pull stones from a curious crawler's mouth...or follow a new walker around every single step, especially in the water....no more washing off sandy pacifiers or changing poopy sandy diapers. Instead we relaxed while the two little princesses made friends and swam and played with Jon and their sisters. Suri was our baby. She was a good girl at the beach....

She slept in the tent with Paul and I, and the little girls. She was so good and cuddly! She jumped up on the sides of the tent when she needed to go out...came back in, settled down, and slept like a baby.

Anyway, after being there with seven kids for a bit, Aaron came up with Mali...then he had to go back home the next day. Then...Abigail came up with Samuel and Emily. We put up another tent...six tents, and no trouble. It is a good campground for us...our poor neighbors though. I did talk to them though, they didn't seem to hate us.

My little girls are all tired out from our trip home and playing dollhouse and having spaghetti for dinner and baths after, they need to be tucked in...I am tired too...from putting away clothes and bedding and food and doing loads and loads of laundry...

This, of course, is our real baby...Miss Camille. She loves camping.