filled with hope...

In, "The Hunger Games", President Snow tells the gamemaster that one thing is stronger than fear: hope.

Now, I am thinking about weight loss today. Because I have been stuck for a while. Getting too comfy, not pushing myself enough. Yah, I have lost 60-something pounds, bigga the deal. I am not on a plateau, in my mind, because a plateau involves a person working really hard and hitting that spot where nothing happens. I am not trying really hard. Just moderately hard. I eat way way way healthier than I used to, but there are things I know I shouldn't have, and when I do have things that are okay, I need to watch those portions. For example, last night I cracked open the peanuts...need I say more? Anyway, for something to happen my life, I have to believe it will happen. This sounds yoga-y and hippie-ish, but it is true. So I decided not to glean strength anymore from what I have already accomplished, and start anew. Again. I will lose forty pounds. There. That is my goal. Added to what I already lost makes it seem too much, but starting now, forty pounds, not too lofty a goal.

We are having absolutely gorgeous weather here in our part of the world. Today: sunshine, high in the eighties. Not a cloud in the sky. Not humid, just pleasant. Tomorrow and Saturday: 90 degrees and sunny. Delicious weather. I will swim and enjoy the sunshine. If only someone would come clean my house for me. ha.

Today, I have to go to the dentist for my broken tooth. I HATE the dentist. Not him personally, just the whole poking around in my mouth thing. I love when he tests the fillings with that sharp thing, dang it makes me nervous. I find myself sitting there all tensed up, every musle in my body clenched...toes pointed toward the ceiling, grabbing the handles of the chair, thinking if my mouth opened any wider my jaw would dislocate. Then the needle into the gums...then the drill. Just the sound of that drill can make me dizzy. I hate that drill. Even with novocaine, I can feel it, and I tense up, dreading an accidental un-numb spot....yes, I have the right mindset for the dentist, don't I?

Lots of my kids are going with me today. They have their school supply lists. I'm sure it will be an adventure.

I am not looking forward to menopause. Life is challenging enough, but more mood swings? blah. I already hate the way my cycles are getting shorter and more random. I mean, it is NOT FAIR to get periods just three weeks apart. Not fun, and not fair. I like to think of myself as a nice lady, a good kind mom...but sometimes I get the tiniest glimpses of how I really am, witchy with a capitol B, and ouch. Then I get my period and That Explains It. Anyway, I am all happy today because I have a week or two or three to enjoy before it comes again.

Now, I sit here and write like no one reads this. At our church conference, a very nice daddy, who was walking with his early rising toddler so Mama could sleep, mentioned that his wife reads my blog. It rather suprised me because I forget people actually read this. This sounds stupid, it IS on the internet, but when I write, I just sit here and write what comes into my head. I have to sensor myself concerning things about my kids that they would kill me for if I ever wrote, but other than that, I am not too careful. I don't think I could write anymore if I actually thought about who reads it.

And now, I shall get out of my comfy chair and get moving. This is particularly hard to do this fine morning because Miss Char is the only one up. Even Suri and Mama Kitty and the three baby kitties are dozing here in our living room.....