smoking like an addict...

 Last night I got those ribs prepared, and smothered in a mixture of dark brown sugar, salt, pepper, cayenne, onion powder, a few different rib rubs tossed in.  This fine morning, I slipped out of my slippers and into Paul's boots, and out the back door to dig out the smoker.  Plugged it in, and yay, that front panel lit up, it was on!  I've never smoked in the winter before. 

I filled it with wood pellets, and set the temperature, after digging the snow off of it.  The lid was frozen shut for a bit, but then it melted open.  It came up to temp nicely, so when I checked on it after half hour, it was time to put those ribs on.  

Now I'm sitting here for my nice hot morning coffee by the light of the tree, while listening to Paul run the snowblower.  I'll go check the ribs in a bit and make sure it's still on and smoking and there are enough pellets, but it should be okay until noon, when I have to take those four racks out, slather with bbq sauce, and wrap in foil.  Two hours of that, then unwrap and smoke for an hour longer.  

There is a tremendous feeling of accomplishment in smoking something.  It's not so difficult, but it's so satisfying.  You take this raw meat, and turn it into something amazing.  I can see why people get so into it.  If I won the lottery, and had an outdoor kitchen with a sink with running water, and maybe a pizza oven, oh yeah.  But, I am thankful I have a smoker, remember when Jonny bought it for me for my birthday?  

I planned on taking some lovely pictures of the snow, but I didn't, and here I sit.  I felt like writing, so maybe some pictures later.  I am filled with happiness today.  My family will be here later, hundreds of people.  ha, not really, it just seems like it sometimes.  

The old Christmas Trepidation has set in, yesterday it was bad.  I didn't get enough for Benjamin, oh dear, what was I thinking?  Panic-y feelings of inadequacy.  I should have just gotten that thing for Kathryn, she's going to feel bad.  I just want to cry, because I do love all of them and their spouses and the kids, and somehow I equate showering them with nice thoughtful gifts with showing that love.  

This year, I issued a statement on the family chat about how much I love all of them.  Ha, on Christmas morning in years past, I used to tell them all:  perhaps your sibling got more gifts than you, doesn't mean anything, they'll share...if you got more than your sister, share.  You guys know how I am, things aren't always fair or even, but I love you all.  Oh, something to that effect.   I mean, how could everything always be the same and fair with sixteen kids!!!!

It won't be fair nor even this year either.  My brain just doesn't function that way.  

But the most important thing is that we get along just fine, and really enjoy being together.  There are sometimes snags in this getting along, but we are works in progress, and there is forgiving and forgetting, and blessings come when we pray for each other and support each other, so it's good.

Can I be honest here?  Life isn't always sunshine and roses, and we all have our trials, our aches and pains, our soul-wrenching situations with our older kids, things that aren't our business to write about.  But true happiness comes when I, minute by minute, thought by thought, give others the freedom to be themselves, and work on my own self.  God gives grace to the humble, and I've experienced it over and over again how everything shifts into place and things go well, when I am faithful in those hidden places.  

I've not been sitting here this whole time, I went to check on the smoker, then got sidetracked and got the vacuum cleaner out, then realized I have to make the bed in Paul's office (remember I wanted that to be a guest room?  I partly got my wish, as Sonja's queen sized bed is still in there!), Rosi is spending the night tonight.  I finished that, then started down the stairs to the back door, and stopped in the foyer, thought maybe to put a string of lights up, as people will be coming in the front door today/tonight.  I put away some coats and some things and straightened things up, then proceeded to check on the smoker.  It's humming away, up at temp, smoking like it should, makes me exceedingly happy.  Extraordinarily so.  

What else needs to be done before everyone comes over?  Well, our giant outdoor cooler is complying, ha, the cold weather and snow, so I will put all the drinks out on the deck.  I know when I get up again, I'll find things to do, but perhaps I should sit here and make a list...procrastinate getting up?  Yup.  Maybe a second coffee while I sit here and make a list...

Where Paul is, Sunny is too.  He threw her a snowball...

Anyway, have a very Merry Christmas!