happy anniversary to me...us...and another little trip...

Ah, 31 years ago today...I married him. I was 18 years old, and head over heels. I am STILL head over heels.

Obviously it hasn't been one smooth sailing trip through a bed of roses. ha, no sir. Marriage is a lot of work. You have to take the time to connect with each other, and keep it fun. You have to drop your ideas of how you think marriage should be...and when your feelings are hurt, talk about it! He is usually clueless! Men do not think the same way as women do.

I have had times where I have thought No Fair, I wish he hung on my every word, he doesn't appreciate me, doesn't esteem me...I have had my share of times when I thought my heart would just break...remember, we have been married for thirty one years! People change and grow and need space...but through it all, somehow, we have respected each other, and our love has grown deeper. We don't have to agree on every single thing.

But at the end of the day, what matters is that we have kept our hearts pure toward each other. Bitter thoughts haven't been allowed in. We have learned how to humble ourselves, to say we are sorry....and somehow, we have been blessed to still really really like each other.

And today, since Paul is in France, I am going on another little road trip! Just an hour or so away...a little get-a-way with Kim and 3 of her homeschooled kids, and my five homeschoolers...we have a few hotel rooms rented, and are going to celebrate her Olivia's 15th birthday! I have cuppycakes packed, and popcorn, and our bathing suits...we are leaving soon! Yay! pool, hot tub....here we come!

happy birthday to you!!!

Today my Mali Rose turned 21. She is my seventh child, and was born way back when I was 28 years old...which is how old my mother was when I was born. Anyway...Mali is one of my four registered nurses, and she is 16 weeks pregnant. She looks adorable...and feels...well, not as bad as she did for the first trimester...she was here this evening, and we celebrated.

The kids are watching a scary movie...eating popcorn. I think I will join them....

saturday morning and other important things....

1. I love Saturdays...especially the blank ones, that I can fill in as I go.

2. Today is not a blank one for me, but it is for some small children who are filling the living room up with dollhouse and Duplos.

3. Today is the Monster Truck Jam, not where I would choose to go if I had my druthers, but life is short, so it will be fun.

4. Paul is leaving again...for France.

5. We stayed up way way way too late last night, then I woke up far too early and started thinking about countertops and sanding things and what to do about the wood edging in the kitchen...my brain would not relax and let my poor tired body go back to sleep.

6. I just had the best breakfast: an egg with lots of black pepper, cooked up with diced green and red peppers and a few onions.

7. Add in some sprouted grain toast with a dash of cinnamon, honey, and butter...and a hot cup of coffee, and I am happy.

8. My two little girls are best friends/worst enemies this morning. Cam likes to whistle, Char hates it. Plus, Char's Duplo stairs keep falling down.

9. I am thankful for the prayers and kind wishes of friends regarding my brother. It is liberating to be able to talk about him here. Life goes on, but it is so therapeutic to re-live that day, in some strange way. It's like I'm finally coming to terms with it, but only a little bit.

10. Suri has a stuffed lion that she beats the snot out of and plays fetch with. She is using it as a pillow, and it is so cute it's not funny.

11. I have to go get dressed and get moving to go to the Monster Jam. It's challenging for me, physically, because I start work there at noon, and the event ends after 10:00 p.m., standing on my feet on concrete floor, serving over-priced hot dogs in soggy buns and $3.75 bottles of water:(

12. We will have a few breaks, but that means climbing steep stairs to find a place they allow us to sit in the stands.

Ah well...time to move along...blah.:)

six years later, it still hurts....

It fell on a Friday six years ago too...the day my brother took his own life. It was a warmer day, that day, with spring already starting. Paul and I were out and about buying flooring for the living room, blissfully unaware that my brother was preparing to shoot himself. I miss him, and sometimes momentarily forget that he's gone, then remember again. The pain has dulled, but it will never go away. Nor will the guilt (how could I not know?!! What did I miss? I should have known. He seemed fine.)

Life goes on, and that doesn't seem fair either. But it does.

I don't want to spend the day being sad. It is my sweet niece's birthday today...Olivia, the cousin who is here at least a few days a week. My brother lived there, shared land with my brother, and it was there that he died, out by the pond, on her birthday. Her cake sat there in the house...a nine year old girl's birthday forgotten in the midst of the police cars and ambulance...her own daddy in shock, he had found his brother. It was too much for a little girl. Too much for all of us. Her family has worked hard to make her birthdays good days, since then. To try to make some good memories that can somehow displace that unbearable day. Because the kids all loved their Uncle Billy. It was just too much, that day.

Of course suicide is one of those things people don't talk about in our society. It's right up there with miscarriages, the things that make people too uncomfortable to discuss. Cancer, heart attack, house burned down, car totaled...you can talk about those things.

Anyway. I miss Billy, and I won't wallow in sadness today. He wouldn't like it.

I am feeling compelled to renovate some things around here. I am not a do-it-yourselfer though, I am an IDEA person, and want someone else to do it. And believe me, I have ideas. And here's where the fun part comes in: I think I have to do it myself. My wise daughter Mirielle told me a few months back that if Dad is going to be gone all the time, then I have to step up and just do things myself.

So here's my grand plan: I want to paint my kitchen cabinets. We built our house in 1990-1991...and those oak cabinets were all the rage. This is no small project, I need to remove all the doors and sand them, remove the handle/pulls, prime them, paint them....paint the edges of the cabinets....

And: I want to refinish my countertops. I have been scouring posts and videos about DYI fake granite...using primer, paint, and polyurethane. I'm thinking to try it out on my bathroom counter first and if it goes well, then I'll take the plunge in the kitchen.

This is all very ambitious for yours truly, who feels accomplished when using a drill to put up mini blinds.

So I think I might mosey out to Lowe's today and just take a look-see...and maybe get some supplies. I have always thought that when I feel strongly compelled to do something, I should just do it...before I decide meh, it's fine like it is.

Tomorrow, Monster Truck Jam!!! I am working there at concessions, not attending as a spectator. It's loud, but pretty cool. They truck in tons of dirt, and our basketball court/football field/lacrosse field is transformed into a dirt pit. This year is supposed to be new and improved and even more impressive. I offered to take Jon, but he declined, said the one minute videos we send from our phones will be fine. I think he just doesn't like loud noises much.

Anyway, Paul leaves for France again tomorrow, for a week.

home again!

What a trip it was! I couldn't have driven it, but my sister-in-law did it. It took almost twice as long as it should have taken, due to bad weather. Sleet and slush and freezing rain...the tractor trailers would go by and drown us in slashings of slush. It was slippery and when it go dark out, not fun. But we still rather made it fun. Kim was doing the driving, but I was in charge of keeping her spirits up and I think I did a good job:). We thought our passengers were going to miss their flight for certain, at one point. The map on the phone was giving us a running time of our destination, and that time was standing still...and even going backwards for a while. We got them there, not knowing if they would make it through security and catch their flight...but they did! The flight was delayed an hour, yay!

So after a seven hour trip, we had to find our hotel. This was my first time in New York City, except for landing/departing at airports there. And this is about all I saw:


The Staten Island Bridge. We also went over the George Washington Bridge. We saw some buildings, and lots of lights. We entered and exited so many highways, and saw way too many cars!

By the time we got to our hotel, which we were extremely thankful we had booked ahead of time, we were almost dizzy. It was after 11 p.m., we were tired and hungry and the pool was closed. The nice guy at the desk gave us each a cookie, I think he gives everyone one. It was oatmeal/raisin/choc.chip/walnut. Mine disappeared before I could even reason with myself about it.

We found our room. It was a HUGE hotel, and our room was up in a back corner...it was like the corridors of, "The Shining"...our room was an adjoining room. The door was closed and locked between our room and our neighbors, but here were signs at the top of the door that it had been jammed open, or at least someone had tried. And there were loud voices from the other side of the wall, it sounded like a guy on the phone, or two guys talking...and I didn't like it. So....Kim bore with me, and back down to the desk we went...and asked to be changed. While we waited we heard the guy tell someone one the phone that due to high occupancy he couldn't accept the government discount rate, and the rate for the night was $179. We only paid $75. :) Anyway. We changed rooms, and were still hungry. The restaurant in the hotel was too pricey, so we had snacks....watermelon and nuts and grapes and a couple of yummy drinks I won't discuss.

I have to say, lounging in the comfy beds and watching HDTV with Kim wasn't too shabby. And in the morning, we decided not to care what anyone thought about us, and we headed to the pool, which was the focal point of the atrium, and of course...no one else was swimming.


We got on the road, and stopped in New Jersey at IHOP. I ate my eggs, bacon, and hash browns...but those blueberry pancakes...oh dear. The topping was so sweet and too sweet, and I didn't even think to add syrup until I had eaten enough of them...they simply didn't need it. Can you believe I couldn't finish them?


Anyway...I am home today. My ear hurts, my head is congested, and I am dizzy. But other than that, no complaints.

Except for this: Abigail AND Margaret are going to Norway in June...for a whole year. They both were accepted, and I am happy for them but shh, I burst into tears and had myself a good little cry when Ab texted me this morning. A year is a long time for a mom not to see her child...even if that child is 28, and her sister is 18. wah.

on the road again....!

Fundraising yesterday....working at the college basketball game...

And today: My bag is packed. Kim and I are driving her daughter, and a few friends to New York City so they can catch a flight to Norway (where Emily and Margaret are now) for a church conference. Since it is a long drive from here, 5 hours, we are spending the night! We will say bye-bye to our passengers, and find our hotel...I anticipate a relaxing evening after a long drive...

Goodbye for now!

lazy sunday afternoon....

Camille woke up with a fever this morning. I made her hot tea with honey and milk and put it in a sippy cup so she could lie on the couch and watch cartoons with it. Charlotte Claire joined her, but wanted her tea in a regular mug. I scooped both of those girls up onto my lap and they sat with me in my chair for a while.

Jonathan was invited over to a friend's house this afternoon, and I had girls where who wanted to go out and about. We had no church today because there was a conference, which Joseph went to. Anyway, we dropped Jon off, then went to...Kohl's. I had shoes to return. I like browsing around looking for things. I found: sneakers for Jonathan, Reebok, regularly $60 for $17, beautiful dresses for the princesses for $6.50 each, an adorable coat to send to Anya, and a few things to put away for Kathryn's birthday, which she picked out herself.

Then to the grocery store...Sonja remembered that you can order fries and onion rings at the fish department, I had two onion rings on the way home, but no fries.

Home...I put chicken in the oven that had been marinating in the fridge, put on some rice to boil, and microwaved some green beans, and some mixed veggies. We also had a few loaves of fresh soft peasant bread from the store...I ate a tiny piece of the end slice with butter....oh heavenly yum. Bread is simply the best, but if it made one thin, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Tomorrow: basketball game. Tuesday: a little trip out of town with my sister-in-law Kim. Then Saturday, Paul leaves for France, and I head over to the Dome to work at the Monster Jam...

And blah blah blah, as my father used to say. It is now Mundane morning, and my life is so exciting! Even Camille knows how thrilling things have been around here lately. She was hopping around the kitchen this morning, listing off the amazing things that have happened lately:

1." First," she said, "we got a new garbage can!"

2. "You bought a new mop!"

3." We moved the microwave to a different counter!"

4. "Then we won a loaf of bread from Price Chopper! Can we go there today and get it?"

Ha, the loaf of bread. I also won a muffin. They're having a sweepstakes game, and I am collecting the stickers and putting them in the little booklet...of course I have only one or two that I still need in all the categories, which I seriously doubt I am going to come across. Well, last night I was sticking my newest stickers in, and the little girls joined me in my comfy chair. We speculated on where we would go on our free $10,000 vacation or what we would do if we won the $20,000 home makeover. I pointed out that I wouldn't mind winning the new car, but Cam would prefer the XBox One. I would probably win something boring like free gas for a year.

It was kind of mean of me to get them all excited, they really think we're going to win. I had my older girls feeling sorry for me last week, because I pretended I thought we were really going to win something, and I saw them looking at each other, conveying that, "Poor Mom" glance.

The other night, one of my girls gave me a hard time about something. I'll spare the details, but later that night, she texted me and apologized. She said she was thankful for Dad and I, and all we do for her. Is there joy that can compare to what I felt?

Jon, Char, and Cam have colds. Not terribly bad ones, but those little fevers seemed to be the onset. I don't have a fever, but my eyes hurt, and my head aches terribly. When I turn my head too fast, the room spins...which to some degree is normal for me, I have too much fluid in my ears. I think I may have the cold too, but it is all in my head, ha, not my imagination.

My very favorite cashier at P. Chopper is moving to a different store, tomorrow is her last day. Big deal, you might say. But this girl, she is a treasure. She is so simple and sincere, and very lovely in an unconventional way. She is a little bit slow, perhaps, but she has a huge heart. She told me that she's leaving because she has a brother with special needs, she needs to spend more time with him and help him more, and working closer to home will help. She said that she wants to leave this world better than she came into it, and wants to be an example in her life. She wants to get treasures in heaven, and not spend her time on herself. I believe with all my heart that I will see this girl again someday...in eternity.

Ah well, school time.