I wrote the things that were so excellent about losing 54 pounds, and I forgot the primary reason I was so inspired to start in the first place, the Horrible Heartburn! It was the reason I went to the doctor one year ago. It had gotten so bad, it plagued me not just at night, but all day long. If I leaned over to pick something up, I had stomach acid in my throat. The over-the-counter meds I was taking no longer worked. As soon as I lost the first 12 pounds, it went a way. It hasn't come back. I don't miss it. I even forgot all about it, enough to not remember to list it as one of the bonuses of losing some pounds. Wow. We had chicken wings for dinner last night, hot Buffalo wings. I didn't have even a trace of heartburn.
The scale is not going down though, wah. I hope I am not stuck at this weight forever. But then, would it be the worst thing in the world if I was? Am I happy? I am. So I am going to work hard, but not get depressed about being so stuck.
Because it is one of the biggest mental tricks we play on ourselves...The Grass Is Always Greener thing. Instead of just being content, we always think that we Would Be Happier If...or When...but not one of us who walks this earth has the guarantee of tomorrow, so why waste time reserving our happiness for When or If?
Not that I won't jump with joy when I can get that smaller pair of jeans zipped. We have to have hope. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen.(Hebrews 11). I can have faith for something, but that doesn't meant I am unhappy until what I have faith for comes to be.
It was snowing on Rosie and I this morning. We didn't mind. My new sneakers keep my feet dry, so I am fine with the cold. I did put away all the winter coats and boots already though. oops.
It is one of those dark days again, the kind that are perfect for staying in and bumbling around the house. Good days for procrastinating, and not brushing my hair. But today I am not staying home. I am going to do something really fun: help Susan take the baby twins to the dr. for a check-up. The same dr. I have brought all my own babies to. Joseph is going to watch the twins' big brother William, who is one year older than Miss Camille. And Miss Camille.
Walk away from cleaning the house to spend some time with little babies? Notta problem.
Tomorrow we are having Jonathan's 8th birthday party. We are having homemade pizza, and for dessert, he does not want cake. He wants oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. He also likes ice cream cake, and Evelyn is an expert at that. So I am thinking to make the cookies for Monday, his actual birthday, for him to bring to school. And yes, I am almost drooling because oatmeal chocolate chip are delectable, I cannot resist them, but I will anyway. This is way too hard!!! Jonathan actually said to me yesterday, as he ate a cookie, "Mom, I bet it's hard for you not to have any of these." I don't walk around saying how much I would love a cookie...most of the time..anyway, I just told him that it is sometimes hard. "Sometimes hard", ha! HA. I feel like I mostly have this big hungry monster in me, wanting to just eat the Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs that Uncle Bob gave to Jonathan, and cereal...I love cereal, haven't had a bowl in like a year. I want to eat a stack of cookies. But I cannot. My dear conscience would not let me enjoy them anymore. When I ration it out that it is okay to have something, I do actually enjoy it. But when I know I shouldn't, it is tainted. I hope I am not crazy, is this all normal dieting behavior?
Anyway, the big hungry monster in me is mostly quiet, it isn't like I am constantly tortured.
And we are having a party for Mr. Jonathan, the finest little boy in the world. He is SO grown-up. I suspect he is on the outer edge of having Asperger's syndrome. He is always honest, he is obsessed with cars, he gets easily overwhelmed by multiple choices, and he takes things so seriously, beyond his years. If he ever asks for anything, he makes sure to tell me it is okay if I don't get it for him if it is too much. He ALWAYS apologizes if he gives me a hard time about anything. He is truly a good boy, so funny and smart and good. He is thrilled beyond imagination that Joseph got a new t.v. for his room, for video games, and gave Jonathan the old fat one. Jon has it hooked up to the Wii, and can play in there. Jonathan also has his own laptop....Emily bought a new one because her old one wasn't even turning on. She gave it to Jon, and he got it to work. He plays games on it, and it is fine. He takes really good care of it, and loves it. It is so funny.
Anyway. Time to move it move it. I have already put some laundry in the washer, but there is much more to do here. Ha, I just thought of something funny. My oldest daughter Emily is a nurse. She works on the medical intensive care floor. She sees alot of death, much suffering. One of her peeves is when a patient is not going to make it, and is just hooked up and being kept alive for no particular reason. She told me recently that Dad and I should really appoint a healthcare proxy. I told her I would do that, and it would be her. And if it ever comes to it, I told her, you can disconnect me, I said, if you really think I don't have a chance for recovery. But please, I said, give me just a little while to lie there doing absolutely nothing. I think I might enjoy it.