keep on keeping on...

Whatever that's supposed to mean. I guess it means, "I'm not giving up." I'm not. I am not giving up in my weight-loss endeavor, because....I can't! I need to keep fighting, even if I am not seeing much in the way of results right now. Because giving up would mean gaining it all back, and I am not doing that.

I am not giving up this race of salvation, either. Sometimes I want to just run and hide. I wish I had this little secret bungalow I could hide out in and drink tea with my feet up, a soundproof bungalow, of course, so I couldn't hear everyone asking each other What's Wrong With Mom. I could go there and cry if my feelings were hurt, go there and sleep without seven people knocking on the door asking what I'm doing. Oh, Peace And Quiet is still the wished-for item on my list.

But anyway, off on a tangent, I am not giving up this race of salvation. If I am tempted to feel sorry for myself or get offended or just plain mad, too bad for me, I am not giving in. Life is too short, and I would rather spend my life being a help and an encouragement.

My point here is that for me, life doesn't just get easy when I have a good attitude. I still have to choose in each situation how I want to be. I know, I know, sometimes there is sadness, and it seems all I can do is just tread water. But there is still always a choice for me, whether I want to wallow or believe with all my heart that God sends things for my very best.

I would like to just give up on my house sometimes, too. And these girls of mine, love them dearly but they will be the death of me with their bickering! But it is a work in progress too. I can only be thankful that they can and do see themselves, and really try to get along, for the most part.

It's funny because I can talk the talk, but when it comes to walking the walk, there IS generally suffering involved. It doesn't just come naturally. But God gives strength to the bruised and wavering reed, and He hears my prayers.

Samuel and I took the two dogs to the vet this morning. Phew. Shots and pre-surgical bloodwork, expensive! Getting Suri spayed is cheaper than getting Duke neutered, but also because Duke has two growths the vet wants to remove at the same time. A needle aspiration on the one on his back confirmed it isn't just a fatty tissue growth, as labs are prone to. Oh my goodness how can people afford dogs?

But they sure are sweethearts. They were so good at the vet's office. Duke was examined first. Suri just watched. Then the vet told her it was her turn, and Suri turned around and slunk behind the chair, all that was showing was the leash and her tail. It was so funny. But I think she associates being there with her horrible accident and surgery. She gets so nervous.

Mali's car wouldn't start this morning, perhaps because of the cold. She was panicky because she had to get to class, so I let her borrow Paul's truck, since he is in France. She had class, then had to work. I was out grocery shopping with Suzanne....we went to McDonalds to get me a coffee, and Suzanne something hot to drink. I had a buy one get one free coupon, so we got a caramel frappe for Mali and stopped in and visited her...she works as a receptionist at a hotel. I hope it lifted her spirits a little to know we were thinking of her, and that her mama loves her. She tends to stress about a lot of stuff, poor girl.

Home again home again, jiggity jig.

The kids left for Activity club at church, just a few older ones here, it is quiet. In a little while they will come bounding back in the door, all chilly and silly, telling me about playing in the snow and making forts and doing crafts. Charlotte Claire and Camille are sleeping in my big comfy bed again tonight, we will have some stories when I tuck them in. I will hate getting them up and sending them to school tomorrow, I already know that.

The days are flying by....in just two weeks, Emily and Evelyn will leave for their vacation in Jamaica, courtesy of Emily, who is a nice big sister. Sam will leave for Basic Training the following week (he says I cannot call it, "Boot Camp".). I was looking at vacations, Dominican Republic, Jamaica....but Paul is leaving for two week spans like every month, and planning something with him is almost impossible with his schedule. Our 30th anniversary is coming up, so we should probably go on a nice trip, right?

I guess when the weather is this cold, sand and sun start sounding heavenly. This weekend, the temperature is going to climb into the 30's (one degree celsius), and it will seem like spring here in central New York state. I am guessing we will see the guys in their gym shorts, and people driving with their windows down:)

If it's not obvious, I am running out of things to say.