the quiet of the morn....

Camille and I like to chill in my chair still, my big giant six year old baby...and Kitty, well...Kitty like to cuddle.

Jon was sitting with Suri, and Sam with Duke....Sam looks too young and innocent for the Army, doesn't he?

I took him out to lunch yesterday. We drove up to a city on the lake, it was cold and the sun sparkled on the snow. We chose a little restaurant on the river, an old brick building with high ceilings and rustic wood flooring. A huge woodstove warmed it. On the bar were two baskets, each one containing a small dog. Those dogs would just peek out at newcomers although one pup did step out of his basket and walk, across the bar a few steps, to greet a patron named Patrick, who looked like he just got off the boat from Ireland, complete with the rakish cap....and got back in the basket. Those pups just stayed put. The waitress/bartender said they are well trained, they just chill there all day. Cuteness.

Life is stranger than fiction.

Sam had a burger, a huge burger with all the fixings, plus a mountain of french fries. We shared onion rings that tasted like they were just cut fresh and battered up, oh yum. I had a an open faced steak sandwich with green peppers and onions, served with home made pita chips and fresh bruschetta. The peppers and onions were still a bit crispy, the steak peppery and done just right, oh it was good. I only ate half and brought the rest home and gave it to Sonja:) Sam saved half his huge burger too, because he had to go to Future Soldiers' Training in the afternoon and work out.

A stop on the way home for coffee, and we were good.

Today would be a nice day to hunker down and stay in the house...but alas, I shall not. Samuel, we have decided, needs to take the leap and join the 21st century...and get a cell phone. He was going to wait until after Basic training, but we talked about it, and it seems smart to get one now, so he can use it when he does get phone privileges. So off we will go to get one this fine morning. He also has a list of things to bring with him, like shaving gel instead of aerosol.

One of my daughters was dragging this morning, stayed up late doing homework. She does too much, between school and church and working out, and all the homework....so she sat there saying that no one who didn't walk in her shoes would understand how exhausted and busy and frustrated she is. I get that. But. I do know what being tired and overwhelmed feels like, and when I tried to comfort her, she brushed me off. I guess one's sleeplessness is unique, no one else can possibly imagine what MY tired feels like.

If there is one thing I do know, it's what tired feels like. Oh the tired years....days and weeks and months and years of being tired. I look back at pictures of my kids, of sunny days and happy times, and I can bet you a million bucks, I was tired. Getting up in the night with a baby then taking care of toddlers and older kids, ever chasing the elusive Good Nap, than reading books when I could be sleeping, eating bagels and toast and cereal not realizing the wicked vicious circle of fatigue I was trapped in was magnified by a poor diet filled with sugar and carbs....boosted by afternoon cookies, to comfort my poor tired self for missing yet another nap for one reason or another.....yeah, I remember Tired. Tired was my closet, most hated companion for those years.

Yet...I would do it all again in a heartbeat. In fact, if I knew it would slip away and go by so fast, I would have enjoyed it more, focused less on how tired I was and more on how amazing and funny and sweet those babies and little ones were.

But we don't get a re-do.

And....I am pretty sure I made the most of my days.

Anyway. Here I sit in the quiet, knowing full well that I should get out of my comfy chair and pack my bag and go out into the cold morning and got to the pool. I just can't. I don't want to. Maybe tomorrow.