My oldest son Benjamin with his daughter Anya. He just loves her to pieces. I am super thankful that he does, that he is a good daddy...that he is an upright, honest, decent, hardworking Army guy. A kind husband, a thoughtful son. Enough yet? Ha, I swore I would never be my mother and brag incessantly about my kids, ha.
Miss Charlotte, painting...apparently you paint your hand, then put it on the paper...see, I was talking to my sister on the phone last evening...Paul was at a meeting, the older kids were all here, the little ones were playing cards, I took the phone to my room so I could hear more than the You Cheated and Hey It Was My Turn....I came back out to check every few minutes, but then I came out and they were painting....
Camille, hard at work. I didn't mind that they were painting, but if they had asked, I probably would have deferred it to another night when it wasn't almost bed time.Today has been a strange day. I am tired. See, I made chili for dinner last night. It came out delicious, I ate only one bowl, ate dinner early, but for some reason, it really didn't set well with me.Plus, I got into the cookies. I had resisted for hours, then...anyway, I felt awful, and had heartburn. So I stayed up and read my book until I felt better...which was 3 a.m. oops. So when 6:30 rolled around, Zombie Mom got up and faced the day. ugh. The little girls were cheerful and woke up on their own, had plenty of time to relax and eat their breakfast, I even had time to look at clothes at Target online with Sonja, who went in on the second bus trip this morning.
They went off to school...I had some coffee...went online...looked at twitter....and Paul had retweeted an article about FitMom. You know, Maria Kang, I think is her name. She is in SUPER shape, has three small children...and has posed with them in her fabulous fitness clothes with the expression, "What's Your Excuse?" um. The picture brings out so many excuses in me, I don't know where to begin. First of all, I want to hate her. no fair. just not fair. And, she admits that fat people and obese people are that way because they did it to themselves, and if they are honest, they will not get offended, but get to work, because anyone can be fabulously fit. Not her exact words, but. And, she IS right. But, can I please just say...ouch. ouch ouch ouch. I do not really hate her, after all, she has made good choices, worked her butt off, to look like that. She works out with her kids, makes them healthy food, ect. But this fine morning, when I felt like hot wet garbage on a sunny day, and saw that Paul had retweeted the article about how fabulous this Hot Mom is, I burst into tears. I cried my poor little eyes out. Poor me. I have been trying and trying to get into shape, working my own ample butt off, but things just aren't progressing like I would like them to....my knee hurts, I get headaches, there are cookies...you get the picture. My excuses just tumble out like Niagara Falls. I knew I was being ridiculous. I was tired. So I took my sorry self into my room, and actually went back to bed.
Now, don't get too jealous. I forgot to turn down my phone, and after finally falling into a yummy sleep, Paul texted me and said, "you must be tired" Um. now that you mention it, yup. Then Emily texted about some plans, then I texted Jon about what work he should be working on, then then then...I finally just got up.
I made some coffee and toasted some Food For Life Raisin bread, and here I sit. Oh, I did some laundry and dishes and wiped down the counters and the front of the refrigerator.
And...I have not given up. I have read some articles lately that suggest that even if one is at a higher than desirable weight, in others even if one is FAT, exercising regularly makes one much healthier than even a thin person who sits around and doesn't exercise. So. I won't give up. I have my excuses, and they don't hold up in court. I gave in with the cookies, and believe me, I felt AWFUL. Horrible. I cannot tolerate sugar and white flour like that anymore. I ate pretty well all day, then ate those cookies, which tasted heavenly of course...and blah. So. I deserved to feel yuck, but I live and learn.
Today I will go out for my walk, and I will keep my paws out of the cookies, and I will persevere. I won't ever be on an inspirational poster, but I will feel better. I am not her, I am me, and I have to make the most of it.
3 comments:
Aw, just sending you a Hug. I struggle with my weight too (and I love so many things that I just shouldn't ever eat...but sometimes I do, and then my body does not feel good after I eat them, even though they taste so good)...yes, I understand. It is also very difficult when you've got kids baking and eating stuff you shouldn't have, I understand that too! Plus, our society does not exactly make it easy to eat healthy. Temptation lurks at every corner. You are not alone in your struggles. Thank you for being honest. Oh, and as for the Fit Mom lady, I was thin and looked great without even trying, no exercise, ate mostly junk and even after 4 kids, was very thin and healthy looking. Then, after babies 5,6 and 7 came along, my body changed. I got fat, even after eating much healthier than I did when I was young. It's a struggle mentally to push away hopelessness when that youthful appearance seems unattainable. Seeing "what's your excuse?" isn't helpful. Lots of valid excuses. Perhaps Maria will experience imperfection one day too and understand why it's mean to be so judgemental towards others.
Hmmm...I just have to say that by reading about your life and family I think that you are quite wonderful. Also, I am certain that if you woke up looking like this Maria person you would never, ever try to make others feel badly about their physical appearance. I think that you know what is important in life!
Whenever I'm tempted with thoughts like no fair, I hate her....I remember that this body has born 9 babies, 8 of them full fabulous stretch mark lotsa weight gain term!! So. My tummy is never going to look like any moms who has had 3. Humph.
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