a very special day....

 37 years ago, when I had my very first baby boy, I didn't know how special it was that he was born on Veterans' Day.  I just knew it was special.  Emily and Abigail were my little girls.  We lived in a nice mobile home (it really was nice, we bought it brand new, it was on a huge grassy lot with trees, it had a big cement patio and a deck, and we put in a swingset, and a garden, a sandbox...anyway.  My mother was there the night I was in labor, she knew exactly when it was time for me to go to the hospital.  She was making dinner for the girls, and Paul was peeling an orange.  He came over and squatted down in front of me, asked how I was doing.  I told him to get away from me, he smelled like oranges.  My mom said it was time to go, ha.

I got there at 6:30 pm, he was born at 8pm.  I timed it just how I liked.  To be fair, I must mention that I had already been in the hospital in the morning, but the nurse told me I'd be better off going home for a few hours, until the contractions were "real toe curlers".  

Anyway.  Benjamin Paul was my smallest little baby of all the babies.  He weighed a mere 6 pounds 3 ounces.  When he was born, he stared and stared at me, like I know you!  I was smitten.  I had forgotten, in all the prep of having a third child, how much I would actually love the baby!  It seriously hit me like a ton of bricks, the love and affection for him.  

I remember mentioning to the pediatrician that I was worried about how small he was, dr. replied He'll grow.  

He did.  He grew and he grew and he grew, right out of this house...to college, to the Army, to marrying Ashley...he lived in Seattle for a few years, but now he's ten minutes down the road, and I still don't take that for granted.  

Now he's a husband and a daddy, with his own two little girls and little boy.

If you all were reading back when he was a medic in Afghanistan, oh dear.  I'm glad that is over and done.   He was so young.

Samuel was also in the Army, my dear son Sam, so aptly named.  (with Grace, also aptly named, she's truly Grace) 

We are having some snow here in NY state.  It's given the living room that Christmasy vibe.

Another picture stolen from Kathryn.  Her kids are enjoying the snow!

Why I am so against taking the Tramadol is a mystery to me, but it brings me peace not to rely on it.  I took one yesterday an hour before PT, and have alternated Tylenol and ibuprofen since then, the one before that was the day before.  Yes, I have pain.  It isn't unbearable, at least all the time, but there are moments.  I'd like to be in a haze but I hate putting all that stuff in my body.  You know me, I googled the side effects,....possible seizures.  I'm just one of those people that, if there are going to be side effects...

I have to be weaned off them at some point anyway, so I made a decision, that I will only take one an hour before I go to outpatient PT, unless things really really hurt.  I've been tempted a few times, but decided I was okay.  Maybe this gives me the illusion of some control, I don't know.  But it's a peaceful decision for me.

It feels like I'm running as fast as I can in a swimming pool, and I'm just not getting anywhere, like when you're running in a dream, and using your hands as paddles too to propel you forward, but you're just not getting traction.  My daughter in law Grace had a dream after my surgery, that I floated right down the stairs like a Disney princess, right after.  I'll take it!

But life isn't like Disney, and we have to work hard sometimes.  My day:

Bed at midnight on the couch, flat on my back.  Sleep three hours.  Get up, use the bathroom, bend the knee a bit, get back to the couch, another two hours of sleep...up again, use the bathroom, get in the chair (which requires moving my pillow and blankets).  One hour of sleep, Paul gets up early, Sunny is out here clicking her nails all around, whether I wanted to sleep more or not ha.  He makes me coffee, I get up again, get cleaned up, back in the chair.  I get up every hour, walk around or go to the bathroom.  
First PT was at 11, then iced and elevated on the couch.  Back to the chair, ice on and off all the time I'm in my chair.  PT again at three, just got back in my chair with fresh ice.  It doesn't seem to change, yet it does, incrementally.  Sometimes I get up and it all kills and aches and the new knee clicks around and it seems like I'm stuck in the movie Groundhog Day.  

But.  I am not wallowing. Just mentioning, ha.  Also, the therapist told me yesterday that I shouldn't be doing all the bending the knee things that I showed him I was doing every hour.  He said every two hours was frequent enough, that I was possibly making the swelling worse, and that I should ice and elevate after each session.  

Kitty Kitten Kettler, aka Old Kitty is here on my arm, purring away as I type.  She's equal parts annoying and comforting, but I'd never tell her to her face.  She loves me.  

Paul is making beef stew today.  I'll be honest, it's hard for me.  This past summer, for one of our camping trips, it was 100% forecast for a chilly rain the first day up there, so I made this excellent instant pot beef stew with fresh garlic and cooking wine....we put the little pan of it on the stove and sat there and ate it while the rain drummed on the camper and the candles flickered.  I found two more packages of the stew beef on clearance at Target, and knowing they were in the freezer and that I was going to make it again was such a good though...well, he offered to make it because he knows it is one of my favorites, but he wanted to use the crock pot...fine.  It's fine.  He browned all the flour dredged meat in the iron frying pan first, it'll be good.  It may not be exactly what I was envisioning, but it'll be good.  Because it's made with love and thoughtfulness, like when the kids were little and they'd help make the cookies and dump too much in and get mounds of the flour mixture on the counter, yet they would be the best cookies ever, because of their blessed little helping hands.   It didn't make sense, but when love is in the mix, it just doesn't always make sense.

(that's your daily sappiness, you're welcome)

Paul is out shoveling and snow blowing now, we got a lot of snow...less than a foot, but more than six inches, for sure.  It's falling off the branches now, but it sure looks like a winter wonderland!

The girls have been busy today, they're totally immersed in their school work.  They watched the movie The Gladiator, last night, turned it off with an hour to go, as it was midnight.  It's a long movie, one which I had no plans to get immersed in, but ha.  What a time to live in, they rounded up all the poor people and homeless people and prisoners and made them fight to the death, against animals too. Barbaric.  NOT a movie I would choose.  

Anyway.  These days tend to be a bit claustrophobic here in the northeast, with the sun setting by 4:45 today where we live.  Add in cold weather, and not being able to leave the house, and well, it's different.  It's not what I would choose, but it's what's happening, so I truly try to make the best of it.   I enjoy the HECK right out of my coffee.  This morning, after my second PT, Miss Char made me a second cup.  It was so good, I was savoring it.  I got up to walk around and use the bathroom, and Paul refilled my water bottle and took my coffee cup away...rinsed it out.  WHAT?!  He said, It was almost gone.   Okay.  It was almost gone.  He is such a good guy, I am working on being nicer, but shh, I sort of reacted...you dumped my coffee, it was so good!   heh.   It's a good thing he likes me.  

Anyway, you all have a wonderful dark afternoon and evening, enjoy it all you can.  :)