heaven gained a good one...

 ...my dear sister has gone home to her Lord and savior, has finished her race here.  I was blessed and honored to be there while she passed.  On Wednesday, she was supposed to go to the cancer doctor to try a different med to stop tumor growth, but it wasn't to be.  She was too sick, and hospice care was recommended.  I visited with her, she knew me, and after I said goodbye, she called out "Del!", and I went back to talk with her.  That's when I told her I love her and she said she loved me too.

On Thursday, I didn't make it over to see her, Emily was there with her in the evening and said she was more comfortable, she had a new hospital type bed, and was less agitated.

Friday, I got up and made another batch of cookies, and brought them over.  Cheryl knew I was there, but wasn't really speaking anymore.   She was a bit uncomfortable, and the hospice nurse came to check her over, and she got a dose of medicine, then settled down.  Our siblings came to see her, and some of my older kids, and five of her daughters were there, with a few of her older grandkids, and a few of the babies.  It was getting late, and I was going home with three of my daughters.  I went to Cheryl, and held her hand, and told her goodbye, I had to go, and she knew me, she heard me.  She couldn't speak, but she knew me.   I got my shoes on, then was called back in...something was happening....her breathing had slowed down.  We started to sing, "Oh my God, my Jesus, my heart does long for thee...and that home so fair, that thou dost for me prepare...", and her breathing stopped.  It was very peaceful.  One by one we started to pray and thank God for such a good mother, sister, wife, friend....we thanked God for giving her to us, and for taking her for eternity so mercifully.  

It was the absolute saddest thing ever.  But also so good, if that makes any sense.   It was so much better than if her husband was there alone with her.  Emily came over and confirmed that she was gone, before hospice was called.  It was deeply moving and sad, and I feel all hollowed out, my best friend in the whole world has passed on.   I came home, took a shower and went to bed, and could not get warm for hours.  I think I was in shock.  When I woke up, I cried and cried and cried.  I cried because I don't want to live out my days without her.  I know she's in a better place.  But it still hurts like crazy.

Kathryn came over today, and brought flowers and chocolate covered almonds, and popcorn.  Achilles, who is six years old, explained it to me:  It's because you're sad, because your sister is dead, and when you die, we won't see you ever again.  (honestly, kids are quite refreshing!).  Sonja came over with baby Kaia, and we had a good day.  I made beef stew and mashed red skinned potatoes.  Char and Cam were here too.  Then five of Cheryl's girls, my nieces of course, came over so we could try to put together a eulogy.  

Countless times already today I've chalked up something to tell her, then had the punch-in-the-gut remembrance that I won't be telling her.  It hurts my heart to see her girls so bereft.  They were so very close, she was their best friend as well as their mother.  

I can't write any more tonight...thank you all for kind words and prayers....

(This was last September for her birthday, Cheryl and I....)