today....

 ...is a gift.  I stayed home, which is what I do these days, and vacuumed.  I washed some dishes, wiped down the table and some counters, and put the dining room tables back where they belong, after being rearranged for dinner on Sunday.  It all sounds so busy, but believe me, I did it in fits and starts.  I cannot sit for very long before my knee aches, so I get up and do some things.  Then I need to sit down, and on it goes.  

This post was written yesterday.  I was going to change the title, but today is also "today".  I was also going to change the title to "I can't."  I keep finding myself saying that.  For example, on Friday evening, there are calling hours for my sister.  I can't.  I have opened my house for my siblings to visit, as well as my kids, and I almost texted Cheryl about the usual:  the dread of having to clean...then I remembered, and I said, I can't.  I went into Camille's room today to use the stair stepper. 

I wanted to tell Cheryl.  

I browsed Marketplace, and there was a Little Tikes mansion dollhouse for free.  I wanted to send it to Cheryl.  Evelyn and Nate bought some chocolate coconut almonds from Trader Joe's for me, I wanted to tell Cheryl about them.  I walked across the living room and back without my cane.  Charlotte Claire got 100% on her college quizzes, and dissected a fetal pig.  Vacuuming is easier with the cane than with the walker.  so. many. things.  all, day, long.  

I can't even write this.  I can't.  Life without Cheryl seems like a big joke.  Life WITH Cheryl was sometimes also a big joke ha, but.  The laughing and crying seem to be all mixed together.  She was so funny.  

The thought of this whole weekend is heartbreaking.  Her girls, her grandchildren (29!), Bill.  I know she is in a better place, and that she fought the fight of faith.  And I know that when we get together and remember her life and her faith, we will be strengthened and encouraged. 

 One of her favorite songs:

Just think though to actually and truly have that mindset:  "let come what may, upon my way, I'll give my life each day."   This is knowing full well that God sends all things for my very best. 

Ah well.  Time to get up and get moving again...you all have a good day!