ahh, warmth....

Today's forecast calls for temperatures in the 90's, again. It will be the 19th day this summer here in central New York state for this. It is a warm nice summer. Sunny days follow sunny days. The pool is warm, our outdoor gym is warm...

Anyways, if you wake up in the morning, mosey out to the kitchen, and there is an upside-down bowl on the floor, should you pick it up? I did. Surprise! There was a giant grasshopper under it. I live in a house filled with girls, so I can only imagine what what down after I went to bed last night. I know they made brownies, because I smelled them as I drifted off to sleep, and because there are three wrapped up on the counter with a note that says, "for Jon, Charlotte, and Camille." That also tells me that Sonja K. was still up, or they would have saved one for her, too. Anyway, that grasshopper...I can just see Kap or Suze flipping out and not wanting to kill it, so they just put a bowl over it.

As I walked down the road this morning through the cool woods, I thought about having pets. I love/hate it. I hate the responsibility, and the way I care so much about them. This morning, I checked on the kittens, and Mama Kitty had moved one of them into a little drawer in the closet, which tells me she is feeling they need more darkness, or more solitude. So I moved a large cardboard box we had prepared, into the closet, moved her and the kittens into it. She seems okay with it, but now I am worried she will move them again. I also keep an eye on her when she goes outside, because what if she gets hit by a car or stays out too long and they get too hungry? Then there is puppy. She seems to prefer pooping in the house to pooping outside. rrr. At least she poops and pees in the same place in the house, on newspapers or in the general vicinity. but, blah!

I took Suri to the vet yesterday, and ca-ching! But she has had lots of puppy shots now, and has had her rabies vaccine, and heartworm medicine and flea stuff. She gained 8 pounds in the last three weeks!

Mali and I spent several hours together yesterday. She is staying in a dorm this year for nursing college. She needed a few things, like new towels and those plastic things that raise the bed up so more things can fit under it. So we went Wal-marting. Things jump into my cart at Walmart. But I needed cat food and a few school supplies...$77.77 later, off we went. I did say to Mali when the cashier said the total, "I TOLD you it was going to be seventy seven seventy seven!".

Anyway. After that we went to Panera Bread for lunch. I love the summer salad there, with chicken breast and blueberries and mandarin oranges and strawberries over romaine. I skip the dressing and get the pineapple on the side (allergic), but Mali ate it. I had coffee, and a baguette, which is Off Limits to me, so I only ate one bite. ha. And another. dang, it was all gone before it knew it. The Bear Claw...this is what a Bear Claw is...a pastry with glaze and topped with sliced almonds, filled with cinnamon stuff. Perfectly delicious. Well, Mali and I shared it. I did give her my last piece, so I had one third and she had two thirds. But still. I shouldn't. Especially because this morning, my weekly weigh-in was a few pounds up from last week, wah. I have been going back and forth with these couple of pounds for a few weeks now. I know why, that's the thing. I haven't been radical enough. Way too hot to exercise. Swimming is fun, gets the blood moving, but doesn't seem to burn the calories for me that regular exercise does. Anyway, I have been having a little of this and that here and there, too, and I cannot, or I will not lose weight. So. re-committment, again. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life, as my mother used to say. As I walked this morning, I convinced myself to look at as a new beginning, today as my starting point.

I am my own cheerleader. I am past rejoicing about the sixty something pounds I have lost....now I just look at myself, and say, Dang, You have a long way to go! Here's the thing...I am getting older, and it gets harder to lose weight, so I feel the need to get this weight off sooner rather than later. And, I really really want to be able to move more, easier, and wear whatever the heck I want. I used to have this nightmare alot where I would be so fat I would have to go into a nursing home. It was horrible. I was being wheeled away, away from my family....to loneliness....knowing that Fun and Fellowship and Good Things were happening at home...and I would sit there in my wheelchair crying and sobbing and saying that I would lose weight and be able to walk again....then I would wake up, and vow to get in better shape, tomorrow. So. I AM in better shape, but not good enough yet.

We all know that bodily exercise profits little, however, compared to our spiritual battle.

And we all need more encouragement for that now and then.

Life is full of trials, great and small. They are tests of faith. And God never sends more than we can bear.

Although sometimes it feels like it.

That is when I need to pray my way through. And read my bible.

Having a lot of kids can be mentally exhausting sometimes. When they suffer, I suffer. I rejoice when they make good choices, and try not to get too upset when they don't. I want to see them happy, faithful to God, and of course self-reliant, self-supporting....I want them to be kind, to be giving and good and honest. They have free will, I cannot make them be how I want, I can only encourage and hope. Being a parent helps me see in part how it is for God toward His children. He wants us to trample sin beneath our feet, so we aren't slaves to it's bondage, so we can be free and happy...yet He doesn't make us do this...He leads and guides and sends what we need...

But today is a new day. I took some deep breaths on my walk this morning. I have asked God anew for grace today, for wisdom in dealing with all these kids. For patience with the teenagers who know everything, and with the little girls who only fight occasionally but when they do, watch out.

Anyway. When I am done writing this morning, I shall go to my outdoor gym and make myself exercise a bit.

Then there is so much shopping to do for the church grill. Mali helped me yesterday...we got Snapple and Gatorade and water. And more candy. We took it out to the church and unloaded it...Mali helps out so willingly, yet she doesn't go to the conferences because she doesn't go to the meetings because she doesn't want to. Breaks my heart, but it is her choice. I love her with all my heart, and know she is a kind girl, a good girl.

Uh-oh, I am sensing some procrastination here. It is quiet, and I enjoy sitting here...but I need to move it!

a few more of my favorite things...

Miss Camille, sweeter than ever. She was cold, so she layered her jammies. She woke me at 5 this morn to tell me she had a bad dream. I gave her a hug and told her to go back to bed, nice mom that I am. Of course I felt a little guilty, then couldn't fall back to sleep. Paul got up soon after that, so I just got up and took Suri outside. Suri was a wide awake puppy, wanting to play, and go back outside every little while. I decided I may as well drive Sam to work and save him the bike ride, I was up anyway. At 7:15, no kids were up yet, Suri settled down for a nap, so I stretched out on the couch, and took a nice little nap...

I asked her what her bad dream was about..."Mama, you got on a bus and left and never came back! Your hair was wet and you were in your nightgown, and you had a backpack! Oh Mama, now I am making myself cry!". She is so cute and hilarious and sweet, and she did indeed start to cry when she told me about it. I told her I would never ever do that. But I wonder if it is a anxiety dream about going to school...

Sonja K. read a story to baby Davian when he came to visit us yesterday. He is a joy!

Charlotte Claire took this picture of Jonathan.

Suri, of course!

Camille and I this morning, my nap didn't much good...I feel rather groggy still.

Kittens! She had three. It was magical to watch. She was a trooper, and didn't mind us there at all! Even the two little girls came in and had front row seats as the last one was born. I have a new respect for Mama Kitten, she is so good with her babies. Jonathan could sit and watch those kittens all day long. He makes sure Mama gets her food and water, and the door stays shut so Suri doesn't terrorize them.

And, since I spent my morning doing things like showering kids and washing dishes and doing laundry and taking a puppy out, it is already almost noon, and here I sit, finishing my first coffee. I am heading out to buy lots of Snapple and Gatorade and Coke and Pepsi and Mountain Dew and water bottles for next week's conference at church. Never a dull moment....

a few of my favorite things....

Kitty Kitten, or as I call her now, "Mama Kitty", even though those kittens are still in there kicking around.

Kitty likes being around us, she is a People Cat. She purrs when we rub her tummy, but she is a funny cat. When she doesn't want to be bothered, she will bite. Not hard, but with no warning, no growls ever, or scratching....she just bites. It is really kind of funny. It means Leave Me Alone Now.

Miss Char with her dollhouse campsite.

Miss Camille..

Pumpkin muffins! My absolute favorite, made by tweaking Mirielle's favorite cheaty recipe...she takes a box of yellow cake mix, mixes in a large can (30 ounces) of pumpkin, and some spices. All done! I used a box of carrot cake mix, and also added two eggs, just for the heck of it, and used lots of pumpkin pie spice. They are incredible, moist and dense and yummy. I put them in the oven before my walk this morning, and when I got home, there was coffee, and the house smelled like heaven.

Suri...sweetness...

Those are a few of my favorite things. I can also add:

Paul. He is coming home tonight.

The pool. I didn't think to take a picture of it, but it is crystal clear, and just the right temperature. I love love love going out for a swim, it is good exercise, and it is fun to be with the kids in there, even though they are such splashers. Camille can swim without a floatation vest now, she can swim right across that pool.

Library books. I have read three this week.

A clean house. I plan to attain this today, as I like to have the place nice when Paul returns from a trip. Not just because it will be nice for him, but to make it look like I didn't read three library books while he was gone.

Sleeping in. I love sleeping in until I wake up naturally. It is yummy and delicious, and after so many years of being starving for sleep, I SO appreciate a good night's sleep.

And since these are just a FEW of my favorite things, I shall be done with my list.

hmmm

Am I at loss for words? Impossible!!! Not me! I have a million things to say! Yet, this fine morning, my fingers have been hesitating above the keyboard, typing a few things then hitting the "backspace" button...

I was going to write a post titled, "I am not a bitch", but decided that I am not ready to write that word on my blog, except for to say what I was going to write about.

I was going to write about the dream I had last night...that I saw an angel, and I knew it was my time to die. No one else saw it, and I was scared. I felt an urgent need to repent, and what did I repent of? Rosie. Putting Rosie down. I was crying and explaining myself, and saying how sorry I was. blah. I guess I am not over it yet. My rational mind says it was the right thing to do, but I miss her big fluffy clumsy hugs!

I was going to write about how busy the next few weeks will be as I prepare our family for Summer Conference at church, and buy food for the grill, food and soda and candy, and make sure we have all the sno cone supplies. Any organized mom would be getting things ready now, but ha, I never said I was organized. I do better last minute.

I want new sneakers. Benjamin and Ashley gave me a gift card for my birthday, which I wish they wouldn't do, they shouldn't be giving me gifts...but it was nice of them, and they were thinking I might want new sneakers. I do, I do! I would never have believed a few years ago that the thought of light blue Reebok trainers would make my heart race!

Kitty Kitten is still pregnant, longest kitty pregnancy ever. I keep checking to see if those babies are still fighting around in there, and they are. She is so funny, lying on the floor, not worried a bit about Crazy Suri. Oh, did I mention our sweet little puppy is turning crazy? That Lab puppy craziness, you know, jumping and biting on the girls' skirts, grabbing things and running away with them, and she eats ANYTHING. Anything? Yes, anything. (Cat and The Hat movie). Sticks, tissues, crayons, leaves...and the other day, she ate a mouse. Yes, she ate it, one that the kitties had so nicely left for us on the front sidewalk. It was hanging out of her mouth, that little tail...and blah, gobble and crunch, she ate the whole thing. blah. Good thing she has had heartworm medicine. blah. The worse thing was that I was certain...nevermind. I won't talk about it. But she kept it down, as far as I know.

So. The joy of having pets. The other day I mentioned how sick and tired I was of cleaning up puppy messes. She is like a little pee machine! You can take her outside, and ten minutes later, she goes again behind my chair! If we catch her going, we say no and rush her outside, praising her to the hills when she goes out there.

I know it will happen, she will get it, this will all become a vague memory. But in the mean time, I am getting sick of it!

Camille came and got into bed with me this morning because Char was still sleeping and she didn't want to wake her up. It was nice. Their sweet little cousin Danielle was going to spend the night last night. They had three Nests set up on their bedroom floor, and were all excited about the whole thing. They fell asleep, my two girls. Danielle did not fall asleep. She wanted her Mommy. We tried a few things, Margaret sang her to sleep but she woke when Marg tried to sneak out...Suze told her stories, she wouldn't stop crying. So...I offered to take her home. Home she went. I told her we could try again next year when she is eight years old. I thought she maybe was just a tad too young, but they were so excited about it. Oh well.

Camille just said, "I had a hard day, Mom." She is having a battle with Char with a particular dollhouse baby. A war, really.

No, there's never a dull moment around here. Never. But that's okay. I think some are coming soon, when the nine school kids get on the buses, and the four college kids go out the door and I am here with kittens and cats and the dog....hmm, maybe not.

when I don't know what day it is...

I don't consider myself a stupid person. But I don't always know Today's Date. And I almost walked away from the counter in Wegman's today without paying for my coffee. The poor girl had to say, "Excuse me, that will be one eighty-nine!". I turned around and apologized, and she said it was a good thing I was buying coffee. Then she gave me my change, five bucks short...um, I asked her, didn't I give you a ten? Oh, she said, Now I need a coffee!

Anyway, today was a good day because I went out and about with just Charlotte Claire and Camille and their little cousin Danielle, who is just a bit older than Char. We went to Walmart and checked the minivan in to have the oil changed, then looked at the fish, then the toys, then picked out some crackers and some drinks...then to the dollar store, where they could pick out something, one thing...they chose little pastel colored notebooks with matching pens. Then, to the pediatrician for Camille's kindergarten check-up. She did not cry for her four immunizations, but her lip quivered, and her eyes brimmed a bit. She wanted so badly to be big, that it broke my heart! You don't have to hurry the growing up, sweetheart! blah. poor me.

We had to go to the grocery store after that, so I let them pick out some candy in the bulk food section. Charlotte Claire chose wax bottles, so I scooped up nine, three each. Danielle chose candy lipsticks, and Camille wanted cheewy Sprees. I picked out one Ice Cube, a small square of super yummy milk chocolate, but one piece wouldn't register on the scale. I picked out one more piece, and it came to ten cents. And yum.

A quick stop at the hardware store to fill the propane bottle, then home...sweet home, ahh. After dragging in the groceries and putting away the school supplies from Wallyworld, we jumped in the pool, my three little friends and I.

We then watered the garden, and I put dinner on the grill...chicken kabobs...chicken chunks, yellow squash, potatoes with olive oil, green peppers, red onions....Mirielle, Margaret, and I prepared them yesterday and soaked them all night in marinade...oh yum. We had spinach/romaine with strawberries and mandarin oranges with it. Then...I wanted pumpkin pie. So I decided What The Heck...and made a 13x9 pan of it with no crust. The house smelled like Autumn when Suze and I came back from our evening walk.

And one thing's for sure: it's good that the people in this house like pumpkin pie as much as I do, because I didn't get too much of it. And yes, that is a good thing because I cannot not eat pumpkin pie. It is my biggest weakness.

Another thing that's for sure: it takes more than motivation and little pep talks to endure and succeed on this weight loss journey, or should I just call it like it is and say HUGE UNENDING HORRID DIET. Anyway, it takes SUFFERING. Self-denial. Strength to say no. Why, for the millionth time, does my own mind want to sabbotage my efforts? Just this one taste, just a little, blah blah blah....

Anyway....I am alive and kicking, and tomorrow is another day.

And since it is only 11 pm, we are about to watch a "flim", as Mirielle says. I don't even know what it is...but I will probably fall asleep in my chair.

goodnight!

summer summer summer....

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

1. Spontaneity. Love that word, love that concept.

2. Free time.

3. Not being quite sure sometimes exactly what day it is.

4. Soft ice cream.

5. Walking out my back door and stepping into that pool.

6. The beach.

7. Having the kids around, which if of course really #1 on the list.

8. Cooking on the grill. I made the best chicken last night....

9. Barefeet.

10. Exercising out in the yard in our "gym".



Our outdoor gym: weights, boxes (for box jumps, or in my case - box "steps"), mats, and the climbing rope, which I do not climb. It is out under the trees, and it is so nice out there in the morning. Not many cars drive by....and hey, the neighbors probably think we're crazy anyways.

Weekly weigh-in results: down half a pound from two weeks ago. blah. I did not weigh last week because of vacation. After vacation, I was up like four pounds. So I got a bit more serious, and lost it again. I hate playing that game, but the alternative is to just pile it back on. So overall, I am glad I am back down.

Mali and I DID sneak away to the really good ice cream place yesterday though, I must admit. The chocolate/vanilla twist there is so yummy and creamy and good..and she ordered sprinkles on hers, so I asked the girl how much sprinkles cost...fifteen cents. Okay, I would like some too. Dang I am hopeless! Yet, I shall not give up! After all, I have lost over 65 pounds now. More than half way there!

Mali and I were out and about all by our lonesomes because she had to go to court for the ticket she so nicely received from the state trooper at the scene of her accident. Driving too fast for conditions. Fine: up to $150 plus $85 surplus that goes to the state of New York, to replace their old gin tumblers, according to Mali. Anyway, if she just plead guilty and paid the fine, she would have up to 3 points on her license, which means higher insurance premiums...so she plead Not Guilty, and is taking it up with the District Attorney. The judge was super nice though. As he called us to Approach The Bench, he said to me, "you must be her sister". I said, "I am her Mom, but thank you." Of course I dressed in my Going To Court clothes...very respectful and motherly...not without teasing Mali ahead of time that I was going to wear stretch pants and my Mickey Mouse t-shirt. No, I don't really own a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. Or a Tweety Bird one. No offense to any middle aged women who actually do wear these kinds of things out and about, but...never mind.

It is a lovely day here in central New York state. Warm and sunny right now. Slight chance of rain. Our pool is clear and sparkling and just the right temperature to be refreshing but not too cold, not too hot. What is on my agenda today? Nothing. I would like to visit the outdoor gym in the front yard, and take a few swims...but other than that, nada thing.

My two little princesses woke up at 7:15 this morning, and blah, I wanted to roll over and doze back off...my bed was comfy, and hey, I stayed up past one finishing another library book. I know, I shouldn't complain, 7:15 is not that bad. The puppy was barking, so I took her outside...then cleaned up the little mess on the newspapers, wiped up a pile of pee with disinfectant spray, cleaned up the kitchen a bit, took Suri outside a second time, gave the princesses a nice bath, then breakfast, threw in a load of laundry,....then when Jonathan and Sonja K. woke up, I went on my walk....

I love my walks. I can think without interruptions, I can figure things out, I can
re-motivate myself to eat better and exercise harder. I like to watch the changes in the flowers and the growth of the corn, and see the critters bolt when I come stomping down the road. I heard wild turkeys the other day, but I haven't seen my little skunk friend lately. Oh, that stupid skunk would just sit there and watch me walk by, and I would hope hope hope it was still stupid. Ha, I guess I was pretty stupid too. Anyway, I love my walks.

Kitty Kitten hasn't had her kittens yet. She is getting huge! And she is so funny. She is not one bit afraid of Suri. She just lies down on the floor a few feet from her, and Suri leaves her alone. Because she told Suri with a few hisses and bats from her paws that SHE was the boss. Suri gets it. She plays all over the floor, always leaving a half a foot or so distance between herself and Kitty Kitten. It is like Kitty is really smart, and knows that Puppy is dumb. Kitty loves having her tummy rubbed, and being pet. The baby kittens are moving around in her, and it is so weird, but the kids are fascinated, especially Jonathan. He takes good care of her, and speculates endlessly about how many there will be, and what they will look like. Last night when he said his bedtime prayers, he asked God to look out for those kittens, and help us make sure they went to good homes where the owners were good to them.

Well, off I go to do not much. And I love love love it!!!!

pictures from our adventures...

Front row...Evelyn, Samuel, Mirielle, and Aaron...back...me, Abigail, Joseph, and Margaret...

with Suzanne and Kathryn...

Suzanne and Margaret at Panera Bread...

Mirielle, Abigail, Joe, Kathryn at the lake...there was a nice breeze, it wasn't so hot there.

Suri at Panera Bread. She was tired from all of our walking through town earlier, so she chilled. We ate outside...I don't know if they allow dogs, but she behaved and no one said anything.

Margaret, Sam, Joe..

Aaron with Suri...

The little girls and Sonja went on an adventure with Emily, to the big mall in the big city, and to the airport to pick up a friend. Jonathan was at a birthday party, and Paul had left again to go out of town for work. My youngest kid home was Suzanne, 11. We decided to go on an adventure...the ten of us.

We went to a nice little tourist-y town on a pretty lake, and walked around. Suri was so funny! Every time someone stopped to pet her, she would just wag her little tail and then roll over to get her tummy rubbed. She loved meeting other dogs, too. Lots of people like puppies. I was a bit nervous because she is such a little Poop Machine. She did poop, right on the lawn of the Methodist church, but I was armed with some poop bags...blah. She then peed right on the sidewalk, oops. But she needs training, and needs to go out and socialize.

Panera Bread: yum. I had a salad with chicken breast, strawberries, blueberries, walnuts, and mandarin oranges on romaine...I took one bite of my bread and gave it to Sam, and shared my cinnamon roll with everyone so I just had a taste of it. Coffee with cream and a touch of cinnamon, yum. Cherries and strawberries for a snack when we got home...the little girls are home from the mall, they are playing Fashion, which involves bringing out numerous dresses and shoes and trying them on with pretty headbands.

It has been a good day.