have I mentioned cozy?

In my comfy chair...:)


This is a few years back...all the kids and Benjamin's wife Ashley:)


And this...do you believe this really existed? It's not just some lovely picture I downloaded...one of my daughters actually ate this the other day. I thought it was a work of art...chocolate with chocolate with chocolate on top!

Random, yes.

But. Here's the thing: it's cozy in here. I am on my fourth library book since our trip there on Tuesday. Today, the natives were restless, I almost took them to the mall. The weather forecasters tend to be sensationalists, saying no unnecessary travel. The big bands of lake effect snow were heading here, and the wind is blowing. I hemmed and hawed, while the kids found things to keep them busy, then just decided it was stupid to risk life and limb for a trip to the mall. So we stayed put. All of the kids have left to go ice skating at an outdoor rink in the city. I was tempted to go just to watch, but brr. I did make five carafes of hot chocolate, and two carafes of coffee for them. (not just them, their friends too!). I also made butterscotch/chocolate/coconut/M&M/brownie/sweetened condensed milk layer bars, but they weren't quite baked all the way through, and when I tried to cut them to put them in a container, they were too mushy. So back into the oven went the fragrant chocolaty bars.

Paul and I are the only ones home now. He's watching football and gathering equipment for ice fishing tomorrow with Jonny. Okay...roads are bad, ice skating is cancelled for some of them...they are coming in the door! bye...

snow and cold and staying home...

But yesterday, oh yesterday was fun! Evelyn stayed home with a stack of library books, but Jonathan, Suzanne, Kathryn, Sonja, Camille, and Charlotte Claire went along...the three youngest had gymnastics, and while I watched them, sipped coffee, and chatted with a few other homeschooling moms, the three older girls went to Moe's for some Mexican food. We all went to Walmart afterward for some 50% off Christmas chocolate...then home...ah, home.

I made Sloppy Joes for dinner, and hamburgers for the picky ones, and a huge salad.

After dinner was the best part of the day...time for me to go to my niece's house for a gathering...snacks, wine, and the hot tub!

And today, we said goodbye to the Christmas tree. It was the most excellent tree we have ever had, none of those big holes that had to be turned to the wall. It was losing needles and I was afraid it was a fire hazard, so we reluctantly pulled off all the ornaments. One of the teenagers dropped an ornament into the box, breaking a few other things...I thought she had just tossed it in there carelessly, but she insisted she dropped it accidentally. whatever. Joseph dragged the tree out, leaving a needles galore on the floor. My comfy chair is now back in it's proper place in the corner where the tree was. The floors are cleaned up, and most of the Christmas stuff is packed away. We left the lights in the windows and some of the wintery stuff out, it's still winter:)

Evelyn is reading an Upton Sinclair book, "The Jungle", and is sharing gross passages about the corrupt meat packing industry at the beginning of the century. ugh.

I have read two library books since Tuesday. "My Name Is Lucy Barrett", by Elizabeth Strout...I started it last night and finished it this morning, it was a page turner.

Sonja is playing FIFA 17. Joseph too Jonathan and some of their friends rock climbing. Cam is playing with her dolls and stroller and cash register, Char is lying on the couch with her tablet. Kathryn is working out, and Suzanne is probably reading her library book. I like vacation.:) We can't go anywhere because Joseph has the van, the other van needs new tires before it's driven in snow, and we have snow. It looks fresh and clean out there again. Waking up to the trees and branches coated and covered makes it almost worth living here in snow country.

I am not tired of winter yet. The coziness hasn't gotten old. I like when the temperature drops low enough to freeze the ground outside, and when it's covered in snow, because the dogs don't get all muddy. Sunny had to have a few baths when the weather warmed up, she romps across the yard and doesn't care one bit about getting muddy. Right now she's sleeping in front of the lovely little fake fireplace, with Cam curled up to her. She's a keeper.

Here's a question: how do you keep away from sugar when there are Andes Mints and Hershey's Kisses in the house? It's killing me. The cut out cookies are all gone, phew.

Today would be a good soup day, or perhaps a pot of chili day...

christmas...wow.

'Twas the night before Christmas...and all through the house...the teenagers were still up, playing video games...Abigail and Mirielle, Margaret and Adrian...had a sleepover...I was the last one up...


I made cut out cookies again, because Margaret and Adrian missed the first batch...and because, well, you have to have Christmas cookies on Christmas!


Christmas morning!!! I woke up while it was still dark, and started getting ready...the puppies were awake!


Ah, the Christmas traditions...we have cinnamon buns on Christmas morning..

Camille is nine years old, still a little girl....so...

She's a little big for it, but she loves it.


I like it too:)


Paul playing refrigerator letters with Lydia, Abigail, Kathryn, Jonathan, and Suzanne...12 of the kids were here Christmas morning, plus Adiran, and granddaughter Lydia.


Lots of wrapping paper!


Here's one of my Christmas gifts: Sunny destroyed my favorite sweater. I had left treats in the pocket, left the sweater in my comfy chair...and during the night, on Christmas Eve...a creature WAS stirring...and chewing a hole in my sweater pocket to find those dog biscuits.

Abigail is here this morning, Paul is also home...so I won't sit here and write right now...but I will say it was a lovely Christmas...

merry merry christmas!!!

I PROMISED Camille we would make gingerbread houses...and ha, I bought her a boxed one to build. It was half price. I really wanted to make them from scratch, but...it didn't happen. She didn't care.


Cam and I went out and about all by our lonesomes today. She said she wanted to see Santa. Well, she saw him all right, from about fifty feet away. That was good enough.

We had fun though...found a consignment shop and bought a few more little treasures for Lydia's Christmas. We stopped into a local coffee shop...three dollars for a coffee and a homemade pastry! She chose the pastry, gave me a tiny taste...yummers.(She brought the rest home to share and we think Sunny found it) She was thirsty in the mall, so as we headed to the drinking fountain, I asked her if she wanted pizza, of course she did! So I got her a slice and a water, and we sat in the food court for a bit.

We grocery-ied, and bought the chicken wings for Christmas Eve, the eggs and bacon and juice for brunch, and some snacks.

(She got a day with me because Char and I went out to the other day, brought Ashley and Anya to the airport, then went to Kmart to get Cam a gift)

And, Emily took Jon and Char cross country skiing yesterday...she rented the skis, and they could have them today too, so I took a pic of them in the backyard...


Tomorrow we can say, "Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!"-The Grinch, from The Grinch Stole Christmas...

Margaret and Adrian are back from their honeymoon, and have Jon, Char, and Cam over to their new apartment for a sleepover! It's too quiet here! But they'll all be back tomorrow...for a huge sleepover here! If I don't get a chance to blog tomorrow, Merry Christmas!!!!!

to the airport....:)

Samuel James had to go back to the Army. So yesterday we drove him to the airport. Ashley and Anya had their flight delayed from Sunday until this afternoon, and we're driving them to the airport. (Yay for us though, it meant an extra day with them yesterday, and another one today!)
And tonight, I will pick Margaret and Adrian up from the airport...they will be coming home from their honeymoon in Punta Cana.

Our weather is cold and clear, no snow in the immediate forecast, so driving conditions to the airport are fine. I hate goodbyes, but having that last bit of time with Sam yesterday was nice. He's such a good big brother, the little kids miss him already. I do too. He is just too much fun to have around.

Only a few days until the big day, and am I ready? I have no idea. I did so much Christmas prep right after Thanksgiving, to get it out of the way before the wedding, I cannot remember much about what I bought or wrapped. I have this list I wrote, but some things I wrote in code, but can't for the life of me now figure out what a few of the words mean. One thing says simply, "Target". Yes. I bought that child something from Target. But what? Why did I think I would remember that? I wrapped it all, yay me, but now...what in the heck did I wrap?

Also, I have to remember that this is a Christmas for the younger kids, most of all! The ones who still live at home. I can find myself bummed out by the absence of Aaron, and that Ben and Ashley and Sam were home earlier and not for Christmas...and that my nurses all work crazy hours...Emily works 12 hour shifts on the 24th, 25th, and 26th. Mirielle and Mali will both be able to come over for a bit on Christmas morning, before heading to work. (Abigail and Mirielle are planning to spend the night on Christmas Eve! Now that sounds fun!). But anyway, I have to remember to concentrate on making it a fun and warm holiday for the ones who can be here.

And the question we've all been waiting for:

What do I want for Christmas?

In no particular order, of course, here's my wish list:

1. To lose another 50 pounds. When I set out to get healthy and lose weight, I had big goals. I lost 70 pounds...and have gained a little back. I am still maintaining a 50+ pound loss, and it's really really hard to just do this, but I would really like to lose that last fifty or sixty pounds and really feel good.

2. Earn some money. But not have to go to work. ha.

3. I want my kids to be happy. Remember, this is in no particular order of importance.

4. Time with my husband! Oh the days go by and we rarely get that nice quality time...we function so much as the parents, and don't have enough time as a couple.

5. Puppy obedience classes for Sunny.

6. One more trip to Washington D.C. to be with Sam before he gets out of the Army in the spring.

7. Trips trips trips...I want to visit Grandma in Florida, visit Ben and Ashley in Seattle, and
Aaron in California. A long weekend with Paul, or perhaps a long WEEK. Anywhere. But as
long as we're dreaming, somewhere really warm and sandy. :)

8. I want a rainy or snowy day, with everyone occupied and happy, and a good book. And coffee.

9. I want my sister's cancer to be the unbelievably most mild "case" of cancer the doctors have
worked with! I don't want her to suffer, and I want her to live to be a hundred, so I can be
90 (ha, and Emily will be 71!), and we can be in a nursing home together and cause all sorts
of fun to happen.

10. More time with my friends! Hotel overnights, gatherings!

11. Most of all, I want to be thankful for what I already have. It's written in John 1:4, "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men..." I want to have that life in me! My deepest desire is to live in a way that can be of help to others, so they can find their way to God...to peace, to rest, a victorious life with no jealousies or grudges, no bitterness or misery.

A new coffee maker was on the list, but Charlotte Claire got me one for Secret Santa. It's downright spiffy, the coffee stays in the machine and dispenses directly into the mugs, no carafe at all, and it stays hot for hours without burning! She also got me a really nice mug, and she gets all happy when she sees me using it.

There are things I hate about Christmas, being the Mom, and the one responsible for everyone's happiness. I know, I know, I am not really responsible for that. But. Anyway, I feel such a huge pressure each and every year...I can't make the kids happy by buying them cell phones, because we can't afford cell phone plans for all the teenagers, they don't get phones until they have jobs and can pay for them. So they use iPods, and a few of them have really old iPods, with cracked screens, ect. They certainly have friends in school who have the latest electronic gadgets, kids younger than them with iPhone 7's. And yes, I would like to see their happy faces if we could do that for them. But no, they are getting boots and clothes and things like that. Things they mostly helped me pick out. They are not deprived. They are well fed and warm and well dressed. They are actually quite spoiled. And part of me, for Christmas, would like to just overwhelm them with sparkly amazing things!

Basically, the more we have, the more we want. We can show our family and friends how much we care ALL YEAR ROUND, but somehow we have this mentality that buying them gifts if the measure of how much we care. And this is my problem too! I want the kids to know I LOVE them! Love them enough to spend lots of money buying them good stuff, ha!

Ah well...enough time wasted sitting here going off on tangents...this house needs to be cleaned up.

it's beginning to look a lot like....

Can you see Sunny? This was taken the other night when it was starting to "blizzard".


This was taken from the window, when the snow just started.


Suri...just because...because she's cute.


Sunny...


Miss Cam and Miss Char at their gymnastics open house the other day.

I love/hate winter. It's SO cozy in the house, all the lights and the little fake fireplace, with it's convincing fake flames, the fuzzy couch blankets, the dogs snoring, hot coffee...but I HATE driving in it, and I hate having my family drive in it. This morning, there is a basketball game in the city. Evelyn called from the vehicle she was in, with Kathryn and Emily and Mirielle...and told me to tell Paul not to go, the weather was horrible, Mirielle had to pull over on the Thruway because she couldn't see. Paul went anyway, he and Joseph and Samuel are all signed up to work, so they went. I am here with Suzanne and Sonja K. and Jonathan and Char and Cam...and trying not to worry. I have texted the girls, they made it there all right, but Paul hasn't gotten there yet. Maybe they just forgot to text me.

I plan to stay home today. They took the good van, the one with the new tires, so I'm here, and it's kind of nice. Yesterday, I baked three pumpkin pies and a lemon pie. And with those pies went my all-day-good-behavior streak, as far as clean eating. We had a nice ham dinner, and well, pie...with fresh, flaky butter crust...whipped cream with no sugar (I love unsweetened whipped cream, fresh from the Kitchen-Aid) (there was sweet canned stuff for those who like that better)...and now, breakfast is going to be...yeah, pie. I LOVE pumpkin pie for breakfast.

Charlotte Claire is the only child up this fine snowy morning. I just offered her a cup of hot tea and a slice of pie, she's watching Saturday morning cartoons...she said, "YES!"

So off I go...

-2f, -18.8c.....brr!

Wow. I went out this morning to shovel a path in the driveway so the girls could get on the bus, and my hands got so cold, they ached. It doesn't help that my mittens were one of those little stretchy gloves, and one of Jonathan's old gloves, still wet from one of the little girls wearing it out to play yesterday. I have a nice pair of warm gloves, but I let one of the girls borrow them, and none of them has the foggiest what I'm talking about.

Anyway. It's cold out. It's snowy out too. But today is nothing like yesterday was. Emily, Evelyn, and I went out and about in the cold wind, shopping for Sunday's Christmas celebration. The wind made my teeth ache, hit my forehead like a hammer. Just brr. Long story short, it got really bad in the afternoon, whiteouts, zero visibility. Emily went to pick Abigail up from the Thruway stop (Abigail got a ride with a co-worker who has a better vehicle for the snow), and it took her like five times longer than it usually would. Em said it was the worst weather she has ever driven in. They came stomping in the door, happy as can be to have made it. I made a nice dinner, chicken fajitas. We all cuddled up and ate, played a game of Scattergories, then when the snow cleared up a bit, they headed home. They only live five miles away.

Today, I am planning to stay home. Emily is taking the younger kids ice skating, Sam is meeting up with one of his friends, and I am going to get the house cleaned up for a gathering tonight. We are having ham and applesauce, green beans, baked potatoes, and roasted brussel sprouts. I am thinking of baking a few pumpkin pies. Sam only has a few more days home, and Ashley and Anya are heading back to Washington state on Sunday.

Aaron is not coming home for Christmas. It makes my heart ache. But maybe I'll go out and visit them again one of these days. He has done well though, he finished his four year degree while working as an R.N., and has just gotten a permanent position at Stanford, in California. Permanent. As in, he's not just traveling for a year then coming back to New York. wah.

So yesterday as I was preparing to go shopping, a war broke out here at home. I don't even know how it started. But I do know that Sam wanted bacon, and two of the girls made it known that if I was making bacon, they were going in their rooms until the smell went away, because they didn't want to smell like bacon. We were also cleaning things up around here a bit, and they were making comments to each other, next thing I know, there were a few slamming girls. I can't say I was innocent, one of them declared she was tired of being nice, and I, before thinking as usual, said, "What? When were you being nice?" oops. Yeah. So she stomped downstairs. Sam does not like fighting, he just wants everyone to get along well, which I suppose everyone in the whole world wants. I didn't like the new vibe in the house, and started thinking back to my own behavior, how I could have maybe helped things be more peaceful. Better late than never, I jumped right in to kindness, told daughter I was really kidding and I shouldn't have said what I did, hugged other daughter and tried to get her to reverse her grumpiness...gave them some space. It went much better by the time we went out the door....

We all work hard on getting along well. But with so many personalities, and the little comments, and getting offended, having the last word, and then there's when one person says something to someone and five other people add their comments...ugh. It can get ugly.

But we are a work in progress.

I try really hard to see their hearts...to KNOW they want to be good...to forgive and forget, to just get past the things that are undesirable, so we can just enjoy life.

Because the days are too short, the years fly by.

We did our Secret Santa gift exchange the other night when Benjamin was still home. Charlotte Claire had my name, so Emily bought the gift for her...a nice new coffee maker that dispenses a cup at a time, and a really nice new mug. And a candle, because as Char said, "Everyone can use a new candle!"

Mali and Lydia are coming over tonight, Emily, Abigail and Mirielle too, and Ashley with Anya. Joseph, Sam, Kathryn, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, Jonathan, Char, and Cam will be home, and of course Paul and I. (Margaret and Adrian are on their honeymoon, in Punta Cana!)

So here's an interesting story: My sister was diagnosed with cancer. Remember when I wrote that I just wanted someone to say the whole thing was a big mistake? Well, she does have cancer, the whole thing was not a big mistake, BUT: part of it was! It wasn't the lymph node with malignant breast cancer cells, it was the tumor itself which was biopsied. So the cancer, as far as they know, is not in the lymph nodes, which means that it isn't metastatic...meaning it is probably localized to the breast, and not in her whole system, which is more dire. She is facing surgery, (mastectomy), radiation, and possibly chemotherapy. The radiation itself takes four to six weeks, and is every single day, from Monday to Friday. Of course her husband cannot take that much time off from work, so I plan to make a schedule so we can take turns bringing her, my brother and I, and a few of our friends. Keep her in your prayers! She is very thankful that her outlook looks much brighter. (I think prayers changed things, personally.)

I brought my laptop into my room this morning, after taking care of the dogs and shoveling snow and talking to my three high school girls before they left, because Samuel was sleeping on the couch. He had his own room before he left for the Army, and that room was taken by Margaret, then taken by Kathryn when Margaret left for Norway for a year, then retaken by Margaret, now Kathryn has it back...so Samuel sleeps on the couch when he comes home:) Kathryn came in my room to visit me this morning, and brought me more coffee:)

I think the kids are awake now, so it's time to put this away...