That's my motto for the day. I have entered a new realm here, this weight-loss thing. I have entered. I have battled. I have lost weight. I am healthier, and I feel better. But I have been stuck for a long long time, up a few, down a few, over and over again. But I am not giving up. I have been in "maintenance mode" for months now, which is better than gaining it all back, but to start losing again, I need to change things up. I can't have Just One Potato, or eat those M&M's.
I have been going to the pool faithfully. I have been eating cleaner, but I am constantly telling myself my limits, and trying to keep my hand out of the chocolate chips. It isn't easy. Then Mirielle made those chocolate half-moons. And guess what? I haven't had one. I did break off a few teeny tiny tastes, minute bites...but that's it. I will not eat one. I had this thought this morning: What if it was my breakfast. A cookie for breakfast. That way it wouldn't be in addition to my meals, it would take the place of breakfast. But I knew that was nonsense, and didn't give in.
Why do our own thoughts want to sabotage us? I really don't get it.
Some days I am plagued more than others.
It does feel good to say NO.
To recognize that eating the brownie will not make me happy. Yes, it does taste yummy. But it will make me feel regretful. It will set me back. It will make me want MORE brownies. It will make me feel sluggish.
This is a battle of the mind, for sure.
Yesterday though, I felt this new hope. I pictured myself in my new jeans, the ones I bought that I can fit into but not comfortably. A size 14, and I can get them zipped! But can you say muffin-top? oh yeah. But I had this hopeful feeling, that I CAN DO THIS! It is slow slow slow, tedious, but I can do it!
In our society of Instant Gratification, the thought of arriving at a goal in say...a year...is not good enough. We want thin and fit, and we want it now. Or forget it. I can't see the result of each choice, there is no big prize when I say NO to ice cream. But after days and weeks and months, the hard work will pay off. And...I realize that I am in this realm here for life. I can't just decide I want to eat like I used to. Or I will gain it all back, and that is not an option. So this is it, my new life. Sometimes I see thin people eat things that I simply can't have. And I think No Fair. But hey, life ain't fair, I got myself into this mess, I have to suffer if I want to get out...and stay suffering, in a way, for as long as I live.
So those are my happy thoughts for the day. I now need to move it and clean this place up a bit before I go pick up the kids from school....and dang it, what's for dinner AGAIN tonight??!
7 comments:
ugh. same here. I saw a thing on Facebook that said something like, "I've been dieting all morning... am I skinny yet?!" lol! Losing baby weight is hard because it's not just the baby weight anymore- it's the extra and denying myself is NOT fun. Pretty much everything you said I can relate to. I'm working towards the willpower you seem to have fought for. <3
I think you are amazing. I think it is so incredibly inspirational how you carry on and keep going. It is so tough, and I am sitting here wishing and hoping for your success. You are successful already, but I hope and pray for you to achieve your goals. Those 'thin' people, they may not always be thin, sadly for many, myself included, we kind of bounce around the scale. Not in a huge way, but it can mean that after letting yourself eat whatever for some emotional reason, there always a must be tidy up period, often three or four times the length of the emotional eating period. (That's in my head by the way, not me trying to comment on anyone else.)
Wishing you all the best.
you have come so far, you can do it. There is a healthy weight loss group on cafemom that is great in giving advice.
I so agree with you about the battefield in the mind! I am fighting the battle with you! I also find you so inspirational and uplifting. I don't often get to comment on the blog b/c for some reason I have issues with my google account! I hope it lets this comment go through. I just want to thank you for sharing your life. You are an awesome person!!
I used to have people say stuff to me at parties or church events when I'd be sampling quite a few desserts, "I wish I could just eat whatever I wanted and stay thin like you." But the reality was, I didn't just eat whatever I wanted, I never ate desserts at home, made cookies, bought chips, or pop or crackers. Money was tight so if I spent money on food, it had to be nutrient dense. If I would eat out, I bought the smallest meal I could get buy with and drank water. On the rare occasions, I got out without my kids, I enjoyed the treats. I wasn't thin because I had amazing genetics. I was thin because I was cheap. ;)
Julie, that is so funny. Thank you guys for the support. I know I do go on and on about this, but it is a huge part of me, and it feels good to be honest about it. Holly, I was beyond excited to see your comment! It was like, "Holly read MY blog?!" I am so very thankful that we live in this day and age where we can make friends through blogs. I used to be a skeptic of "invisible" friends, but not anymore! And Katie, I guess I shouldn't make assumptions about skinny people. But honestly, I get this thought sometimes that if I were thin, I would have no trials at all. I know this isn't true, but there it is. Thank you for reading and leaving comments, I so appreciate it!
You are so inspiring to me Della :-)
With no baby on the way I have been trying to lose the baby weight I have accumulated over the last 12 years. It's a slow going process, I've even gotten back into riding.
Every time I want to eat something I shouldn't I think of you, your my inspiration :-)
Cassandra
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