Camille, Kathryn, Sonja K., and Char....we went on a spontaneous outing last night...to the village, to Dunkin Donuts, for ice cream..then we parked in a good spot to watch the fireworks at the speedway, but they didn't start because the race was still going on...and we decided to just leave. But it was still fun. (The van parked next to us was filled with kids...they had nine in there, two carseats...I remember those days.
Today I had to say goodbye to sweetiepie, little Anya. She and her mama are heading back home to Washington state tomorrow. She was here today, and she is a darling. She likes our black lab Suri better than all the toys here.
Tomorrow I have to take Duke to the vet to talk about surgery on his ear. Dear me, I wish I could just fast forward to after the appointment. I am filled with dread. No one likes to be The Bad Pet Owner. You know, the evil person who won't/can't cough up a thousand dollars for surgery. But here's the thing...
1. I love Duke. But, he's old. He's hobbly. He's lumpy.
2. Duke is a DOG. He has no understanding of life and death. He has no idea that I am thinking about his demise, as he lies there on the leather couch washing his paws.
3. He can't live with his ear the way it is. It is cruel and besides, it is very gross. He's on his second round of antibiotics, and the tumor on his ear is yucky indeed.
4. If surgery is our only option, and it's as costly as I think it will be, will the vet think I am horrid if I suggest I'm thinking of having him put down? Duke, not the vet.
5. When we brought our truck in for service last week, Joseph asked me if I would feel like an idiot if we had to tell the mechanic we decided not to put any more money into that truck...ha, I said it's different to "junk" Duke.
6. Though I joke about it, and indeed I do...in fact, we have been saying since we got him, "Duke won't make it through the winter.", it breaks my heart to consider saying goodbye to him.
7. Duke, poor Duke. I wish there was an easy answer. It isn't just the money. It's the fact that the ear may be cancerous, and he may have cancer in other places. If we opt for the surgery, he'll have to have x-rays and bloodwork and pre-surgical tests done. And he is ten years old.
8. Paul is gone on a work trip again, to Massachusetts. wah. I wanted him to go with me to the vet. I can just picture me sitting there crying, saying, "Yes, Mr. Vet, do anything you can to possibly save his life."
9. I wish I could just fast-forward to after tomorrow.
But I can't so I will just bask in this wonderful feeling called Dread.
Today was a gorgeous day. The pool is almost perfectly clear, almost.
We have to go to Walmart...we need a fan-on-a-stick, you know, one of those fans on a post that oscillates? Spins around as it blows? I don't know if "need" is the right word, but when it gets hot in here, yeah, NEED.
Maybe we'll make an outing of it, take all the kids and get ice cream....not me though. I am waiting and having one on Friday...the first of the season:)
3 comments:
Hello I pray things work out with Duke but thinking him only as a dog is strange. All of our animals are family members and we would move heaven and earth to take care of them. Sadly my thoughts are for your other animals! I pray you get No more animals and preferably give the ones you have to people who will take care of them no matter the expense. I'm sorry if you feel I'm being harsh but this makes me mad when people get animals and then don't want the responsibility of taking care of them. What if one of your children needed medical care? Do you think of them as kids?
JoAnn, you are so right. People shouldn't get animals if they don't want to take care of them. I fume when I see dogs tied up outside, rain or shine or snow. Our dogs are much loved. When I was a little girl, I had a dog named Tippy. She was a terrier mix that someone left at the beach at the end of the season. I had always wanted a dog, and my parents let me keep her. Well, when she was 8 years old, she developed tumors on her back. My parents were not wealthy, and my mother had breast cancer.. But they brought Tippy in for surgery. She barely recovered from that, and the tumors came back with a vengeance, and she had to be put down within a very short time, she was suffering. It was heartbreaking, and I always wished she had been spared all that. Yes, her life was extended, but the operation was rough on her.
Duke is ten years old. I may joke as I write about him, and his demise, but we are people here who joke instead of cry. I try to be honest on my blog, and honestly, I don't think it's always wise OR kind to operate on an older animal with cancer. Duke has quite a few tumors, some have been biopsied, and are just fatty tumors that Labs are predisposed to, but a few are questionable. To remove them isn't always in the best interest of the dog, as they come back if they are mast cell tumors.
We have had Duke for a few years now, he was old and hobbly when we got him. The people who had him since he was a puppy had to give him up because they were moving into an apartment which didn't allow dogs, and three different people had come to look at him and decided not to take him. Because...he's old and hobbly. Because...he had bumps and lumps. But I loved him at first sight, and wanted with all my heart to give him a good home. His owners cried openly when we took him away. We assured him that we would love him and treat him well. He sleeps on the couch, and really has the life. He is never tied up, and loves going bye-bye.
Yet, he is dog. I never said he is Only A Dog. But he IS a dog, which I said in the context of this....: ignorance is bliss. I believe God was very good when He created pets for us to love and keep us company, and to take care of, as I think nurturing even animals is healing for the soul...but dogs cannot fathom life and death. They trust us to make decisions for them. And I stand by this my opinion that we, as their owners, who know them better than anyone, have the responsibility to decide what they can bear, and what WE can bear.
I read an article online recently about when to let your Lab go, it is very thought provoking. Just because we CAN do so many things to extend an animal's life doesn't mean it's always in their best interest to do so.
We had bloodwork done today to determine if Duke is healthy enough for surgery, and discussed the quality of life he will have when this is done. The vet is almost positive that his ear tumor is cancer, which means it could be in his lungs or in other places. To put him through this operation if he has it other places can be pretty rough. So we are trying to figure it out. We have tentatively scheduled the procedure, but will see what the bloodwork shows.
Anyway, Duke has it made. He doesn't have to worry about anything. If he were to be put to sleep, he would have no idea. He had his worried face on when he was getting blood drawn, but he won't toss and turn on the couch tonight, wondering and worrying about things...no, we get to do that for him.
For what it's worth, I hope God doesn't listen to your prayers that we give away our other animals:)
Good on you Della. Couldn't agree more.
Simone
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