late night "i should be in bed" post...

I stayed up to decompress. To settle down, relax, let my hair down, put my feet up. I will spare the details of my busy weekend, but listen at least to this: I grilled six racks of ribs, then put them in the oven on a low temp to sizzle for several hours...then peeled 10 pounds of red potatoes for mashies (with Evelyn), cut up asparagus, and steamed mixed veggies...we had two friends of Jonathan's here for dinner, Abigail was here, and Emily and Mirielle stopped after work for dinner. Lydia was here too.

I talked to Sam on the phone this evening, pray that his leave packet is accepted! His first packet was lost by those above him on the totem pole, the Army is so reassuringly efficient. He is so ready to come home and celebrate his younger sister's wedding! He is still on light duty because of his concussion, and has a test for his heart this week.

As for me...tomorrow I have to go in and have the sonogram of the nice little lump on my breast...the one that was given the All Clear sign six months ago...those six months went by fast. I probably would have procrastinated the heck out of the recheck, but the dr. office called me, and made the appointment at the diagnostic imaging center for me.

I am not worried about it, as there is absolutely no use worrying about things I cannot change. But. I don't want there to be anything wrong. I would rather just live until I am 101, rocking along side Paul and Emily in our creaky old chairs at the nursing home. And worry is an interesting thing. I know that God already knows the ifs and the whats. I know that He is in control and sends only what's for my very best.

Kathryn offered to bring me to my appointment, which I gladly accepted. If that lump has grown and misbehaved, it would be nice to have her there. I remember back when I was pregnant for Robert, and at a routine check up found out that his little heart wasn't beating...I had driven myself there, and drove back home on autopilot, not breaking down until I was safely in the house...I can't remember now who was with me that day, I think Abigail...and we stopped at the dollar store, and I had her go in and buy treats for the kids at home, as if that would help buffer the news that they weren't getting a new baby brother in a few months.

Anyway. I am not going to be consumed by worry. I will get it checked out, and can I add that I am pretty thankful for modern medicine?

27 days until the wedding. Next weekend is the wedding shower, plus an open house at Mali's new place. Rehearsal brunch, the wedding...plus our family celebration while all are home for the wedding...getting the tree...so much fun coming up. I have to be okay, ha.

Sometimes I realize that I am not going to just live forever...and the thing that makes me the saddest when I realize that? The little girls. And Jon...and the teenage girls...so I can't think about it.

But no more gloomy thoughts. Morose is a wonderful word, but a horrible state of mind.

And now I am going to be a good girl and get to bed...it's almost midnight.