oh dear!

 Yesterday was going well.  I went to the pool, went to the bank ATM, then to buy a small grill from Marketplace.  (Coleman Roadtrip, looked rather clean, and I really liked the lady selling it.  We got along like old friends.  She couldn't get it folded up, neither could I, but we agreed our husbands would get it figured in a jiffy!  She was a nice lady.)

Then, a quick stop into the Mennonite store, because I was in the neighborhood, and that's where I buy my clear vanilla for baking.  I behaved and didn't come home with a cartload, but I did get some whole milk chocolate milk for the girls.  

Home...I unloaded the grill, brought in the milk, used the bathroom, and left for the small city to pick up some coffee I had ordered, it gets roasted upon ordering.  Then, all by my lonesome, Walmart.  I needed a new grill brush, the other one disappeared in the yard.  Grandchildren?  Anyway.  I want a thicker mattress pad, like three inches of gel foam, for the camper, but they were expensive in there, and it's not exactly a need, it's just a Princess and The Pea thing.  I found some clearances candy, and got a gallon of milk and some pepperoni, then stopped at a local coffee drive through, and got an iced Americano.  Ahh, nice drive home, excellent coffee.

If this is riveting, I'm sorry, some of us just have super exciting lives.  

The problem started with my vision going just a little bit off, and I knew a migraine was brewing.  Then the zig zag at my peripheral started, and I just had to wait it out.  The girls got home from work early, and wanted to go to Target or someplace, did I want to go?  Sure, why not?  

I got ready to go, and felt just so off.  My vision had gotten better, but my ears felt clogged, I had a funny taste in my mouth, and everything even smelled off.  Then I tried to put my two cents in about where to go, and the words just weren't coming.  I felt tingly and strange.  I went anyway, and when we got into Walmart, Kathryn was coming out of Walmart, but seeing her there, I felt like she was far away, can't explain it.  I decided to ride with her, my house is on the way home from her's.  The girls went off to look for the pumpkin creamer they wanted, and we went home.

I started to feel better, and could articulate all I had felt.  I went home, and had some liquid IV, and started reading about migraine symptoms, just to make sure it wasn't a TIA (transient ischemic attack, or mini stroke).  I didn't have weakness on one side of the body, so there's that.  I read that there's a thing called Alice in Wonderland Syndrome that can happen, and that happened.  It seemed like migraine aura.  I only had a low grade headache after, but behind my eyes ached, and I felt tired and nauseous and no appetite, which never happens to me.  

I called Emily, and we reasoned together:  I just had an echocardiogram which did not indicate any troubles or blockages.  My blood pressure is reasonably low.  I had blood work recently which didn't raise any red flags.  I know, a stroke could still happen.  But.  if I were to call the dr., he would want to see me, and rule things out, which means tests and appointments, and my knee surgery would be postponed...all for what is most likely a migraine.  Em said migraines are known to be more like seizures now, than headaches, and that's almost what this felt like.  My brain was low-grade short circuiting.

Of course the next step was to sleuth out what triggered it.  Stress is a very likely culprit, and I did get a phone call from Jolene at the Ortho office yesterday, and we chose a tentative surgery date of September 30.  This could have been it.  Or, that I had cake on Sunday night then fasted all day yesterday with just coffee, like I usually do, but the sugar?  I don' t know.  

The fact is, it shook me.  It shook my confidence to make plans, because if I were driving?  

It's like you get older, and your body becomes less reliable.  When you're younger, you don't even think about your body, you just live your days.  

The bottom line though, is that every single thing is weighed and measured for me, and God has numbered the very hairs of my head.  I will take good care of myself, as my body is a gift, life is a gift, but to be worried and weighed down is really unbelief that God sends what's best for me.  

So that's my battle for today, not to color the future black with what-ifs, and I'm going to eat a good heathy lunch, and get ready for going camping on Friday.  

You all have a really good day now!