just checking in!

 If that title sounds cheery, be not fooled.  I am not cheerful, ha.  This verse keeps coming to me though:  A merry heart is good medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

And Proverbs 18:4, The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a broken spirit who can bear?

It's all in the attitude, and mine is being re-adjusted continuously.  

Allow me to vent.  

I've been doing above and beyond.  I do not sit endlessly in my chair, I get up at least every hour, usually 45 minutes or so, walk around, bend, stretch.  I do my exercises religiously, even though they kill.  The straight raised leg lifts just do me in.  Afterward, I feel more limber, but super sore, then after a bit, really stiff again.  Then I walk around and the new knee buckles and clicks and protests.  I sit down, elevate and ice it, and it throbs.  There is very little rest time in between where I say, Oh, this isn't bad.

The newest thing is numbness in my foot.  I stretched my leg, and hmmm.  Great.  

It feels tight and huge and when I walk around and do things, my hips ache and I get really tired. 

But.  I think I'm getting a tiny bit better each day, it's just so slow.  

Paul has been amazing.  The girls haven't been here, so he's been doing everything for me.  He should be out there hunting, but he has been so good about missing out.  He made me eggs and bacon for dinner, and an Ezekial cinnamon raisin bagel.  He brought me coffee twice, and some egg bites this morning that Sonja had made for me, all heated up with salt and pepper.  He dragged out the ornament/decoration bins today, and took out what I still want to put out, put up.  He put lights on one of our little Christmas trees, and helped me put lights on the Olaf I painted a few years ago.  He hung the garland with lights up around the kitchen sink window. He helps me get started on the leg lifts when I do my exercises, and he got a chair set up in front of the little cycler, which I used twice today. 

So I really have no complaints.  But I wonder if it's always going to hurt this bad.  I wonder if I should be doing more, or not so much.  I wish I hadn't seen the older lady at PT the other day, four weeks out, walking like a champ with no walker or cane, cycling like she was a teenager.  Will I really make that much progress in the next two weeks?  

Of course I hope so.  But it does no good whatsoever to worry about it all.  Although, am I allowed to wonder?, ha.  

I am not in the depths of despair.  I'm not.  But I haven't seen that light at the end of the tunnel yet either.  

It's rainy and windy here in central NY state.  I am not used to staying home this much, but I don't mind it as much as I thought I would.  It's cozy, and it's nice.  Every time I get up, I arrange a few little trees or sparkly deer, it's coming together.  

Anyway, this is not fun, and I am not zipping through with flying colors.  

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall attain mercy.  (Matt 5:7).  We need to suffer in trials in order to be merciful.  We cannot expect to sail through life with no troubles, then feel compassion for others.  We need to learn not to complain, and to be thankful.  We know that thankfulness is a powerful force, it drives out anxiety and worry.  So this is a good fight.:).   

You all have a good evening...:)