can we just?

 ...have a blog post without mentioning the weather or my knee?  Of course not!

This fine day I went to physical therapy.  I do not like going.  I wake up in the morning, and I figure out what day it is, and realize it's a PT day, and ugh.  I just don't like going.  This new walking-with-a-cane thing is much more challenging for me than I'd like it to be.  I still feel wobbly, and like my new knee leg is a wooden spike, clomping down then aching a bit.  It's buckled a few times, but I have not fallen, so we proceed.  At PT today, I wobbled in there on the cane, told them I parked the walker in the foyer on Monday and have not touched it, and that felt pretty good.  But, I told them, my walking is like basic survival.  They did not seem daunted by this at all.  On to the exercise bike, then the leg lifting weight thing, then the leg press, my previous most hated exercise, but that has been overtaken by:  the stair stepper.  Ten minutes on that thing, and I was beat.  I am embarrassed to say I was a sweaty mess, and my heart was really going.  They actually got me a cup of water and had me sit down for a few minutes.  They were so nice about it though, the younger PT said he gets the same way with cardio, said that he can only do five minutes on the bike, and I always do ten.  

Then, down the hallway on the cane, up the flight of stairs, like a normal person, back down, back down the hallway, then on to the balance board.  First side to side, no hanging on, then forward and backward.  It's not too bad.  They wanted to measure my bend, make sure I'm not losing ground, it was 117, I said to try again, it was 121.  Not bad.

I walked out of there on the cane feeling a little more confident, but here at home, it's still very challenging to get around.  I do not like it one little bit, but I want to be walking again, so this is my reality.  

What I'm hoping and praying for:  I can get better before my hip gets worse.  I'm getting aches and twinges, and you remember I had that debilitating bursitis, made me almost fall when it stabbed unexpectedly.  I do NOT want that again, and my hand/arm/shoulder from the cane...ugh.  So.  I am working hard at being thankful, and also hoping my walking skills improve and progress quickly!

Enough old lady talk.  

Char went to college today, and stopped at Walmart for some things for her girls' group project, and got some pizza doughs and cheese for this weekend, it'll be nice and cold, good weather for pizza.  Camille made dinner tonight.  I cut up the chicken breast, and sliced some carrots up thinly.  She stir fried the chicken, broccoli, and carrots, and made a ginger sauce, and Jasmine rice.  mmmm.  I only had a tablespoon of rice, I try so hard not to have much of those things.  

But my after dinner snack is a Siggi simple yogurt with a little bit of protein granola, and four Hershey kisses, lest you think I'm more self-control-y than I actually am.  :). I might have a clementine too.

Ah well...I just got up and took a walk, and am here in my chair again.  One step at a time, one walk at a time, by God's grace, this will improve...:). have a good night!

from here in the cold state of New York...

 ...my enthusiasm from yesterday afternoon waned pretty quickly, once I realized what it actually meant to stop using the walker.  Getting up in the night to use the bathroom didn't equate well with cane walking, I was stiff and sore and it was almost scary.  Then this morning, the long walk down the hall was daunting.  It's still not natural, and the steps onto the "new" leg are very stompy and clumsy.  My hand tendinitis is brewing, and clasping the cane doesn't help, the walker distributed the weight to the other hand.

Wah, wah, wah, right?  It's my party and I'l cry if I want to.  (You would cry too if it happened to you).  But.  In all this, I am extremely thankful for the push or rather SHOVE in the right direction.  I have been praying to walk again, and this is the way, I'm pretty sure.  Ha, after I'm sitting a while and get up and have to take that first step, I'm pretty sure it's NOT the way, but I don't listen to myself.

I'm trying to rest up my hand when I'm not using the cane, I'll mention it at PT, see if they have any tricks. I think I need to learn to walk without it really speedy fast, before my hand really acts up.  :)

I wish I had more fun and exciting things to talk about!  Let's see, I ordered some fun things from Target, like a new toilet brush.  Also some Reeses hearts, M&M minis, chicken broth, pretzel crisps, thyme, a scrub daddy sponge for Camille, and shh, some root touch up that's not 14 years old.  Miss Charlotte Claire is back at college for her first day of the new semester, so she's stopping at Aldi after class.  Miss Camille Anaya is also back, but she's doing this semester online, so she's in her room hard at work.  This leaves me here in the too-quiet living room with little Juniper snuggled up to me.  I try not to sit for too long at a time, she is very disgruntled every time I nudge her over so I can stand up.  If she knew how to talk, she would definitely be saying swear words.

I do have a Tana French book, I've read it before, but it's still a page turner.  I read Big Little Lies again, Liane Moriarty sure can write.  

I am not bored.  I like being home, and I like my house, but I do get a little antsy sometimes, and a little lonely.  I have company over, but it's sporadic, and there are times it's so quiet.  My dear sister is home from the hospital as of yesterday, and is very tired and weak.  I have not talked to her on the phone in a few weeks.  It is so very cold out here in NY, I would love to be able to go visit here, but...ugh.  It takes me forever and a day to get down the sidewalk to the driveway, and I would def have to use the walker for that, as it's snowy and icy.  

I have been encouraged lately to seek and practice thankfulness.  On Sunday, we heard this article, which is available at Hidden Treasures, an online app.  

Oh, good stuff!  

And, I am dreaming of camping and of summertime.  I have my new camping chair here in the living room, and I think of hitching up that camper, and oh joy!  I have a lot of things to walk for, don't I?  We have our first trip scheduled for the end of May, an electric site, with Ben and Ashley right across the road, right across from the beach.  It'll be too cold to swim in Ontario, but campfires and toes in the sand and that morning coffee with the water view... 

I'm also dreaming of our pool getting fixed this summer.  I bought those steps/stairs from marketplace already, I'm imagining climbing down into the clear warm water, sitting on the top step with my coffee...ahhh.  Sunshine, coffee, feet in the pool, yes!  

I know it seems like I'm making progress, and I know I am, but it really doesn't feel like it.  Each step is a chore, and I'm praying that I won't fall.  So keep me in your prayers too, if you can or if you will, that I can truly make progress, and walking can become more natural.  I psyche myself up, and tell myself I can do it, and I ask God to strengthen me, then I take the steps, and it's not exactly painful, but it's certainly not comfortable.  I don't know why, some people seem to have this surgery and heal right up.  I have guessed and second guessed, but there's no use, no going back, only forward.   The thing about trials is that we would never choose them, if we were in charge, we would have everything hunky dory, the way we falsely imagine everyone else's lives to be ha.  But we need them, and there is so much to learn through them.  

I have to get up and get moving again, have to disturb the lazy Ms. Juniper.  I have to stand up and coax those legs to swing around and bear the weight and take the steps.  Off I go!  Have a really nice day.:)

a whole new level...

 So I just got home from Physical Therapy.  Now, I have not been in a week, because I cancelled Wednesday, was feeling very sinus-y and a bit dizzy, then Friday's was cancelled because of weather.  Well, they wanted us to come in earlier and Paul had a work call, they had so many people cancel because of the snow and wind, they were closing early.  Anyway.  This fine day I went to PT.   I hobbled in with my walker, and the two therapists looked at each other, one said that today we're trying something different.  I skipped the heel slides and leg lifts, just sat and stretched the leg, did the bike, then...a long walk down the outer hallway with the cane.  Now, this is not my favorite yet, I feel unsteady and unsure.  I hobble.  My arm flails and tries to grab the wall for balance.  But down the long hall we went.  Then, up a flight of stairs, using both knees, not up with the good...just like a normal person, the therapist said..then back down, like a normal person, then back up, three times.  Then back down the long hallway.  Then the leg press and leg lift machine, then...the stair stepper...that was the hardest, because I was tired by then.

Then...he folded up the walker and said, Don't use this anymore.    Okay.  That is easier said than done.  He walked with me down the long hallway as I hobbled on the cane.  

We are home.  Paul made me a hot drink (bone broth with chocolate protein powder) while I ice the knee, and Juni is on my lap snuggling.  I used the cane to get to my chair, and the walker is still folded up in the foyer, where it shall stay...so now I HAVE to use the cane.  It's what I needed.  The PT said if my knee didn't buckle on the stairs, he think I'll be okay.  

So.  I have huge mixed feelings right now.  I am SO happy to be making some progress!  I am not in good shape, so I need to step it up, on the bike and practicing on the stairs.  I have a goal to get back into that pool for swim class!!!

I love this pic, Sam with his little Samantha, and Aunt Mariel holding baby Kaia, with Sonja in the background...

Ruth is a nice big sister!  

We had a busy weekend, lots of company, very nice.  Yesterday Paul and I made some chili.  He carmelized onions and peppers, garlic mmm.  We also ordered three pizzas for lunch.  Emily and Mariel were here, we celebrated Em's birthday, sort of.  I made brownies, she brought a "heater cake", which is what we've always called the frozen square Pepperidge Farms cakes.  I did order her some nice suede Birkenstock knock off clogs from Amazon.

Anyway.  It's windy and cold, and I'm cozy and tired.  Orange Guy woke me up to go outside last night, like half hour after I had gotten back in bed from getting up to use the bathroom.  You cannot ignore him, he meows so shrilly!   I was so wide awake when I got back in bed...then I fell to sleep and had a really bad dream about the end times, bad times: gangs and thugs were taking over people's houses.  It was a violent dream and very sad, bad things happened to Paul and to Charlotte, and then I woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep for a bit.  It was ridiculous but so real.  How can our brains make these things up?  

Ah well....you have a nice day, and stay warm!  

a day at home in the winter...

 It snowed today, again.  It was very cold and windy, but so nice and cozy in the house.  This fine day, I made myself take ONE step.  One without holding on to anything.  It was a Frankenstein step, not smooth and buttery like I walk in my dreams.  Then I took a few more.   No, it didn't end up like a fairy tale with me just walking all over the place.  It was scary, and it felt strange, but I did take those steps.  (This was written yesterday, then last night I dreamt I was walking all over so smoothly, and I yelled for Char to video it for the blog, but she couldn't find any phone...)

Kettler, and Orange Guy

Sunny...

Juni!  We have Jon and Rosi's dog here for ten days while they are on vacation.  She's like a little Muppet dog.  

Kaia!  She's already in the sit-me-up seat!    Sonja was here this afternoon for a visit, I love having her, and Kaia is so much fun. 

Dinner: I marinated some pork chops in vinegar, salt, pepper, garlic, rosemary.  Then dried them off, coated them in olive oil, a little bit of brown sugar, more seasonings, and baked them in a hot oven, along with a pan of stuffing.  Pork chops are not my favorite, but they're $1.39 a pound, and if you season them up nicely, and get the fat crisped up, they're good.  

And, now it is today.  Friday.  It's very cold here, in the teens, and we got at least eight inches of new snow last night.  The roads are bad, school was cancelled, and the older kids saw lots of accidents on their ways into work this morning.  So, my PT was cancelled, boo hoo, ha.  I'm looking at it like:  three days to work hard.  I have taken a few more steps, but the knee is still very stiff and unforgiving, so I did all my warm ups and work outs and stretches this morning, then walked just a little, a few steps.  I don't want to rush it and fall, I'm just glad it's moving in the right direction.  One ray of hope lightens everything.

Miss Juniper thinks when I lie down to do heel slides and leg lifts, it's time for her to relax on my tummy.

Not much else going on here right now, so you all have a good day!  Stay warm!

just pushing through and being thankful!

I do have a revelation:  you don't have to feel thankful to be thankful.  If you sat around and waited for that, well, maybe YOU  could manage it, but me?  No sir!  I find a lot of grumbling, over here.  It's then a conscious decision to be thankful.  

For life!  For home, family, warmth, dinner, for a God who listens and sends me what's for my very best.

This fine day, at one point, I actually thought I was going to go around the bend.  Paul works from home, and he's on calls, his office is right there, and I can hear it all, door closed is a little better, but it's usually opened.  I'm here doing my thing: trying to walk and doing exercises, then sitting down and elevating the leg, resting up, scrolling blogs, then getting back up.  Well, today, through no fault of his, he annoyed me something fierce.  What did he do, you might ask?  He simply rode the exercise bike here in the living room, which is kind of behind my chair.   I had just sat down after vacuuming and doing other chores which seem to drain me quicker than they ever did before surgery.  I was playing solitaire on the laptop, which is a total waste of time, but?  I felt so self conscious, he was there behind me riding that bike like he was being chased by the devil himself, huffing and working hard...and I felt like such a lazy bum.  

Then duh, I realized that I was having these irritated thoughts about him, and he wasn't doing anything wrong at all!  

Mostly, I'm annoyed at myself.  I have been working so hard to walk, and I can't do it yet.  But, I am not going to talk about this today:)

(One  thing about him working from home is that he's here, but he's not here, he's working.  Sometimes he'll be in the kitchen getting a coffee, and I'll ask him what he wants for dinner, or what he thought of the thing in Minnesota, and he'll point at his earbuds and mouth on a call.  oops.  He's here, but he's not.)( I am super glad that he gets to work from home though!). I'm not exactly lonely, but you know, not too long ago I'd be talking to my sister about these things.  Not too long ago I'd be going out and about, like it was going out of style. Water aerobics, shopping, visiting the kids...library, out to brekky... Now...meh.  Here I am.  

I put an order in for a warehouse club for chicken breast, pork chops, cream, red skinned potatoes, yogurt, granola, fruit snacks, Belgian cookies (from Christmas, marked down to $5.98), Oreos, butter, bagels...Sonja and Oscar are going to pick it up for me tomorrow afternoon, thus we won't have to take our weekly trip to Aldi.  

Coffee:  I like the local coffee, but it's much more expensive than buying a bag of Lavazza from Amazon. I order our dog food and cat chow from Walmart, it gets delivered, and is so much easier than buying in the store.  I recently ordered toilet paper and paper towels from Target, they had a $15 gift card if you spent $50 on that stuff, and their prices are decent to begin with.  

Anyway.  The girls made dinner tonight, stir fried chicken with freshly grated ginger, sesame oil, and spicy orange sauce, rice, and broccoli.  It was very good.  Tomorrow I'm going to put a brisket in either the oven or the crockpot...I'd like to put it in the smoker, but it wasn't working well, and I am not huffing down the stairs to find out if it will kick on or not, I'd have to throw the brisket down, then catch up with it.  :).   I think oven would be better, but crock pot easier, and safer, since I'm going to PT in the early afternoon.  

I've been thinking of asking Paul to get my sewing machine out for me.  But when people come over and it has to be put away, I'll be at someone's mercy to do that too.  I want to do things for myself, but wah, right?  

Ah well.  The girls are here, tired, they've been working a lot, and are working again tomorrow...so I will talk to them before we all retire for the night...you have a good night!

monday monday...

 This fine morning, the living room is bright, and it feels almost Christmas-y, as we have new snow on the ground.  I'm on my second load of laundry, but I did cheat, Paul took Miss Char's load of clothes out of the dryer for me.  I've done some exercises and walked a few steps with the cane.  It's feeling a tiny bit more natural, but I am not there yet.  The only way to get there is to go there, so I'm working on that.

These are the kids of mine that I saw yesterday:  Emily, Benjamin, Mariel, Samuel, Margaret, Kathryn, Evelyn, Sonja, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, and Camille.  That is a lovely day!  We did have people over after church, Nate made a venison roast, and I put the ham in the oven.  I peeled about eight pounds of potatoes, and we had mashies.  I chopped some apples and put them in the unsweetened applesauce with brown sugar and cinnamon, and baked that too.  Evelyn brought fresh green beans, and Kathryn brought Brussel sprouts.  15 of the grandchildren were here, and 18 adults.  (The brownies were gone before dinner!)

Last week at Aldi, I had gotten a cookie decorating kit clearanced for 69 cents, so I grabbed that out of the pantry yesterday and had some fun with 8 of the grandkids. 

Grant, Tennyson, Achilles

Rhys, Jamie, Maeve, Ruth, Blythe...it worked out really well because Wulf was busy and not interested, and the kit came with 8 big chocolate cookies. 

Having the house filled with adult kids and spouses and grandchildren is wonderful and fun and overstimulating and loud and sometimes challenging, but it's the best part of life, for me.  I like having a home where they can feel comfortable, where the kids can feel loved and wanted.  I love that they are my grandkids, and I can give them hugs, and tell them how pretty they are, how special they are.  Sometimes I call one over, and tell them that I like them and love them.  Sometimes they do things that make me raise my eyebrows up to my hairline, I can stop my mouth from asking SERIOUSLY??!!!, but my face...well, it has a mind of it's own.   You know, throw a fit if they can't have a twentieth Hershey Kiss, or jump onto the couch with an half eaten apple.  Kids, they're messy and loud, right?  But.  I had so many of them, we had to eat at the table and wash hands after, because I do not like sticky.  And neither Paul or I are fans of loudness, so we always toned it down in here.  Screaming?  absolutely not.  Not unless you were really hurt.  

Anyway.  I had my ways of parenting, and these young parents have their ways.  I don't want to tell them what to do, I don't know what's best for each child, and they all have to learn their way through it all.  Of course I have to speak up about what I allow and don't allow, and it's getting much better about the kids having their hands washed, ect.  

There are things I never would have allowed, and yesterday I reminded some moms that "No means no" is a good thing for all kids to learn, especially when dealing with each other, if someone wants them to stop doing something, well, they need to stop.  

But, I remember that parenting was hard and I struggled too, and I prayed for wisdom, for God to give me patience and help, you could figure something out for one kid, then the next one, what the heck?  

So I don't sit here judging and criticizing, although sometimes I do find those thoughts, and dear Lord, help me to be awake and not be like that!  

Anyway.  We had a really nice full blessed day.  I had gotten this take-apart airplane new in the box from the thrift store a while ago, and it was on the laundry room shelf.  Paul saw it and thought it would be perfect for Declan.  He remembered it yesterday, and put batteries in the little drill, and Declan really liked it.  

Ha, yesterday two of the cousins were having a big fight over a hula hoop.  They pulled and tugged and fussed, one had it first, blah blah blah...of course as soon as one of them gave it up, the other just dropped it and walked away, it lost it's value really fast.  

It wasn't too long ago when the very adults sitting around on the couches watching football and drinking coffee were doing the very same thing.  Recreational arguing is a thing, with kids.  

Anyway.  It was a very nice day.   So many of the kids helped with clean up, but Miss Char gets the prize for washing so many dishes.  We used disposable plates, but all the pans and forks and cups and serving dishes...she washed them up.  I have had to remind the older kids to make sure to take care of their seltzer cans and coffee cups, ect., because at this point, it's still hard for me to pick them up.  Obviously it's good if they do that anyway, but they are busy with small children sometimes.  

The hair...it's darker than normal, and the gray isn't totally covered, but it's not horrid.

Random photo...Declan, Darius standing up, Benjamin, Paul, and Elise (Elise brought me some really nice drawings, and some flowers she made, with a nice card that said that I spread joy and she is thankful for me!)

It is definitely reddish...

You can see the gray near the part...but most of it's covered.

Ah well.  I have PT in a few hours.  I do not like going, and am always so glad when it's time to leave.  The last week has been super challenging, but there's no getting around it, only going through it.  

Also...my dear sister is in the hospital still.  You remember she has cancer, breast cancer that came back after several years, and landed in a few places.  I'm vague because it's not my story to tell, and Cheryl is private with her health issues.  She has pneumonia and some other things going on, and these things weaken her already fragile body, and it's so very hard.  She's still so funny and lively and she's my very favorite person in the entire world.  We are just in sync.  If I added up all the hours we spent yakking on the phone, it would be astounding.  When we're together, we just have to look at each other, sometimes we know NOT to look at each other, because we know exactly what the other is thinking.  She'll say, "Did you like the way..." and I'll be like "OH MY GOODNESS YES!"  I've already written about us showing up at events dressed in exactly the same thing, not planned of course, but oh dear.  Back in the day, our shopping trips and laughing fits, and she used to come over here with her seven daughters like once a week.  In the last weeks, we haven't talked as much on the phone, and when we do, I love it, cherish it, and she seems very tired.  

So pray for Cheryl, that she gets her strength back, and for her family, it's not easy.  Pray for me too.  She has not been able to go out and about with me for a long time now, not that I am going anywhere right now either, and with not talking to her as often, it's really really sad.   I love her dearly, more than words can express.  

Goodbye for now, as I gear up to get out the door for PT...it's cold out there today!!!

don't be like me!

Sometimes I really wonder what I'm thinking.  Here's the thing...it's no secret that I touch up my roots, or is it?  Surprise, I do!  Well.  When I first started, I used light brown, then started using dark blonde.  When I switched over, I had a box left in my bathroom, and it survived several cleanings and purges, because I might need it some day.  

Well.  I have been supremely lazy regarding the roots, started to not care at all...then I worried:  was I becoming the stereotypical old person, wearing sweatpants to the store (yes, last three times I've gone, but it WAS after PT)?  Since it's so hard to get out of the house and into the car, I have become more or less resigned to these four walls.  So if my hair is dowdy, meh!  

Nope.  I had enough, I needed to spruce up the hair.  So, being thrifty and not waste-y, I got out that box of L'Oreal Excellence from under the sink, opened the box and saw a one dollar off coupon on the flap dated 12/31/13...wow, this is old!  But, I had already changed into an old tank top, and brushed out my long tangly hair, so...I got the gloves on and mixed it up.  I squeezed a bit onto my hair near my part, and heard a cracking sound...I looked at the bottle, it looked fine...again...then a huge crack, followed by...the whole bottle had crumbled!  We have a drinking cup on the counter for after brushing the teeth and swallowing the vitamins and minerals, so I dumped the dye into it...and put the crumbling bottle pieces into the box.  I used the little comb thing that screws on to the top of the bottle, I dipped it into the cup, and proceeded to paint the top of my head near my part.  I was getting uneasy though...what if my hair all falls out?  So I didn't wait the entire time, but got my rear end into the shower to rinse it out...

As you can see, it didn't cover all the gray...

But it doesn't look awful, either.  It's not dry yet, but I think it'll be okay.  And, I saved twelve dollars.

(If I were rich, you bet I would be going to the salon every few months!  I went twice for hair cuts, (in my entire life!) and once for root touch up, a cut, and highlights, and it was so much fun!  But, I could buy like 15 boxes of L'Oreal for that!)

So this fine dreary dark winter day, the girls went out and about with Emily, to the Asian food store (Camille bought a box of tea labeled Chinese Restaurant Tea).  (A customer in there was asking if they stocked rabbit...they did...I guess it takes all sorts of people to make the world go around...) They went to the Indian store and bought curry and garam masala, then Trader Joe's and got me a bag of popcorn, and some cinnamon dragons.  Paul had to go to the dump, then to one of the apartments we have that's empty, and needs sprucing up for the next tenants. 

I made brownies.  I am not getting a penny to say Aldi brownie mix is SO good.  I used strong coffee in place of the water, and in one pan I put a mixture of dark, milk, and white chocolate chips, and one pan I left plain.  I line the pans with parchment, so we can lift the brownies right out, then cut them properly.  

Sonja is coming over, and Camille is making chicken curry for dinner.  She's making me a coffee right now, and I'll sign off so I can talk to them, you all have a good day.  
 

put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the door!

 Anyone?  Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the song he sang to the Abominable Snow man?  

Anyway.  The therapist started singing that today.  It seems so easy, and it's not.  Not yet.  I walked a bit at PT with the cane today, but it's not natural yet, each step is like stepping off a cliff, my knee did two small buckles during it, but I did not fall, and was told to just keep going.  I did.  Across the work out room, across the waiting room, down the hall, and back.  phew.  I also worked on the balance board today, which wasn't as hard as I initially thought it would be.  

I was thinking a little while ago about how I am not walking on my own yet.  It's embarrassing.  It's getting old.  Then I stopped myself:  positive thoughts!  I need to keep positive!  One thing I know:  there is a saying about when you're dependent upon something, that it's a crutch.  That's how the walker is.  My brain has attached to it.  Now, I have to build that brain trust connection to the cane, but most importantly, to the knee.  I need to learn to trust the knee.  The only way to do that is to sit around and wish for it.  Just kidding.  The PT said a few weeks ago that Arnold Schwarzenegger once said:  the only way to lift weights is to lift weights.  Same for walking.  

Paul and I went to Aldi after, this time I used the walker and didn't attempt to push the cart, and it went much better, except I couldn't keep up with that rascal who WAS pushing a cart.  Unlike me, he does not view grocery shopping as a recreational activity, but a thing that must be done, preferably not by him.  He was willing to go, and not grumpy, but there is a vast valley between being not grumpy and actually enjoying something.  

We got what we needed, and some Cara Cara oranges, which are expensive even for Aldi, but we shared one after dinner and oh so good!  We got chicken, avocados, yogurt, cream, broccoli, stroopwafels (the girls love them with their tea, they are seasonal and were marked down), chocolate covered cashews, also marked down, crackers, seltzer, flour...and two hams, for 49 cents a pound.  Seriously.  They were around five dollars each, for half honey hams.  Oh, and I got two packages of brown and serve rolls....Sunday dinner, Nate is making a venison roast, I am putting a ham in the oven, I got a jar of unsweetened applesauce and I'll chop some apples into it, add a bit of brown sugar and cinnamon, and bake it.  Ev is bringing green beans, and Emily will make bread, if she is able to come.  Ben is bringing mozzarella sticks for a snack.  Maybe I'll try to make some brownies...or chocolate chip cookie bars...

Anyway.  We came home from the store, and Paul put away the groceries while I iced my knee and had a hot coffee.  (I decline the icing after PT, to do at home, so Paul can get back to work, but when we go to the store too, by the time we get home, I really feel it!)

We had a bit of a thaw, still snow everywhere, but it's melting, there was so much of it, the sidewalk is one big puddle.  When it freezes again, it'll be a mess.  It did feel like spring today, it was a nice day to get out.  Walking around the store was not painful, just tiring.  

I'll leave you with this, it's been dancing through my mind lately: 

You all have a good day!!!

slowly by slowly, step by step...

 So it's discouraging to follow knee replacement groups and they're all golfing 18 holes and running marathons by now.  Or they're only a few weeks out, and having different complications, but they can walk fine without a walker or cane, and I think, "They have no idea!"  I know that comparison is the thief of joy, and that each of us gets what we need, but harrumph.

So I tell myself to just walk!  Just do it!  It might buckle, catch yourself, and walk!  At PT on Monday, I walked with a cane, and it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't fun, but it was deeply satisfying.  NOW, we're getting somewhere!

So my big plans were to walk with that cane at home as much as possible.  Well.  Monday evening, the knee had wobbled and buckled a few times and I felt myself really getting down about it, was just tired.  Yesterday, we had baby Kaia here, I still did exercises, but was half-hearted about walking with the cane.  Then I got in bed last night, and could not sleep...I was awake for hours, and guess what I was doing?  I was thinking about walking, and telling myself to just do it, and praying about it.

This fine morning, I got my coffee, did some cycling, then sat in my comfy chair, then did some exercises, then walked a bit with the cane.  It's not fun yet, and I feel like I'm going to fall with every step.  I literally go so slow, and pray for steadiness.  But, it's a start.  I have things to do!  

Now I'm taking another rest, and I'll tell you about having Kaia here.  

Miss Char holding a sleeping baby, all cuddled up...

(Orange Guy!)

Kaia went to bed nicely, but was awake for several hours during the night.  I didn't get up with her, but Charlotte took care of her, they slept in the guest room.  Camille got up and helped for a bit too.  So they were tired yesterday, but they did so well taking care of baby.  I got to hold her several times too.  She's very smart and alert, and wakes up easily if you put her down for a nap, she likes to nap in your arms better, but she still doesn't sleep for very long.

Sonja and Oscar got in around dinner time, we told them they could eat with us.  I marinated some chicken thighs in lime juice, and made a pan of stuffing, put it all in the air fryer, and it was an easy dinner.  Char and Cam had made homemade pretzels, which I avoided.  Oh, and Oscar brought in some KrispyKreme donuts, I stayed away from those too.  

In a few hours, I go to PT.  It's quiet in here, Paul is working, the girls are at work, and it's just me.  I did talk to Evelyn on the phone this morning, and to Kathryn a bit ago.  My sister is in the hospital again, she has pneumonia, again, but hopefully this time she gets better and stronger more quickly.  The hospitals are very full due to flu, so she is in an ER room.  Please pray for her that she recovers and isn't suffering!  I knew something was off, she wasn't answering texts, I know she's been tired...it's hard.  She is my number one bestie in the whole world.  

My new chair came and is sitting in it's box in the middle of the living room.  I kind of want to take it out and see it, maybe later.  Getting food and groceries has been challenging lately, with the bad weather, the girls being busy, and us not going to the store very often.  We live too far for Walmart delivery, so we tend to run out of things.  If we go after PT, Paul misses work, and he's very busy right now, projects and everything, I actually have no idea but he is very busy, you know, deadlines and such.  Our freezer was well stocked, but we cleaned that out pretty much.  The regular refrigerator freezer is getting low on meat now too, which is not a bad thing, we do have to eat it, I'm just glad we had a lot to begin with.  

Sam and Grace are coming over tomorrow, so I will hobble over to the panty and see what we have, and make a plan.  :). Peanut butter and jam for dinner, anyone?  And slice up the apples to share, because if everyone takes one they'll be gone and we won't get more until next week!  Ha, I'll figure it out.  I can't wait to see baby Samantha Grace again, and her big siblings too.  I invited Kathryn to come too, with her four little ones.  Poor two year old Mr. Jamison, he fell off the couch the other day and broke his little collarbone, so sad.  I talked to him on the phone today, he said he has an owie on his arm.  

All right, just wanted to check in.  My blog friend Marilyn is having surgery today, so pray for her, please!!!  And you all have a really nice day!

frankenstein? I don't even care!

Yesterday at PT, I did all my things...leg press, and 45 reps on a different leg machine, the straight leg lifts with weights, the bike, the resistance band, and my measure was 120, without pushing it, which is good.  Then, it was time to walk with the cane.  The therapists there are very jokey and keep it fun and light hearted.  I wobbled and walked, and they called me Frankenstein.  I said I don't even care, put bolts in my neck too, as long as I can walk, I don't care.  

My knee buckled more yesterday than it has in a while, and it's discouraging, but I have to keep at it anyway.  I think it gets tired, and obviously the less I baby it, the more things like that might happen.  Today I plan to walk up and down the hallway here with the cane, and catch myself with the wall if it buckles.  

Anyway.  We had a nice weekend.  Char, Cam and I watched season one of Fallout, Char hadn't seen it, I think Cam and I watched it while she was in Germany.  The second season is half out, so we started that, and are caught up.  It's entertaining, and it's fun to watch with them.  

We have a lil baby in the house.  Miss Kaia Jean spent the night, Charlotte Claire and Camille are babysitting while Sonja and Oscar go to NY city to get Oscar's passport, as he officially has his Green Card now, so he can visit his family in Norway.  With the snow and cold and busyness of the city, they thought it better not to take baby, so the girls gladly agreed to watch her.  Of course I have had my share of rocking and singing and talking to her, she's hilarious.  She's four months old now, and she's so bright!  She studies things, and turns her head when the dog walks by, and laughs her head off when we're so funny.  She is busy all the time taking everything in.  Char slept in the guest room with her, and it's still quiet at 8:30 am, so she must be getting some sleep, although I did hear crying in the night, but only for a minute. 

We had a houseful on Sunday after church.  Evelyn and Nate, Kathryn and Darius and their four kids, Margaret and Adrian and their three, and the four of us who live here.  I had a pork loin roast  to go in the oven, sprinkled it with lime juice, then lots of seasoning, covered it in olive oil, a bit more seasoning, and into the oven fat side up...I sliced up apples and chopped onions, and added those half way through roasting.  I peeled five pounds of red skinned potatoes, and Nate made them into delicious mashies when they were fork tender.  We also put a five pound package of chicken breasts in the oven, seasoned and olive oiled, so there would be plenty of meat.  Paul also cooked up some goose sausage from one of his hunter friends.  Nate made roasted carrots with spices and maple syrup.  So we had a really nice dinner.

On Sunday, the girls were talking about our upcoming trip to Norway, in two months.  I need to get moving!  I really want to be able to go.  Then the next month, a trip to Phoenix!  Then camping season begins, and yes, we do have three or four reservations already!  So I need to work and work and get walking!  

Oh, remember me complaining about a new year, new deductible, and paying for PT?  Well.  Surprise!  Our insurance covers therapy at 100% when it's following a surgery!  So not only do we have 40 sessions for this year, if needed, but we get refunded for what we were paying for the previous 20-something times we went.  Shh, I do NOT want to have to go 39 more times this year!  

Anyway.  You all have a really good day!

good afternoon, second post in one day!

 

This city didn't even get much snow in the last storm!  But it certainly piles up!

After my doctor's appointment, we were planning to go to Aldi, as we were really running out of a lot of things!  Seriously, not having me as a constant shopper shows!  I would run in here just for the chicken, or in there for the on sale ground beef, check for clearances, ect.  Now we rely on the girls, who are extremely busy and not as savvy as me, and our infrequent shopping trips, which include one store, which is Aldi.  Anyway.  I wasn't sure I was going to go in, until I talked to the dr.

Well.  He didn't say I was wonderful and doing fantastic, but what he said, summarized:  Your x-rays look just fine.  He then looked at the leg, the knee, examined and poked and prodded and bent it every which way, and said: It's not a ligament problem, your knee is nice and steady in there.  It just takes time, and strength, you need to keep working on the quads, and keep going to PT, it just takes time.  I asked him about any type of brace, or wrap to keep the knee in place, he said "absolutely not!  you want to strengthen those muscles!"  He said he would see me in three months, and was out the door.  okay.  So this IS a good thing, there is nothing structurally wrong.  No magic wand, just more work.  

So, I went into Aldi with Paul.  The carts are high, and heavy, and I held on and pushed, and my knee didn't buckle, but it wasn't super happy, either.  Paul was so patient with me, and we were able to get what we needed, plus a 69 cent cookie decorating kit.  I think that's the only "fun" thing we got, except for the beef brisket, which was $23 something...meat, especially beef, has gotten so expensive.  But now we have a pork loin roast, and chicken, and veggies, potatoes, cream, milk, all the good stuff.  It is nice, and I am thankful that we can just go buy what we need.  

In other news, my new sneakers came today!  

I am not getting a penny for saying how much I love these.  Allbirds Tree Runners

I think I paid a little less, as both pairs I got were a bit over a hundred with tax, but there was an online code too.    These are for warmer weather, and they're nice, come with white laces too.

These are wool, and are so warm and comfy.  I can't say enough good things about them.  They don't come in wide widths, but I sized up and got nines, and they fit amazingly well, on my weird wide hard-to-fit feet.  If you want something comfy, give them a try.  Again, I am not sponsored by anyone for anything on the blog, I just like these so much.  They are machine washable, too.  

I got my first pair of Allbirds when Aaron and Riley lived in San Francisco.  I don't know how many years I've had them, but the soles are all worn down and smooth, no grip anymore, and I wanted something new for the new way my feet seem to go with the new knee.  I have tried other sneakers, in wide widths too, and haven't felt this kind of comfort.  It was hard to order online without trying on, but I did, and I am so glad I did.  

You get a mirror selfie of me in the new upstairs bathroom.  Because I'm happy.  I know I have work to do, but it's hopeful, and I am happy.  

(As far as coffee mugs go, I do have a travel mug I can use, so as to get my coffee to my chair without sloshing, but for Christmas I got this Ember mug, keeps the coffee piping hot, even the last sip is hot, I love love love it!!!!)

Ah well...time to get up and get moving!  I have not graduated from PT yet, like I should have, but ?  I have three appointments scheduled for next week...it is what it is, right?  Have a good day!

And, happy new year!

 This is also a special date for Paul and I, we met on this night in 1982...that's 44 years ago?  wow.  Yes, that maths.  I was 16, he was almost 19.  

We stopped at the DG on the way to Emily's, Sunny couldn't believe that Paul went in without her. 

It was a blustery night!

So yeah, we went to Emily and Mariel's house for New Year's Eve, and it was so cozy and fun.  She has had the whole upstairs renovated, of her old Victorian house.  She made a nice playroom up there for the kids, and converted one of the rooms into a library, with built-ins and wallpaper, and a coffee bar with a sink.  The grandkids had so much fun, running around the house and up and down the stairs.  I didn't attempt to go up and look around, as I was certain I would get knocked down:)

Our drive home was not fun, I was glad Paul was driving.  It was snowing like crazy, windy, and cold.  We drove over a ridge of snow left by the snowplow, but we were not going very fast at that point, as the turn-around is in town...there was at least four inches of new snow on the road, then bam, there were two deer in the road...they were on the edge, and if they decided to continue, we couldn't have stopped, but they stayed put...it was nice to turn on to our unplowed road, and into our driveway.  Paul was so nice, he jumped out and got the shovel, so I didn't have to bump through as much snow on the way to the front porch.  

By the time we got into the house, I was very chilled.  My sneakers had gotten soaking wet near the door, as the grandkids had all gone out to watch Jonny set off fireworks, they must have flung wet boots everywhere, as children are apt to do, ha.  Anyway, a hot shower and off to bed by eleven...we're old.

Paul took the tree down yesterday, wah.  Most everything is taken down, but not all of it yet.  We have to pack away the throw pillows and Christmas tree blankets.  I decided to leave the lights in the front windows for the winter, as it makes it so cozy in here, and they're still programmed to my phone, so why not?  

In half hour, I'll start getting ready to get out the door for my ortho appointment.  The sun is shining here, the lake snow has moved up north, but it's very cold out.  I was kind of hoping for a snowstorm so we could cancel, but we're going.  I'm hoping for some answers.  Here's what I want him to say:  The x-rays are perfect, there is nothing wrong with that new knee...just keep working on strengthing the quads, and you;ll be walking in no time.  You're doing great, and you're not a big baby.  What I don't want him to say:  You are a big baby, just let go of that thing and walk, you're not gonna fall.  Or:  the x-rays show that new knee is all messed up and you need more surgery to fix it.

In any case, it is a new year, so new deductible to be met, each visit is so expensive, PT is going to cost an arm and a leg, but that is life nowadays, isn't it?  I shall be thankful we have modern medicine and good doctors, although shh, I have not quite reached the point where I'm glad I had this done.  I'm getting there, but it'll be more when I am walking by myself.

The new grandbaby is doing well, she's back to birth weight all ready, and settling in with her family, keeping her mama up at night, like good babies do.  

So sadly, my son Joseph's sweet doggy Bucky passed away unexpectedly this week.  She was, as Joseph said, sweetness embodied.  

She lived the happiest pup life though, very spoiled and tons of attention, lots of walks and adventures.  Joe said she went peacefully.  It's so sad.

In hum-drum news, this is the chair I ordered, looking forward to summer and camping...Aaron gave me his Kohl's cash, and I perused the site, and what did I really want that I wouldn't just buy?  This!  It's sort of a rocking chair without the rockers!  

The girls went to the big mall this week, and who did they see working?  Jonathan!  

Anyway.  I'm finishing my coffee, doing a few exercises just to warm up this stiff knee, and getting dressed to go to the doctor.  I'll check in this afternoon to let you know if he says:  Actually, I have just the thing...this magical knee brace!    Or:  Oh, just click your heels together three times and say I can walk!

Have a good day!