...my enthusiasm from yesterday afternoon waned pretty quickly, once I realized what it actually meant to stop using the walker. Getting up in the night to use the bathroom didn't equate well with cane walking, I was stiff and sore and it was almost scary. Then this morning, the long walk down the hall was daunting. It's still not natural, and the steps onto the "new" leg are very stompy and clumsy. My hand tendinitis is brewing, and clasping the cane doesn't help, the walker distributed the weight to the other hand.
Wah, wah, wah, right? It's my party and I'l cry if I want to. (You would cry too if it happened to you). But. In all this, I am extremely thankful for the push or rather SHOVE in the right direction. I have been praying to walk again, and this is the way, I'm pretty sure. Ha, after I'm sitting a while and get up and have to take that first step, I'm pretty sure it's NOT the way, but I don't listen to myself.
I'm trying to rest up my hand when I'm not using the cane, I'll mention it at PT, see if they have any tricks. I think I need to learn to walk without it really speedy fast, before my hand really acts up. :)
I wish I had more fun and exciting things to talk about! Let's see, I ordered some fun things from Target, like a new toilet brush. Also some Reeses hearts, M&M minis, chicken broth, pretzel crisps, thyme, a scrub daddy sponge for Camille, and shh, some root touch up that's not 14 years old. Miss Charlotte Claire is back at college for her first day of the new semester, so she's stopping at Aldi after class. Miss Camille Anaya is also back, but she's doing this semester online, so she's in her room hard at work. This leaves me here in the too-quiet living room with little Juniper snuggled up to me. I try not to sit for too long at a time, she is very disgruntled every time I nudge her over so I can stand up. If she knew how to talk, she would definitely be saying swear words.
I do have a Tana French book, I've read it before, but it's still a page turner. I read Big Little Lies again, Liane Moriarty sure can write.
I am not bored. I like being home, and I like my house, but I do get a little antsy sometimes, and a little lonely. I have company over, but it's sporadic, and there are times it's so quiet. My dear sister is home from the hospital as of yesterday, and is very tired and weak. I have not talked to her on the phone in a few weeks. It is so very cold out here in NY, I would love to be able to go visit here, but...ugh. It takes me forever and a day to get down the sidewalk to the driveway, and I would def have to use the walker for that, as it's snowy and icy.
I have been encouraged lately to seek and practice thankfulness. On Sunday, we heard this article, which is available at Hidden Treasures, an online app.
And, I am dreaming of camping and of summertime. I have my new camping chair here in the living room, and I think of hitching up that camper, and oh joy! I have a lot of things to walk for, don't I? We have our first trip scheduled for the end of May, an electric site, with Ben and Ashley right across the road, right across from the beach. It'll be too cold to swim in Ontario, but campfires and toes in the sand and that morning coffee with the water view...
I'm also dreaming of our pool getting fixed this summer. I bought those steps/stairs from marketplace already, I'm imagining climbing down into the clear warm water, sitting on the top step with my coffee...ahhh. Sunshine, coffee, feet in the pool, yes!
I know it seems like I'm making progress, and I know I am, but it really doesn't feel like it. Each step is a chore, and I'm praying that I won't fall. So keep me in your prayers too, if you can or if you will, that I can truly make progress, and walking can become more natural. I psyche myself up, and tell myself I can do it, and I ask God to strengthen me, then I take the steps, and it's not exactly painful, but it's certainly not comfortable. I don't know why, some people seem to have this surgery and heal right up. I have guessed and second guessed, but there's no use, no going back, only forward. The thing about trials is that we would never choose them, if we were in charge, we would have everything hunky dory, the way we falsely imagine everyone else's lives to be ha. But we need them, and there is so much to learn through them.
I have to get up and get moving again, have to disturb the lazy Ms. Juniper. I have to stand up and coax those legs to swing around and bear the weight and take the steps. Off I go! Have a really nice day.:)
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