...is a gift. I stayed home, which is what I do these days, and vacuumed. I washed some dishes, wiped down the table and some counters, and put the dining room tables back where they belong, after being rearranged for dinner on Sunday. It all sounds so busy, but believe me, I did it in fits and starts. I cannot sit for very long before my knee aches, so I get up and do some things. Then I need to sit down, and on it goes.
This post was written yesterday. I was going to change the title, but today is also "today". I was also going to change the title to "I can't." I keep finding myself saying that. For example, on Friday evening, there are calling hours for my sister. I can't. I have opened my house for my siblings to visit, as well as my kids, and I almost texted Cheryl about the usual: the dread of having to clean...then I remembered, and I said, I can't. I went into Camille's room today to use the stair stepper.
I browsed Marketplace, and there was a Little Tikes mansion dollhouse for free. I wanted to send it to Cheryl. Evelyn and Nate bought some chocolate coconut almonds from Trader Joe's for me, I wanted to tell Cheryl about them. I walked across the living room and back without my cane. Charlotte Claire got 100% on her college quizzes, and dissected a fetal pig. Vacuuming is easier with the cane than with the walker. so. many. things. all, day, long.
I can't even write this. I can't. Life without Cheryl seems like a big joke. Life WITH Cheryl was sometimes also a big joke ha, but. The laughing and crying seem to be all mixed together. She was so funny.
The thought of this whole weekend is heartbreaking. Her girls, her grandchildren (29!), Bill. I know she is in a better place, and that she fought the fight of faith. And I know that when we get together and remember her life and her faith, we will be strengthened and encouraged.
One of her favorite songs:
Just think though to actually and truly have that mindset: "let come what may, upon my way, I'll give my life each day." This is knowing full well that God sends all things for my very best.
Ah well. Time to get up and get moving again...you all have a good day!
9 comments:
I can't rally imagine what you are going through, but yet I know that I would also be wanting to call my sister and tell her things. But what a great testimony she had and what a comfort that is.
Grieving is a process. God is in charge...that doesn't help much but in the long run he knows what is best for us.
Thank you so much for sharing your grief with us. I had the thought of you once saying you couldn't look at Cheryl during a serious moment, church or funeral or something, you two might bust out laughing. Now it is her funeral, and I hope you all can remember funny things like that together. You can. You can. Through Christ! Praying for you.
Valerie
Keeping you in prayer during this difficult time. I hope your many happy memories will in time comfort you until you are reunited
I have followed you off and on for many, many years. I’m sending you prayers and so much love.
Truly praying for you! Cheryl is at peace but those of you left behind are hurting - I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a sister is just so very, very hard!
This is true, we were awful. We did hysterically laugh our way through a funeral service one time, which was the time we showed up in the same exact shirts, so we were doomed from the minute we saw each other that day. oh dear. Thank you, Valerie. :)
Thank you, for comforting words.
Wishing you peace as the family gathers to say good-bye to your dear sister. Wish I could give you a hug in person. It's not an easy journey to travel when we lose a loved one. Prayers being lifted.
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