I am certainly not a stay-at-home mom. I didn't exactly WANT to go today, and I don't think I exactly NEEDED to go....somewhere in between....I DID have the $30 in Kohl's cash that had to be used....and a 15%off on top of that....(I got some nice Nike sneakers and two shirts for Margaret, bathing suits for three of the girls, two pair of shorts and a shirt for Jonathan for school, a nice shirt for Sonja, a shirt for Samuel, skirts and two tops each for Charlotte Claire and Camille....)....that was fun. Then a quick trip through Target...oh my goodness, could hardly contain my joy: SuperSoakers for $3.24!!! I bought three of them! We had so much fun with them in the pool, the most fun being that there are THREE waterguns, and like 8 kids (and a mom) who want turns....a few of them wanted to know why I only bought three....hmm, good question...NO, wait a minute! I can't just buy a dozen of everything! And it is good to learn to share! Be thankful! And give me a turn with that!
We took a quick detour to McDonalds between stores because Sonja was hungry...and I was hungry...I need to learn to pack sandwiches...anyways, Camille only wanted fries...We each got one thing, drove away, looked in the bag: NO FRIES! I called the number on my receipt and the manager cheerfully invited me to come back and pick them up....rrr, my 15 passenger van....anyway, I went in to pick them up, and got Miss Sonja a fruit and yogurt parfait too, and the lady who waited on me said cheerfully, "The parfait is free, since you had to come back for your fries, sweetie!" Okay, I thought that coming all the way back was worth more than a one dollar parfait, but...she called me "sweetie"!
Our next stop was the grocery store...my goodness, I should just have our own grocery store. A watermelon, some bananas, romaine, red and yellow peppers, raisin bread, apple juice, meat, pasta, yogurt, eggs, milk, English Muffins, and laundry detergent.
We are going to bury my brother in a few weeks. That sounds horrible, and it is. It is still so so hard. I can't even think about it. I even question why we agreed on cremation, although it really doesn't matter. Anyway, his ashes are still in the possession of my younger brother. He and I were talking and decided it would be nice to do something on my father's birthday, so we talked about taking Billy up to the cemetary where my parents are buried, and planting him there unofficially, in a flower or something. Then maybe having everyone over here....or perhaps going up to Lake Ontario, which he loved. and scattering the ashes....we have such a large extended family, and we all loved him of course, but I feel like we have already had something for all of them, and this should be smaller and more meaningful. Without stepping on any toes. Oh well....sadness, still.
I have been talking to the kids lately about being more thankful for what we have, and for each other. I am just so thankful for my kids. Camille is adorable...today she told me that the man in the line next to us had a pretty shirt and a pretty necklace (he had a gold chain on)....then he started talking to her, and she said very loudly, "He talks and he laughs!"....he thought that was really funny, then she said, "He laughs like HA HA HA!", and she mimicked him in a deep voice. As if he wasn't there, and couldn't hear her. Oh my goodness, he was a very large man, and I was afraid any minute she was going to say he was FAT. They are all so special and I love them and enjoy them. I don't enjoy that they don't seem to be able to pick up their shoes and put them on the shelf, or that there are always towels from the pool around, or that there is always someone eating something.....but I love them. I am distracted because they are watching, "George Of The Jungle".....
Thursday, August 12, 2010
ahhh, the beach!
boarding the van to go home...the pictures are backwards, of course....Jonathan and Charlotte Claire...
Suzanne and I....
Kathryn and I....
Jonathan
Aaron...a trip to the beach is just not right without Aaron. We stopped at Price-Chopper on the way, "as per custom", according to Joseph. I told Aaron he could pick out a dozen donuts, since we had eleven kids with us, that made an even dozen people, and it is "as per custom". He not only picked out a dozen for me to pay for, he picked out another dozen and paid with his own money, which I did not know about until they were laughing their heads off about it later....they said the little girls ate like three donuts....NO WONDER they did not want any lunch.....
We stayed until the beach was almost empty, but not until the sun set.....Kathryn likes gymnastics...
Suze with the Yankees hat, Evelyn behind her, Samuel in front in grey shirt, Jonathan, Kathryn peeking out, Joseph, Charlotte Claire, Sonja K. standing in back with gold shirt, Aaron holding Camille, and Margaret in front....
Miss Camille....we like the way she walks....
Camille and Charlotte Claire...
Aaron
Camille was like the EnergizerBunny, emptying the lake one bucket at a time. She did not mind getting sandy from head to toe...we went swimming multiple times, and I must be growing up because when they flopped back in the sand after being all clean from the lake, ugh.
Kathryn Grace
Evelyn Joy
Suzanne Eleanor
Sonja Kathleen
Jonathan Robert
I didn't put up the pic of Charlotte Claire because she wasn't looking, oops...here is Camille...or rather a sandy child who looks like her.
Kathryn and I....
Jonathan
Aaron...a trip to the beach is just not right without Aaron. We stopped at Price-Chopper on the way, "as per custom", according to Joseph. I told Aaron he could pick out a dozen donuts, since we had eleven kids with us, that made an even dozen people, and it is "as per custom". He not only picked out a dozen for me to pay for, he picked out another dozen and paid with his own money, which I did not know about until they were laughing their heads off about it later....they said the little girls ate like three donuts....NO WONDER they did not want any lunch.....
We stayed until the beach was almost empty, but not until the sun set.....Kathryn likes gymnastics...
Suze with the Yankees hat, Evelyn behind her, Samuel in front in grey shirt, Jonathan, Kathryn peeking out, Joseph, Charlotte Claire, Sonja K. standing in back with gold shirt, Aaron holding Camille, and Margaret in front....
Miss Camille....we like the way she walks....
Camille and Charlotte Claire...
Aaron
Camille was like the EnergizerBunny, emptying the lake one bucket at a time. She did not mind getting sandy from head to toe...we went swimming multiple times, and I must be growing up because when they flopped back in the sand after being all clean from the lake, ugh.
Kathryn Grace
Evelyn Joy
Suzanne Eleanor
Sonja Kathleen
Jonathan Robert
I didn't put up the pic of Charlotte Claire because she wasn't looking, oops...here is Camille...or rather a sandy child who looks like her.
Camille had just put a large handful of sand on Jon's head....
Evelyn and Suze and Kathryn and Sonja and Jon and Charlotte Claire and Camille....
Margaret
Samuel James....
Joseph Michael....my nicest child...no offense to the rest of them, but Joe is all heart....a bit of sarcasm, quick sense of humor....he has decided to go to college to be a nurse.
Mr. Aaron....Mali gave him a hair cut last night....Joe is next.....Aaron is so much fun....I was glad they all wanted to go, it makes it way "funner" when the older kids go....Too bad Emily had to work and Abigail had to work and Ben had to work and Mirielle was at Lake Huron, all the way on the other side of Ontario, and Mali was with her friend.....
Charlotte Claire asked me why we can't go to the beach everyday...hmm, maybe because it is over an hour away? And after a day like yesterday, which was so utterly perfect, how can one go again? It can't be that nice two days in a row.....sunny and warm but not hot because of the breeze...the water temperature was 81 degrees.....waves to play in, clean water.....it can be sea-weedy sometimes, but it was clear and nice and so much fun. At one point the older kids took Miss Camille and the younger ones to the playground, so just Suzanne and I went out and played in the waves...it was absolutely decadent, to be able to swim and splash without watching anyone at all....exccept for Suze, of course, but that was easy....
Evelyn and Suze and Kathryn and Sonja and Jon and Charlotte Claire and Camille....
Margaret
Samuel James....
Joseph Michael....my nicest child...no offense to the rest of them, but Joe is all heart....a bit of sarcasm, quick sense of humor....he has decided to go to college to be a nurse.
Mr. Aaron....Mali gave him a hair cut last night....Joe is next.....Aaron is so much fun....I was glad they all wanted to go, it makes it way "funner" when the older kids go....Too bad Emily had to work and Abigail had to work and Ben had to work and Mirielle was at Lake Huron, all the way on the other side of Ontario, and Mali was with her friend.....
Charlotte Claire asked me why we can't go to the beach everyday...hmm, maybe because it is over an hour away? And after a day like yesterday, which was so utterly perfect, how can one go again? It can't be that nice two days in a row.....sunny and warm but not hot because of the breeze...the water temperature was 81 degrees.....waves to play in, clean water.....it can be sea-weedy sometimes, but it was clear and nice and so much fun. At one point the older kids took Miss Camille and the younger ones to the playground, so just Suzanne and I went out and played in the waves...it was absolutely decadent, to be able to swim and splash without watching anyone at all....exccept for Suze, of course, but that was easy...."As per custom", we stopped at McDonalds on the way home....I wrote the order on the back of a coupon book......it was sort of hilarious when I read it back to the kids....
2 caramel sundaes
4 hot fudge sundaes
6 small fries
2 mc doubles with no ketchup or mustard
2 regular mc doubles
3 mc chickens, 2 without mayo
2 sweet teas
one ice cream cone
one side salad with ranch dressing
(dollar menu, of course)
and 9 ice waters.....
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
eleven years ago this summer....
I was pregnant for my eleventh child, Miss Evelyn Joy. She was 9 days overdue, which was unheard of for me, and it was a hot hot summer....now I wonder how I survived, with my oldest child being only 14 years old. One thing that happened that summer....
We went to the symphony on the lake for the fourth of July celebration. Let's see, Em was 14, Abigail was 12, Benjamin 10, Mirielle 9, Joseph 8, Aaron 6 and a half, Mali 5, Samuel almost 4, Margaret 2 and a half, and Kathryn was 15 months. And I was due in a few weeks. Paul took the kids to the playground before the music started, while I sat and put my swollen feet up. He came back with them, and apparently Miss Margaret, the two-year old, was having a little fit about it. So she hung back and just stood there, stubbornly. I don't remember this, it is what Paul told me later. She was not far away from us, just ten feet or so. Anyway, a storm was brewing, it had been threatening and suddenly it was upon us, it was not just going to blow over. Wind and rain....we were quickly packing up our things and WHERE IS MARGARET????!!! She was nowhere to be seen. Wait, she had to be...but no, she wasn't there. We started asking everyone....Paul just took off looking for her....by now the rain was coming down in torrents, and it was dark, and thunder-y. My other kids were taken under the wings of kind strangers who sheparded them up under the porch where the symphony was to play....and just like the parable of the lost sheep, I forgot all about the other 99....I just had to find my Margaret....I was terrified. One particular guy, a guy who looked like the kind of guy any parent would tell their kids to stay away from, was totally persistant in looking for her. He kept coming back and asking if we had found her yet. He was concerned she had fallen into the outlet or something....he told me later that he has kids too, and he pictured it happening to one of them, and just had to help. So never judge a book by it's cover, or a rough looking dude by his long hair. Anyway, I had given as many people as I could the description of Margaret, showing them the other kids' dresses, as they matched. At one point one of the musicians yelled that she had found her, but it was either Mali or Kathryn she had found.....one thing I remember is that I had lost all shyness, and was actually yelling at strangers to HELP me find my daughter. (How could people just stand there when the world was crashing down around me?) One of the park rangers came along and called into the main gate, and notified the police (this was before everyone had cell phones), and within a few minutes we were told that they had had a small child at the main gate., but had given her to a police officer who had her in his cruiser.....oh my goodness, it had only lasted 15 or 20 minutes, maybe even less, but I cannot express the fear. The thoughts that wanted to take over....I thought she was GONE. Anyways, here is what happened......she was standing there in her stubborness while we scrambled to pack things up (I still cannot fathom that she wasn't right next to us....), and a well-meaning man was hurrying to get to his vehicle, saw her standing there as it started to rain, and brought her to the entrance booth. The people there gave her a necklace and talked to her, thinking her parents would show up any minute, then gave her to the officer.....and all the while, we were frantic. I still think the guy who scooped her up and took her to the booth was out of line, he should not have done that. When we looked for her, she should have been there!!! He actually called our house a few days later, sniffing around for a reward....he didn't quite realize how terrifying it was for us because of him. And I think Paul and I totally beat ourselves up about it for quite a while. How could we have lost sight of our two-year old? So if I seem paranoid about keeping the kids in sight, there you go!
That was just a few weeks before Paul took Ben on the boys' camping trip and Ben fell out of the boat and hit the propeller.....106 stitches ....that is another story for another day, one that has already been told too many times....
Then Miss Evelyn Joy came along and blessed us all. She was due the 12 of August, the first day of our summer conference that year. I remember being there in the heat with my huge tummy, people asking when I was due..."Today..."....but she didn't make an appearance until the 21st.....we named her Evelyn Joy after a dear friend of the same name, who sadly went to be with Jesus four years ago. They were eighty years apart! (I also thought it was funny that Evelyn sounds like eleven...sometimes we call her "Eleven".....)
Oh well, things are happening here. Miss Rosie is an attacker of remote control cars, so Jon solved that by putting her in her cage. She is not just lying there like a good dog. Camille is packing up dollhouse things and carrying them around in a plastic Walmart bag. I want to do more around here than I did yesterday, which honestly isn't much. Oh, summer....I love thee....Mirielle always says, " I love the green monotony that is summer....."
We went to the symphony on the lake for the fourth of July celebration. Let's see, Em was 14, Abigail was 12, Benjamin 10, Mirielle 9, Joseph 8, Aaron 6 and a half, Mali 5, Samuel almost 4, Margaret 2 and a half, and Kathryn was 15 months. And I was due in a few weeks. Paul took the kids to the playground before the music started, while I sat and put my swollen feet up. He came back with them, and apparently Miss Margaret, the two-year old, was having a little fit about it. So she hung back and just stood there, stubbornly. I don't remember this, it is what Paul told me later. She was not far away from us, just ten feet or so. Anyway, a storm was brewing, it had been threatening and suddenly it was upon us, it was not just going to blow over. Wind and rain....we were quickly packing up our things and WHERE IS MARGARET????!!! She was nowhere to be seen. Wait, she had to be...but no, she wasn't there. We started asking everyone....Paul just took off looking for her....by now the rain was coming down in torrents, and it was dark, and thunder-y. My other kids were taken under the wings of kind strangers who sheparded them up under the porch where the symphony was to play....and just like the parable of the lost sheep, I forgot all about the other 99....I just had to find my Margaret....I was terrified. One particular guy, a guy who looked like the kind of guy any parent would tell their kids to stay away from, was totally persistant in looking for her. He kept coming back and asking if we had found her yet. He was concerned she had fallen into the outlet or something....he told me later that he has kids too, and he pictured it happening to one of them, and just had to help. So never judge a book by it's cover, or a rough looking dude by his long hair. Anyway, I had given as many people as I could the description of Margaret, showing them the other kids' dresses, as they matched. At one point one of the musicians yelled that she had found her, but it was either Mali or Kathryn she had found.....one thing I remember is that I had lost all shyness, and was actually yelling at strangers to HELP me find my daughter. (How could people just stand there when the world was crashing down around me?) One of the park rangers came along and called into the main gate, and notified the police (this was before everyone had cell phones), and within a few minutes we were told that they had had a small child at the main gate., but had given her to a police officer who had her in his cruiser.....oh my goodness, it had only lasted 15 or 20 minutes, maybe even less, but I cannot express the fear. The thoughts that wanted to take over....I thought she was GONE. Anyways, here is what happened......she was standing there in her stubborness while we scrambled to pack things up (I still cannot fathom that she wasn't right next to us....), and a well-meaning man was hurrying to get to his vehicle, saw her standing there as it started to rain, and brought her to the entrance booth. The people there gave her a necklace and talked to her, thinking her parents would show up any minute, then gave her to the officer.....and all the while, we were frantic. I still think the guy who scooped her up and took her to the booth was out of line, he should not have done that. When we looked for her, she should have been there!!! He actually called our house a few days later, sniffing around for a reward....he didn't quite realize how terrifying it was for us because of him. And I think Paul and I totally beat ourselves up about it for quite a while. How could we have lost sight of our two-year old? So if I seem paranoid about keeping the kids in sight, there you go!
That was just a few weeks before Paul took Ben on the boys' camping trip and Ben fell out of the boat and hit the propeller.....106 stitches ....that is another story for another day, one that has already been told too many times....
Then Miss Evelyn Joy came along and blessed us all. She was due the 12 of August, the first day of our summer conference that year. I remember being there in the heat with my huge tummy, people asking when I was due..."Today..."....but she didn't make an appearance until the 21st.....we named her Evelyn Joy after a dear friend of the same name, who sadly went to be with Jesus four years ago. They were eighty years apart! (I also thought it was funny that Evelyn sounds like eleven...sometimes we call her "Eleven".....)
Oh well, things are happening here. Miss Rosie is an attacker of remote control cars, so Jon solved that by putting her in her cage. She is not just lying there like a good dog. Camille is packing up dollhouse things and carrying them around in a plastic Walmart bag. I want to do more around here than I did yesterday, which honestly isn't much. Oh, summer....I love thee....Mirielle always says, " I love the green monotony that is summer....."
Monday, August 9, 2010
out to lunch with joe, mali, sam, kathryn, evelyn, suzanne, and camille
There were only seven kids here, so going out to lunch seemed like a good idea. Less expensive and all. ha. The real reason we went was because they wanted to go on an adventure with me, Joseph and Mali and Sam....and since I tend to revel in the time spent with my older ones, and find that I like to please them, I was game. It was stuffy and hot and overcast as we headed up to the city near the lake....the a.c does not work in the big van, so we were hot. But Ponderosa was nice and cool. I won't name any names, but the kids do get their money's worth at all-one-can-eat buffets. There is a soft ice cream machine there, and SPRINKLES. Two of the kids got their wires crossed and both got Camille ice cream, one a dish, the other a cone. I just gave her both...she had quite a good time, and delighted in the sprinkles. They finished the drinks in their take-home kid cups, and filled them with soft ice cream to go. I told them I was going to take my dinner plate and make an ice cream mountain on it, then put a chocolate fudge waterfall down it....they didn't quite believe me, but I think they were relieved anyway when I came back with just a small dish. It is really fun to use the machine and squirt out your own ice cream. They were getting expert. We had to leave in a hurry because I forgot about tip money, and when it was time to go, I only found one dollar and five quarters in my purse. None of the kids had brought their wallets, conveniently....I wanted to leave a note of apology, instead we left quickly.....I can never go back.
Afterwards we took a quick trip through Walmart. I picked up a few more boxes of 25 cent crayons, and got Mali a belt for her work pants. It was pouring rain when we left the store, but it was warm summer rain, and walking through the parking lot felt wonderful.
I went through the McDonalds drive through because I found two dollar bills in my skirt pocket.(the thought did cross my mind to bring it to the waitress at Ponderosa, but $2? It would have been almost worse...) I said I needed a coffee for the ride home, and Sam said he needed one too. I don't think he could have been more please when I actually bought him one. He felt grown up, I think. When the voice behind the screen told me it would be $2.76, I mini-panicked....I thought the small coffee was a dollar, I said. Oops, he said. Phew, I said. I only had the two bills and not much change....
We came home and cleaned up the kitchen and living room, again, because the septic people were coming...(shh, I always use it as an excuse, just in case they come in, I tell the kids...) They pumped out the tank and fixed the broken pump switch, and hopefully the smell will not return.
Paul left for a meeting, and we weren't hungry, so I made lots and lots of batches of hot air popcorn, and the kids had a freezepop...
Another summer day, enjoyed thoroughly by me.
Afterwards we took a quick trip through Walmart. I picked up a few more boxes of 25 cent crayons, and got Mali a belt for her work pants. It was pouring rain when we left the store, but it was warm summer rain, and walking through the parking lot felt wonderful.
I went through the McDonalds drive through because I found two dollar bills in my skirt pocket.(the thought did cross my mind to bring it to the waitress at Ponderosa, but $2? It would have been almost worse...) I said I needed a coffee for the ride home, and Sam said he needed one too. I don't think he could have been more please when I actually bought him one. He felt grown up, I think. When the voice behind the screen told me it would be $2.76, I mini-panicked....I thought the small coffee was a dollar, I said. Oops, he said. Phew, I said. I only had the two bills and not much change....
We came home and cleaned up the kitchen and living room, again, because the septic people were coming...(shh, I always use it as an excuse, just in case they come in, I tell the kids...) They pumped out the tank and fixed the broken pump switch, and hopefully the smell will not return.
Paul left for a meeting, and we weren't hungry, so I made lots and lots of batches of hot air popcorn, and the kids had a freezepop...
Another summer day, enjoyed thoroughly by me.
somebody's got a case of the mondays....
And it ain't just me....Camille, oh my goodness. She is so independent. She used the toilet, called to be wiped, Margaret so nicely told me she would help her, but nooooo. She wanted MOMMY. So I went in and helped her. Then Jonathan thought he would be helpful and flush the toilet for her. Bad idea.
So....she is having a little tantrum....(well, medium-sized).....I will just let her go for a while, then I will ask her if she wants to be good now.....she will say yes.
Okay...fast forward to now...the Camille crisis has passed....and now some of the kids are going to the ZOO. Aaron is taking Margaret, Sonja, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire. They are going with their cousins (my sister's girls), and two second cousins, Will and Grace, whom we just call cousins, without the "second".....Aaron suggested we all go in the big van, but....I might be getting old or something, but going to the zoo when it is 88 degrees and humid sounds like a form of torture. I want to be near water, or in air conditioning. Anyway, this meant I had to get clothes out for the little ones, and pack some lunch and a jug of ice water, and I put some Mountain Dews into a small cooler for them....and I brushed hair and counted out money....
Margaret has made eggies-in-the-basket for some of the kids. She cuts a circle out of a piece of buttered bread, puts it in the frying pan, and cracks the egg into the circle....
I am tired today....we had some fun last night when one of the teenagers decided to go for a midnight stroll without telling us....thought we wouldn't notice....this child was gone for just long enough for us to consider calling the police....then this child returned, and wondered what all the fuss was about....just going for a nice long walk in the night, to think..rrrr. What was I feeling? Partly anger, mostly fear. I may have sixteen of them, but I love each of them so fiercely I cannot even deal with thinking about anything bad happening to any of them....and when the fear and worry start to creep in, and I realize that life is not a movie with a guaranteed happy ending, I wonder how I am doing as a mom, I wonder how many things we have done totally wrong....as the clocked ticked away the minutes, and this child didn't come back, the panic started to edge in, and I thought I was going to seriously barf. Kathryn and Evelyn were up with me, I woke up Paul, he went outside looking, and driving around, while we cleaned up the living room....partly because I had to do something, partly because one cannot call the cops with a messy living room. Anyways, the child came back, we had some three-in-the-morning heart-to-heart, had a chance to tell child how much we care and how we are always here to talk to and help.....
So I am tired today. Life is interesting, and there is nothing we can do about it. It is a helpless feeling sometimes to be so vulnerable to what could happen to these guys. I kept thinking,"God knows where this child is. He knows what we need." What would I do without that comfort?
Anyways, I have things to do...I have to call the septic people. It shouldn't need to be pumped yet, but it smells awful in the backyard when we run alot of water....never in all the years we have lived here has it smelled like this....it was just pumped in the fall...so we are hoping it isn't a big problem. $$$. And I have to cancel our camping reservations, wah. Paul is leaving for India during our vacation, albeit at the end of it. We figured he would have to leave earlier than that too, to get ready....and I am NOT going to tow a 35 ft camper, not behind that 15 passenger van. No sir. So it isn't worth all the preparation. We will just stay home for his vacation, and try to make it vacation-y. We could go and stay in the camper where it is, but hey, my bed here is much more comfy and all the packing again...ugh. I wish we could just go to a hotel somewhere for a few days, or rent a camp on a lake....but whatever we do, it will be nice. I just realize sometimes that I have to seriously stop and count my blessings. I am waking up to those thoughts that lead to discontentment, learning to stop them dead in their tracks.
I need to make those phone calls.....
So....she is having a little tantrum....(well, medium-sized).....I will just let her go for a while, then I will ask her if she wants to be good now.....she will say yes.
Okay...fast forward to now...the Camille crisis has passed....and now some of the kids are going to the ZOO. Aaron is taking Margaret, Sonja, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire. They are going with their cousins (my sister's girls), and two second cousins, Will and Grace, whom we just call cousins, without the "second".....Aaron suggested we all go in the big van, but....I might be getting old or something, but going to the zoo when it is 88 degrees and humid sounds like a form of torture. I want to be near water, or in air conditioning. Anyway, this meant I had to get clothes out for the little ones, and pack some lunch and a jug of ice water, and I put some Mountain Dews into a small cooler for them....and I brushed hair and counted out money....
Margaret has made eggies-in-the-basket for some of the kids. She cuts a circle out of a piece of buttered bread, puts it in the frying pan, and cracks the egg into the circle....
I am tired today....we had some fun last night when one of the teenagers decided to go for a midnight stroll without telling us....thought we wouldn't notice....this child was gone for just long enough for us to consider calling the police....then this child returned, and wondered what all the fuss was about....just going for a nice long walk in the night, to think..rrrr. What was I feeling? Partly anger, mostly fear. I may have sixteen of them, but I love each of them so fiercely I cannot even deal with thinking about anything bad happening to any of them....and when the fear and worry start to creep in, and I realize that life is not a movie with a guaranteed happy ending, I wonder how I am doing as a mom, I wonder how many things we have done totally wrong....as the clocked ticked away the minutes, and this child didn't come back, the panic started to edge in, and I thought I was going to seriously barf. Kathryn and Evelyn were up with me, I woke up Paul, he went outside looking, and driving around, while we cleaned up the living room....partly because I had to do something, partly because one cannot call the cops with a messy living room. Anyways, the child came back, we had some three-in-the-morning heart-to-heart, had a chance to tell child how much we care and how we are always here to talk to and help.....
So I am tired today. Life is interesting, and there is nothing we can do about it. It is a helpless feeling sometimes to be so vulnerable to what could happen to these guys. I kept thinking,"God knows where this child is. He knows what we need." What would I do without that comfort?
Anyways, I have things to do...I have to call the septic people. It shouldn't need to be pumped yet, but it smells awful in the backyard when we run alot of water....never in all the years we have lived here has it smelled like this....it was just pumped in the fall...so we are hoping it isn't a big problem. $$$. And I have to cancel our camping reservations, wah. Paul is leaving for India during our vacation, albeit at the end of it. We figured he would have to leave earlier than that too, to get ready....and I am NOT going to tow a 35 ft camper, not behind that 15 passenger van. No sir. So it isn't worth all the preparation. We will just stay home for his vacation, and try to make it vacation-y. We could go and stay in the camper where it is, but hey, my bed here is much more comfy and all the packing again...ugh. I wish we could just go to a hotel somewhere for a few days, or rent a camp on a lake....but whatever we do, it will be nice. I just realize sometimes that I have to seriously stop and count my blessings. I am waking up to those thoughts that lead to discontentment, learning to stop them dead in their tracks.
I need to make those phone calls.....
Sunday, August 8, 2010
mom, can I have this cucumber?
Can you open these fruit snacks? But Mom, I'm starving, I never had lunch!
And so it goes. Our lunch, admittedly, was rather snacky. Margaret likes to make these iced coffee drinks in the nice disposable take-out style foam cups with lids (which of course we wash and re-use), so we joined her and cut the angel food cake, added frosting and sprinkles, plus they had some bubble-gum flavored Poprocks.....two packets to split between I-don't-know-how-many kids.....so no, I guess we didn't really have lunch. And it IS almost dinner time....but jeepers, kids, wait for me, I will make something good!!
Evelyn just made herself a sandwich, and Suze just appeared with a plate of sugar cinnamon toast. rrr. But I do not blame them, I know it is because I do not put my foot down.
Besides, I am forever in Evelyn's debt. She cleaned Suzanne, Sonja, and Jonathan's room. It gets so messy so fast.....last time we cleaned it exremely well, I tried o keep it up, but somehow it got away from us again. Evelyn is an excellent room cleaner. She doesn't cut corners, and she rarely loses patience with her siblings who don't co-operate. I was sort of helping, throwing in a load of laundry, and Camille was following me around, wanting me to sit down with her....she got extremely agitated....so I took her into my room and snuggled up on the bed with her for a bit. And, you guessed it, I fell asleep, she didn't. In fact, I fell asleep at least 5 times, awakened by her humming and petting my hair and rolling around......I finally asked her if she was ready to get up now, and YES, she was....blah. I didn't really want a nap, but jeepers....Joe was mowing the lawn, too....I love dozing with the mower going.
So now it is dinner time. I actually have a plan! Leftover steak, cut and sauteed in olive oil and pepper, served on tortillas with peppers and onions and maybe some diced tomatoes. But more and more kids are appearing with that catchy cinnamon toast. (which sounds pretty good right about now)
Well, I am getting hungry.....
And so it goes. Our lunch, admittedly, was rather snacky. Margaret likes to make these iced coffee drinks in the nice disposable take-out style foam cups with lids (which of course we wash and re-use), so we joined her and cut the angel food cake, added frosting and sprinkles, plus they had some bubble-gum flavored Poprocks.....two packets to split between I-don't-know-how-many kids.....so no, I guess we didn't really have lunch. And it IS almost dinner time....but jeepers, kids, wait for me, I will make something good!!
Evelyn just made herself a sandwich, and Suze just appeared with a plate of sugar cinnamon toast. rrr. But I do not blame them, I know it is because I do not put my foot down.
Besides, I am forever in Evelyn's debt. She cleaned Suzanne, Sonja, and Jonathan's room. It gets so messy so fast.....last time we cleaned it exremely well, I tried o keep it up, but somehow it got away from us again. Evelyn is an excellent room cleaner. She doesn't cut corners, and she rarely loses patience with her siblings who don't co-operate. I was sort of helping, throwing in a load of laundry, and Camille was following me around, wanting me to sit down with her....she got extremely agitated....so I took her into my room and snuggled up on the bed with her for a bit. And, you guessed it, I fell asleep, she didn't. In fact, I fell asleep at least 5 times, awakened by her humming and petting my hair and rolling around......I finally asked her if she was ready to get up now, and YES, she was....blah. I didn't really want a nap, but jeepers....Joe was mowing the lawn, too....I love dozing with the mower going.
So now it is dinner time. I actually have a plan! Leftover steak, cut and sauteed in olive oil and pepper, served on tortillas with peppers and onions and maybe some diced tomatoes. But more and more kids are appearing with that catchy cinnamon toast. (which sounds pretty good right about now)
Well, I am getting hungry.....
we're just getting summer down pat...
And as much as I even hate to write these words, IT IS WINDING DOWN....wah. This morning, I got up at an unGodly hour, which I won't mention, took Miss Rosie outside, poured some coffee that Paul had brewed before going for a little visit with his parents, sat in my comfy chair and read the newspaper.....then: Margaret Cheryl was making pancakes, and: I was served two steaming hot pancakes....in my comfy chair. I told Marg that it was better than my birthday. The kids are all around me, six of them are playing dollhouse....I mentioned going to the beach, and they all agreed they would rather stay home and play dollhouse. When I say it is spread ALL over the living room, I am not kidding. They sometimes need an official with a striped shirt and a whistle, but I try to let them work things out themselves.
I love toys, especially the dollhouse stuff, so it is deeply satisfying to see them play with it like this.
It has been overcast and chilly-ish this morning, so sitting here hasn't seemed so sinful. Although now I am getting those niggling thoughts about what I should be doing....we did get a lot done yesterday, we were down to only one laundry basket of clothes to put away from our vacation...then Miss Emily stopped by on her way to work, in her nursing uniform, which the kids get a kick out of, with another basket of clean clothes from their little trip to the Adirondacks...she took the clothes to her apartment and washed them for me! She does not have a dryer, so she hung them all up. I thought that was so nice of her. She said she knew I had enough laundry to do, but also I heard they got REALLY dirty on their little trip, so she probably didn't want me to flip. She told me the story about Evelyn's brand new sneakers, which I did not know she wore, they are for school.....she barfed on them on the way up in the car, they got wiped off, then she got them mud-sogged....so Em washed them in her washer and they look brand new again.
Well, the niggles are screaming at me, I can only take so much downtime....after all these years of being busy busy busy, it is hard to adjust to having these stretches of time where I am not NEEDED so much....but my goodness, what I wouldn't give to have a baby to cuddle and rock and change and nurse......
I love toys, especially the dollhouse stuff, so it is deeply satisfying to see them play with it like this.
It has been overcast and chilly-ish this morning, so sitting here hasn't seemed so sinful. Although now I am getting those niggling thoughts about what I should be doing....we did get a lot done yesterday, we were down to only one laundry basket of clothes to put away from our vacation...then Miss Emily stopped by on her way to work, in her nursing uniform, which the kids get a kick out of, with another basket of clean clothes from their little trip to the Adirondacks...she took the clothes to her apartment and washed them for me! She does not have a dryer, so she hung them all up. I thought that was so nice of her. She said she knew I had enough laundry to do, but also I heard they got REALLY dirty on their little trip, so she probably didn't want me to flip. She told me the story about Evelyn's brand new sneakers, which I did not know she wore, they are for school.....she barfed on them on the way up in the car, they got wiped off, then she got them mud-sogged....so Em washed them in her washer and they look brand new again.
Well, the niggles are screaming at me, I can only take so much downtime....after all these years of being busy busy busy, it is hard to adjust to having these stretches of time where I am not NEEDED so much....but my goodness, what I wouldn't give to have a baby to cuddle and rock and change and nurse......
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