trying to fit it all in....

Winter came back yesterday!



The snow was light and fluffy, so it wasn't a problem to shovel the driveway, and I reasoned it was a fair trade for not going on my walk. Today's excuse for no walk is the temperature: 10 degrees.(-12c) Nope. Just nope.

This fine morning though, the sun is shining, until the afternoon when more snow comes. I need to get to the grocery store, as we are almost out of eggs and half and half and and and. If I go during the day, I have to get back in a hurry because Sonja has physical therapy for her knee at 2:30. I am picking up the three high school girls and taking them with me to the physical therapy, and if I go to grocery store after, I have to go in the snow. And I don't like driving in snow.

Poor me, ha, First World Probs.

Yesterday I made almond bread and banana almond bread, yum. I like to slice it up and freeze it, so I have something good to eat when I want bread. I also made a batch of snickerdoodle cookies after dinner last night. Snickerdoodles are cookies rolled in cinnamon and sugar. They are tantalizingly yummy, and I was careful: I sliced off one little taste, agreed they were good, then avoided them like the plague, even as I baked them all. The recipe I used called for butter instead of shortening, and oh dear they are good. The girls brought lots of them to school to share with their friends, and a lot of them got eaten after dinner last night, so phew, they are almost gone.

I have to get a mammogram before the end of the month, as I am going to visit the breast cancer specialists, blah. I don't want to for a few reasons:

1. Our insurance stinks out loud. I don't like to say "it sucks", but it does. We have a $7,500 deductible, which means that is what we pay out of pocket, before being able to pay only %20 of everything, which is also very costly. This place is pricey, and they want me in every six months with my huge risk factors, which include my maternal grandmother dying at a young age of breast cancer, her sister dying of breast cancer, my mother having breast cancer in both breasts, and my sister having breast cancer. I settled on once a year, which still costs us a small fortune.

2. I don't want to live my life as a "patient" when I am not even sick.

3. The anxiety and worry about results takes years off my life, ha.

4. I don't like going to the doctor, don't like being pawed at, don't like the questions...and when that nice breast cancer doctor found out how many kids I have, she was shocked, I grew antlers and turned into a Crazy Lady. Seriously. You can see the change in the way you are viewed, it goes from just a normal fat suburban housewife, to a weirdo who is obviously not too smart.

5. Ain't nobody got time for that. I watch little Anne three days a week, so I have Mondays and Fridays to do things like field trips and going to the pool and appointments. She is a good little girl, very happy, most of the time, so it's not a huge deal to bring her to things, but not to a mammogram, so that has to be on a Monday or a Friday.

But, at the end of the day, I know I am lucky and blessed to live in a country where we at least have good healthcare, albeit expensive healthcare. My mother's breast cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, and she had some major surgery, but she lived like 25 years after her original diagnosis, and that was way back when.

Each day is indeed a gift.

And I am squandering this gift, by sitting here blabbing, ha.

I have washed dishes and swept floors and am trying to teach Sunny that she has no business barking at the neighbors when they're out in their own yard, which consists of me telling her to be quiet, which she totally ignores, to me getting up and telling her, which she also ignores, to me making her Get Down from the couch, and telling her to Lie Down on the floor, which she does, clunking her head down her paws with a huge sigh, then making her way slowly back to the couch into her Looking Out The Window spot by the time I am sitting back in my chair. It's like having a two year old.

Ah well. Off I go, to learn to be thankful, to learn to be patient, to rejoice and be glad in this day the Lord has given us....

snowglobe day....

It's just too pretty out today...the snow is swirling around, and the brightness in here from the blanket of whiteness makes it seem festive. We decided to stay put, stay in with the little fireplace heater blasting, cuddling under blankets doing schoolwork. We were thinking of going to the library, but Anne has a bit of a cold. She is taking a nap right now, then we are going to go outside for a little bit. We can bundle her up, wrap her in a blanket and carry her around, just to get some cold fresh air. Then, inside for tea and cocoa. Poor us, huh? :)

Last night, I got to go out to dinner with my friends. We went to Smokey Bones, and no, I am not getting paid for this review, ha. It was too pricey for my liking, but they did have a really good policy of letting each person have their separate check, and could pay at the portable kiosk on the table. I opted for the burger, so adventurous of me, but a grilled burger...it tasted like summertime, with tomatoes and red onions and peppered bacon on it...it really was good. Being out with my friends though, priceless. Yes, it was fun. It's so nice to catch up and also to know you're not alone in your afflictions, not the only one with a husband who doesn't always want to talk about the little details in life ha.

I did not go on my walk this morning. I could.not.do.it. Just DO It, thank you NIKE, but ah...blah.

Yesterday after my walk, after I blogged, my headache increased in intensity until it was almost unbearable. I took a few ibuprofen and headed in to lie down, after assigning the kids some schoolwork. Well, I dozed off and on, and finally the headache faded to the background, leaving me feeling shaky and worn out. The girls had a suprise for me, they had taken their bunk beds apart, with the help of Jonathan, and now have single beds for the first time since they left their cribs. Their room is more crowded, but they are pretty pleased with themselves.

I feel like I lost most of a day, I never nap, but I was thankful it was a day I was actually able to go lie down, I didn't have Anne or Lydia here, and no appointments to go to.

Ah well...there's nothing much going on, just helping the kids with math, and doing laundry, and Anne is waking up...:)

on giving up....

I am in terrible shape. It's the truth. I let the daily walks slip, which is partly understandable, because hey, it's cold out. It's slippery when it's cold, and there's no place to walk with snowbanks on the edge of the road, and we all remember a few years back when I almost got run over by the snowplow. Good thing I was in better shape then, because I was able to hop nimbly into the snowbank, narrowly missing that plow as it barreled down the road. Anyway. I do have excuses, oh a whole barrel of them.

But the bottom line, is this: I am tried of being so out of shape. So on Friday morning, I went for my walk. I huffed up the hill. And I felt great, mentally. I was like, "Oh yeah! Getting back into it! Yes!" Then on Saturday, I walked again. And on Sunday. Then this fine morning, it was 27 degrees out and I had a headache. So I started teetering towards my comfy chair and a cup of coffee. I stood there at the sink washing last night's pasta pan, deliberating with my self. The coffee/chair was the clear winner, then I just said NO to my lazy self. I dried off my hands, took my vitamins with my spoon of coconut oil, got a nice drink of water, and put my sneakers on. I didn't go particularly far, but I walked down the road and up that evil hill. And it made me happy.

As I walked, I reasoned with myself. I may have won the victory this morning, myself told myself, but tomorrow, it might be colder out...ha.

I have had so many stops and starts with this whole Lifestyle Change thing, but the important thing is to never give up. It ain't over 'til it's over. And you have to start somewhere. I know if I keep walking up that hill every day, it'll get easier. My knees don't love it, and it's not pleasant to have achy knees. But. I am not giving up.

Sugar...oh sugar, how I love thee, but when I cut you out, I feel better! It's not fun to turn down the ice cream, but at the end of the day, when I think back on what I ate, it's an amazing feeling to have stood firm and to have eaten cleanly.

Remember, it was only last week when I made a double batch of chocolate half moon cookies, and a batch of vanilla ones. I resisted and resisted, then when I was finishing up frosting the last few cookies, I frosted a chocolate one with vanilla frosting, the homemade buttercream stuff, and it was a saggy cookie, so I deemed it unfit to serve at Margaret and Adrian's baby shower...so I took a bite. Big mistake, because guess what? It was more than delicious. It was supremely yum. I ate the whole thing. Mmmm mmm. After that, I had no more, no more at all, even at the baby shower on Friday night. I was done. But I know very well how fragile I am, and how easy it is to slip into eating things like that. So I take one day at a time, and when I get through a whole day being good, I'm a happy camper.

Anyway. here's a good thing:

This is baby Grant! My sweet little grandson, Samuel's baby. Isn't he adorable? I miss him terribly, he lives in Virginia. :(

Have I ever mentioned how tricky it is to parent teenagers? I have five teenagers at the moment. One of them snapped at me yesterday, one of them who is usually really respectful. I, being the strong mature lady I am, started to get teary-eyed, because it hurt my feelings terribly. So I said nothing, thankfully, because reacting when you're hurting is not always wise. I decided later, after thinking about it a bit, that the teenager wasn't being mean, just reacting also, to something, BUT, as the mom, I needed to point out that it wasn't acceptable, and it won't be tolerated. So later, when it was peaceful, I brought it up, and got a sincere apology.

Four of these teenagers are girls. They're great friends, when they're not snipping and sniping at each other. One LOVES to contradict, she thinks it's her God-given duty to point out the other side of every issue. So her sisters of course have to contra-contradict, and oh the fun. They borrow/steal each other's clothes and shoes and sneaker and boots, and heaven forbid one of them leaves their sister's things in the wrong place or stains it, or loses it...

It's not new. It's the same old story that has been played out here for the last 20 years, just a different cast of characters as the older ones grow up and move out. The two oldest girls, I might add though, didn't fight with each other. They just didn't. They still add ballast to the boat, and goodness and reasonable-ness to the family. Emily is not a fighter, she chooses peace, and goodness. Abigail is a giver, she is a total blessing.

Anyway. Please don't think my teens are awful. They are so full of life and fun and they are good kids. But behind every good kid, is How A Kid Is At Home, and that's not always smooth sailing, ha.

Today, I have to go pick Evelyn up from school so she can go to the town offices and get her residency confirmed for her college classes. Sonja has her first day of physical therapy for her knee, but she can walk from the school, and then to Emily's house, then I'll pick her up. The kids are ready to do lots of school today, and maybe we'll go to the pool....

Have I mentioned how great it is to have the hot tub running? It's grand. I love it.

living life backwards....

If today was the last day of your life, and you knew it, you would no doubt look back on your life and have a few regrets...maybe that you would have actually listened more to your daughter's concerns about her back-handspring rather than shushing her so you could hear the question to the JEOPARDY answer. Maybe you would have called your sister more, or overlooked the splatters of coffee on the counter near the pot, or the towels the kids like to drop on the floor. Maybe you would rue that you worried too much about things you couldn't change, and neglected to change the things you should have.

If you lived your life backwards, it would be easy to figure out what was important. This is precisely why most old people have some wisdom, they have learned a thing or two along the way, or at least we hope they did.

I tend to think this way a lot though, as I am tempted to grumble about having to do something I don't like. I picture myself in a wheelchair, some day in the future, felled by some perfectly possible ailment or tragedy, watching wistfully as someone else sweeps my floors, a task I hated every single day, and now wish with all my heart I could do.

I remember when my older kids were small, my mother-in-law said to me, "These are the best days of your life." Well, they didn't feel that way. I was tired and busy and had no idea what I was doing. Now of course, I would go back and do it all over again in a heartbeat. Not that my life is bad now, it's just that when I was so young, it was simpler, and in retrospect, so innocent and precious.

Anyway. Today, here I am in the wintery glow of my living room, snow swirling around, the ground covered in white, brightening things up. It seems Christmas-y, and it seems cozy. My three youngest children are still nestled snug in their beds, we stay up too late and I let them sleep in sometimes. Today we will stay here and do some school, maybe move the furniture and get out the gym mats, maybe do some baking. Then in the afternoon, I am heading to the Dome to work at the basketball game, with Joseph and Evelyn. Ben and Abigail and Mirielle will be there too.:)

Yesterday I was at the dentist when Jonathan called, he had stayed home with Joseph. Anyway, the school nurse had called here asking if Suzanne was absent from school, so Jon confirmed that she was, then after hanging up, went to her room and she wasn't there. He called me and asked where she was. I saw her get on the bus in the morning, so I thought there must just be a mistake, but at the same time, I got worried. So I tried to call the school...busy signal. I called and called and called, and finally got through. The lady in the office said she would call me back right away if Suzanne wasn't there, but confirmed it was just a mix up because Suze had an exam and was probably not in home-room for very long. ugh. She was there, she was fine, but ugh.

Then I heard about the school shooting in Kentucky. Oh dear me, why? Then the cyberbullying of a Florida girl, resulting in her hanging herself with a dog leash in the closet. Tragic, that this girl thinks this what people think of her is SO real, so important, and that social media has such a huge part of her life, and also the two 12 year olds who bullied her were arrested. 12 year olds arrested. Unbelievable. These kids with their phones, confusing reality with cyberspace...it's scary.

Oh well. Here are some things I have been working on:

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (prov. 15)

"He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers."(Malachi)

See how this works? When I am dealing with my kids, I have to, first and foremost, be awake to what spirit I am in. If I am angry and impatient, then whoa! I need to deal with that first!

Children AND adults respond to goodness and to love. The problem is that I personally don't have enough of that. "I find the principle then that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good...(Romans 7)

This puts me in need, for sure. I pray for self-acknowledgement, and for victory over my own sin! Then things go well.

God is no respecter of persons. Any person, at any time, can decide they want to live a good life.

And off I go....happily, thankful I can still "go", ha!

on the go....

This fine morning, I am heading out the door to the dentist, the two little girls need cleanings. I hope they don't have any cavities. I think we are bringing little Anne with us too, then Miss Lydia is coming over in the afternoon. Little girls! They keep me hopping, but children bring life into our lives, don't they?

We are such spoiled people, we Americans. Or maybe it's just my family. Not too long ago, frozen waffles were all the rage here, they clamored for them, I bought them by the 60 count box, and they relished them. A few of the girls would eat them on the way out the door to the bus in the morning, and if we ran out, my goodness, we had better get more! Then...they got tired of waffles. I would buy them, and they would sit in the freezer. Yesterday, I bought bagels, small cute ones, and they are happy, because we haven't had them in a while. Jonathan just requested I buy oatmeal, he says it sounds really good. Same thing, they haven't had an oatmeal streak in a while.

Yesterday I was talking to my sister on the phone, and she had to go to the grocery store in the small city for a prescription. (She has major issues with kidney stones, and has a bum kidney, so has to have surgery on Friday to get stones removed, again.)Anyway, I asked if I may join her, so in the afternoon as the older girls were getting home, I went off with just my sister. I bought eggs and cheese and milk and chicken and kitty food and litter. We just went to the one store, then home, so it was nice.

Home...I made a pot of chicken soup...I cut up the chicken breast, rolled it quick in flour with rosemary, salt, and pepper, browned it in olive oil, and added it to a few quarts of chicken stock...then added some sliced carrots, and cubed potatoes, and simmered it for an hour, and voila, dinner! Evelyn made some garlic bread to go with it, and the kids loved it. It WAS really good, and there's lots left for lunch.

I also put a pork roast in the crock pot with some lemon and lime juice and Jamaican jerk spices. It's nice knowing what's for dinner.

The countdown is beginning for our Florida trip. It's going to be really special this year, because Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja are going...(unfortunately Kathryn has to work, and can't make)...and Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, and Camille...we can only fit seven in the van anyway. But the fact that the three high school girls are going with the three homeschooled kids, it's going to be really fun. I hope and pray that the weather will be good as we leave New York and drive through the state of Pennsylvania. Have you ever driven through Pennsylvania? There's one sign that makes me laugh every time, it says: Endless Mountain Region. ha. That's about it. Trees and hills. Add in some snow, and no thank you. It's beautiful, it really is, but it gets old fast.

So I hope the weather is good. Evelyn is an excellent driver, and isn't afraid of traffic. She and I will be the only drivers, and it's 16 hours to Amelia Island in good traffic, without stops. I think it's necessary to always have a passenger who is awake and can talk to the driver, so I will have a turn in the back seat when she is driving, so I can take a nap, which is a huge joke. I mean, if Jon is up there being co-pilot navigator, I'll be back there NOT SLEEPING, getting more tired. I don't know why, I just can't sleep in the car. Unless I'm the one driving through Georgia in the dark, then I'm tired.

We will spend the day, then the night, at Amelia Island, which is right on the Atlantic, then head to Grandma's house, four to five hours away. I'm like, ahh, warmth, I can hang out at the pool in her little park every day for a few hours, there's a hot tub too...and just hang out with her in the mornings and evenings, sounds lovely. The girls are a bit more restless and adventurous, and want to hit a beach while we're there, they've googled the heck out of "beaches near Zephyrhills". We are also planning to go to a theme park for a day, I am partial to Magic Kingdom, we went once and it was a blast. But they want to go to Universal Studios. I think it might be more crowded there, but whatever.

The best part of the trip is just chilling with Grandma. It really is. Being on vacation...ahhh. Paul has a busy travel schedule, and will be in Boston for the two weeks preceding our trip, so that'll be hard. I wish he could just fly to Florida for a few days to be with us, but his work schedule is super busy.

Anyway...time to go to the dentist.

monday again? oops.

We had a really fun homeschooling adventure on Friday, we went to Wonderworks in the big mall, with my sister-in-law and her two youngest. (Sean had just stepped out of this pic!)

Why don't I write every morning anymore? Winter? Sameness? I don't know. But here's a random quick list of what's been going on.

Emily turned 33.

Emily playing bubbles with Camille, the oldest and the youngest...33 and ten:)


A huge selfie in on a huge phone!


Paul is back from India, I picked him up from the airport yesterday. He got to visit the Taj Mahal. (Isn't he cute?)

This fine morning, I was puttering around, half helping the high school girls out the door to school...mostly making sure they ate something for breakfast, even if it was just a banana, and that they have a lunch, and that they're clothes are okay, no tummies peeking out or whatever. It's insane what's considered "okay" these days, and it's interesting to be the mom and figure out when to put the old foot down. They're really good girls though. But anyway, this fine morning, Evelyn had an eye issue, she has a small bump inside of the lid which is irritating her eye. Suzanne thinks she has an ear infection, one ear has been plugged and is really hurting today. And Sonja, the knee surgery queen, is requesting a doctor's appointment again, her knee just hurts. Day after day. Again.

The three homeschool kids are getting up and getting going, after a busy weekend.

Yesterday our church rented out a huge sports/gymnastics gym, filled with mats and bars and trampolines, and an indoor soccer field. Two hours of jumping and running and playing, and they were exhausted last evening. Then the older kids went to a feast/meeting, and we got to have little Anya here. She drove around in the Little Tikes car, played waffleblocks with Charlotte Claire, and I read her some stories, after we watched the movie, "Eloise".
She did not want to go home when her daddy texted and said they were almost at my house to pick her up, and to please get her ready. She was STILL PLAYING. Well, I told her, how about if you surprise your mama and daddy and get ready really really nicely and are all ready when they get here? Wouldn't that be so nice? It worked, she thought it would be nice!


So I took her picture, and told her I would show it to her mommy and daddy, that she is such a good girl. She really is. I love her, and it's so nice to have her here on the east coast.

Anyway...not much going on here, yet, it's so busy. I have to get going and teach these three youngest kids a thing or two, ha.

still here....

It has been such a good weekend, I haven't had time to blog!

From Friday with 60 degrees and pouring rain, to Friday night with temperatures plummeting to zero and a foot of new snow by Saturday morning...I didn't leave the house Saturday except to pick up pizza and chicken wings in the evening, in the Town of Frozen, it was just a few degrees out and the snow was just packed on the roads. Sunday was cold cold cold, so we stayed home. Today: out and about, ah it was nice to get out, and it seemed so warm, at 21 degrees and sunny.

Friday we were out and about too, in the warm rain. Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, Camille and I went to the library, then Target, Walmart for a haircut for Jonathan, and here's a sad story about that: New York state has passed a new minimum wage law, so the Sam's Clubs stores around here are all closing, and this Walmart has announced it's closing the hair salon part. It's so handy to go there, and it's only $12.95 for a haircut for Jon, and those girls (and Brian!) do such a good job. Anyway, it's closing at the end of the month.

Anyway, we went out again today, first to the thrift store...I found a really pretty white bowl, a nice glass pitcher. Then to Bed, Bath, and Beyond where we got two little sleds for the kids, they are heading out the door to go sledding in the back right now. We also got a stand for an UppaBaby bassinet that we got there previously for $17.99, the stand was $26. I am thinking of putting it on Ebay.

We went to Marshall's, where I got some grandbaby clothes, and a few things for the girls, from the clearance rack of course.

Then to the craft store because Suzanne needed more yarn.

Then to BJ's for some chicken, peppers, kale, and snacks for lunches.

A few of us got coffees from the Simple Roast, a local place which roasts their own beans, yummers, then the kids got a few things from the afternoon menu at Arby's.

Now I am heading in to the kitchen to make chicken fajitas, Abigail is coming over for dinner.

Paul is in India, which means I stay up way too late. Margaret and Adrian and Mirielle came over yesterday, so we solved the world's problems until late late late. I made a triple batch of chocolate chip oatmeal cookies with milk chocolate chips, regular chocolate chips, and butterscotch chips, and dang it, I ate cookies yesterday. Sugar...it gets in my system, and all bets are off. So today, I am behaving. :)

There is fresh roasted olive oil kale, courtesy of Suzanne, which smells so yummy. mmm.

Tomorrow, I am watching Lydia as well as Anne.

Anyway...bye for now!