If today was the last day of your life, and you knew it, you would no doubt look back on your life and have a few regrets...maybe that you would have actually listened more to your daughter's concerns about her back-handspring rather than shushing her so you could hear the question to the JEOPARDY answer. Maybe you would have called your sister more, or overlooked the splatters of coffee on the counter near the pot, or the towels the kids like to drop on the floor. Maybe you would rue that you worried too much about things you couldn't change, and neglected to change the things you should have.
If you lived your life backwards, it would be easy to figure out what was important. This is precisely why most old people have some wisdom, they have learned a thing or two along the way, or at least we hope they did.
I tend to think this way a lot though, as I am tempted to grumble about having to do something I don't like. I picture myself in a wheelchair, some day in the future, felled by some perfectly possible ailment or tragedy, watching wistfully as someone else sweeps my floors, a task I hated every single day, and now wish with all my heart I could do.
I remember when my older kids were small, my mother-in-law said to me, "These are the best days of your life." Well, they didn't feel that way. I was tired and busy and had no idea what I was doing. Now of course, I would go back and do it all over again in a heartbeat. Not that my life is bad now, it's just that when I was so young, it was simpler, and in retrospect, so innocent and precious.
Anyway. Today, here I am in the wintery glow of my living room, snow swirling around, the ground covered in white, brightening things up. It seems Christmas-y, and it seems cozy. My three youngest children are still nestled snug in their beds, we stay up too late and I let them sleep in sometimes. Today we will stay here and do some school, maybe move the furniture and get out the gym mats, maybe do some baking. Then in the afternoon, I am heading to the Dome to work at the basketball game, with Joseph and Evelyn. Ben and Abigail and Mirielle will be there too.:)
Yesterday I was at the dentist when Jonathan called, he had stayed home with Joseph. Anyway, the school nurse had called here asking if Suzanne was absent from school, so Jon confirmed that she was, then after hanging up, went to her room and she wasn't there. He called me and asked where she was. I saw her get on the bus in the morning, so I thought there must just be a mistake, but at the same time, I got worried. So I tried to call the school...busy signal. I called and called and called, and finally got through. The lady in the office said she would call me back right away if Suzanne wasn't there, but confirmed it was just a mix up because Suze had an exam and was probably not in home-room for very long. ugh. She was there, she was fine, but ugh.
Then I heard about the school shooting in Kentucky. Oh dear me, why? Then the cyberbullying of a Florida girl, resulting in her hanging herself with a dog leash in the closet. Tragic, that this girl thinks this what people think of her is SO real, so important, and that social media has such a huge part of her life, and also the two 12 year olds who bullied her were arrested. 12 year olds arrested. Unbelievable. These kids with their phones, confusing reality with cyberspace...it's scary.
Oh well. Here are some things I have been working on:
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (prov. 15)
"He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers."(Malachi)
See how this works? When I am dealing with my kids, I have to, first and foremost, be awake to what spirit I am in. If I am angry and impatient, then whoa! I need to deal with that first!
Children AND adults respond to goodness and to love. The problem is that I personally don't have enough of that. "I find the principle then that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good...(Romans 7)
This puts me in need, for sure. I pray for self-acknowledgement, and for victory over my own sin! Then things go well.
God is no respecter of persons. Any person, at any time, can decide they want to live a good life.
And off I go....happily, thankful I can still "go", ha!