kindergarten, kindergarten, it's been great...

Yes, tonight my 15th child will graduate from kindergarten. We will ask ourselves where the heck the year went as we watch them sing those familiar songs...well, familiar to our family!

This morning, I don't have much time to sit around and blog. Jonathan and Charlotte Claire have dentist appointments, and Margaret has to be at the school for an afternoon state test. I will pick up the little kids when I drop her off, even though we will still have a few hours before the appointment. I am picking Sonja up too, and we will get some lunch and go to a park...then to Walmart for some pool supplies and a gallon of milk...

Then home...to get ready for the graduation.

My days at home with Camille are almost over, wah. I do not want to send her to school...but she is so smart, and so ready to go, she can't wait. Char tells her that school, "seems like so much fun, but home is funner." ("funner" should be a word!)

Camille and I took a nice swim in the pool yesterday afternoon. The water is not totally clear yet, but swimming in it seems to circulate the water and help the leaves that dumped off the cover when we so carefully tried to remove it, to gather in the middle for easier scooping. Anyway, yesterday I took my morning walk...did 20 minutes of box-stepping/weigh-lifting/leg lifts...then my afternoon swim...blah, I sat on the deck in the sun afterward, and fell asleep, over and over again as I talked to the kids...I finally asked Marg to watch them for a bit, stumbled to my bed and took a little nap. Less than an hour, but it really refreshed me. I think I just did too much on too little sleep. I did take my evening walk, 1.2 miles, with Suzanne...after our dinner of chicken breast - rolled in olive oil and spices and seasoned breadcrumbs, baked in a 425degree oven, topped with mozzarella/asiago/parmesean cheese...served with sauce: a chopped tomato, a vidalia sweet onion, and a green pepper sauteed in olive oil, added to two jars of sauce....served with green beans and whole grain linguine...

Mali came over later with ice cream, which I avoided like the plague, and a watermelon. I did not avoid the watermelon, it was excellent.

Anyway, while I was in the pool, Benjamin called and I missed it!!! WAH!! He called Paul at work, and thankfully he was able to take the call and talk to him. It has been a while. I thought Ben was having a bit of a break from patrols and dangerous stuff because some of the guys were going to be training for different weapons, but it hasn't been the case. It has been rather eventful over there, and we do not like eventful! One of the hardest things for me is to see, or rather hear, is the change in Benjamin. He hasn't lost his faith, but he has grown up so fast...he is tougher, he has seen things. A mother is just programmed to protect her children, to shield them from pain, to keep them safe. He is no child, but I still want to wrap my arms around him and lead away from that place.

We talk about him all the time here. Someone left a cupboard door open, and I said, "it looks like Ben is here!", and we all fake-cried. He never closed the cupboards.

Well, here I sit, crying again for the second morning in a row.

New subject. I have been active and have eaten well for the last couple of days. Now to just keep up the momentum - because I find I slack off so easily, thinking I deserve it. What I deserve is to keep on the straight and narrow for days and days and weeks, to lose this weight!!! Tonight, for example, at the kindergarten graduation, there will be cookies. I know this because I sent some in, and because I have sort of been to this event a few times, like over a dozen...and I know about the cookies. Plates of assorted cookies. Now, to some people, this is no big deal. They just either take a few and eat them, or they say, "no thanks", and forget all about it. Not me. No sir, I am already suffering because of those cookies. I am not going to have any, but it will cost me to say NO, it is already costing me. wah. I do not like loving cookies. I have tried imagining them with spiders on them, doesn't work. I try not to think about them, doesn't work. I try to have just one, doesn't work, I just want another one. So, I just suffer, and do you know what? It doesn't kill me. They say, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But I haven't seen the strength yet. Although when I say NO, I guess that is what it is, strength.

I have missed the kindergarten graduation a few times...when Joseph was little, he hated shirts with buttons on them. Hated them to the point of hiding them on me, he even told me once, "God doesn't want me to wear buttons...." Anyway, for the graduation I had a nice little polo shirt with just a few buttons on it, and some cute plaid shorts for him. He was pretty determined that he wasn't going to wear that shirt, then on the day of the graduation, he came down with a high fever, and we couldn't go. I always wondered how he did that.

Then when Robert was "born" 9 years ago, it was the day of Margaret's kindergarten graduation, and Cheryl took her for me. Poor Margaret. Her happy day was such a sad day.

And now to get up and get moving and get Camille some breakfast and a bath, and exercise and do some dishes....and iron Miss Char's dress, and take a shower...now you see why I sit here so long? There is too much to do....