happy monday...

Yes, it is a happy day. For me anyway. Why? Because I am not going to let the cares of this life weigh me down. No, things aren't perfect. But I am recognizing that when I give into anxiety about things that my kids are going through, or about money, or about Benjamin....I get weighed down. I am not God. I do not need to do His job. Of course I can pray to Him, but when I cast my cares upon Jesus, and believe with all my heart that all that befalls me is sent by a loving God, then I have peace in my heart.

Not without a battle though. Thoughts come and want to take root...but my thoughts shall remain pure!

As a mom with lots of kids...I could most certainly be a wreck. I sometimes wake up barely rested because I have had anxiety dreams about failing a nursing exam, and I am not even in school. I can't help the dreams...but when I am awake...then I can pray for my kids, and work on my own salvation, because it is written that when we do that, we save both ourselves and those who hear us.

Joseph has opted out of nursing school. At first, this broke my heart. I wanted him to succeed at this. I was proud of him with his stethoscope, and his steadfastness. But. He has his reasons, and I realized I had done all I could do...I encouraged him, I supported him...he is 21 years old, after all. Life isn't over for him, he will find something that clicks for him. And now he is going to Washington to stay with Benjamin for a while. Perhaps it will help Ben cope with Ashley's decision not to be with him. Perhaps it will help Joseph see a different part of the world, and decide what he wants to do. He will look for work out there, perhaps go back to college.

Anyway, I can't pull all of the strings.

I can suggest and guide, but I can't live their lives for them.

Letting go is not easy.

Some of their decisions...ouch.

But.

I love them nonetheless.

And I pray for them.

And just to clarify: I have not yet met my weight loss goal! I am more than half-way there though! Seventy down, fifty to go! It has been slow going, I have only lost 19 pounds since I had my gallbladder out in February. I have lost only nine pounds since May. I have been exercising and walking, most days. So I decided to be more strict with the carbs. I had almost phased them out, but then started having a few more here and there. Sugar and grains = weight gain. So...I still eat my morning oats, but I cut the amount in half and added either a cubed up apple, or a scoop of pumpkin, and sliced almonds. Or peanutbutter. But less oats. I do eat popcorn sometimes, but am skipping out on all pizza lately, and of course no bread at all. (Mirielle made these pizzas the other night...sauce and cheese and pepperoni or bacon...on sliced yellow squash and zuchini! She tossed the slices in olive oil and baked them a bit, turned them, topped them, crisped up the cheese, and YUM! Just as good as pizza!) I have cut back on the chocolate chips, and have limited the nuts. (the calories in nuts can add up pretty quickly)

Anyway, since I have been more strict, the weight has started coming off again, slowly, but at least the scale is moving down. I am now a pound less than the lowest number I have seen yet! One of these days perhaps I will be brave enough to share the actual numbers, but ouch! Maybe after I lost the next fifty pounds.

Which I SHALL do!!!!

Slow and steady win the race!

This afternoon I have to leave my quiet cozy house and fill the minivan tank with gas, pick Samuel up from his Criminal Justice program in the small city, drive back here to get Joseph and a few extra passengers, then drive to the big city to the Dome to work at an NBA basketball exhibition game between the New York Knicks and the Philadelphia 76'ers. Carmello Anthony! Woo-hoo! Back in '03, Syracuse won the National Championship, thanks to Carmello. He went pro, but has really helped S.U., donating millions to build a new practice facility. When he comes back to the Dome, the fans go wild. So poor me, right?

I have to miss our weekly Monday night pool night...and it is only the second week! I promised the kids I will take them another night.

Poor Charlotte Claire. She lost a tooth on Friday...one of those that seem like they are going to just stay in there forever, hanging by a thread. I told her to just go get a tissue and yank it out. She did. Oh, the joy! Forget how many times I have been through this now, but their little excitement dances are contagious! Then...oh then, the stupid forgetful Toothfairy forgot to visit. Sunday morning same thing. Dang it!!! She would check, tooth still there! This morning, same thing! I told her that I was certain I saw a little gift there, the Toothfairy must be playing tricks. Now, my kids know that their mama is the Toothfairy. And they know by now how forgetful I am. I sneaked into my room, into my Present Closet, and got out a little set of lip glosses that go in a plastic case. See, Char? She DID remember! It's right here! Anyway. She was happy.

Yesterday after church, some of my teenagers were bored. They wanted to do something fun! Please, Mom? Please? So...Kathryn 14, Evelyn 13, Suzanne 11, and Sonja K. 10 (I know the younger two aren't teenagers yet, but they might as well be.)...we went to the library. I wasn't going to get a book, but I picked one up and started reading it in a comfy chair while they browsed and Evelyn filled a bag up...and got hooked. Anyway...to Kohl's. Even the stuff on the clearance racks were too expensive. I let them try some stuff on just for the fun of it. I looked at the sneakers...too expensive. Any in my price range, not in my size. rrr.

Target. The girls found a few things there reasonable enough for me to buy for them. I let Suzanne and Sonja get slushies.

Price Chopper. I had just been there a few days ago and didn't need much...ha. Then...to the McD's drive through to get the girls some snacks. I had a fruit and yogurt parfait, and two fries. Why are those fries soo good? Oh, I also had one bite of Kathryn's McChicken. Times like those I just want to say Forget It and just eat a cheeseburger, but I held fast.

Then, up to the big city to visit Mali in her dorm. We brought her some fresh-baked bread and some candy...she is eating vegan now, so couldn't take the cheese pizza I had gotten her. She has been vegetarian for two years or so....to each his own, I guess.

blah blah blah, my dad used to say. I am even boring myself now.

Laundry needs to be changed over, and Sneaky Suri is on the couch snoring away. She doesn't seem to care that she is NOT allowed on the couch. She is the sweetest puppy. Not a mean bone in her body. And now, I am done here...