I am now only 5.2 pounds over my lowest weight. Still feel like I am backpaddling. Making up for lost time. Re-losing is MOST depressing. But it is better than just keeping it on, I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to lose this weight to try to look like a million bucks. (good thing, right?) I just want to feel good, have energy, be able to move. And yes, it doesn't hurt to enjoy wearing "regular" clothes.
So I fight the thoughts that would trick me into having just a little of this and a taste of that.
I just can't figure out why we are so prone to sabotage our own selves, why we are our own worst enemies.
So yesterday I didn't end up getting much done around here because while I was turning off the computer, the phone rang. I had to go pick up one of the kids from the small city....Camille and I got dressed and out the door we went, with Suri, of course. She likes to go bye-bye. Since I was out already, I did stop at one of the grocery stores I rarely get to, just for the specials.
I did manage to fit in a quick work-out after bringing in the few groceries I bought. Dinner: Cornell chicken breasts (if you have never marinated your chicken in it, look it up and make some....it is so good!), mixed veggies, and Florida strawberries and blackberries.
Mirielle is in Connecticut, Joseph went to the gym (I was going to go with him, but I chickened out.) Aaron is going to a job interview. He would be a nurse's assistant part time while going to nursing school. I have to go out and about soon, the oil needs to be changed on the minivan, and Suzanne has a dentist appointment. wah, I want to stay home and match the socks. Our nice big black kitty seems to have peed in the clean sock bin, again. I had to wash them all and have re-matched like half of them. (Now we have set up a kitty litter box for the big lazy spoiled kitty...It IS cold out.)
Anyway...I don't know what happened here at our nice cozy house this morning as the six first-trip school kids were getting ready to go out the door, but man. One person had something to discuss with me, and at least three others joined in. Misunderstandings...snippy words. ouch. I think I came across totally wrong, I had no malice but was perceived as being mad. "Chill, Mom, chill!", one daughter said, which makes me anything but, "chill". rrr. I don't like it. I want a re-do. One of the girls remarked about, "all the stress around here...". Well dear, I told her, try keeping out of things. It's not like we were yelling at each other or anything, but it wasn't peaceful and it wasn't pleasant. The good thing: one of the girls came back in from waiting for the bus...she stuck her head in the door and yelled, "I'm really sorry, Mom!" Melt my heart. I do love them to pieces. Life is a learning process, I guess. I am not one to hand out punishments for things, but if we can all learn something from our behavior, then these things don't happen for nothing. In a peaceful time I will talk to the girls, individually.
Honestly, it does way more good to praise good behavior than to harp on bad behavior. I have to be hopeful with the kids too. When I can be a good example, and encourage them to do the good, choose kindness, forgive each other...then it gives them something to strive for. Punishments only breed resentment. Sometimes it is necessary, I suppose...Miss Char has to sit in a kitchen chair for a few minutes sometimes because she gets all stompy and says she hates me. As soon as she says she wants to be good, I have her hug me and apologize, and off she goes with a hug and a reminder to be a good girl. I don't believe in making a federal case out of every bad thing they do. The goal is to lead them to repentance.
It takes more wisdom than I possibly possess to deal with things here, day in, day out. But God gives grace to the humble, and wisdom to those who ask. He is good to me, makes sure I know full well how I am, so that I can be merciful.
Ha, that's all the preaching I have this fine morning. I will try to get some things done before Joseph gets back from the gym with the van....
Oh, if you are driving down the highway in Nebraska and see a handsome young couple and a nice furry border collie, tell them hello and happy travels! They have driven across Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa...dang I miss them...