the meanest sister I ever had....

No, not you, Cheryl. Camille said that about Char this fine morning. Because they decided to bring out the building blocks, and discovered a miniature plastic chest with tiny little gold coins. Char got 13, and Camille got three. Camille may not be a rocket scientist, but she knows when she gets the short end of the stick. And to add insult to injury, I dropped one of the three. It is in the depths of my comfy chair. So there are tears. Char is being kind, divvying more up, and Camille comes over and drops another one into my chair. Um, perhaps these coins are too small to play with?

These little girls are supposed to be in school. But. Seems Char lost her nice sneakers that fit. Her grey ones are out in the rain where kids leave things when they play in the leaves. The bus was there at the end of the driveway, and she was crying her little eyes out because no other sneakers fit, and she had gym today! By the time we found something suitable, the bus was on it's merry way way down the road with poor Jonathan on it.

I suggested driving them to school. Nah. Didn't feel like it anyway.

Now, one would think they would be supremely happy to be home from school on a chilly, overcast, rainy day. But. Camille has cried like 47 times already. She wants candy. Um, no. She is just on Whining Mode. Me thinks she is very very tired. Maybe we will have a nap time later...she could snuggle up to me and fall asleep while I listen to the rain and read my library book...don't hate me, remember: I really sincerely appreciate days like this.

Camille is hilarious. She just told Char that Char is making life Not Fair, and God doesn't like it.

Charlotte Claire CAN be infuriating, sweet little six year old that she is. She hums and sings when Camille tries to talk to her.

I told them they could have candy after lunch. But, crying girls can't have candy. So Camille said, "Char is making it so I can't get candy..."

I am so glad they missed the bus today.

Rain rain rain, I am thinking raincoats and rainboots and walking down the road...then soup for lunch...then a nap...hmm.

My schedule is all out of whack today because Benjamin called me this morning and we talked for a long time. He is struggling to keep his head on straight, keep his thoughts pure. It hurts enough to be dropped for someone else, but he has to grieve the loss his marriage too. I reminded him that during this time he still has a choice: every single thought he thinks, he has a choice. We always have a choice. Bitterness....grudging....hate...anger....which builds up and leads to those bitter roots....or we can say no to those thoughts, and keep our hearts pure. I reminded him that it has nothing to do with HER, or whether she deserves it or not, it is for our own good that we keep our hearts pure. I know right now he has to distance himself from her in his mind, get over her, almost hate her for a while so he can get through this. I wish I could just hug his pain away...

There are all the practical things to get through, too. Her stuff is in storage with his stuff, out in Washington. It needs to be shipped to her. He is kindly going to do that, and I will help him. I suggested we put spiders in all the boxes, and he laughed. We won't really, but it is good to hear him laugh.

So today I will exercise. I will go for a walk, even if I get soaked. I will NOT eat bad things. I will drink lots of water. Every day, all day, sticking to this...sometimes I get sick and tired of it...sometimes I just want to eat a sandwich! Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. But...I can sit with my legs crossed now. I can tie my shoes, no problem. My back doesn't ache day in day out. I can buy my clothes in regular stores, in regular sizes, ha even if they ARE big sizes still. My heartburn, which led me to this weight-loss path to begin with, is HISTORY. So long ago and forgotten I almost forgot about it, and it tormented me! I can do push-ups now! Not all the way down yet, but I can do forty or fifty and live to tell about it. Not all at the same time, in sets of ten or fifteen.... If it isn't obvious, I am preaching to myself here. Because it isn't easy to say NO to stuff all the time....and I usually have better things to do than exercise....it takes everything in me to stick to this day in day out. But as I have proven to myself by writing this little paragraph, it is SO worth it....