bad bad dream...

Did you ever wake up from a really bad dream, just crying? And did you ever try to tell someone about your dream, only to have them sigh with boredom?

Oh dear, last night in my dream, I was in the airport, ready to go through security for our trip to Ireland. Oh, joy, my sister was there to see me off! (And Cheryl, you looked like a million bucks). Then I realized that all of my daughters were there too, waving and giving me hugs. Then...there were men in black, shooting. Shooting at my girls. I can barely even write this, it was horrific. I ran I screamed I ended up outside the airport. Paul was there. I asked him...and he whispered that Kathryn was shot in the head. No, he said, it was Evelyn. All of them were shot, but Evelyn was gone. I cannot tell you how I wailed in that dream. I shouted and screamed NO NO NO. NO. I didn't know it was a dream. I even told strangers, as they filed out of the airport, shell shocked and dazed, that my Evelyn was gone. Hysterical doesn't even begin to describe it. Then I woke up. It was five o'clock. All I could think of was getting up and hugging my girls.

Now, since I AM a psychiatrist, I know that I have issues about leaving the kids for my trip. And yesterday Evelyn was being all prickly, and we agreed that although we missed her terribly when she was in California this summer, it was more peaceful here. I felt guilty about saying that, as evidenced in my dream. (and about it being more peaceful, when you have a lot of children, taking one out of the mix for even a little while changes the dynamics, and Ev being the middle girl of the five-girls-in-a-row born in five years, she has to stand out, and I get that. So she's spunky. I love her immensely, of course I do, but there can be hissing among the girls, ha)

Also, this horrible mass murder which took place in Las Vegas has affected us all. I try not to watch the videos, but I have read stories. And I will say this: this is the real America. Those heroes who drove strangers to the hospital in pick up trucks, those who held pressure on wounds of people they had never seen before, those who ran through the crowd, carrying wounded out then going back in for more, disregarding their own safety. Those are Real Americans. Not all these social media critics, calling for more rules, more laws, even going so far as to blame this senseless murder on people who support the right to own guns. um, really? (Murder is against the law, does anyone in their right mind think that this guy stopped to think about that? Would he not have stockpiled guns just because they were illegal? Most drugs are illegal. Our emergency rooms here in the states are brimming with overdoses. Making something illegal only makes it more difficult to obtain, and criminals have to be more crafty. Law abiding citizens who want to protect themselves are the ones who would suffer from stricter controls) Laws and more laws. Slap those band aids on. I don't believe this world is going to get any better with more laws.

But anyway, that was a tangent. And one I am sorry I went off on, the way the media turned this tragedy into a political discussion so quickly was sickening.

Anyway. I told Evelyn a little about the dream this morning, and that I love her, and of course I'll drive over to school and pick them up early today so they don't have to sit through the Pep Rally!

This fine morning, it's dark and rainy. It's so cozy it's not funny. I have brewed pumpkin spice coffee, and I am thinking of crawling into bed with a book for a bit, would that be so bad of me? I've been up since five o'clock...