can you say cozy?

It was only 39 degrees this morning when I went on my walk. brrr. But I am not complaining. The little heater is going in here, with it's fake flames and sleepy hum. Joseph had brewed pumpkin spice coffee.

But peaceful and good, the world is not. This mass shooting in Las Vegas: horrific. Having worked concessions for the same Jason Aldean at an outdoor concert, wow. Just wow. But amidst the insanity there is goodness: the people who drove the injured to the hospitals when ambulances were overwhelmed, and those who are donating supplies and food to the ones still in shock there in the venue... There are no words.

I have been having dreams about my mother, that she lives in a village a few miles from here. In every dream, she lives in Liverpool. And in every dream, I wonder why I don't visit her more often. In one the other night, I realized that she was living there and I hadn't visited her in years, then comforted myself, in the dream, that she had my brothers there with her. Then I realized, in the dream, that my younger brother had grown up and gotten married and had two kids, and that my other brother had died. It was as if I was hearing it for the first time about my brother Billy, and I woke up crying. Grief changes as time passes, but it never goes away. Especially with my brother. Sometimes I remember how he died, (suicide by shotgun), and I cannot bear it. I simply cannot. There is guilt (why didn't we know something was wrong??!!!!). There is horror, there is shock, there is just deep deep sadness. It gets a little better, with time, but then sometimes it sneaks right in and I can't believe it's really true.

Then these things happen, mass shootings. These lunatics! The horror and grief inflicted on all of these people...I know it doesn't help them one bit that I'm sad for them...but I am.

Paul has been bow-hunting. He was in the woods for most of the day yesterday. Evelyn and I took a little trip to the thrift store, and yay, I found some nice sneakers!!! Adidas slip-ons, almost brand new, look like they were tried on and never worn, for $8.99. I also bought a purple Little Tikes car, which was too small for Anya, but Lydia will fit nicely in it. So much for clearing out the toys when the kids grow up, ha.

We had a nice busy dinner last evening: Paul and I, Emily, Abigail, Ben and Ashley and Anya, Joseph, Sam, Margaret and Adrian, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, Jon, Char, and Cam, and the girls' friend Irene. We had lasagna, which the girls had made for a church fundraiser (Thank you , Evelyn, for all of your hard work!!!) We also had Italian bread, hot sausage, salad, and for dessert, apple pie with ice ream.

This fine morning, the kids are doing school work, and then we are going out to lunch in the small city up north, meeting friends there.

Ben and Ashley's baby is due in three weeks. Yeah, oops on me booking a trip to Ireland, I hope that baby doesn't come too early! I am looking after Anya while that new baby is being born, :)

This time next week, I'll be in Dublin! The kids will be staying with Margaret and Adrian, and will still be doing their school work while they're there. They are pretty excited about it, they said I could stay as long as I want to. The big girls don't seem to mind too much either, wah. They're planning to make really good dinners and homemade pretzels...